Disclaimer/Author's Note – See Chapter One.
Chapter Eight – First Date, Second Thoughts
Sara was nervous. She had never spent so long deliberating over what to wear to dinner before. Normally, she was fairly functional when it came to clothing – slacks and a top or funky shirt, a suit for court appearances. Not that she didn't have nice outfits – she had made several impulse buys in the last year during the semi-regular retail-therapy outings she had allowed herself during her infrequent time off. But, as her social life was somewhat lacking, they rarely got an airing.
'This is ridiculous,' she thought aloud. After all, this dinner was more than likely Grissom's way of telling her that what had happened between them was a mistake. So what was the point in dressing up?
The other night had been a mistake. Of course it was a mistake. He was her boss. He was emotionally challenged. He lived for his work. What could he possibly offer her? Except, of course, everything that she had wanted for so long…
Grissom wasn't really so different from her, she thought. They both threw themselves into their work. Both had limited social skills. Maybe they could be good for each other. Two negatives equalling a positive. For a moment she allowed herself to imagine that this would be the dinner, the first date. The one he had said he wanted to have, 'To see what happens'. But she shook the though from her head, unwilling to be quite so hopeful this time.
She had never met someone so impossible to read. If he were a suspect brought in for questioning, Sara was convinced that he would be more than able to pull the wool over her eyes.
Sighing, she finally decided on a green silk tunic with a high, Chinese-style collar. The sleeveless style showed off her arms which, along with her legs, were her best features. She teamed this with jeans and a pair of low-heeled sandals. A final look in the mirror sealed her approval. She looked casually elegant, sexy but not overtly so. If he was really going to pass on a relationship with her, she wasn't going to make sure that he saw what he was missing. But she didn't want to be too obvious about it…
Picking up her keys and purse, she made for the door before she changed her mind.
---
Grissom had been having similar trouble. In case, it was a simple conundrum: tie or no tie?
He hated the things, found them entirely unnecessary and only wore them for court appearances and funerals. But part of him thought he should make an effort for this date.
And was this even a date? He knew it shouldn't be. He was a cautious man by nature; always weighing up the pros and cons of a situation, weighing the evidence and then making a rational decision based solely on that. If he stayed true to his nature and did that now, this most certainly wouldn't be a date… There was too much risk involved. Too high a chance that both he and Sara would get hurt – both personally and professionally. His ever rational mind knew this.
At the same time, his heart was screaming for him to take the risk he had been avoiding for so long. Hadn't he been alone long enough? Hadn't Sara? Hadn't he finally come to terms with the fact that he couldn't bear the thought of being without her? Did he really need another wake-up call like the situation with Jill had given him?
Still with no firm decision fixed in his mind, he dropped the tie on his bed and picked up his keys. He didn't need anything else adding to his suffering tonight.
---
When Sara arrived, she saw him sitting at the bar; nervously nursing a glass of what she assumed was some kind of whiskey. She stood back and watched him for a moment. He looked, well… fine, Sara thought, in a dark blue shirt and charcoal grey trousers.
As she watched him, she noticed a stiffening of his posture, like a hound catching the scent of a rabbit. He sat up straighter in his chair and slowly turned until his eyes met hers. Giving him one of her dazzling smiles, she strode over to meet him as he got up from his perch.
'Sara,' he greeted her with a small smile, taking in her appearance and apparently approving. 'You look…' he trailed off, words failing him for a moment.
She took the compliment anyway, and returned one of her own. 'You look pretty sharp yourself, Grissom.'
'Shall we get a table?' he asked.
Sara smiled and nodded, and as he put his hand on the small of her back to guide her towards the dinning area, she felt her pulse treble.
---
Over dinner, their conversation was filled with small talk, and they even resorted to talking about work half-way through the second course. It wasn't until the coffee arrived that Sara finally got up the courage to ask the necessary question.
'So, what is this?'
Grissom looked puzzled. 'What do you mean?'
Sara figured she'd been too vague, and hated the fact that she now had to spell it out to him.
'I mean, is this a date or, is it…' she hesitated, unsure of how to put her fears into words. 'Is is just a way for you to take back what happened… the other day.'
Grissom said nothing for a long time. He had avoided the subject all through dinner, despite the fact that he knew it had to be discussed. He had held off, waiting for the right moment, waiting for the right words to come. Now she had taken the situation out of his hands and he still didn't know what to say.
An uncomfortable silence descended over the table like a fog. Sara shifted in her seat, unable to bear it.
'Come on, Gris. You've got to give me something here. This isn't the sort of conversation you can have alone.'
'I, er…' he started and stopped and took a breath. 'I honestly don't know what to say, Sara.'
Sara shook her head in disbelief. 'This is so typical of you, Grissom,' she told him in a low voice that belied her anger and frustration. 'You'll never change. Never take a risk. You were the one who started this. You asked me to dinner this time. Twice.'
Grissom lowered his head, trying to come up with something, a response to justify himself. A way to tell her what he wanted and how frightening it was. Nothing came to mind.
'I can't do this anymore, Grissom,' she continued. Her voice sounded resigned. Defeated. 'I can't continue waiting for you to throw me scraps. A hint here and there, a flirtation, and then nothing for weeks, months until you feel like talking to me again. I wish you could just tell me, straight out, that you're not interested. I could take that. But I can't take this limbo. I can't take you still not knowing what you want.'
Grissom looked up at her, his blue eyes burning into hers for a moment. 'I know what I want, Sara,' he told her in a quietly intense voice. 'The same thing I've always wanted. I just… my heart and my head are telling me two very different things. And I don't know which one to listen to anymore.'
Sara reached for her purse. 'Well, I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago and start listening to my head. Goodnight, Grissom.'
She began to rise from her chair. Grissom panicked.
'Sara, please. Let me explain.'
Glancing around to make sure they weren't making a scene, Sara leaned closer to him. He could smell her perfume, understated and elegant, like her, and his head swam.
'What is left to explain, Grissom? I'm not worth taking a risk for.'
With that, her long legs carried her from the restaurant.
TBC.
