The Cluedoville Files Case #5: Desperately Seeking Scorpio

It was noon, on a day like any other here in Cluedoville, North Dakota. I was having lunch with Miss Josephine Scarlet, my loyal secretary/bodyguard. She said something about bringing her relatives over to visit, when I noticed the Reverend Jonathan Green out walking his dog, Matthew. It had always puzzled me as to why John kept a Doberman as a pet. I got up from my table and decided to go over there and ask him.

"Dick, where are you going?" Joey asked as she chased after me.

"Good morning, Richard!" John said as I approached him. At that point Matthew growled at Joey and me. "Matthew! Cut it out!"

"John, there's something I've been wanting to ask you: why on earth do you have, uh, Matthew as a pet?"

"He keeps me and my house 100 secure."

Joey retorted "Why not just get a security system? It has the same effect, and you don't have to feed it."

John and I chuckled. What? It was funny! Anyway, just then that creepy fortune teller Madame Samantha Rose walked by, stroking her cat, Scorpio. I hadn't seen or heard from her since she was imprisoned for tagging on Miss Peach's house. Had it been two months already? And she wasn't dressed in her usual costume either; she wore a rose T-shirt and matching slacks. Anyway, Matthew got one look at Scorpio, and he broke out of his collar and charged right at Sam.

"Matthew! No! Get back here! Bad dog!"

Scorpio leapt out of Sam's hands and ran down a dark alley, with Matthew in hot pursuit. Sam chased after them, followed by John, then me, and finally Joey. The animals came to a dead end, and before Matthew could lay a claw on that poor kitten, Sam scooped her up. She looked sternly at the reverend.

"That dog of yours in a menace to our fair city!" she scolded.

John looked at her apologetically. "I'm so very sorry," he said.

John grabbed Matthew by the back of his neck and dragged him home. Sam took her cat and went the opposite direction. Just a half a second later some man came down the alley right toward us. He was holding a piece of paper in his hand and he looked tired and angry all at the same time.

"Forget something, Dick?" he said as he handed me the paper. I smacked myself in the head when I saw what it was.

"I'm so sorry" I said as I paid for our lunch. I gave the guy a 150 tip, partly because I felt sorry for him, but mostly because I didn't want him to hurt me.

The next day at the office, things were as normal as they get around here. Around 11:00 am, Sam walked in, looking unkempt and super pissed.

"Dick, I need your help to get my cat back!"

"Happy to oblige," I said when she laid two sawbucks on my desk. "What happened?"

"Do you remember yesterday when Reverend Green's dog attacked my poor kitty?" I said that I did. "Well, Scorpie got away from me today and I can't find her. I'm afraid that mean Doberman is going to kill her!"

"Okay, calm down. Where were you when the cat got away?"

"I was outside the bar."

Was this lucky or what? Maxine Meadow-Brook, the bartender, had the sharpest eyes of anyone in Cluedoville. Naturally, she would have seen what happened. All three of us ran over there as fast as we could.

"Hello there Dick, Joey, Sam," she said in her disturbingly masculine voice.

"Where's my baby kitty?" Sam asked, obviously still in hysterics.

"Oh, I saw Scorpio get out of your hands and run into the alley behind the bar."

"Yeah, I chased after her there, but I couldn't find her!"

"She must have been hiding from you, because as soon as you left, Scorpio emerged from the alley. I offered her a saucer of milk outside, and she drank it. Sometime after that, Green's dog showed up."

At the mention of Matthew, Mme. Rose fainted away. Max poured Joey a cup of water, which Joey threw in Sam's face to revive her. We asked Max to continue her story.

"As I was saying, Matthew showed up, and chased the cat right into the reverend's house."

I thanked Max for her unmatched observational skills as Miss Scarlet led us to the parsonage. When we got there, Sam charged at John and tackled him.

"Where's my cat?"

"What are you talking about, Madame?"

"Don't toy with me, Green! Max saw Scorpio being chased into your house by your dog! Don't deny that it's true!"

John stammered "I…I'm not den…denying anything!"

"Another denial!" Sam screamed.

"All right, it's true. Scorpio was chased in here by my dog. But she ran back out again!"

"Prove it!" demanded Mme. Rose.

"I will as soon as you get off of me!" John groaned.

Sam got off the reverend, who in turn got off the floor and led us to the backyard. He showed us three boxes arranged like a staircase. "She bounded up these boxes and over the fence. Matthew was going to chase after her, but I grabbed him and stopped him."

"A likely story!" accused Sam.

"Her footprints are on the boxes! See for yourself."

Sam, Joey, and I looked at the boxes. There were twelve paw prints on the boxes. Each one showed all five toes.

"I guess he's telling the truth," Sam said, "But I am still very mad at you!"

"For what?"

"For letting my baby go out into the wild, you insensitive jerk!" And with that, Sam punched the reverend so hard that he hit the ground, unconscious.

"Sam, go home and chill out. I know where your cat is and I will bring him to your house."

"Uh, Dick," Joey said, "Scorpio is a girl"

"Right. What did I say? Never mind that, we'll stay here until John wakes up."

When he did, his head was spinning. "What happened?"

"The game's up, John. I know you're hiding Scorpio, and you're going to tell me where she is."

"I told you, I'm not hiding that stupid cat!"

"Oh, really?" I said sarcastically. "You held the cat by her hind legs, and dipped her front paws into a muddy spot. Then, you walked her up the staircase you made so she would leave paw prints on it, making it look like she jumped over your fence!"

"You can't prove that I did any of that!"

"Every one of the paw prints on those boxes had five toes. Cats have five toes on only their front paws. Their back paws have only four toes."

"Really? I didn't know that."

"And that lack of knowledge was your one fatal mistake! Now, I'm not going to ask you again. Where's Sam's cat?"

"I already told you, I don't know where she is!"

"Joey, tear his arms off, please."

"Yes, sir," Joey said.

"Okay, I am hiding Scorpio! I hid her in the pantry! Please don't hurt me!"

"When you ask so politely, of course!" said Miss Scarlet as I went to the pantry and got Scorpio. I brought her to Sam's place later that day. She thanked me and offered to read my palm for free. I told her I had to pass. But there was still one thing I didn't understand. Why did Reverend Green lie about hiding the cat? Well, I guess that question will remain unanswered.

Until next time…