Pain and Consequences Author: Silent Bob Foley E-mail: BobRgnt@netscape.com Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England Summary: After the body swapping episode What would have happened if Xander had gone after Faith in LA Instead of Buffy, well now we will see. B/X angst F/X friendship. Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon does Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it Feedback: Hell Yeah Spoilers: Body Swap episode. British Words and Spelling

Angel Investigations Bottom Floor Several hours later

"Where could he have gone." Asked Faith.

It had been the first words said be her since Xander had run off that evening, they had decided not to go and look for him. The pure emotion of the encounter had flattened those whom he had left behind, Cordelia had burst into tears soon afterwards. While Faith hadn't been much better she had kept the tears back until they had got back to the offices

There had been no sign of Xander for almost six hours- not really long enough to seriously worry but long enough for Faith to become agitated. His words had hit deep none of them had really known any of what the young man had been through in his life and when the truth about some of the things he had done had come out- none of them could really say they would see him the same way again.

He had known that Xander had had something to do with the spellcasting to return his soul, but had never realised exactly what had happened that day. Xander was truly a loyal and good person but the knowledge that he had deliberately lied to remove a hindrance from his life was an incredible burden to them all. Knowing that Xander had lived with it for almost two years was no comfort at all, Angel did not hate or even dislike Xander for what he did, he knows some of what Xander did was necessary to save the world- but also knew that deep in an unwanted part of the human psyche was the ability for as much evil as any demon.

And Xander had used that ability, and had hated himself more than anyone could have imagined. They had to talk and soon, the young man had to know that none of them felt any ill will towards him whatsoever.

"I don't know" Angel replied, " There are not many places he could have gone, but I'm not worried too much. He can take care of himself no matter what many others think, he'll be fine. The vampires and demons in this town are not quite as powerful as those in Sunnydale. The arcane power of the Hellmouth doesn't permeate this area."

"I'm worried about him, I've never seen him act like that and I've known him over fifteen years." Whispered Cordelia.

Wesley took a seat next to Cordelia and put a comforting arm around her shoulders, she leaned on his shoulder and just stared at the floor with an almost blank and glazed look on her face. Wesley just sat there and rubbed her arm slowly, Faith looked up next to her on the bed looking to Angel's face he looked back to her- both were unsure of what was going to happen now especially in light of the confession of Xander. Sitting on the bed she was covered in a warm winter blanket, she sidled away a little and then he leaned her head on his knees and he brushed her hear like a father to his daughter.

They say there not talking and in deep thought for a while longer almost to daybreak, none were able to sleep and even the usual hunger or thirst that any of them may have at any time were gone. Even Angelus was quiet as if he knew that this was a solemn occasion that not even he should disturb.

"Is this a private funeral or can anyone join."

The voice came from the stairs, all four looked up Cordelia and Faith bolting upright. There on the third from bottom step sat a tired and dishevelled Xander harris, his hair stuck up in all directions his Clothes were covered in grime and ashes and there was very dark circles under his eyes. Dried tear streaks cut through the dirt and grime on his face, lastly a stake dangled loosely from on hand, dried blood stained his clothes and arm.

"My God." Whispered Wesley.

Faith shot up and ran to Xander as fast as her slayer speed could carry her, she flung her arms around his neck and pulled him close sobbing into his neck. Seconds later a second pair of arms encircled him and another feminine sob came to his ears, Cordelia was also these. The three of them held on to each other tightly and refused to let go, Wesley and Angel stepped into the other room and let the three of them finish their sorrow alone. God knows that they would all need it and it would best be now when they could.

A good half-hour later sunrise beckoned, the three sobbing youngsters finished their teary embrace and the two young women pulled Xander into the main area. Divesting him of his jacket and shirt they found the source of the blood, a deep cut on his bicep had bled down his arm and stained deeply into the shirt and skin. The women using a soft cloth and warm water carefully removed the caked dirt around his fingers and on his face. The two other men had removed themselves from the area and were waiting in the far corner of the bedroom for them to finish.

Xander was unresponsive as they tended to him, all thoughts that this man was anything but a friend in need of help were washed away as he was cleaned and cared for. As Cordelia's hand went to his silver cross ready to remove it, his hand clamped around hers he looked up at her and she saw the look in his eyes.

"Ok Xand I'll leave it." "Thank you." Barely a whisper

They finally finished tending to Xander, and little trouble got him sitting on the edge of the bed. Wesley and Angel took this as a sigh that they should approach once more, looking at the Young man they could see the pure loathing and pain that was now raging through him. Xander clearly hated the knowledge that he could do so much to hurt people- knowledge that he could be as evil and terrifying as any demon they had ever encountered.

"What happened." Asked Angel quietly.

As he spoke Xander's voice seemed to have a scratchy sound, a sound of either a voice unused for a long time or that of someone she had screamed until his soul had collapsed. He had all too much experience in that type of screaming in his unlife, he hoped he would never really know someone that would have to use that scream.

"When I ran I just kept going, I must have run almost two miles through the back streets of LA before I stopped. I collapsed to my knees and, well I don't remember much of the next few hours but I remember getting up from the road and coming face to face with a pair of vamps." He rubbed his face with his hands almost surprised not to have any dirt on him. "I staked em both- only a few seconds later. I don't know how or why I just moved and staked em. Well a few others saw me do it and before I know it four more are on me, I got three more before the last one got me in the arm."

He looked up for the first time and looked directly at Angel. "I lost my stake and was thrown into a mud puddle. The vamps I killed must have been part of a gang cos more and more surrounded me."

"How did you get away?" Asked Wesley

"I don't really know. I remember several of the vamps dusting, it seemed at the time that they were spontaneously combusting." Cordelia looked at him strangely he actually gave a faint smile as he guessed her amazement.

"X files episode." He said quietly to her, she giggled and smiled back.

"Then I see a car with a few guys in it arrive and they kill most of the Vamps. They pull me up and out of the way, a black kid with a shaved head comes up to me and says that I should get out quickly. I nodded my head and left quietly, they knew what they were fighting and I hope they are okay. So watch out Angel they are not people to mess with."

"Are you okay though Xander. You ran off awfully quickly, you didn't have to you know."

Xander looked directly at Wesley who had to use all his willpower not to recoil back a hell of a lot. The innocence and happiness that had always lurked behind the eyes of the young man before him were gone in their place two almost stone like eyes. Nothing of his soul and feelings were noticeable in his eyes, almost as if there was nothing let there anymore- the person whom he had been and that he would become were two totally different and not wholly agreeable people.

Faith whom had been quite this entire time also looked scared at the look in her newly refound friend. She noticed much of what had made Xander the way he was, was now long gone and unless she they could help him they would never have the old one back.

Inside Xander's mind was much different, he had gone there to help them bring Faith back to the fold and maybe even back to being a Slayer again. But everything he had tried to do all his good intentions are already paving his own personal road to hell, Faith needed him to help her through the personal pains and horrors she was going through and here he was blubbering like a little kid letting everyone else pick up the pieces while he just sat here.

However even with the wish to get up and do something his mind, body and what was left of his soul just couldn't move. Had no energy no feeling at all. Like he was nothing but an empty shell waiting to be refilled. So much had happened that day, he knew it was unlikely that he would ever be welcome back in Sunnydale- Buffy's one sided story would likely influence many if not all of the gang back there. Once he was well it was also unlikely that he would be welcome here in LA either, Angel and his crew would ask him to leave, and what use would he be to Faith to help her back to the fold.

Fool He shouted mentally You're the useless one remember, what the hell use would you be to anyone.

Faith heard Xander whisper something as he lay his head down on the bed, she could see him giving into the slumber he so desperately was in need of. To heal his body mind and soul he would need rest and comfort, they both would. She could only make out one word of his speech and that made little sense to her, at least they had something to concentrate their own efforts on except for her.

At least none of them had asked her or him to leave at any time, even Wesley had come to terms that all she wanted to do was get better and now to help Xander. She still needed her own type of help and hoped that she could get the help she needed from Xander the same time she would be helping him- a kind of mutual rebuilding of their lives.

"What did he say?" questioned Wesley

"I don't know." She replied, "I only got one word, I don't get it though."

"What was it." Said Cordelia afraid she knew what it was.

"Zeppo?"

Cordelia stifled a sob she couldn't hold it and hand covering her mouth she started a veritable waterfall down her face. Before she could fall over backwards Angel caught her and sat her down, she grasped Angel and held on tight. He in return held her back until her waterworks stopped. Faith sat down on the floor next to Cordelia's legs and they waited until Cordelia decided to tell them what it was all about.

"A while ago about the time of the hellmouth opening that you guys stopped, I still really hated Xander for what he had done to me. I insulted him seriously that week and ended up calling him a Zeppo, unneeded and useless. I never realised that that had really cut in so deep."

"He had hurt you seriously Cordy, you had every right to want to hate him."

"I know but it doesn't make me feel any better. I knew the depths of his self-hatred and just used it against him, I've forgiven him for what he did but I doubt he'll ever forgive me for what I did to him"

"I know the feeling, I tried to kill him remember. I suppose that I should be thankful for what he's done for me this time. I don't deserve it."

"Everyone deserves a second chance Faith, everyone of us has had that chance." Said Wesley, "Who are we to say differently."

"Thank you Wesley, that means a lot to me."

"The thing now is what do we do with Xander, he's lost a lot in the last few days. I know he wants to go back to Sunnydale but I don't think we should send him back until he regains some semblance of normalcy."

"We keep him here?" asked Cordelia.

"Yes." Replied Angel for the first time, "He stays here, he needs help and if I'm right Sunnydale is the last place he wants to be right now. Buffy went off the deep end when we stood her down and it's more than likely she has already turned the rest to her side."

"Maybe not all, what about Giles and maybe his new girlfriend?" asked Faith

"Anya?"

"I think it might be that the two of them are not so under Buffy's thrall as to leave him out in the cold."

"I'll contact them tomorrow morning I think it's likely they will want to know what happened here- not just Buffy's version. For now we let him sleep and wait until tomorrow. Cordelia could you take Faith home with you."

"Yes."

"No" two voices said at once.

"Faith there is nothing you can do for him tonight go with Cordelia, please get some rest it's been a long day for both you and Xander." Wesley said quietly but firmly, looking up Faith saw Angel nodding his agreement.

"But we can't leave him alone, he needs us."

"We won't leave him alone, Wesley and I will still be here. You are dead on your feet please do as we ask Faith and leave. We'll see you in the morning."

"Come on Faith, Let's go. I'll introduce you to Dennis."

"Ok I'll go but I'll be back as soon as it's dawn or as close as I can to it." She walked over to Angel and surprising all hugged him. "Please look after him Angel, I need him."

"I promise, He'll be okay. We won't let him get hurt in any way."

With that Faith reluctantly left the confines of the basement apartment, Cordelia walked behind her watching to make sure faith would be okay. Once the girls had left Angel and Wesley sat down, both looked at each other with concentration. They knew that to help the fallen Slayer and Fallen knight would take a long time and they would need help.

"Giles?" Both said simultaneously.

Sunnydale CA Seconds later.

Anya and Giles were talking, both trying to sort out where they stood and what they could do to help, several cups of tea had been drunk and as any tea drinker knows it can have a very laxative like effect on the human digestive system.

"Excuse me Giles, back in a moment."

Giles' smile and shake of head construed his not inconsiderable amusement at her words. *Toilet humour is a staple of British comedy* his eyes widened *Please tell me I did not just think TOILET HUMOUR.* He pulled his glasses of and massaged the bridge of his nose, *Too much time around these teenagers*. Next to his arm the phone began to ring and he picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Giles?"

"Angel, good to hear from you. How goes things in LA."

"Not good Giles both Faith and Xander have had rough days, I suggest tht w keep them here for a few days. Let them get accostomed to normal life if possible. They need each other and the rest of us to help them." Behind Giles Anya came out of the bathroom and over to Giles, sitting in the chair next to him. She had heard Giles' conversation and was nodding her agreement, however her eyes snapped up at his next sentence.

"I'm sending Anya to you maybe she can help them both."

"How?" replied the voices of Angel and Anya simultaneously

Giles shifted the phone to the other ear as he got comfortable, "Anya's current relationship with Xander will be of help to his recovery and her own changes from the side of darkness to one of our own of the side of light will help Faith tremendously. I believe she will be most helpful to you all."

"Ok Giles send her down we'll sort something out for her."

"She'll be down tomorrow morning." Giles trailed off as he heard his front door slam, a flash of brownish blond hair skimmed past his window. Anya had set off quickly. He turned his attention to the phone. "Make that a few hours Angel, keep an eye on her too. Cordelia would be good to look after her maybe the two of them could control Faith a little."

"Very well Giles. Keep an eye on the others. Buffy may become something of a loose cannon."

"I agree. Good luck Angel."

"And you."

The two phones hit the cradles concurrently, on both ends two men- one vampire and one watcher wondered how they could sort out the mess that their friends had instigated and could they untangle the web of tension and pain that the scooby gang had descended into.

"May the gods help us all." For he believed no one else may be able.

Diary of Rupert H Giles Former Field Watcher of Slayer Buffy Anne Summers Things have come to a head now as I have feared for many months, the forces that we have slowly managed to array against the fight have totally fallen apart. In Xander Harris' protection of rogue slayer Faith Williams he has been totally removed from the fight in the eyes of the remaining members. In an attempt to pull at least part of our forces together I have sent Anya Emerson Xander's current Girlfriend to Los Angeles in an attempt to placate both Xander and Faith.

The misguided belief of Miss Summers, Miss Rosenburg and the highly annoying Mr Finn that Xander is useless in a fight has driven both Xander and Miss Emerson away from the group. Even as I have my own belief that I should stay to help the last members of out forces, I am rapidly rethinking this and I may be forced to leave Sunnydale and return to England or in a more likely scenario a move to Los Angeles may be on the cards.

Currently in LA we have a large group of allies already in place. The Vampire Angel who is already mentioned in these diaries, Cordelia Chase who has been bequeathed with visions sent by an outside mystical force and former Watcher Wesley Wyndham-Pryce. If they decide to remain there then Mr Harris, Miss Williams and Miss Emerson will also join their group. I really do not know whether or not to stay but if this goes on that much longer I may have no choice.

I believe that the entirety of our allied forces may be rent asunder and if so we may all be doomed, it's just a matter of time and place.

"Damn." Is all that Giles could say.