Madeline

Chapter Eight - I Just Couldn't See

Lizzie

I sat across the table from Gordo watching him talk on his cell phone and trying to keep his voice down despite obviously getting upset about something. It was the first time he'd ever been interrupted in all the time we'd spent over the last week together, so I really didn't mind. I had actually started to wonder what all the celebrities were always complaining about on Entertainment Tonight if they all had the same work schedule as one of the busiest directors of the moment. It was odd seeing his name in magazines and following the advertisements of his last movie that had been released the week before we'd moved back to Hillridge. I wasn't sure if the novelty of hearing 'a film by David Gordon' would ever wear off, I could tell it hadn't for him. He still smiled and blushed a little every time he heard those words or saw some mention of him or his movies on a magazine cover in the line at the store.

"Sorry about that, somehow a lot of the footage we shot for a movie got damaged beyond repair and the studio wasn't happy about having to reschedule shooting times and having to wait longer, but they'll live." I returned his smile and we both settled back into the quiet dinner we were sharing.

"Don't worry about it, this is the first actual date I've had since the week after Homecoming, so you'd have to try pretty hard to ruin anything. Which reminds me, make sure you thank Gabriel and your mom for watching Madeline tonight."

"It was more a chance to get them off my back about getting to spend some time with mom's grandchild. They love having her around so it's not any big favor on their parts."

"Well, still it was great of them to watch her. You know, I was starting to wonder if you actually did anything other than hang out with Matt and Madeline all day, before you got that call just now."

"Well, at the moment I really don't. I was going to start production on a new movie this week, but had to make sure I was completely done with this one before committing that much time to another project. It just worked out great that I had all this time to spend with Madeline. I would have gone crazy sitting at my house all week with nothing to do." I took a few minutes to enjoy the pasta he had made for dinner before restarting the conversation.

"So directing takes up most of your time usually doesn't it? How often would I get to spend weeknights with you if you were working on a film?" I wasn't sure why I'd asked other than I really wanted to know. It didn't sound like there was very much time in his life after his career on most days. I knew there had to be a catch to falling in love with him again, nothing went perfect in my life.

"Most times I just consume myself with the project and stay in a hotel nearer to the studio or the locations we're shooting at, but that was before I had a reason to come home every night." He looked up at me and if he wanted to know my reaction to those words he had no trouble reading it on my face. My heart rang with excitement, filling with the love pouring from his eyes towards me. If this wasn't perfect, than I didn't need my life to turn out perfect, all I needed was this.

"Wh. . .what reason do you have now?" I knew the answer, it was screaming in his eyes, but I had to hear the words from his mouth.

"Well, for one there's Madeline. I don't think I could take not seeing her everyday." My heart faltered for a second, of course it would be our daughter, his daughter, that had changed his life so fast. "But for the most part I could never let another day pass by that I didn't see you to tell you that I love you."

"Gordo. . ." If there were any more words in my brain I didn't hear them and they were never spoken. All the emotions inside of me were no longer able to be held back and I gave in to the tears that began stinging my eyes. I heard his chair move away from the table and felt his arms take me into a hug, my head resting into his shoulder and my eyes wetting his shirt. I just let all the feelings from six years flow out of me then. Every thing I wanted to ever tell him and every tear I kept inside came out of my eyes over the next few minutes while he held me to his shoulder and rubbed my back.

"Lizzie. . ." I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes again. "I didn't mean to make you cry. I meant every word though, I love you more and more every day. I've spent six years hoping for just one chance to see you again and I've gotten a chance to see you every day for the rest of my life and I'm not going to let that pass me by, not this time." My tears stopped along with my heart at his words. I wasn't sure if he was meaning what it sounded like he was meaning until he turned my chair away from the table and knelt down in front of me.

"Gordo, what are you doing?"

"Lizzie, I've only had you back in my life for about two weeks but I know that I can't see another week of my life ever being spent without you in it. All I've ever wanted since we were in junior high was to spend my life with you. To know that every morning I wake up I'll see your face and every night I fall asleep, I'll be next to you. There's only two things missing in my life right now and they are the two I need and want the most." I was still holding my breath waiting for him to actually say the words, and slightly hoping he wouldn't. I wasn't ready to answer this question, I knew it was what I wanted too, but I hadn't thought it would happen so soon.

"Elizabeth McGuire, will you marry me?"

I tried to answer him, to let the screaming yes in my brain be heard out loud but no words came out. I sat there staring at his hands holding mine until the silence was near smothering us. All I could accomplish was to start crying again.

"Lizzie, I. . .I hope those are tears of speechless joy. I'm not sure what to do here."

"Just hold me." I wanted to say so much more, but the tears were choking off my voice and they weren't stopping any time soon. I sat down on the ground with him and returned my head to his shoulder where it stayed for a long time while he held me and gently rocked me in his arms, stroking my hair until I stopped crying. After about an hour of sitting there Gordo spoke into the quiet, newly furnished dining room.

"You haven't answered me yet."

"Gordo, I. . .I can't. I have to think about everything first." I felt his body go limp in my arms before tensing up. "I want everything you want and I only want it with you, I just have to make sure I'm saying yes for the right reasons."

"Bullshit. Don't give me that, it's crap and you know it. The only reason you're not saying yes now is that you're afraid. I'm just not completely sure of what you're afraid of, although I've got a guess."

I pulled away from him, realizing just how much he really knew me, even after so long. "And just what do you think I'm afraid of."

"You don't want to end up like your parents." I was about to let him know how stupid that was when the words really sunk in. Was that the reason why I couldn't just say yes to him now and that I was looking for a reason to say no? How could I not worry about that though, they had been so in love and still they'd ended up apart. I didn't want that for me and Gordo. I didn't want that for Madeline, it would be better if we just stayed friends and she never had to know what it's like to have two parents together, only to have them split back apart when she got older.

"Of course I don't want to end up like my parents, I could never do that to you or Madeline. I love you too much and I need you too much to risk destroying what we have because we fall out of love. It's easier to never have it than to try to live again after losing you that way."

"Lizzie, we love each other too much to ever let something like that happen. There's no way I could ever fall out of love with you. I'm going to love you for the rest of my life, but I understand you're scared. It scares me to think about actually having the life I've always dreamed about. I don't know if I'm ready for a family, but I know there's nothing in this world I want more than to become one with you and our daughter."

The fears in my heart began to release their hold as it melted under his words and his sincere gaze that was penetrating me to my soul. Despite all the what ifs and worries in my mind, I knew this was what I wanted and that we weren't my parents. We were in love and I'd be a fool to let anything keep us from embracing that love for the rest of our lives. "Gordo, I want this more than anything. But, I still need to get through a lot of things in my own mind before I can tell you yes without a doubt. I hope that's not asking too much out of you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I just need some time to get my mind around the idea."

"If that's the best I'm gonna get then I'll take it. I know I dropped this on you really sudden and you probably weren't ready for this, but truth is I wasn't really ready for it myself. I don't even have a ring to give you, so I guess it's good I get a second go at getting it right." I let him pull me back against his body and enjoyed the warmth it offered me as I rested my head against his chest.

I felt his breath on the top of my head, followed by the press of his lips placing a kiss. "Thank you for understanding." I whispered the words into his chest and was slightly surprised when he answered, not knowing he'd been able to hear me.

"Anytime McGuire, I've got your back, remember?"

"Always." I turned my face up to his and leaned into the kiss he was offering. I could feel the need for more rising in my chest, fueled by the passion and emotions from the night. I got up on my hands and knees, pushing him back to the floor and crawled on top of him. I gave into every desire that cried out inside of me, my hands exploring the body I had missed for so long. My lips kissing every inch of exposed skin, his hands revealing more and more as he removed his clothing and then started on mine. We were both completely naked before we stopped for a breath.

"You sure you want to do this?" I only nodded in response and placed my lips on his chest leaving a trail of kisses down to his waist before crawling back on top of him and letting him roll us over. We held each other tightly as we found a comfortable rhythm and made love for the first time in six years.

"Lizzie, wake up." I slowly drifted into consciousness and focused on the beautiful sight before me. "Gab just called to let us know she's bringing Madeline home so I think it would be a good idea if we weren't both laying naked in the middle of the floor when they get here."

Although the last thing I wanted to do at that moment was cover him up and get dressed myself, I pulled my clothes on slowly from the pile next to us and just sat and watched him struggle with the buttons on his shirt until there was a knock at the door. I got up and left him where he was sitting and answered the door to let Madeline and Gabriel inside.

"Thank you so much for watching her tonight, I owe you one."

"There's no need for that dear, she is just a delight to have around. You can leave her with me anytime you need to, especially Friday nights." I returned the woman's hug and closed the door after she had gotten in her car and waved goodbye as she drove back to Gordo's house.

"Mommy, where's uncle Matt? I have something to show him!"

"He's with Miranda baby, and you need to be getting to bed. It's after ten and way past your bed time." I scooped up my daughter and headed towards her room but stopped when I heard steps behind me. Gordo caught up to me and started tickling Madeline in my arms.

"Hey! No fair, mommy's holding me!" I turned my head away from the screaming child in my arms and kicked my foot at Gordo.

"You get her all wound up and you can put her to bed." I placed her on the floor and left them standing there. "She knows everything she's supposed to do to get ready for bed, just help her reach things. Her night shirts are in the top drawer to the left." I went into the dining room and began clearing the table. I was half way through washing the dishes when Gordo came into the kitchen and yawned before wrapping his arms around me from behind.

"I was going to get those." He kissed my neck and moved up to my cheek.

"Well you obviously were an only child growing up. Who ever cooks never cleans." I giggled when his tongue lightly tickled me just below my jaw. "Now stop that, I have to get these finished."

"I can think of a few things that are much more fun to do with your hands." He breathed into my ear.

"I bet you can, but slow down there, we are no longer alone in the house and small children have a gift for sneaking up behind you when you think they're in bed asleep." I laughed when he spun around, expecting to see Madeline in the doorway. "Why don't you go wait for me in the living room, I'm almost done in here."

He placed a kiss on my lips and left the room with a quick, "okay". I finished the last of the pans and left them to dry on the counter. I found him asleep on the couch when I walked in to the living room and laid a blanket over him before going to my own room to sleep in an actual bed.

I laid staring at the ceiling for a few hours, letting everything that had happened that evening replay in my mind. The words he had spoke last kept running over and over again through my thoughts, "I don't know if I'm ready for a family, but I know there's nothing in this world I want more than to become one with you and our daughter." As sleep reclaimed me I realized that there was nothing else in this world I wanted either. It was time for me, Gordo, and Madeline to become a family. It was long past time.