Pain and Consequences
Author: Silent Bob Foley
E-mail: BobRgnt@netscape.com
Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England
Summary: After the body swapping episode What would have happened if Xander had gone after Faith in LA Instead of Buffy, well now we will see. B/X angst F/X friendship.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon does
Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it
Feedback: Hell Yeah
Spoilers: Body Swap episode.
British Words and Spelling
Prologue?
Xander Harris pulled his car off of the interstate and towards Los Angeles, a few well-chosen vamps and demons and a little help from Willow's magic and they had found where Faith had gone. Buffy had been ready to tear off and get the rogue slayer but Xander helped by both Giles and strangely enough Riley had managed to stall her manic rage.
Giles and Xander had talked quietly and quickly about Faith and that they had to find her and fast. If Giles disappeared then the rest of the gang would have known about it, however as the only other person thinking straight and with a Driver's license he had agreed to get after Faith as soon as Buffy's attention was elsewhere. It seemed to Xander that the gradual indifference to him Buffy was showing may just be useful in this one instance.
A while later Buffy had finally fallen asleep exhausted after the last few days and by the drugs that the Council's heavies had placed in her while she had been in Faith's body. Xander had taken the chance and had stolen away and driven to LA, it had only been a few hours ago that they had found out that Faith was in LA and he had been informed that Angel now had her under his control and that Buffy had found out he was on his way there- he had no idea what Buffy would do and so he had to get to Faith first.
He pulled up to the building that he had been informed housed Angel Investigations, he sat in his car in silence for a few minutes contemplating what he was about to do. He was about to enter a place that housed much of the pain he had been through over the last few years of his life and he knew it wasn't going to be easy to get through the day. One had been his tormentor and adversary for over three years and the other had been one for his entire life and at one point the love of his life the one person he was willing to give up Buffy for.
He took a deep breath and steadied himself he had no idea what they would think of him when he walked through the door of the building, and he wasn't at all sure that he wanted to know, however as he looked up his stomach dropped into his feet.
He saw a face looking at him from outside the building trying to squint through the glass of the window and see him.
*Cordelia...*
Her eyes widened and the familiar face behind the windshield stepped out of the car and walked towards her. He had bulked up considerably over the last year and she drifted her eyes slowly over his body. She looked up into the Dark chocolate eyes of one of her oldest and closest friends, she felt a surge of anger and pain when she saw him, his infidelity with Willow was a closed but aching wound- she didn't know what she wanted to do. Emotions ripped through her at high speed, so much in such a small amount of time, she couldn't see him she didn't want to...
Then she realised that she had no choice...
She dropped her bags and flung her arms around Xander she hugged him tightly and giggled. His own arms returned the gesture and squeezed her tightly; he felt the giggling and smiled, Cordelia Chase long term pain in the backside and his greatest enemy for most of his life and also the person he missed the most when they had parted.
"Hello Cordy."
"Xander, I haven't seen you for so long. Why are you here?"
He pulled away and wiped a stray tear away from her face, he wrapped an arm round her shoulders pulling her with him, stopping only for him to pick up her bags they walked into the building and to the offices- he told her all about the Faith/Buffy body switching Dilemma. She knew most of it and he knew it, but she still listened attentively- when he told her that he was here without permission and maybe only hours ahead of Buffy she almost stumbled. Xander's arms shot out to her shoulders and helped to steady her. She smiled appreciatively to him and walked away from him, as they walked in they saw Wesley nursing his wounds on the settee in the offices.
"And I thought I was the only one to get those type of injuries."
Wesley looked up and his eyes squinted as he tried to place the face with the name and after a few seconds he had it.
"Mr Harris, nice to see you again."
"You alright Wesley?"
"I shall be Mr Harris, just a little handiwork of Faith's."
"I didn't know. I only had a little Information before I came here. You need any help?"
"I'll be fine Mr Harris, My body will have to fix itself the hospital did all they could. I may try a spell or two help heal the major damage."
"Ok if you're sure, and call me Xander. Mr Harris makes me think of my father."
"Very Well Xander. Thank you for your concern."
Xander nodded and walked to the elevator, he pushed the button that took him to the bottom floor where he saw Faith asleep on the bed and Angel pacing the floor. Slowly the elevator stopped and he walked out, Angel was so heavy in thought he hadn't noticed the elevators decent or the arrival of the young man. Xander waited until Angel had gained to semblance of coherency and spoke up.
"You awake Deadboy."
Angel literally jumped at the sound of Xander's voice; he spun around as supernatural speed as belied his vampiric abilities. He took a step back and looked up at the young human. He looked relieved and a little apprehensive.
"Xander. How's things in Sunnydale?"
"Same as always. Angel, shit flies everywhere. I suppose you know why I'm here. How's Faith."
Angel looked at the dark haired beauty on his bed; he looked away sadly and brought his eyes up to lock with Xander. Xander listened intently as Angel explained about Faith's arrival and consequent kidnapping and torture of Angel and of her breakdown and total loss of willpower the night before, they both looked at her and soon a little spark of knowledge burnt in the forefront of Xander's mind, something he had known about as Sgt Harris and later from Buffy and Willow as they talked about their Psyche classes. It was something he had come close to at least once.
"Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome."
"Pardon me." Replied Angel.
"A mental problem that some people have after extreme stress. Slayers have a hell of a stress problem and she saw her Watcher killed. A woman who brought her up over the last few years, she was never treated and she did what she did to stop having to face her pain."
Angel nodded and understood Faith was on her own so much and had to face all she did on her own. Losing her watcher and then knowing that her mentor and defacto 'father' even if he was an evil demon lord was dead had finally made her snap out of sanity completely, she had finally made it back but at a terrible price. He knew Buffy had already been very close to that line between good and evil and it had been the young man in front of him that held her back from the brink.
"When Buffy died?" he asked Xander
Xander tilted his head with a look of incomprehension on his face that slowly shifted to one of understanding and knowledge. He realised that Angel had pushed on one point where Buffy had also come close to PTS. He nodded and looked at the Dark Haired slayer on the bed he looked back to Angel and Angel nodded back and left the room and used the Elevator to get back to the offices. For just a second he looked back at the young man that stood next to the woman that had tormented them all so much and knew that he like many other times was all that stood between existence and hell. Only this time it was a personal hell that would torture a woman and that would take her one and only true friend to rescue her from.
Once again he would be a Knight in shining armour, a knight to save a damsel in distress- a distress of her own making,
Xander took a seat next to the bed and ever so gently brushed the hair away from the pale skin of Faith's face. He removed his hand as she slowly stirred and opened her eyes. She jumped slightly as she looked up and saw Xander; everything from the day before had ripped through her mind as she had awoken.
"Faith It's okay I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to help if you need me to, hell I want to help you, but I'll go if you say no."
"No..."
Her response hadn't surprised him in the slightest, but even with the foreknowledge of what she would say it had been worth a try to help her. He still felt something for her even after all she had done but he didn't know if it was because of their shared experiences in fighting the demons of the night or because of their upbringings and the fighting of the demons of their souls. They had a connection no matter what she had said that night she had thrown him out, he believed she knew that and had been scared of it. He stood up to leave and as he took the first step he froze and turned back at her next words.
"...Don't go."
Faith looked up at him; unlike the other times he had seen her she wasn't heavily made up and didn't have the perpetual smirk or frown on her face. He saw her, as she really was a 17-year-old young girl who had no one and nothing to live for and no one to look out for her. She was scared- of herself and of what she had brought down on herself because of her actions. She couldn't look at him and hooded her eyes and looked down at her lap, her hands were clutched tightly together and she was shaking violently.
Xander sat next to her and stroked her back lightly, her shaking slowly stopped and he gently pulled her into a comforting hug and she started to sob uncontrollably. He held onto her for what felt like hours to her but could not have been more than ten minutes, after she finally came up she saw the whole of the front of his T-shirt and black overshirt were soaked. She shot up and wiped her eyes, he tipped her head to look at him.
"You okay now." He asked. She nodded and smiled a wan smile at him and pulled the quilt over her shoulders. He smiled back and stood up, she grabbed his hand as he tried to leave and stared at her with terrified and needy eyes.
Not the needy eyes she had once shown him during the 'Night of the Zeppo' as he had taken to calling it. The night where all she showed was lust and desire for him to bed her. This need was of a type he was only too willing to show her. The need to a friend for someone to protect and care for her, and the need for him to stay with her.
"I have to leave for a few minutes. I will be back I promise." She shook her head empathetically; she didn't want him to go.
"Don't Leave Me." she said in the smallest voice he had ever heard, even Willow had never spoke so lightly. He knelt on the floor so he could look up to her, to look into her dark expressive eyes. He had never seen her so tired or so vulnerable in all the time he had known her. He whispered to her so she wouldn't get more upset.
"I have to some things can't wait and drinking a litre of Coke on a hot day is not something I'll recommend. Unless you want to watch and I also would not recommend that, besides it'll give me something to look forward to when I come back." He bobbed his eyebrows and she giggled little a little child.
"You promise."
"I promise, I will not leave you Faith. We messed things up before you left I am going to make sure it doesn't happen again. I will be here for you as long as you need me. If you need to go back to sleep, I'll be here and..."
"Will you hold me."
He was taken aback by her request but nodded his head at her request he would be there for her as long as she needed him. He left to take care of business, his mind wandered as he sat and 'transacted'.
Why was he doing this? She tried to kill them all; she betrayed them when she went over to the mayor's side. He was doing it because it was his way, he had helped an ex-demon see the good side of humankind, he had changed the spoilt bitch of a May queen into a good human being and he had befriended all three women who had taken the weight of the world on their shoulders as they became slayers.
Now he was fulfilling his friendship by helping a lost and trapped young woman find herself again and not have to travel that lost and lonely path on her own. He slowly made his way back from the bathroom to where she was asleep on the bed, her arms and legs were thrashing around and her face was contorting to angry, afraid and vulnerable. She was going through so much, more than any of them had ever seen except maybe Angel.
He moved onto the bed, obeying a promise he had made to her before he had had to leave, Slowly he removed his work boots and lay atop the quilt and gathered her into his arms and into the warmth of his body. All over she was so cold, body mind and soul, he could help with the mind and body but her soul would take a very long time. As he held her and whispered heartfelt emotions quietly she calmed and within seconds she had stopped shaking and a contented sound emanated from her. He guessed that this was the first dream free sleep she had had in so long, he knew the feeling at that and knew she needed this as much as he ever had. He whispered to her soothingly not knowing if she could hear it at all but hoping anything he could do would help her.
This single act of friendship he was willing to give is the thing that made his different to so many of his friends and family. He would always give people the chance to redeem themselves no matter their crimes, Buffy, Willow and Oz had at one time or another hurt him sometimes more than others but he had never left them and never will. He knew what it was like to be abandoned, to have no one to turn to when you needed them, even with Willow and Jesse he had been alone so much, he had felt such pain and suffering and swore never to have any one of his friends go through what he had to.
He had failed twice before and he would never again let people be hurt like that, he failed Faith when she came to Sunnydale and he failed to help her again during the body exchange she had gone through with Buffy. He hated himself for that more than anything he had ever done, but he was here now and would not let her go through any more alone. He knew that if he didn't do something soon then Faith would likely end up in a correctional Institute or a mental hospital, Faith deserved more than that and he would make sure that she would not go there- if necessary take the blame for what she had done while in LA.
Xander watched as the elevator came down and out stepped Angel, he peaked an eyebrow at the scene in front of him. Xander smiled a slight smile and looked at the bundle snuggled up to him. Faith was comfortable and was sleeping soundly.
"Why?" asked Angel
"I could ask the same thing. I think you know."
"Guilt, Pain and vulnerability. We've both been going through the same thing. I suppose you have too Xander."
The memories of so much pain and suffering he had seen and been responsible for over his life haunted him day and night. Even the things before the horrors of the night had been revealed to him all those years ago haunted him with a clarity that frightened him when the buried memories slammed into his mind at odd moments, he turned to the soul ridden vampire standing before him.
"More than you know Angel, more than you know. There are so many things that people should never do and some things that should never be known."
"If you mean the lie you told Buffy about the curse, and you believing you failed her then I understand believe me I do."
Xander's head jerked up, he nodded slowly. The final conversation that he had had the day before Graduation he had told Angel that he had known the Curse was to be cast once again the day he had released Acathla. He had told him and had said in no uncertain terms that he was not sorry that he had held back that Information from Buffy. Angel had been angry at the thought that the boy, his greatest adversary outside of the slayer had been responsible for hellish torture in the depths of hell itself. He had brought himself almost nose to nose with the young man and realised for the first time Xander was not afraid of him.
It was almost a carbon copy of the last time Xander had come face to face with Angel, and like that time Xander was not willing to back down. Angel came to the realisation that Xander may have been in the wrong but if he hadn't Angelus would have succeeded in destroying the world for the humans and maybe even demons of the same world. Angel knew that the same young man would have no objections to killing him if he got out of line, for the first time in history it was Angel that backed up from this encounter. Xander had been surprised and for the first time had actually apologised to Angel for everything that he had said or done to Angel through the two and a half years that they had known each other.
"Will she be okay."
"I don't know but I plan on helping her. She needs people to be constants in her life. I plan to help her by being one, I think she'll need you to be one too, Angel.
"No problem, I know how she feels remember. She'll need more than that though Xander. She's not all there Xander and she'll need as much help as we can give her and maybe we can find her someone that can get far into her mind to unwrap the problems she has."
"Buffy's on her way isn't she." It was a statement and not a question and Angel knew it.
"Yes she is. Xander you have to understand she just went through several days as her worst enemy and saw everything through Faith's eyes. She likely thinks of faith as the greatest persecutor to damage that she has. She can't risk it."
Xander made a decision that would effect almost a dozen lives, changing everything that they did and everything that they could ever expect. He would allow Faith to go back with him and no one especially Buffy would make him change his mind about the help he was going to give her.
"She's going to have to. I'm taking Faith back to Sunnydale with me. Maybe Giles can help her more than we can."
"His Oxford and Watcher training."
Xander nodded his affirmation, he knew that Faith could only be helped by Giles. He also knew Faith would need him as well, he knew it as a kind of reverse 'Florence Nightingale' effect. He was the first friendly face she had seen upon waking up, without him she could lose it completely. He would not let the problems between her and Buffy and maybe even Willow send her back to the dark side.
"Yep. I think we're the only people that can help her."
"Angel!!!" Cordelia's voice screamed down the stairs, Faith shifted in Xander's arms but did not awaken. Cordy flew down the stairs almost falling over as she slammed into the table. As she pulled the hair away from her eyes she was shocked at the scene in front of her, she was about to launch into a tirade at Xander when she saw the looks in both Angel and Xander's faces and shut up. She however now remembered what was so important she had rushed down the stairs at breakneak speed.
"Buffy's here. She got here faster than Giles thought she would. She looks pissed Angel but I don't think she knows Xander's here. I didn't tell her."
The grip on Xander's shirt got tighter and the bundle in his arms tried to bury itself deeper, he looked down to see Faith awake and she had obviously heard Cordelia's news- he looked into her eyes and saw something he had never seen before- fear, total primeval and terrible fear. He was surprised at her reaction, she had never seemed to be scared of anything at any time he had known her. He pulled her closer and she shook.
She knew there was one reason she was afraid and it wasn't that Buffy would hurt her she was ready for that. She was afraid that she would hurt Buffy if she had to defend herself and she was more than afraid for Xander- her protector. She felt safe with him. But would Buffy hurt him to get at her- she didn't want to risk him getting hurt, she felt his arms pull away and him stand up and move in front of her. Angel shifted to the side just back from Xander but still in front of her, almost backing Xander up.
Then Faith realised it, the two men that meant the most to the blonde slayer were willing to face Buffy on her behalf and would not allow her to face Buffy without their presence. She had no idea why she was being helped by the two men but was thankful that for the first time she was not going to be on her own- she would have someone to back her up.
To look out for her.
There was no way that she was going to let them destroy any part of their lives for her, she couldn't let them lose that which she so desperately wanted herself. She grabbed Xander's hand and as he looked at her she shook her head, sat climbed out of bed and still dressed in clothes from the day before she readied herself. She closed her eyes and clasped her arms around herself trying to stop the fear and pain from frothing up into her mind. Xander held onto her and leant his support to her, she smiled and walked with them to the elevator. Xander looked at her and asked her if she was at all sure about this.
Faith closed her eyes and forced down the fear and anxiety that were flowing through her at that moment, slowly she straightened up and opened her eyes, a little of the old confident Faith returning.
She nodded and as Angel took the lead she snuggled into Xander's side, she was scared but she had to face this and maybe with Xander she could. But for now she had to face Buffy and she knew that was something that could not be helped.
Author: Silent Bob Foley
E-mail: BobRgnt@netscape.com
Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England
Summary: After the body swapping episode What would have happened if Xander had gone after Faith in LA Instead of Buffy, well now we will see. B/X angst F/X friendship.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon does
Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it
Feedback: Hell Yeah
Spoilers: Body Swap episode.
British Words and Spelling
Prologue?
Xander Harris pulled his car off of the interstate and towards Los Angeles, a few well-chosen vamps and demons and a little help from Willow's magic and they had found where Faith had gone. Buffy had been ready to tear off and get the rogue slayer but Xander helped by both Giles and strangely enough Riley had managed to stall her manic rage.
Giles and Xander had talked quietly and quickly about Faith and that they had to find her and fast. If Giles disappeared then the rest of the gang would have known about it, however as the only other person thinking straight and with a Driver's license he had agreed to get after Faith as soon as Buffy's attention was elsewhere. It seemed to Xander that the gradual indifference to him Buffy was showing may just be useful in this one instance.
A while later Buffy had finally fallen asleep exhausted after the last few days and by the drugs that the Council's heavies had placed in her while she had been in Faith's body. Xander had taken the chance and had stolen away and driven to LA, it had only been a few hours ago that they had found out that Faith was in LA and he had been informed that Angel now had her under his control and that Buffy had found out he was on his way there- he had no idea what Buffy would do and so he had to get to Faith first.
He pulled up to the building that he had been informed housed Angel Investigations, he sat in his car in silence for a few minutes contemplating what he was about to do. He was about to enter a place that housed much of the pain he had been through over the last few years of his life and he knew it wasn't going to be easy to get through the day. One had been his tormentor and adversary for over three years and the other had been one for his entire life and at one point the love of his life the one person he was willing to give up Buffy for.
He took a deep breath and steadied himself he had no idea what they would think of him when he walked through the door of the building, and he wasn't at all sure that he wanted to know, however as he looked up his stomach dropped into his feet.
He saw a face looking at him from outside the building trying to squint through the glass of the window and see him.
*Cordelia...*
Her eyes widened and the familiar face behind the windshield stepped out of the car and walked towards her. He had bulked up considerably over the last year and she drifted her eyes slowly over his body. She looked up into the Dark chocolate eyes of one of her oldest and closest friends, she felt a surge of anger and pain when she saw him, his infidelity with Willow was a closed but aching wound- she didn't know what she wanted to do. Emotions ripped through her at high speed, so much in such a small amount of time, she couldn't see him she didn't want to...
Then she realised that she had no choice...
She dropped her bags and flung her arms around Xander she hugged him tightly and giggled. His own arms returned the gesture and squeezed her tightly; he felt the giggling and smiled, Cordelia Chase long term pain in the backside and his greatest enemy for most of his life and also the person he missed the most when they had parted.
"Hello Cordy."
"Xander, I haven't seen you for so long. Why are you here?"
He pulled away and wiped a stray tear away from her face, he wrapped an arm round her shoulders pulling her with him, stopping only for him to pick up her bags they walked into the building and to the offices- he told her all about the Faith/Buffy body switching Dilemma. She knew most of it and he knew it, but she still listened attentively- when he told her that he was here without permission and maybe only hours ahead of Buffy she almost stumbled. Xander's arms shot out to her shoulders and helped to steady her. She smiled appreciatively to him and walked away from him, as they walked in they saw Wesley nursing his wounds on the settee in the offices.
"And I thought I was the only one to get those type of injuries."
Wesley looked up and his eyes squinted as he tried to place the face with the name and after a few seconds he had it.
"Mr Harris, nice to see you again."
"You alright Wesley?"
"I shall be Mr Harris, just a little handiwork of Faith's."
"I didn't know. I only had a little Information before I came here. You need any help?"
"I'll be fine Mr Harris, My body will have to fix itself the hospital did all they could. I may try a spell or two help heal the major damage."
"Ok if you're sure, and call me Xander. Mr Harris makes me think of my father."
"Very Well Xander. Thank you for your concern."
Xander nodded and walked to the elevator, he pushed the button that took him to the bottom floor where he saw Faith asleep on the bed and Angel pacing the floor. Slowly the elevator stopped and he walked out, Angel was so heavy in thought he hadn't noticed the elevators decent or the arrival of the young man. Xander waited until Angel had gained to semblance of coherency and spoke up.
"You awake Deadboy."
Angel literally jumped at the sound of Xander's voice; he spun around as supernatural speed as belied his vampiric abilities. He took a step back and looked up at the young human. He looked relieved and a little apprehensive.
"Xander. How's things in Sunnydale?"
"Same as always. Angel, shit flies everywhere. I suppose you know why I'm here. How's Faith."
Angel looked at the dark haired beauty on his bed; he looked away sadly and brought his eyes up to lock with Xander. Xander listened intently as Angel explained about Faith's arrival and consequent kidnapping and torture of Angel and of her breakdown and total loss of willpower the night before, they both looked at her and soon a little spark of knowledge burnt in the forefront of Xander's mind, something he had known about as Sgt Harris and later from Buffy and Willow as they talked about their Psyche classes. It was something he had come close to at least once.
"Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome."
"Pardon me." Replied Angel.
"A mental problem that some people have after extreme stress. Slayers have a hell of a stress problem and she saw her Watcher killed. A woman who brought her up over the last few years, she was never treated and she did what she did to stop having to face her pain."
Angel nodded and understood Faith was on her own so much and had to face all she did on her own. Losing her watcher and then knowing that her mentor and defacto 'father' even if he was an evil demon lord was dead had finally made her snap out of sanity completely, she had finally made it back but at a terrible price. He knew Buffy had already been very close to that line between good and evil and it had been the young man in front of him that held her back from the brink.
"When Buffy died?" he asked Xander
Xander tilted his head with a look of incomprehension on his face that slowly shifted to one of understanding and knowledge. He realised that Angel had pushed on one point where Buffy had also come close to PTS. He nodded and looked at the Dark Haired slayer on the bed he looked back to Angel and Angel nodded back and left the room and used the Elevator to get back to the offices. For just a second he looked back at the young man that stood next to the woman that had tormented them all so much and knew that he like many other times was all that stood between existence and hell. Only this time it was a personal hell that would torture a woman and that would take her one and only true friend to rescue her from.
Once again he would be a Knight in shining armour, a knight to save a damsel in distress- a distress of her own making,
Xander took a seat next to the bed and ever so gently brushed the hair away from the pale skin of Faith's face. He removed his hand as she slowly stirred and opened her eyes. She jumped slightly as she looked up and saw Xander; everything from the day before had ripped through her mind as she had awoken.
"Faith It's okay I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to help if you need me to, hell I want to help you, but I'll go if you say no."
"No..."
Her response hadn't surprised him in the slightest, but even with the foreknowledge of what she would say it had been worth a try to help her. He still felt something for her even after all she had done but he didn't know if it was because of their shared experiences in fighting the demons of the night or because of their upbringings and the fighting of the demons of their souls. They had a connection no matter what she had said that night she had thrown him out, he believed she knew that and had been scared of it. He stood up to leave and as he took the first step he froze and turned back at her next words.
"...Don't go."
Faith looked up at him; unlike the other times he had seen her she wasn't heavily made up and didn't have the perpetual smirk or frown on her face. He saw her, as she really was a 17-year-old young girl who had no one and nothing to live for and no one to look out for her. She was scared- of herself and of what she had brought down on herself because of her actions. She couldn't look at him and hooded her eyes and looked down at her lap, her hands were clutched tightly together and she was shaking violently.
Xander sat next to her and stroked her back lightly, her shaking slowly stopped and he gently pulled her into a comforting hug and she started to sob uncontrollably. He held onto her for what felt like hours to her but could not have been more than ten minutes, after she finally came up she saw the whole of the front of his T-shirt and black overshirt were soaked. She shot up and wiped her eyes, he tipped her head to look at him.
"You okay now." He asked. She nodded and smiled a wan smile at him and pulled the quilt over her shoulders. He smiled back and stood up, she grabbed his hand as he tried to leave and stared at her with terrified and needy eyes.
Not the needy eyes she had once shown him during the 'Night of the Zeppo' as he had taken to calling it. The night where all she showed was lust and desire for him to bed her. This need was of a type he was only too willing to show her. The need to a friend for someone to protect and care for her, and the need for him to stay with her.
"I have to leave for a few minutes. I will be back I promise." She shook her head empathetically; she didn't want him to go.
"Don't Leave Me." she said in the smallest voice he had ever heard, even Willow had never spoke so lightly. He knelt on the floor so he could look up to her, to look into her dark expressive eyes. He had never seen her so tired or so vulnerable in all the time he had known her. He whispered to her so she wouldn't get more upset.
"I have to some things can't wait and drinking a litre of Coke on a hot day is not something I'll recommend. Unless you want to watch and I also would not recommend that, besides it'll give me something to look forward to when I come back." He bobbed his eyebrows and she giggled little a little child.
"You promise."
"I promise, I will not leave you Faith. We messed things up before you left I am going to make sure it doesn't happen again. I will be here for you as long as you need me. If you need to go back to sleep, I'll be here and..."
"Will you hold me."
He was taken aback by her request but nodded his head at her request he would be there for her as long as she needed him. He left to take care of business, his mind wandered as he sat and 'transacted'.
Why was he doing this? She tried to kill them all; she betrayed them when she went over to the mayor's side. He was doing it because it was his way, he had helped an ex-demon see the good side of humankind, he had changed the spoilt bitch of a May queen into a good human being and he had befriended all three women who had taken the weight of the world on their shoulders as they became slayers.
Now he was fulfilling his friendship by helping a lost and trapped young woman find herself again and not have to travel that lost and lonely path on her own. He slowly made his way back from the bathroom to where she was asleep on the bed, her arms and legs were thrashing around and her face was contorting to angry, afraid and vulnerable. She was going through so much, more than any of them had ever seen except maybe Angel.
He moved onto the bed, obeying a promise he had made to her before he had had to leave, Slowly he removed his work boots and lay atop the quilt and gathered her into his arms and into the warmth of his body. All over she was so cold, body mind and soul, he could help with the mind and body but her soul would take a very long time. As he held her and whispered heartfelt emotions quietly she calmed and within seconds she had stopped shaking and a contented sound emanated from her. He guessed that this was the first dream free sleep she had had in so long, he knew the feeling at that and knew she needed this as much as he ever had. He whispered to her soothingly not knowing if she could hear it at all but hoping anything he could do would help her.
This single act of friendship he was willing to give is the thing that made his different to so many of his friends and family. He would always give people the chance to redeem themselves no matter their crimes, Buffy, Willow and Oz had at one time or another hurt him sometimes more than others but he had never left them and never will. He knew what it was like to be abandoned, to have no one to turn to when you needed them, even with Willow and Jesse he had been alone so much, he had felt such pain and suffering and swore never to have any one of his friends go through what he had to.
He had failed twice before and he would never again let people be hurt like that, he failed Faith when she came to Sunnydale and he failed to help her again during the body exchange she had gone through with Buffy. He hated himself for that more than anything he had ever done, but he was here now and would not let her go through any more alone. He knew that if he didn't do something soon then Faith would likely end up in a correctional Institute or a mental hospital, Faith deserved more than that and he would make sure that she would not go there- if necessary take the blame for what she had done while in LA.
Xander watched as the elevator came down and out stepped Angel, he peaked an eyebrow at the scene in front of him. Xander smiled a slight smile and looked at the bundle snuggled up to him. Faith was comfortable and was sleeping soundly.
"Why?" asked Angel
"I could ask the same thing. I think you know."
"Guilt, Pain and vulnerability. We've both been going through the same thing. I suppose you have too Xander."
The memories of so much pain and suffering he had seen and been responsible for over his life haunted him day and night. Even the things before the horrors of the night had been revealed to him all those years ago haunted him with a clarity that frightened him when the buried memories slammed into his mind at odd moments, he turned to the soul ridden vampire standing before him.
"More than you know Angel, more than you know. There are so many things that people should never do and some things that should never be known."
"If you mean the lie you told Buffy about the curse, and you believing you failed her then I understand believe me I do."
Xander's head jerked up, he nodded slowly. The final conversation that he had had the day before Graduation he had told Angel that he had known the Curse was to be cast once again the day he had released Acathla. He had told him and had said in no uncertain terms that he was not sorry that he had held back that Information from Buffy. Angel had been angry at the thought that the boy, his greatest adversary outside of the slayer had been responsible for hellish torture in the depths of hell itself. He had brought himself almost nose to nose with the young man and realised for the first time Xander was not afraid of him.
It was almost a carbon copy of the last time Xander had come face to face with Angel, and like that time Xander was not willing to back down. Angel came to the realisation that Xander may have been in the wrong but if he hadn't Angelus would have succeeded in destroying the world for the humans and maybe even demons of the same world. Angel knew that the same young man would have no objections to killing him if he got out of line, for the first time in history it was Angel that backed up from this encounter. Xander had been surprised and for the first time had actually apologised to Angel for everything that he had said or done to Angel through the two and a half years that they had known each other.
"Will she be okay."
"I don't know but I plan on helping her. She needs people to be constants in her life. I plan to help her by being one, I think she'll need you to be one too, Angel.
"No problem, I know how she feels remember. She'll need more than that though Xander. She's not all there Xander and she'll need as much help as we can give her and maybe we can find her someone that can get far into her mind to unwrap the problems she has."
"Buffy's on her way isn't she." It was a statement and not a question and Angel knew it.
"Yes she is. Xander you have to understand she just went through several days as her worst enemy and saw everything through Faith's eyes. She likely thinks of faith as the greatest persecutor to damage that she has. She can't risk it."
Xander made a decision that would effect almost a dozen lives, changing everything that they did and everything that they could ever expect. He would allow Faith to go back with him and no one especially Buffy would make him change his mind about the help he was going to give her.
"She's going to have to. I'm taking Faith back to Sunnydale with me. Maybe Giles can help her more than we can."
"His Oxford and Watcher training."
Xander nodded his affirmation, he knew that Faith could only be helped by Giles. He also knew Faith would need him as well, he knew it as a kind of reverse 'Florence Nightingale' effect. He was the first friendly face she had seen upon waking up, without him she could lose it completely. He would not let the problems between her and Buffy and maybe even Willow send her back to the dark side.
"Yep. I think we're the only people that can help her."
"Angel!!!" Cordelia's voice screamed down the stairs, Faith shifted in Xander's arms but did not awaken. Cordy flew down the stairs almost falling over as she slammed into the table. As she pulled the hair away from her eyes she was shocked at the scene in front of her, she was about to launch into a tirade at Xander when she saw the looks in both Angel and Xander's faces and shut up. She however now remembered what was so important she had rushed down the stairs at breakneak speed.
"Buffy's here. She got here faster than Giles thought she would. She looks pissed Angel but I don't think she knows Xander's here. I didn't tell her."
The grip on Xander's shirt got tighter and the bundle in his arms tried to bury itself deeper, he looked down to see Faith awake and she had obviously heard Cordelia's news- he looked into her eyes and saw something he had never seen before- fear, total primeval and terrible fear. He was surprised at her reaction, she had never seemed to be scared of anything at any time he had known her. He pulled her closer and she shook.
She knew there was one reason she was afraid and it wasn't that Buffy would hurt her she was ready for that. She was afraid that she would hurt Buffy if she had to defend herself and she was more than afraid for Xander- her protector. She felt safe with him. But would Buffy hurt him to get at her- she didn't want to risk him getting hurt, she felt his arms pull away and him stand up and move in front of her. Angel shifted to the side just back from Xander but still in front of her, almost backing Xander up.
Then Faith realised it, the two men that meant the most to the blonde slayer were willing to face Buffy on her behalf and would not allow her to face Buffy without their presence. She had no idea why she was being helped by the two men but was thankful that for the first time she was not going to be on her own- she would have someone to back her up.
To look out for her.
There was no way that she was going to let them destroy any part of their lives for her, she couldn't let them lose that which she so desperately wanted herself. She grabbed Xander's hand and as he looked at her she shook her head, sat climbed out of bed and still dressed in clothes from the day before she readied herself. She closed her eyes and clasped her arms around herself trying to stop the fear and pain from frothing up into her mind. Xander held onto her and leant his support to her, she smiled and walked with them to the elevator. Xander looked at her and asked her if she was at all sure about this.
Faith closed her eyes and forced down the fear and anxiety that were flowing through her at that moment, slowly she straightened up and opened her eyes, a little of the old confident Faith returning.
She nodded and as Angel took the lead she snuggled into Xander's side, she was scared but she had to face this and maybe with Xander she could. But for now she had to face Buffy and she knew that was something that could not be helped.
