Disclaimer: I make no money writing this. The story is mine; Star Trek and the characters belong to Paramount.

A/N: I apologize for the delay in getting this last part up. Life can be somewhat insistent at times. A big thank you to everyone who took the time to review. You've all been very kind and encouraging. I hope this last part lives up to everyone's expectations! I love picking on Malcolm because he strikes me as being high-strung and a little neurotic. At least he has Trip to look after him. And now the conclusion...

Not Good Enough

Chapter 4

"Lieutenant. I was not aware that you had returned to duty." T'Pol said as Reed came onto the bridge.

"I haven't. I wanted to give this to the captain." He held up the PADD. He could have sent his resignation though the computer, but somehow that didn't seem right. He wanted to do this properly.

"Captain Archer is currently off-duty."

"Could you please give this to him when he returns? It's not urgent, but it is important." He felt oddly calm about what he was doing. This, at least, was a resolution of sorts.

"Certainly." T'Pol said taking the PADD.

"Thank you, Sub-Commander."

Reed returned to his quarters. He curled up on his bunk and immediately fell into a deep sleep that was devoid of dreams.

XOXOX

Archer sat in his command chair and tried to look like he was paying attention as Ship Leader Serris and the three other Tinglari on the viewscreen droned on in some archaic version of their language. Neither Ensign Baird, nor the UT could make heads or tails of it. Archer decided that he didn't really care what was being said. All he cared about was that this ceremony marked an end to the long days of tedious blood debt negotiations.

Ship Leader Serris had rejected all of Archer's attempts to simply forgive and forget the incident in the docking bay, insisting that restitution must be paid. And apparently restitution could only be negotiated through convoluted, time-consuming, ritual procedures. But here, at last, was the end of it.

The interminable chanting ended and Ship Leader Serris bowed. That was Archer's cue. He jumped up from his chair and bowed back. "The rift between our ship communities is healed." He said carefully. "Animosity is buried in the sands of the past." There was a long pause and he began to worry that he had misspoken and that they would have to start again from the beginning. But Ship Leader Serris was making circular gesture with its hand.

"All is healed. Animosity is buried. It is done." Archer let out a huge sigh of relief as the viewscreen went blank. He hoped that this was truly the end of the whole Tinglari mess. He needed at least one good night of sleep before he would be up to dealing with another crisis.

"Travis, you have the bridge." Archer said before retreating to his ready room. He sat down behind the desk and ran his fingers over his tired eyes. He stared at the small stack of PADDs that T'Pol had handed him when he had come onto the bridge that morning. He supposed that he should at least glance at them. After all, paperwork was part of the job too.

Reluctantly, he picked a PADD up off the stack and turned it on. The message on the screen was short and to the point. Reed was resigning his position on Enterprise. There was no explanation as to why. "I don't believe this." Archer said, letting the PADD drop back down onto the desk. He rubbed at the back of his neck with one hand as his tension level ratcheted up again.

Archer sighed. This was partly his fault. He should have checked on Reed days ago. He had tried once, but Reed had already been released from sickbay and was nowhere to be found. Not long after that, Archer had been overwhelmed by the exhaustive negotiations with the Tinglari and there had been no time to try again. Well, there was time now. Archer stood and went to the com panel.

XOXOX

Reed would have slept much longer, but the incessant beep of the com panel woke him. He staggered over to it and hit the button.

"Reed here." He said, his voice hoarse from sleep.

"Lieutenant Reed, I'd like you to join me for lunch at 1300 hours." Archer didn't sound very happy.

"I...ah..." Reed scrambled for some excuse to avoid what would obviously be an unpleasant mealtime interview.

"That's an order, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir."

"Archer out."

Reed scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to wake up. He glanced at the chronometer. It was quite late already. Archer hadn't given him much warning. Maybe it was better this way. At least he didn't have much time to fret over the meeting. He sighed heavily and headed for the shower.

On the way out of his quarters Reed nearly ran over Tucker. "Commander?" He said in surprise as he reached out to steady the other man.

"Hey, Malcolm. I was just dropping by to see if you wanted to join me for lunch."

"I can't. I have a meeting with the Captain."

"Well, then," Tucker persisted "how about dinner?" Reed almost refused the invitation, but he knew that he would have to tell Tucker about his resignation eventually. It wouldn't be fair to let him hear about it through the ship's gossip mill.

"Fine. What time?"

"How about 1800?"

"All right. I'll see you then, Commander."

"Trip. Call me Trip." Reed conjured up a weak smile to hide the sudden wave of guilt that swept through him. Right now, he desperately wanted the distance afforded by formality - it made the thought of leaving easier to bear. He silently damned himself for being such a coward. Tucker deserved better from him.

"Right. I'll see you then, Trip."

XOXOX

An uncomfortable silence reigned at the captain's table. Archer had greeting Reed civilly and asked after his health, but the small talk had been quickly exhausted. The smell of the food made Reed feel queasy. He took a small sip of water, hoping that it would settle his stomach. It didn't help much. He pushed the food around on his plate and waited for the inevitable discussion.

"Is something wrong with the pasta?" Archer finally asked, putting down his own fork. Reed suppressed a sigh.

"It's fine, sir. I'm simply not hungry. Besides, I don't think lunch was the primary reason you asked me here."

"No, it wasn't. I want to know why your resignation is sitting on my desk."

"Sir, I don't think that there's any point in..."

"I think you at least owe me an explanation, Lieutenant." Archer interrupted. He sounded angry and Reed felt his own hostility welling up in answer. Why did Archer want to discuss this?

"Fine, then." He found it difficult to keep his voice level "I'm resigning because I feel I can no longer carry out my duty to protect this ship and her crew."

"Malcolm, is that what this is about? You can't blame yourself. It was supposed to be a diplomatic contact. No one could have predicted that our physiologies would be antagonistic." Reed's control slipped.

"And that's just my point! We couldn't predict, we couldn't know! We walked in there blind and unarmed and it's a miracle that any of us walked out again!"

"We weren't unarmed." Archer said defensively. Reed struggled to regain his composure.

"No, we weren't unarmed, not entirely, but I wasn't good enough to protect us. I failed."

"You were good enough to get us out of there."

"No, Captain, Commander Tucker got us out of there. We'd all be dead if he hadn't sounded that alarm."

"Malcolm, we all did the best we could under the circumstances. I have great faith in your abilities and would hate to see you leave this ship." Reed couldn't contain a short bitter laugh. He would have given a lot to hear those words a day ago. Now it didn't matter.

"You know, I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out if you put too much faith in my abilities or not enough, but then I realized that it doesn't matter because the end result is the same. And I can't do it anymore."

"I don't understand. Do what exactly?"

"I can't protect this ship alone."

"What?" Archer said, his forehead creasing in confusion. This wasn't what he had expected to hear.

"I can't do it alone." Reed repeated desperately. "I'm not good enough to do it alone."

"I don't expect you to."

"Maybe not, but you ask me to. If I'd had some back-up in that docking bay..."

"So, you're trying to tell me that this was all my fault?" Archer broke in, his voice hard.

"No sir, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm trying to say..."

"Well, it sure sounds like it to me!"

"Because you're not listening!" Reed shouted back in frustration, his fragile control shattering beyond recall. He stood up so quickly that his chair overturned.

"You're out of line, Lieutenant!"

Reed's anger was suddenly replaced with mortification. He snapped to attention, fixing his gaze on the wall over Archer's shoulder. "Sir, I..."

"I don't want to hear it, Lieutenant! Your resignation is accepted. Dismissed."

XOXOX

Reed sat in the dark observation lounge, watching the stars stream by. He might as well enjoy the sight while he could because he doubted he would ever get another shipboard post, not after that row with the captain. He would go back to Earth and try to pick up whatever pieces were left of his career. At least he could hold a phase pistol again, thanks to Phlox and his horrid little slugs. Reed splayed his hand over his knee stretching his fingers until the tender scars ached in protest.

Maybe he could get a research and development position somewhere. His work on force field technology had generated a lot of interest back on Earth. He tried to work up some enthusiasm for the idea but all he could think of was how much he would miss the stars.

XOXOX

Tucker frowned and looked at the time. Reed should have been here by now and he was starting to get a little worried. Actually, he was more than a little worried given Reed's strange behavior the day before. Something was going on. "Damn it, Malcolm." Tucker muttered as he pulled himself stiffly to his feet. He would try the armory first. Reed was probably in there driving his people to distraction.

The armory was empty except for two ensigns who looked up from their work as he came in. It took him a moment to dredge up their names: Briggs and Covington.

"Is there something we can help you with, Commander?" Briggs inquired as Tucker peered around the room.

"I'm looking for Lieutenant Reed." Tucker replied. "Have you seen him?"

"No, sir. He hasn't been in here at all today, but you, um, might want to try the firing range." Tucker was puzzled by the hesitation in the ensign's voice, but he just nodded and started back out the door. "Uh, sir."

"Yes?" Tucker asked, turning again. Briggs glanced back apprehensively at his companion as if asking for her permission. She nodded slightly.

"Um, the Lieutenant's been spending a lot of time in there lately. Frankly sir, it's..." he paused slightly and then rushed on in a low voice "...well, it's got us all a little worried. He just got out of sickbay after all. And then the other day he pulled me and Covington in there for some shooting practice and when we were done he looked really happy, like he was relieved about something. But then when I saw him leave a little later he looked upset."

"Upset?" Tucker repeated. This didn't sound good.

"Really upset." Briggs elaborated evasively. "Look, sir, it's not that we think he's unfit or anything. What I mean is, he's a good officer. He can be a bit of a bear sometimes, but he's fair and he runs a tight department." Tucker nearly smiled as the nervous ensign defended his superior.

"I know he does, Briggs." Tucker broke in gently. "But you're worried about him, right?" Briggs fidgeted and stared down at his boots.

"I know it's not our place to..."

"No." Tucker interrupted quickly. "You were right to tell me. He's lucky to have loyal people watching out for him. I'll look into it."

"Thank you, sir." Briggs mumbled without raising his gaze. Tucker touched the man's shoulder in reassurance before leaving the armory and making his way into the empty firing range. He wandered around for a bit, looking for some clue as to what Reed had been doing in here. Nothing looked out of place. The weapons were all stowed neatly in their lockers. Everything seemed completely normal to him. Tucker brought up the computer and looked at the file listings.

"Let's see what you've been up to, Lieutenant." He said as he punched in his access code.

XOXOX

How had he managed to fuck up everything so thoroughly? Reed wasn't sure. All he knew was that nothing he said or did was right anymore. He scanned the nearly empty mess hall. He wasn't surprised that Tucker had given up on him. He was over an hour late.

He made his way down to Tucker's quarters and spent several minutes ringing the door chime. No answer. He checked the officer's lounge and engineering, but there was no sign of the other man. Finally he gave up and sent an apologetic note through the computer.

XOXOX

"Hey, Lieutenant." Cordell said in greeting as Reed walked into sickbay. "The slugs missed you last night."

"Forget the slugs." Sato said from her bed. "I missed you. Where were you?" Reed smiled at her.

"Sorry. I actually managed to get a full night's sleep last night. Can you forgive me?"

"I might if you come over here and sit with me for a while."

Reed struggled to keep his distress off his face and out of his voice while they talked of inconsequential things. It hurt to know that he hadn't been able to protect her; it hurt more to know that soon he wouldn't be here to even try.

He stayed with her until she finally dozed off. "Don't die, Hoshi." He whispered as he stood to leave. She stirred and smiled slightly in her sleep. Reed knew that the stars weren't the only things he would miss.

XOXOX

Archer sat on his bed and restlessly bounced the water polo ball against the bulkhead. He should have been sleeping, catching up on all the lost hours of rest, but his mind was still seething over Reed's accusation. He threw the ball harder, letting it sting against his palms on its return. The door chimed. "Come in." Archer swung his legs over the edge of the bed and dropped the ball onto his lap as Tucker limped into the room.

"Sorry to bother you so late, Capt'n."

"Trip, it's no bother. Here, sit down. I've been meaning to come see you, but things have been kind of hectic lately."

"I know. Travis has been keeping me up to date."

"Can I get you anything to drink?"

"No, thanks." Tucker toyed anxiously with the PADD that he was holding.

"Want to watch the latest game? Texas Tech versus Stanford. It just came in yesterday."

"Not right now. Uh, I think we've got a bit of a problem."

"Oh?"

"It's Malcolm. He..."

"He's not our problem anymore." Archer said bluntly. "He resigned."

"What! You can't be serious?"

"I am. I tried to talk to him about it at lunch today. It didn't go very well. Apparently, he blames me for what happened."

"He said that?" Tucker asked in astonishment.

"Not in so many words, but he implied it. His meaning seemed pretty clear to me."

"What exactly did he say?" Tucker asked carefully.

"I don't know, something about me making him protect the ship on his own. It's ridiculous! He's the one who thinks he should be able to personally protect us from everything."

Tucker sat up straighter. "Ah...Capt'n..." He trailed off into silence.

"What?"

"How many of his people did he want down in that docking bay?"

"Does it matter?" Archer asked in exasperation. "It was supposed to be a diplomatic contact. We didn't know what was going to happen. It was an impossible situation."

"No, it wasn't."

"What do you mean?"

"Here, look at this." Tucker gave the PADD to Archer.

"What's this?" Archer asked, glancing down at the data. "Trip, this is just a simulation." He started to hand it back.

"A really good simulation." Tucker corrected, pushing the PADD back at Archer. "I think he must have used the security recording to set it up. Look at the results." Archer scrolled down the list for a while then looked up with a stunned expression.

"How many times did he run this thing?"

"I didn't count. A lot. Enough that some of his people down in the armory were starting to worry. I should've guessed that something was going on with him."

"I still don't see what this has to do with anything."

"He beat it." Tucker said softly "He proved that it wasn't impossible."

"Then why..."

"It's not that he did it." Tucker pulled the PADD from Archer's hand and scrolled down to the end. "It's how he did it." He handed it back to Archer who looked at the screen with dawning comprehension. "Two more people and we might've all walked out of there." There was a long silence.

"So, you're trying to tell me that he was right? That this was all my fault?"

"No, I'm not saying that. All I'm saying is that maybe he has a point. He ran through that thing thousands of times on his own, trying to find out where he messed up; what he could have done differently."

"And instead he found out where I went wrong." Archer dropped the PADD onto the bed and hugged the ball tightly to his chest. "He tried several times to convince me to bring a security team along. Hell, I was irritated when he brought along that phase pistol. I thought he was just being paranoid."

"Show me a good security officer who isn't." Tucker said with a small smile "But that doesn't mean that he's not right sometimes." Archer sighed and set aside the ball.

"I need to talk to him, don't I?"

"Yeah, that might be a good idea."

XOXOX

Archer found Reed in the observation lounge. The armory officer was sprawled on a couch, his attention seemingly lost in the stars; it was clear that he hadn't heard Archer's approach. Archer studied Reed, not really liking what he saw. The man in front of him looked lost and defeated. Reed's slumped posture, so unlike his usual bearing, screamed of apathy and his face was etched with heavy lines of fatigue. As he watched, Reed sighed and scrubbed his hands over shadowed eyes. The unguarded gesture made Archer feel like a voyeur, so he cleared his throat and spoke. "You're a hard man to track down." Reed's head snapped up and his eyes widened when he realized who had spoken.

"Sir?" He said scrambling rapidly to his feet. An impassive mask fell over his features, leaving no trace of the weary man Archer had seen earlier.

"No." Archer said quickly. "Sit, please." Reed regarded him warily before obeying and he remained tense as Archer took the seat next to him.

"Pretty isn't it?" Archer waved a hand at the window. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of this view."

"Yes. It's quite lovely." Reed said. An uncomfortable silence stretched out between them. Finally, Reed spoke again. "Sir, I'd like to apologize for my behavior earlier. I was..."

"That's not what I'm here for, Malcolm." Archer cut him off. "And I'm not going to put the papers through."

"Sir?"

"Your resignation. I won't put the paperwork through."

"Sir, I don't think..." Reed's voice was pained.

"Do you really want to leave that badly?"

"Captain, the crux of the matter still remains. I can't perform my duties the way you want me to. I'm not good enough to do it and if I try…" He hesitated and then continued in a soft voice "It's better for the ship if I leave."

"So you're going to give up on me that easily?" Archer asked.

"I thought you'd be happy to have my resignation." Reed replied. "After all, we've clashed on issues of security more than once."

"Yes we have." Archer sighed. "And I'm beginning to think that I haven't been entirely fair to you. We have to walk a fine line between security and diplomacy out here. It's not easy, particularly with the Vulcans looking over our shoulders all the time. I can tell you right now that I won't always take your advice on security matters, but in the future I will at least give it proper consideration. Believe it or not, I do learn from my mistakes. Give me a chance to prove that to you." Reed gave Archer a long measured look as if trying to judge his sincerity.

"Very well, sir." He said quietly.

XOXOX

"We'd be delighted to come down and tour your capital city, High Chancellor Vashell." Archer said to the heavy-set alien on the viewscreen. Reed frowned a little at Archer's quick acceptance of the alien's invitation.

"Excellent!" The High Chancellor said. "We'll expect you and your people in about an hour, Captain. I'll have my aide transmit the landing coordinates to you."

"That went well." Archer commented to no one in particular as the viewscreen went blank. "Hoshi, Malcolm, you're with me. Travis, prep a shuttlepod." Reed couldn't help the shiver of anxiety that rolled down his spine and he found himself reflexively rubbing his fingers over the thin white scars on his right hand. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Captain," he said, "I recommend that we take a security team along." Archer nodded.

"All right. We'll meet in the shuttle bay in forty-five minutes."

"Armaments?" Reed asked.

"What would you suggest?" Reed started to recommend standard side arms, but he suddenly couldn't resist seeing exactly how far Archer was willing to bend.

"Well, sir, given our scans of their technology I would recommend taking phase rifles."

"I see." Archer said slowly. "That would be...acceptable."

"And perhaps we should take a few stun grenades as well, just in case." Behind him, Reed heard a small snort of smothered laughter from Tucker and he discretely elbowed the man in the stomach.

"Stun grenades." Archer said. His voice was still pleasant but he now had a decidedly sour look on his face.

"Yes, sir. They're a bit like handkerchiefs. You don't need them very often, but when you do they're quite useful to have on hand." Mayweather and Sato were both bowed over their stations trying to hide their grins. Archer's hands were tightly clenched on the arms of his chair.

"Very well, Lieutenant. Anything else?" Archer's amiable tone was forced.

"Well, some heavy antipersonnel stun mines might be nice to have if we..." Tucker burst out laughing and comprehension sparked in Archer's eyes.

"Very funny, Lieutenant." Archer said dryly. "Let's leave the antipersonnel mines at home this time, shall we? This is a diplomatic mission after all."

"Point taken, sir." Reed replied. "Perhaps standard side arms would be more in keeping with the spirit of diplomacy?"

"Yes, I believe they would be. Now go pull your team together." Reed gave a curt nod and headed for the lift. "And Lieutenant?"

"Sir?" Reed said uneasily, expecting a harsh reprimand for his inappropriate humor.

"Why don't you bring along a couple of stun grenades. Just in case."

"Thank you, sir." Reed replied with a small smile of satisfaction. "I'll do that. Just in case."

The End