Madeline
Chapter Seventeen - With You
Lizzie
I knew by the look on his face when he walked through the door that there was a lot on his mind. "Gordo, can I call you back?"
"Actually, I have to get going in like fifteen minutes, so why don't you just fill me in on everything later tonight okay?"
"Sounds good. Thanks."
"Anytime. I love you."
"Love you too." I said before hanging up the phone and giving my little brother my full attention and glare. "Do you have any idea how worried I've been?"
With a half smile, Matt looked into my eyes and answered, "Actually yeah, you probably have been getting up every twenty or so minutes and checking my bedroom, fighting the urge to call Miranda to see if I was over there."
All traces of a smile vanished from his face when he saw the hurt building in my eyes along with the anger that had already been there, hiding my worry. "So you knew I would be a wreck and figured you'd let me suffer? What were you trying to do, pay me back for having the nerve to want my mother and father to be at my wedding!"
"Actually, no. I was too busy crying like a little baby in my girlfriend's arms all night to remember to call you, but you know what? I'm glad you didn't get any sleep and that you had a bad night. I can't believe you would want. . .them to be at the happiest day of your life! You really think they give a fuck about you! About any of us! Can you honestly say that you do?" I took a step backwards from him when he moved towards me while talking. It was one of the few times I had ever truly seen my brother so angry and it was the very first I had ever felt afraid of him. I knew he had it in him, I'd seen him beat our father to the ground the night we'd left that life behind, but I had never been the focus of his anger. It was why he took his walks when we fought, he didn't want me to see him like he was right now standing before me and I was grateful for all the years I had been spared this glimpse into his temper.
"Matt. . .please, calm down. You're scaring me." There must have been something in my voice or on my face that conveyed to him how serious my words were because I could see the physical release of his built up anger when he realized what he was doing and broke down, collapsing to the floor with his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry Lizzie, really I am. I promised myself I would never let you see my like that and that I would never let myself get that angry with you. It's just that I can't understand at all why you want them to be there, not after what they did to you. Dad called you a whore, Lizzie. He looked you in the eyes and said there was no room for easy little sluts who get pregnant in his house. How can you ever want to let that bastard back into your life, even if just for a day. He doesn't deserve it. Neither of them do."
"Matt, I know what he said. I was standing there and those words haunt my thoughts every time I mess something up or get frustrated. They play like a broken record in my dreams sometimes, but it was over five years ago. I have to believe that he's changed and that he may just regret what he said. I have to at least find out if he wants to come. I need to give him a chance to ask me to forgive him, Matt, or I'll never be able to truly move beyond that night." I was sitting on the floor in front of him cross legged, my hands on his knees to make sure I had his attention for my next words. "And neither will you."
"Maybe I don't want to. Have you ever thought about that?" His voice was flat and calm, a direct contrast to the near shouting tone he'd been using moments before. All anger and emotion was completely drained from his words now and it broke my heart to see my brother all but broken on the floor. "I can't fight this anymore, Lizzie. I can't and I won't. If you need to put yourself through the pain of letting him back into your life, I won't stop you. Just don't expect me to even try caring about either of them at all. I wrote them both off years ago. You are my family. You, Madeline and now Gordo and Miranda. That's all I need and it's all I'm going to bother with."
"Matt. . .thanks." To be honest I was a little surprised that he was letting it go at that and not threatening to leave my life if I let our parents back in. I had planned on having to fight him to reach this point and I would have preferred that to seeing him laying down and not even putting up any resistance at all. "You know that if you had pressed the issue and made me choose that mom and dad would have been left in the cold, right?"
"Yeah, about that. I'm sorry for most of what I said last night. It was wrong of me to make you choose between them and me. You can thank Miranda for that revelation by the way." He smiled at me and it warmed me. The emotion that had drained from his voice was very much still in his eyes and I was even glad to see his barely controlled resentment for our parents.
"I'll make sure to do that." I returned his smile and wiped the tears off his face with my hand in a comforting gesture. "Look, I won't call dad until after I talk to mom and if she doesn't think it would go very well to have them both here then I won't invite dad. He might have helped bring us into this world, but you're right, he doesn't deserve to be apart of the lives we've created for each other. I just want to give him a chance to change that though."
"Lizzie, it's your wedding day. Make sure you invite whoever you need to be there to make it the best possible day, even if that is both of our parents."
"Little bro, thanks again. I know this isn't easy on you and I really appreciate it." I gave my brother a long and tight hug, my emotions pulsing excitedly through me.
"Yeah well, I figure if I do this I can count it as my wedding present and save myself some cash." I playfully slapped his arm as he started laughing and stood up. I took his offered hand and let him pull me off the floor.
"You just keep dreaming, I'm expecting something great from the best man, and no adding your name on the card to what Miranda gets either." I joked back with him. "Now, I have to get ready for work and go, you sure you're okay with me calling mom and maybe dad?"
"As okay as I can be, but I won't make any big scenes if that's what you're worried about."
"I'm more worried about dad having too much to drink and telling me about the kind of girl that gets pregnant before she's married again. I really don't see him surviving another run in with my personal protector. You did send him to the emergency room, although I'm sure that had more to do with mom over reacting than him actually feeling pain from his broken ribs, as drunk as he was."
"Well, let's just hope that he has changed. I wouldn't mind letting go of my anger, I still don't ever want to have them as a part in my life, but being angry all the time is really only good for writing songs. Otherwise, being all pissed off and angsty is over rated." I shared my brother's soft laughter as I walked down the hall to my bedroom to find my way to the shower eventually.
"Maybe this will actually work out." I said to myself. "Maybe."
A/N-I just want to thank each and everyone of you that has reviewed and let me know how much you are enjoying this story, either for the first time or for a second. Thank you for taking the time to not only read what I write, but to also let me know what you think of it. This is CH.17 of 19. The rest will be posted by this weekend, well it should be at least. Thanks again to you all.
