Pain and Consequences
Author: Silent Bob Foley
E-mail: BobRgnt@netscape.com
Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England
Summary: After the body swapping episode What would have happened if Xander had gone after Faith in LA Instead of Buffy, well now we will see. B/X angst F/X friendship.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon does
Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it
Feedback: Hell Yeah
Spoilers: Body Swap episode.
British Words and Spelling
Dedication to Shawn, My old friend the next Times and trials is out soon prepare for your doom. 'g'
Upper Floor
20 Mins Earlier
"Do you think they are alright Wesley?" Cordelia was looking over at the reclining Wesley Wyndham Pryce. Wes's Injuries would take a very long time to heal, Faith's abilities allowed her to be a very good torturer and the injuries to Wesley were very well thought out. Wesley had thought this out very much since she had come back and it had first occurred to him that something was wrong with Faith that could not be explained. He thought through his training but could not place what had gone wrong with the chosen one.
Then it came to him in a thought, maybe there was nothing wrong maybe the powers that be had decided that the use of two slayers disrupted the balance of the fight of Good and Evil. By creating the evil slayer they could revive the balance and fight on equal terms once again.
Faith had been in a bad way and so the balance once again may be hanging, the loss of Faith from both sides may have an unknown effect on the way of the world. The balance had to be maintained at all costs- if the balance was to fall to the darkness then the world would be lost to the evils of demonkind- all would be lost to those forces that they could not control. The same would happen if the forces of light and the fighters of mankind were to over balance the fight in their favour, the fight would be incredible. The last time that the fight had fallen in favour of either the world was close to destruction back in the Dark Ages, few knew anything of that time and the Watchers Council were one of the few groups that had any idea of just what had transpired in those dark days. The only other time in history that more than a single slayer had been called.
The death of both slayers at the same instance had allowed the forces of the darkness to instil their own forces in the life essence of the next slayers. With that they were powerless to stop their own dark impulses and had destroyed many of the council and their allies before they were stopped by a powerful vampire that has since been lost to history.
For one year and one day the world was without a slayer while the powers of the Watchers attempted to remove the darkness that was now permeated in the Slayer power.
They failed.
Instead they were able to use the same dark strength of the demons to allow the slayer to fight better against the monsters they would face. The darkness would forever be the greatest gift and greatest curse a slayer would have to face. The demon strengths and powers were suppressed and dulled so they were never seen again.
Until three years ago.
Because then there were two.
With the death and subsequent rebirth of two slayers the forces that had been suppressed were unleashed. The powers that had held them back for all those years was weakened and finally dispersed.
It was a poetic Irony that the new harbinger of destruction for the forces of darkness was named for one of the three most peaceful of human emotions. That name was FAITH.
The darkness permeated the slayer all the way to the depths of her soul, any goodness that she had left was cornered and held down tight by the evil than now infested her. It was so slow and subtle that no-one knew what was happening or that she was falling so far into the darkness- except one man.
Alexander LaVelle Harris- out of so many who claimed to care for her he was the only that saw her fall into the darkness. Time and again he tried to help her all without the results that he hoped, the final time he tried she attempted to murder him. At that point he had realised that she was almost unrecoverable and finally Faith fell to the darkness completely.
However now after so long the darkness had slowly ebbed from the young woman, the darkness had believed that the slayer would not be able to awaken from her comatose state. The day she awoke the final strands of the evil power was all that was left, that and her own need for revenge on the allies of the Slayer.
But even the desire for revenge only goes so far in the human mind, and after she finally managed to get her revenge on Buffy Summers she escaped and found herself in Los Angeles. Or For her friends Los 'Angelus', she had been hired to trap and kill the souled Vampire Angel. Faith was all to happy to take the vampire out, hurting the forces of good in so many ways.
But fate would turn against her, in the torture of her former watcher Wesley her humanity had gradually reasserted itself finally breaking through during her final confrontation with Angel. Taking her home and with Cordelia's help getting Wesley back to the offices they had finally sorted themselves out. That next morning Angel had decided to contact Giles, however as he had done he had been warned by Giles that Buffy was on her way and that Xander Harris had a few hours start on her and would be there soon. Buffy didn't know that and with luck they could get Faith out of there before Buffy could make it to the offices.
Unfortunately they were wrong.
"Where Is She." Buffy slammed her hands down on the desk cracking the surface and straining the legs, Cordelia rolled back from the desk in her chair and looked at the blonde slayer.
"What do you mean." Asked Wesley
"Where's that bitch Faith."
Cordelia and Wesley looked at each other, a fake 'what the hell is she on about' look on each face. Cordelia turned back to Buffy.
"Last we heard she was still in Sunnydale, you lost her you find her."
"I know she's here. We got information she was here, and I want her. Now you can help me or you can stay out of my way.
"Fine."
Buffy looked at the two of them like they were stains on the floor, looking around she searched for any proof that Faith may be here. So engrossed in her search that she hadn't noticed Cordelia moving closer to the stairs leading downwards. Then she found it stuck behind the desk was an old bent out of shape cross, one she recognised instantly. Wesley looked at Cordelia and inclined his head towards the stairs, Cordy ran like a bat out of hell and disappeared down them.
"Angel!!!" Cordelia's voice screamed down the stairs,
Wesley could hear muted voices downstairs, Buffy finally straightened up and stalked towards Wesley, he in turn moved towards the front door of the office. "Where is she Wesley, did she do that to you. I want her NOW."
The elevator from downstairs finished it's climb to the top of the stairs, inside stood three figures that she couldn't quite identify in the darkness. However the first was recognisable only by her dark hair, the excessive make up, sneer and defiant demeanour was gone. She stood there head bowed, she wouldn't or maybe couldn't meet the eyes of the Blonde slayer and from the shadows to her left Angel stepped out behind her, his presence a comfort to her.
Buffy however didn't much care and stalked towards Faith, the look on her face showing all assembled what she thought of Faith and that she was going to put her down one way or another. As she got there she grabbed for Faith but a hand from the third person grabbed her wrist holding it there with very surprising strength. She tried to pull back but the voice of the person stopped her dead.
"That's far enough Buffy, leave her alone."
"Xander?"
Xander walked out of the shadows and into the light of the room beyond, he pulled Buffy along with him. She was too stunned to resist- her best friend here and helping the two people he should hate more than anyone else. He stopped and released her arm turning around she looked at him. Not for the first time she saw the depth of his resolve- much like Willow's famous 'Resolve Face'- his eyes could stop anyone in their tracks.
"Xander? Why?"
"Because she needs our help Buffy, I'm going to help her."
Buffy shook off the surprise and looked at her friend, the anger that she felt over the last few days under the magic spell Faith was responsible for. The body swap, faith sleeping with Riley, letting her be captured by The Watcher's Council. Everything came back in a flood.
"Xander she almost destroyed everything we worked for. She should be removed permanently."
Faith shuffled back a little towards the shadows, the fear and remorse almost too much for her to handle. Everything that Buffy said was true, ever since she had been sent to Sunnydale she had done so much wrong- she had almost destroyed the scoobies and by default the world. She had hurt them all so much- most of all the two people fighting over her fate.
Buffy Summers, she had just taken her in and had adopted her as a little sister- asked for nothing and given all. Faith had betrayed her. The other was just a normal person trying to help her out of whatever problems she had .
Xander Harris: The only man that had shown her kindness and caring that she had never known- and like Buffy he had not asked for anything in return. She had practically raped him and soon afterwards tried to kill him. He was still here trying to help her through her pain and anger, arguing and standing down the other slayer, caring and compassionate, a man who was still willing to do anything for those he calls friends- even those who had forsaken that friendship. A man she could easily fall for.
Xander's voice raised a little. "No she won't she's will Buffy has been for a long time, she's been hurt. She needs help from us all."
"She murdered and hurt people. She hunted us, she almost killed you." Her voice got louder. "She killed innocents, she tortured an innocent man, hurt me more than I had ever been hurt, she betrayed me..."
"It's all about YOU, isn't it Buffy." Xander's voice was low and accusing. It's always about you, and how you've been hurt. Well remember this Buffy, not everything revolves around you, In fact very little does. Your expendable Buffy- it might be hard for you to take but you can be replaced so easily. Do not believe or a second you have the right to give judgement over someone that you have no idea about. No idea about what has happened to them."
"I can't believe your are defending her, she tried to kill you. Hurt Willow, tried to destroy the..."
"So did Angel." The last shout shut the Slayer up completely. "Angel killed more people than we could count, Angel tried to kill all of us, he killed Jenny Calendar, tortured your watcher. Ambushed you when you were ill. Tried to kill you when you were laying..." He stopped- his biggest secret on his lips, he didn't know if he could go on with the sentence. The thought that Buffy and Faith and the others would ever know about that night had for so long been amongst his greatest fears, however maybe it was about time for that secret to come out- for them to know the truth about him and his inner demons. Looking at Angel he saw an almost imperceptible nod from the Vampire. "When you were laying in the hospital recovering from the flu."
"How do you..."
"Because I stopped him Buffy just like I always do. You may not think it Buffy but I am not helpless, I pull my weight even when you try to cut me out of the picture. I help you, most of the time I take your side most of the time, even when I'm not I make you listen and tell you the things that you might not want to hear. Not this time." He turned to Faith and Angel then back to Buffy. "You let Angel live Buffy, Now I'm letting Faith live."
"If you think I..."
"IT'S NOT YOUR DECISION." Xander shouted, "THIS IS NO LONGER ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU WANT. THIS IS ABOUT WHAT SHE NEEDS." He slowly calmed down. "She needs our help and I promised her it, you can help or stay away. At this point I really don't care, you allowed a soulless murdering bastard to run around Sunnydale free to kill and you didn't do your job. Recently I decided maybe that was a good thing we've needed him very much recently. Faith is a slayer, she is human and made some mistakes, and you have just condemned him to death with no chance of her defending herself. Well no you are not doing anything, I'm taking her back to Sunnydale and getting help."
Buffy was speechless, she looked at her tall friend and saw not for the first time the man he had now become the look in his eyes and the set of his jaw made her believe that Xander meant every word that the young man had said and he would defend faith from her even at the cost of those he held dearest to him. Faith shifted closer to Xander, gratitude and hope evident in her eyes- she really was in a state unlike any they had seen before. However Buffy was adamant that the girl was no where as lost as she appeared to be, she was unprepared to feel the ache in her soul when Xander turned his back to her , when he moved over to Faith and enveloped her in a strength giving hug. Faith was in tears, everything that had transpired had hit her hard. The worst thing. Buffy thought Is that everything he said was true.
Buffy turned around and fled out of the door, not looking back she got to her car and left quickly with no regard to the traffic laws. Tears streaming from her eyes. If she had looked back she would have seen no-one running after her.
Nearest Café.
Two hours after sunset
Slowly each sat down at a table in the café, Faith and Xander Next to each other the others around the other side. Faith was still pale and wan but was looking a little better, she shivered a little and was grateful when Xander put his arm around her to warm her. Wesley seemed a little perturbed but also knew that much of what Faith did was not of her own doing, it would take a while but he would forgive her one day.
Faith on the other hand was still thinking about what had happened that morning, how Xander had chosen her and the Angel gang over Buffy and the Sunnydale gang. He had given up more than she had the right to ask, as if she could have asked for anything.
"Xander why did you do it." Faith asked him. Around the large table Faith, Wesley Cordelia and Angel looked at the young man. Slowly he met the gaze of every one of them.
"In my life I've made a lot of stupid mistakes, some that could have been avoided and some of my own making as well as many I couldn't have stopped. I have to make amends and I have to help you. I know how much you have suffered Faith- as much as any of us have but you should never have had to go it alone." He reached over and caressed her cheek, "No-one ever should Faith, and from now on no-one will."
The other three watched as she pushed her cheek into his palm and them moved away, his hand dropping down back to his lap. Cordelia was the first to speak up after a long few minutes.
"Xander, you realise that everyone back in Sunnydale will be against this. Not one of them will be willing to help you especially after what happened over the last week. Buffy will already have told them what is going on maybe even turning them against you. She's vindictive enough against Faith as it is she will use it against you."
"I know Cordy, I know. But I hope that Willow and Giles will give me the benefit of the doubt about this." He rubbed his hands down his face and closed his eyes. "No matter what they think, Faith will stay with me and I will help her and god help any of them that get in my way."
Again silence rolled across them as they took in Xander's words, they knew he meant them and would fight for her. Angel spoke up asking a question many of them want to know.
"Xander, what do you mean stupid mistakes."
Xander took a deep breath and began.
"Over the last few years since we started out fighting I've done things that needed doing sometimes I was wrong sometimes I was right, and sometimes I hurt people through my actions. Things I have always wished I could have changed."
"Like what?" Asked Wesley, "Xander I came into this late in the game I would like to know what is haunting you. Like us sometimes YOU need to get things off your chest. Let us help you."
"Thanks Wes, these Guys already know many of them, I'm going to tell you all things that none of you know about and I'd like none of you to tell the gang back in SunnyD Ok."
Each nodded their assent and so he began, he turned to each of them as their turn came up, he started with Faith once again. He knew that she blamed herself for much that she had done to him.
"Faith, when you first appeared to us in Sunnydale we should have done more to help you. I've always hated that I have never been able to help you the way you needed, I should never have spent that night with you. I should have held back."
Xander quietened him with a finger on his lips. "Xander it was never your fault, I shouldn't have allowed that to happen but I had wanted to do something with you since I met you. I made the mistake Xander I never realised at the time that you were trying to help me. I could have made Giles sleep with me if I had wanted Xander. You have nothing to be sorry for."
"There's sometime else about that night that no one knows. I have told no one and you mustn't tell the others. I am trusting one of my deepest secrets to you all." Xander proceeded to inform the Angel gang on what had happened that night from the first meeting with Jack in the car park outside the Bronze, telling them all that happened in detail skipping the time with Faith. One by one each of them closed their eyes or sat back and listened to his story, Xander's own eyes closed but he never stopped talking until the end of the story.
"Even the next morning, I knew I should have told them but something held me back stopped me from telling them anything that had happened. I knew that they had a right to know that something could come up and bite us on the ass but I didn't."
"You were afraid of what they would say." Replied Angel, "that you would get told off for getting in the way of danger, and that maybe they would find out about the hospital as well."
"That's why you were smiling that day, because you knew that you could do something to help the others without them knowing about it. You smart ass." Cordy Smiled at him. "There are truly hidden depths to you Harris."
"Same as you Cordy only takes a little to bring them out." The two friends smiled at each other and now knew that finally the old ghosts of the past had been buried.
"But what's all this about the hospital though." Asked Wesley
Angel answered for Xander this time. "About two years ago, Buffy came down with a serious bout of Flu. Angelus attacked her." His voice seized up and he cleared his throat to continue. "She was in a cemetery with Willow, Cordy and Xander when I attacked. Seconds from killing her Xander put a sack over my head and smashed his knee into my face, He was surprised that 'the boy' could hit him that hard. Buffy was taken to hospital soon afterwards. She was carried in by Xander himself."
Xander took up at this point. "About a day or so later Angelus comes to the hospital, I had been keeping watch since she had been taken in. Much to the annoyance of my other half at the time." He indicated Cordy who just rolled her eyes and smiled. "I came face to face with Angelus, I faced him down. He could have killed me and I think he was surprised that I could face him like that."
"He was scared." Spoke up Angel. "Scared that Xander could do what he said, "Angelus was all about surviving and Xander could have taken that life away from him. Xander said one day he would be there when Angelus died. He was right, Xander came after Buffy when Acathla was about to be released. He was there when Angelus was sent to hell."
"That's what the two of you have been hiding all this time." Exclaimed Cordy, "I never knew that you had hidden depths this far Xander. I'm sorry I ever doubted you."
Xander's head lowered at this sudden praise from them all but faith realised that something was wrong. Usually any praise to the young man would be snapped up and paraded like a medal, Xander was trying not to think of any of the praise. Almost as if he believed all that he had done was worth nothing, she knew of his undercover with the swim team and that he had forced Angel to get Buffy up from the Master's lair along with many others like his commanding of the Graduation Army.
"Xander." She whispered, "What's up."
"I don't deserve this, I made too many stupid mistakes. I shouldn't be getting congratulated like this. I..."
"You what...
"I LIED." He shouted.
The others stopped talking and looked at him.
"I hurt people everyone and anyone I care about. I have never done anything that has not hurt one of my friends. First of all I hurt Cordelia I broke her heart and almost killed her because of my stupidity, in that same stroke I almost destroy Oz and Willow's relationship because of my idiotic mistakes. So I lose a woman I love and two of my best friends in the same go."
Taking a breath Xander continued
"Remember the Valentines Day incident. I hurt Giles and Amy that day by making mistakes that could have hurt them both. A man like my father and a long term friend. Worse still I lost Giles' respect that day that hurt more than anything before or since that day." By now Xander was crying his chest heaving and his speech erractic and broken.
"Last of all is something I have hated myself for for so long ever since the day of Acathla. Angel- I knew we were going to try the spell again to try and bring you back, to attach your soul, and I lied I lied to Buffy about it and you were cast into hell. I'm sorry Angel for all I did."
They were all speechless at this, the knowledge that he had done what he had done now weighed heavily on all of them. They realised that the guilt of so many actions on his part had almost crippled the young man. The weight of the world may have been on the shoulders of the slayer but the weight of the slayer and her friends lay squarely on the shoulders of one Alexander Harris. Angel stood and lay his hand on Xander's shoulder.
"I understand Xander, I may not like what you did and neither will the others when they find out but I know why you did it. You had to save us all and told her a lie to save us."
"That's not just it Angel. That was part of it hell I tell that to myself to make me believe it. But it's bollocks." He slapped that vampire's hand from his shoulder. "I did it because I was jealous. I wanted rid of you. I hated you because you had the woman I loved."
With that he jumped out of his chair and ran out the door, the rest stood there wondering where this would all go. Faith looked out the door hoping somehow he would come back she needed him and had a feeling that he would need her too.
She also knew something else
She loved him with all her heart.
Author: Silent Bob Foley
E-mail: BobRgnt@netscape.com
Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England
Summary: After the body swapping episode What would have happened if Xander had gone after Faith in LA Instead of Buffy, well now we will see. B/X angst F/X friendship.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon does
Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it
Feedback: Hell Yeah
Spoilers: Body Swap episode.
British Words and Spelling
Dedication to Shawn, My old friend the next Times and trials is out soon prepare for your doom. 'g'
Upper Floor
20 Mins Earlier
"Do you think they are alright Wesley?" Cordelia was looking over at the reclining Wesley Wyndham Pryce. Wes's Injuries would take a very long time to heal, Faith's abilities allowed her to be a very good torturer and the injuries to Wesley were very well thought out. Wesley had thought this out very much since she had come back and it had first occurred to him that something was wrong with Faith that could not be explained. He thought through his training but could not place what had gone wrong with the chosen one.
Then it came to him in a thought, maybe there was nothing wrong maybe the powers that be had decided that the use of two slayers disrupted the balance of the fight of Good and Evil. By creating the evil slayer they could revive the balance and fight on equal terms once again.
Faith had been in a bad way and so the balance once again may be hanging, the loss of Faith from both sides may have an unknown effect on the way of the world. The balance had to be maintained at all costs- if the balance was to fall to the darkness then the world would be lost to the evils of demonkind- all would be lost to those forces that they could not control. The same would happen if the forces of light and the fighters of mankind were to over balance the fight in their favour, the fight would be incredible. The last time that the fight had fallen in favour of either the world was close to destruction back in the Dark Ages, few knew anything of that time and the Watchers Council were one of the few groups that had any idea of just what had transpired in those dark days. The only other time in history that more than a single slayer had been called.
The death of both slayers at the same instance had allowed the forces of the darkness to instil their own forces in the life essence of the next slayers. With that they were powerless to stop their own dark impulses and had destroyed many of the council and their allies before they were stopped by a powerful vampire that has since been lost to history.
For one year and one day the world was without a slayer while the powers of the Watchers attempted to remove the darkness that was now permeated in the Slayer power.
They failed.
Instead they were able to use the same dark strength of the demons to allow the slayer to fight better against the monsters they would face. The darkness would forever be the greatest gift and greatest curse a slayer would have to face. The demon strengths and powers were suppressed and dulled so they were never seen again.
Until three years ago.
Because then there were two.
With the death and subsequent rebirth of two slayers the forces that had been suppressed were unleashed. The powers that had held them back for all those years was weakened and finally dispersed.
It was a poetic Irony that the new harbinger of destruction for the forces of darkness was named for one of the three most peaceful of human emotions. That name was FAITH.
The darkness permeated the slayer all the way to the depths of her soul, any goodness that she had left was cornered and held down tight by the evil than now infested her. It was so slow and subtle that no-one knew what was happening or that she was falling so far into the darkness- except one man.
Alexander LaVelle Harris- out of so many who claimed to care for her he was the only that saw her fall into the darkness. Time and again he tried to help her all without the results that he hoped, the final time he tried she attempted to murder him. At that point he had realised that she was almost unrecoverable and finally Faith fell to the darkness completely.
However now after so long the darkness had slowly ebbed from the young woman, the darkness had believed that the slayer would not be able to awaken from her comatose state. The day she awoke the final strands of the evil power was all that was left, that and her own need for revenge on the allies of the Slayer.
But even the desire for revenge only goes so far in the human mind, and after she finally managed to get her revenge on Buffy Summers she escaped and found herself in Los Angeles. Or For her friends Los 'Angelus', she had been hired to trap and kill the souled Vampire Angel. Faith was all to happy to take the vampire out, hurting the forces of good in so many ways.
But fate would turn against her, in the torture of her former watcher Wesley her humanity had gradually reasserted itself finally breaking through during her final confrontation with Angel. Taking her home and with Cordelia's help getting Wesley back to the offices they had finally sorted themselves out. That next morning Angel had decided to contact Giles, however as he had done he had been warned by Giles that Buffy was on her way and that Xander Harris had a few hours start on her and would be there soon. Buffy didn't know that and with luck they could get Faith out of there before Buffy could make it to the offices.
Unfortunately they were wrong.
"Where Is She." Buffy slammed her hands down on the desk cracking the surface and straining the legs, Cordelia rolled back from the desk in her chair and looked at the blonde slayer.
"What do you mean." Asked Wesley
"Where's that bitch Faith."
Cordelia and Wesley looked at each other, a fake 'what the hell is she on about' look on each face. Cordelia turned back to Buffy.
"Last we heard she was still in Sunnydale, you lost her you find her."
"I know she's here. We got information she was here, and I want her. Now you can help me or you can stay out of my way.
"Fine."
Buffy looked at the two of them like they were stains on the floor, looking around she searched for any proof that Faith may be here. So engrossed in her search that she hadn't noticed Cordelia moving closer to the stairs leading downwards. Then she found it stuck behind the desk was an old bent out of shape cross, one she recognised instantly. Wesley looked at Cordelia and inclined his head towards the stairs, Cordy ran like a bat out of hell and disappeared down them.
"Angel!!!" Cordelia's voice screamed down the stairs,
Wesley could hear muted voices downstairs, Buffy finally straightened up and stalked towards Wesley, he in turn moved towards the front door of the office. "Where is she Wesley, did she do that to you. I want her NOW."
The elevator from downstairs finished it's climb to the top of the stairs, inside stood three figures that she couldn't quite identify in the darkness. However the first was recognisable only by her dark hair, the excessive make up, sneer and defiant demeanour was gone. She stood there head bowed, she wouldn't or maybe couldn't meet the eyes of the Blonde slayer and from the shadows to her left Angel stepped out behind her, his presence a comfort to her.
Buffy however didn't much care and stalked towards Faith, the look on her face showing all assembled what she thought of Faith and that she was going to put her down one way or another. As she got there she grabbed for Faith but a hand from the third person grabbed her wrist holding it there with very surprising strength. She tried to pull back but the voice of the person stopped her dead.
"That's far enough Buffy, leave her alone."
"Xander?"
Xander walked out of the shadows and into the light of the room beyond, he pulled Buffy along with him. She was too stunned to resist- her best friend here and helping the two people he should hate more than anyone else. He stopped and released her arm turning around she looked at him. Not for the first time she saw the depth of his resolve- much like Willow's famous 'Resolve Face'- his eyes could stop anyone in their tracks.
"Xander? Why?"
"Because she needs our help Buffy, I'm going to help her."
Buffy shook off the surprise and looked at her friend, the anger that she felt over the last few days under the magic spell Faith was responsible for. The body swap, faith sleeping with Riley, letting her be captured by The Watcher's Council. Everything came back in a flood.
"Xander she almost destroyed everything we worked for. She should be removed permanently."
Faith shuffled back a little towards the shadows, the fear and remorse almost too much for her to handle. Everything that Buffy said was true, ever since she had been sent to Sunnydale she had done so much wrong- she had almost destroyed the scoobies and by default the world. She had hurt them all so much- most of all the two people fighting over her fate.
Buffy Summers, she had just taken her in and had adopted her as a little sister- asked for nothing and given all. Faith had betrayed her. The other was just a normal person trying to help her out of whatever problems she had .
Xander Harris: The only man that had shown her kindness and caring that she had never known- and like Buffy he had not asked for anything in return. She had practically raped him and soon afterwards tried to kill him. He was still here trying to help her through her pain and anger, arguing and standing down the other slayer, caring and compassionate, a man who was still willing to do anything for those he calls friends- even those who had forsaken that friendship. A man she could easily fall for.
Xander's voice raised a little. "No she won't she's will Buffy has been for a long time, she's been hurt. She needs help from us all."
"She murdered and hurt people. She hunted us, she almost killed you." Her voice got louder. "She killed innocents, she tortured an innocent man, hurt me more than I had ever been hurt, she betrayed me..."
"It's all about YOU, isn't it Buffy." Xander's voice was low and accusing. It's always about you, and how you've been hurt. Well remember this Buffy, not everything revolves around you, In fact very little does. Your expendable Buffy- it might be hard for you to take but you can be replaced so easily. Do not believe or a second you have the right to give judgement over someone that you have no idea about. No idea about what has happened to them."
"I can't believe your are defending her, she tried to kill you. Hurt Willow, tried to destroy the..."
"So did Angel." The last shout shut the Slayer up completely. "Angel killed more people than we could count, Angel tried to kill all of us, he killed Jenny Calendar, tortured your watcher. Ambushed you when you were ill. Tried to kill you when you were laying..." He stopped- his biggest secret on his lips, he didn't know if he could go on with the sentence. The thought that Buffy and Faith and the others would ever know about that night had for so long been amongst his greatest fears, however maybe it was about time for that secret to come out- for them to know the truth about him and his inner demons. Looking at Angel he saw an almost imperceptible nod from the Vampire. "When you were laying in the hospital recovering from the flu."
"How do you..."
"Because I stopped him Buffy just like I always do. You may not think it Buffy but I am not helpless, I pull my weight even when you try to cut me out of the picture. I help you, most of the time I take your side most of the time, even when I'm not I make you listen and tell you the things that you might not want to hear. Not this time." He turned to Faith and Angel then back to Buffy. "You let Angel live Buffy, Now I'm letting Faith live."
"If you think I..."
"IT'S NOT YOUR DECISION." Xander shouted, "THIS IS NO LONGER ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU WANT. THIS IS ABOUT WHAT SHE NEEDS." He slowly calmed down. "She needs our help and I promised her it, you can help or stay away. At this point I really don't care, you allowed a soulless murdering bastard to run around Sunnydale free to kill and you didn't do your job. Recently I decided maybe that was a good thing we've needed him very much recently. Faith is a slayer, she is human and made some mistakes, and you have just condemned him to death with no chance of her defending herself. Well no you are not doing anything, I'm taking her back to Sunnydale and getting help."
Buffy was speechless, she looked at her tall friend and saw not for the first time the man he had now become the look in his eyes and the set of his jaw made her believe that Xander meant every word that the young man had said and he would defend faith from her even at the cost of those he held dearest to him. Faith shifted closer to Xander, gratitude and hope evident in her eyes- she really was in a state unlike any they had seen before. However Buffy was adamant that the girl was no where as lost as she appeared to be, she was unprepared to feel the ache in her soul when Xander turned his back to her , when he moved over to Faith and enveloped her in a strength giving hug. Faith was in tears, everything that had transpired had hit her hard. The worst thing. Buffy thought Is that everything he said was true.
Buffy turned around and fled out of the door, not looking back she got to her car and left quickly with no regard to the traffic laws. Tears streaming from her eyes. If she had looked back she would have seen no-one running after her.
Nearest Café.
Two hours after sunset
Slowly each sat down at a table in the café, Faith and Xander Next to each other the others around the other side. Faith was still pale and wan but was looking a little better, she shivered a little and was grateful when Xander put his arm around her to warm her. Wesley seemed a little perturbed but also knew that much of what Faith did was not of her own doing, it would take a while but he would forgive her one day.
Faith on the other hand was still thinking about what had happened that morning, how Xander had chosen her and the Angel gang over Buffy and the Sunnydale gang. He had given up more than she had the right to ask, as if she could have asked for anything.
"Xander why did you do it." Faith asked him. Around the large table Faith, Wesley Cordelia and Angel looked at the young man. Slowly he met the gaze of every one of them.
"In my life I've made a lot of stupid mistakes, some that could have been avoided and some of my own making as well as many I couldn't have stopped. I have to make amends and I have to help you. I know how much you have suffered Faith- as much as any of us have but you should never have had to go it alone." He reached over and caressed her cheek, "No-one ever should Faith, and from now on no-one will."
The other three watched as she pushed her cheek into his palm and them moved away, his hand dropping down back to his lap. Cordelia was the first to speak up after a long few minutes.
"Xander, you realise that everyone back in Sunnydale will be against this. Not one of them will be willing to help you especially after what happened over the last week. Buffy will already have told them what is going on maybe even turning them against you. She's vindictive enough against Faith as it is she will use it against you."
"I know Cordy, I know. But I hope that Willow and Giles will give me the benefit of the doubt about this." He rubbed his hands down his face and closed his eyes. "No matter what they think, Faith will stay with me and I will help her and god help any of them that get in my way."
Again silence rolled across them as they took in Xander's words, they knew he meant them and would fight for her. Angel spoke up asking a question many of them want to know.
"Xander, what do you mean stupid mistakes."
Xander took a deep breath and began.
"Over the last few years since we started out fighting I've done things that needed doing sometimes I was wrong sometimes I was right, and sometimes I hurt people through my actions. Things I have always wished I could have changed."
"Like what?" Asked Wesley, "Xander I came into this late in the game I would like to know what is haunting you. Like us sometimes YOU need to get things off your chest. Let us help you."
"Thanks Wes, these Guys already know many of them, I'm going to tell you all things that none of you know about and I'd like none of you to tell the gang back in SunnyD Ok."
Each nodded their assent and so he began, he turned to each of them as their turn came up, he started with Faith once again. He knew that she blamed herself for much that she had done to him.
"Faith, when you first appeared to us in Sunnydale we should have done more to help you. I've always hated that I have never been able to help you the way you needed, I should never have spent that night with you. I should have held back."
Xander quietened him with a finger on his lips. "Xander it was never your fault, I shouldn't have allowed that to happen but I had wanted to do something with you since I met you. I made the mistake Xander I never realised at the time that you were trying to help me. I could have made Giles sleep with me if I had wanted Xander. You have nothing to be sorry for."
"There's sometime else about that night that no one knows. I have told no one and you mustn't tell the others. I am trusting one of my deepest secrets to you all." Xander proceeded to inform the Angel gang on what had happened that night from the first meeting with Jack in the car park outside the Bronze, telling them all that happened in detail skipping the time with Faith. One by one each of them closed their eyes or sat back and listened to his story, Xander's own eyes closed but he never stopped talking until the end of the story.
"Even the next morning, I knew I should have told them but something held me back stopped me from telling them anything that had happened. I knew that they had a right to know that something could come up and bite us on the ass but I didn't."
"You were afraid of what they would say." Replied Angel, "that you would get told off for getting in the way of danger, and that maybe they would find out about the hospital as well."
"That's why you were smiling that day, because you knew that you could do something to help the others without them knowing about it. You smart ass." Cordy Smiled at him. "There are truly hidden depths to you Harris."
"Same as you Cordy only takes a little to bring them out." The two friends smiled at each other and now knew that finally the old ghosts of the past had been buried.
"But what's all this about the hospital though." Asked Wesley
Angel answered for Xander this time. "About two years ago, Buffy came down with a serious bout of Flu. Angelus attacked her." His voice seized up and he cleared his throat to continue. "She was in a cemetery with Willow, Cordy and Xander when I attacked. Seconds from killing her Xander put a sack over my head and smashed his knee into my face, He was surprised that 'the boy' could hit him that hard. Buffy was taken to hospital soon afterwards. She was carried in by Xander himself."
Xander took up at this point. "About a day or so later Angelus comes to the hospital, I had been keeping watch since she had been taken in. Much to the annoyance of my other half at the time." He indicated Cordy who just rolled her eyes and smiled. "I came face to face with Angelus, I faced him down. He could have killed me and I think he was surprised that I could face him like that."
"He was scared." Spoke up Angel. "Scared that Xander could do what he said, "Angelus was all about surviving and Xander could have taken that life away from him. Xander said one day he would be there when Angelus died. He was right, Xander came after Buffy when Acathla was about to be released. He was there when Angelus was sent to hell."
"That's what the two of you have been hiding all this time." Exclaimed Cordy, "I never knew that you had hidden depths this far Xander. I'm sorry I ever doubted you."
Xander's head lowered at this sudden praise from them all but faith realised that something was wrong. Usually any praise to the young man would be snapped up and paraded like a medal, Xander was trying not to think of any of the praise. Almost as if he believed all that he had done was worth nothing, she knew of his undercover with the swim team and that he had forced Angel to get Buffy up from the Master's lair along with many others like his commanding of the Graduation Army.
"Xander." She whispered, "What's up."
"I don't deserve this, I made too many stupid mistakes. I shouldn't be getting congratulated like this. I..."
"You what...
"I LIED." He shouted.
The others stopped talking and looked at him.
"I hurt people everyone and anyone I care about. I have never done anything that has not hurt one of my friends. First of all I hurt Cordelia I broke her heart and almost killed her because of my stupidity, in that same stroke I almost destroy Oz and Willow's relationship because of my idiotic mistakes. So I lose a woman I love and two of my best friends in the same go."
Taking a breath Xander continued
"Remember the Valentines Day incident. I hurt Giles and Amy that day by making mistakes that could have hurt them both. A man like my father and a long term friend. Worse still I lost Giles' respect that day that hurt more than anything before or since that day." By now Xander was crying his chest heaving and his speech erractic and broken.
"Last of all is something I have hated myself for for so long ever since the day of Acathla. Angel- I knew we were going to try the spell again to try and bring you back, to attach your soul, and I lied I lied to Buffy about it and you were cast into hell. I'm sorry Angel for all I did."
They were all speechless at this, the knowledge that he had done what he had done now weighed heavily on all of them. They realised that the guilt of so many actions on his part had almost crippled the young man. The weight of the world may have been on the shoulders of the slayer but the weight of the slayer and her friends lay squarely on the shoulders of one Alexander Harris. Angel stood and lay his hand on Xander's shoulder.
"I understand Xander, I may not like what you did and neither will the others when they find out but I know why you did it. You had to save us all and told her a lie to save us."
"That's not just it Angel. That was part of it hell I tell that to myself to make me believe it. But it's bollocks." He slapped that vampire's hand from his shoulder. "I did it because I was jealous. I wanted rid of you. I hated you because you had the woman I loved."
With that he jumped out of his chair and ran out the door, the rest stood there wondering where this would all go. Faith looked out the door hoping somehow he would come back she needed him and had a feeling that he would need her too.
She also knew something else
She loved him with all her heart.
