Madeline
Chapter Nineteen - Tell Me What Can I Say
Matt
I stood in the door way of my niece's bedroom and watched her small chest rise and fall with soft breathing as she slept. Lizzie had left a good hour ago and I had not moved from where I was at that moment. There were so many uncertainties in my mind that I was having trouble dealing with. I had come far in my life over the past twelve or so hours and I still hadn't got it all sorted out in my mind.
Yesterday I had seemed content living with the anger I had held for my parents for five years and really saw no reason for that to change. But after spending last night talking with Miranda and seeing how much I was hurting her and my sister, I knew it was time to move on. My father's words that night had destroyed the life we knew, but I had let them control the new life I had made with Lizzie and Madeline. I had survived on them when there was no food and I had thrived on them for inspiration when writing lyrics. Pain like I held inside from my father was useful at times, but in the end it left you nothing else unless you were able to move past it, and now it was that time for me.
"I'll never forgive him but I can learn to not hate him." I said aloud.
"You're not supposed to hate people uncle Matt. Remember? You and mommy told me that." I jumped a little when Madeline spoke from her bed. I had not noticed her open eyes staring at me while I had been lost in thought.
"You're right Mads. I guess I need to listen to my own words, huh?" The little girl nodded her head, even though I had not been seeking an actual answer. "Why don't we surprise daddy today with a visit? I know he's been missing his little girl and I know she's been missing him."
"Yay!" She threw her blanket to the floor as she jumped out of bed and ran to hug me. "Well, come on. We haven't got all day, buddy!" She said excitedly, holding her arms over her head so I could get my big shirt off of her and get her dressed for the day. I smiled down at her before gently pulling the shirt over her head.
"I think we'd better get you a bath too Mads, but I admire your spirit." She crossed her arms over her chest and made a pouting face. "Don't even girlie, get to the bathroom and I'll grab you some clothes." After she had stomped noisily off down the hall, I walked over to her dresser but was distracted by a drawing on top of it. The words 'my family' were written neatly across the top but underneath them was three stick figures drawn with crayon. I didn't need the writing underneath to tell me who the three figures were. This had been my favorite drawing of Madeline's from before we'd moved. Before her family had consisted of more than Madeline, Mommy, and Uncle Matt.
"Uncle Matt!" Madeline's voice broke my reverie as it echoed down the hall from the bathroom.
"I'm coming, Mads." I put the picture down with a smile. For the first time since moving back to Hillridge, I could honestly say that I was happy. Yeah, everything was changing and I was no longer the only person in Madeline's life besides Lizzie, but that did not mean I was not still in it at all. Gordo was the best kind of father for my niece and he was the best kind of husband, or soon to be, for my sister. I knew they were safe with him. I had gotten used to being Lizzie's protector, the one she turned to when she needed to cry or needed to scream about something and vent some anger. I had been there through what was easily the hardest years that our life had ever seen and would hopefully ever see.
I walked out of the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom. Madeline was standing in the middle of the room with her arms crossed, tapping her foot impatiently and giving me a look that was straight from Lizzie's face. "I thought I said we didn't have all day."
With a few tears clouding my eyes I started to laugh as I bent down and took the little girl in my arms for a tight hug. "You know what Mads, everything's going to be okay. In fact, it's going to be great once we all get through this moving in and wedding stuff. And Grandma and Grandpa have come and gone." I muttered the last so she couldn't understand what I said.
"Yeah, I know." She replied with a smile before kissing my cheek. "But don't forget about daddy." I smiled against more tears when she whispered the last in my ear, tears of happiness. I was ready for change, especially if it meant being with Miranda. As I sat there with my niece, waiting for the bathtub to fill, I remembered a promise I had made to Lizzie when we'd first moved here.
VvFlashbackvV
"You're still angry at them for everything aren't you?" She knew the answer, we'd had this conversation just before moving when mom had called to tell us to drive safely and to call when we got into town.
"I always will, Lizzie. They destroyed our lives and put us through that bullshit just to end up divorcing each other the minute you and I are out of the house? How can I ever not hold them in contempt. I really hate them for everything they put you through over the pregnancy and when you decided to keep her. I'll never forgive dad screaming that you had made the biggest mistake of your life and that you were on your own. Never." My gaze was penetrating her eyes as she stared back into mine.
"Matt, I've let it go. Why can't you?" She sighed and looked away blinking away tears before they could fall. "They've really tried these last few years to make up for everything, even dad. You can't stay mad at them forever."
"I can try." We settled into a very uncomfortable silence before Lizzie grabbed a blanket from a box and headed to what had been designated her room.
"Goodnight, Matt. I love you."
"I love you to, sis." I waited until she disappeared from view and added under my breath, "If I can somehow fix everything with Miranda, then I'll try to forgive them, I'll try."
VvEndvV
Well, now it was time to try. It was all I had promised myself and it was all I was going to do. I could let this go and I could possibly even eventually forgive mom, but I knew one thing for sure: I had all the family I needed with me at the moment. Lizzie, Gordo, Madeline, and Miranda where more than enough for me. They were my family, my life, my world, and there was no one worth destroying that world over because I could not let go of my anger. My father had destroy my life once, but I would never let it happen again.
A/N- And so it ends. I know it seems like there's something missing, but for this story all I set out to do was show Matt coming around, It was an experiment in writing for me really, first person is probably the hardest for me to write well. There was originally a sequel, but I don't know if I'll repost it or work on it, I think this has reached a point where I am content with. It's like a movie, it ends when the story is done, not when their lives are over. I could go on into more detail, but I really like just leaving it open ended. This is a real-life happy ending, more bittersweet than anything else. Things will never be the same and can never be fixed, but we all have to find the place where we decide to live the rest of our lives instead of the past. That was what I set out to do for Matt's character, and that is what I accomplished.
Many thanks to all who read, and extra to those who reviewed too.
Hacen
