The Cluedoville Files

Case #3: How to kidnap yourself

Time crawls like a snail when you have nothing to do. It felt like months since I last had a case, even though it was really only two weeks. My secretary, Miss Josephine Scarlet, was just as bored. At one point, we were so bored; we spent the entire day flicking balls of lint as if they were soccer balls. After what seemed like forever, we had a visitor. It was District Attorney Blanche White.

"Mr. Brown, I need your services right away; it's an emergency!"

She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me 7 blocks to her office at City Hall. It looked the same as it always did, so I gave Mrs. White a confused look.

"My niece, Wendy, is visiting me for the week. I brought her to work with me today. I told her to stay in my office until I got back. When I did return, she was gone!" Blanche seemed to say all this without pausing for air. I'm not sure how she could have, because I was out of breath.

"Mrs. White, calm down, please," I said, gasping. "I'm sure Wendy is just fine. She can take care of herself." That's when I noticed a strange scrap of orange paper on her desk. I examined it; it was a note from Wendy. "See, what did I tell you?"

The note read "Dear Aunt Blanche, I know you told me not to move from your office, but I just got a little antsy. I found someone who said he would show me around the town, and I went with him. I'll be home by 7:00 tonight. Love, Wendy."

At this, Counselor White became very scared and very paranoid. I reassured her and boldly stated that I would find Wendy. I normally don't offer my services free of charge, but in this case I had to make an exception.

The lights in City Hall work just fine. Whoever is with Wendy must be a male, because he is referred to as male in the note. Also in the note was a guarantee that she would return by 7:00, so wherever they are, Wendy wants to be there. I know the kid very well; Wendy loves knowledge more than anything else on the planet. So the first place I looked was the town library. There I found the Reverend Jonathan Green reading something (I forgot what it was).

"John, it's nice to see you. How are you?"

He responded with a start, shutting his book. "Just fine, Richard. What's new with you?"

"I'm looking for Wendy White. She was with her aunt this morning, but now she's missing. Seen her recently?"

"Why, yes. Wendy stepped in here not to long ago. She searched the stacks, checked out a book, and then left."

Excellent, I thought to myself. "Did you see anyone with her?"

"No. She came in alone."

Nuts. "Thanks, Reverend."

"See you on Sunday, Richard!"

Clearly my Mr. X had waited outside while Wendy searched the library. What was also obvious is that this guy is doing whatever that spunky little girl wants. Surely this mystery man means her no harm. But, when I tried to tell Mrs. White what I found out, she just screamed into the telephone and said "Find my niece, or else!" I couldn't win. I had no idea who was escorting Wendy around town, and until I found out that information, Blanche wouldn't believe a word I said. I decided to go back to my office and recompile my thoughts. I was utterly confused when I saw Sergeant Robert Gray standing next to Joey.

"Hey, Dickey boy, now I'm beginning to understand why you got into this business. Whistles "

"Get away from me, you pig!" If there's one thing you don't do to Miss Scarlet, it's whistling at her, unless you like bleeding from the lips. When Joey was finished with him, he looked like he fell from an 80-story building and landed on a bed of nails. I almost didn't want to interrogate him, but you have to do what you have to do.

"All right, Bob, tell me what you know about the disappearance of Wendy White before my new bodyguard gets upset again."

He was more than happy to comply. "Last I saw her; she was walking to the university. There was a bald man with her, and they were both smiling."

"Thanks, man." In an instant I knew the identity of Wendy's escort. I ran to the university like a rocket blasting off into space. I went directly to the classroom of Professor Peter Plum, expecting to find Wendy. Well, Plum was there, but Wendy was MIA.

"Okay, Plum. Where's Wendy?"

"I don't know! I was showing her around town today, but now I can't find her anywhere!"

Perfect. Just perfect. "Do you remember anything about what happened before she vanished?"

"She said something about being sick and tired of academics, then she took off and I lost her."

I smiled. I knew exactly where to find that little runaway. Where does a student go when she's bored of academics? The gym, of course! And sure enough, there she was, shooting hoops.

"Hi Wendy," I said. "What are you doing here?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she said with a sneer.

"It looks like you're running away from the adults in charge."

"So? I can take care of myself!"

"You know your aunt Blanche is worried about you. She thinks you've been abducted."

She dropped the ball and gave me a look. "By aliens?"

"No, by criminals. She believes someone might do terrible things to you. Why don't you go home and ease her mind?"

She crossed her arms and turned away from me. "Why should I? She doesn't care about me."

"Then what do you think I'm here for? Class?"

She had to agree with what I had said. "All right, I'll come," she said reluctantly.

When I brought Wendy back to her aunt, the DA thanked me and nearly squeezed me to death, and then she gave her niece the rebuke of her life, I tell you what. Wendy burst into tears as she was being scolded.

"Why are you always yelling at me?" she managed between sobs. "You never let me do anything I want!"

"I'm not doing it to be mean. I'm doing it for your protection. I love you Wendy and I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Wendy looked up. Her frown was beginning to become a smile. "Aunt Blanche," she began, "You had me at 'I love you.'"

They embraced, crying like babies. I was beginning to tear up too, which is why I left when I did. What a day it had been; all I wanted to do was go home and go to sleep. Unfortunately, it was only 3:00 p.m. Oh well, that's life.