The Cluedoville Files Case #7: Hidden Talents
Okay, I'm feeling much better now, readers. Did you miss me? All right, pleasantries aside, let's get to my next case.
It began at a gathering at Mrs. Patricia Peacock's estate. Almost everyone I knew was there, but I'm not going to list them all here. Why we were all called there, I wasn't quite sure. I figured that now would be a good time to get some answers to my unanswered questions. I sought out the Reverend Jonathan Green. It surprised me that he was wearing his full clerical outfit. I asked him one simple question: "Why did you hide Scorpio from Madame Samantha Rose?"
"To tell you the truth, Scorpio hissed at my dog, Matthew, and he ran away with his tail between his legs. I just couldn't live with myself knowing that my home security system was on the fritz, so to speak."
"That's okay," I said. What I didn't say was "I think you're being a little silly about that." Later I found Miss Rachel Peach. She was wearing the least tattered pink dress I had ever seen on her. This was no doubt her version of "dressing up for the occasion." Her motive for stealing Professor Peter Plum's Babe Ruth rookie baseball card was still a mystery. So I asked her about it.
"Look, I really wanted that card more than anything," she said on the brink of crying. "But you know about my income. The only way I could get it was to steal it. I'm really sorry I did."
"Well, you know what they say," I offered in attempt to comfort her. "Crime just doesn't pay."
Mme. Rose came up to me shortly after my talk with Rachel. She was in her fortune-telling uniform, with the semi-transparent scarf with sequins, the ornate hair wrap, etc. I simply had to know, "Why did you vandalize Rachel's house?"
"I don't know. I guess I was jealous of how happy she always seemed to be, even though she had no gainful employment." She looked to me to be extremely distant and indifferent as she said that.
After Sam left to powder her nose, Mrs. Peacock called for us to assemble in the living room. Maybe now I can find out what I was called her for, I thought to myself.
"I bet you all are wondering why I asked you to come," Pat said. "As some of you have seen, there is an iron bar that is constantly kept hot by the fire in my fire place." I had always wondered what that bar was for. "I suggest those who have weak stomachs please look away."
To the absolute shock of everyone gathered (myself included), Patricia gabbed the white-hot iron bar with both hands. I expected her to wince in pain or something. Yet, she did nothing of the sort.
"It is my firm belief that all human beings have some sort of hidden talent. This is my hidden talent."
"What?" asked Monsieur Alexander Brunette in a sarcastic tone of voice. "Masochism?"
"No, you silly buffoon!" Pat exclaimed. "The palms of my hands can withstand temperatures up to 600 degrees Fahrenheit. I have what are called 'hot hands'."
With that, she turned to the beautiful swan ice sculpture sitting on the coffee table, placed her now white-hot hands on it, and it melted in a matter of seconds. We just couldn't help but applaud. Presently, Mme. Rose was coming out of the bathroom.
"What did I miss?" she asked.
"Just my mother melting an ice sculpture with her bare hands!" Miss Josephine Scarlet said.
"Anyway," Pat was finishing up. "This is why I brought you all here. You now know my hidden talent, I want to see yours."
And the people were more than happy to show her. Joey stood up and, I won't say she lifted the coffee table over her head single-handedly, but using only one hand, she did lift it a good five or six inches off the ground. Alex demonstrated his ability to speak at a faster rate than any of us could even read. John made us all dizzy when he ran around the entire Peacock estate three times in one minute flat. Sam showed us all a very difficult Russian dance that I couldn't spell for the life of me (ka-ZOT-skee). Pete made like Rainman with some very rapid solutions to math problems. Rachel seemed to use cat-like reflexes to dodge or catch just about anything we threw at her. Colonel Michael Mustard stepped up to the mound and pitched fastballs averaging 100 mph. Mrs. Blanche White gave us all the heebie-jeebies with her contortionism routine. And Sergeant Robert Gray made Rubik's Cube dance before our very eyes.
Then it was my turn. "I'm sorry I don't have any hidden talents," I said. Okay, the truth was I did have a hidden talent, but I wanted it to stay hidden. And if you think I'm going to tell you what my hidden talent is, you better think again!
Fast forward to the next day at the office. It was a typical day like any other, the sun was up, and the sky was blue, nothing out of the ordinary. Around 10:00 am, Alex walked in. He laid four fins on my desk.
"I need you to find the person who stole the apple tree out of my front yard!" he said. It was all Joey and I could do to keep from laughing. "Go ahead," Brunette said. "Laugh, after all, it's funny." And so we did.
When the laughter subsided, I asked M. Brunette about the tree. He said he and his first love carved their names there. He said look for a tree with "Alex Rita" on it. I had to laugh once again.
"Alex Rita, Alexandria, get it?"
Anyway, I was off and looking around town, and I came to Mike's house. It was different than I remember; the paint was fading, and there was an apple tree growing there that wasn't there before. Something's not right I thought to myself. I knocked on the phony colonel's door, which faced east.
"What do you want, Dick?"
"Do you realize that M. Brunette's favorite apple tree is growing in your yard?"
"I had no idea he liked my tree so much," he said, with fake wonder on his face.
"It's not your tree, Mike. It belongs to Alex."
"It's growing on my land, therefore it's my tree."
"It's only on your land because you planted it there after you uprooted it from his yard."
"Don't be ridiculous! That tree has been there for years!"
I examined the base of the tree. There was grass growing on the spot around it. Yet I saw "Alex Rita" carved it the tree's bark. There was moss on the right-hand side of the tree, facing away from the door to Mike's house.
"You see," Mustard continued, "M. Brunette actually vandalized my apple tree. That's why it has that carving in it."
"I would believe your story, lieutenant, if I couldn't prove it was false, which I can!"
"How's that?" Mike started to sweat.
"You say this tree has been growing in your yard for years, when in reality, you dug this tree out of Alex's yard, planted it in your own, and planted fresh grass over the spot where you dug to cover your tracks!"
"There's no proof!"
"Oh, there isn't? The moss is growing on the wrong side of the tree. If it had been there for years, the moss would have grown on the north side of the tree, not the south side. You planted the tree backwards."
The "Colonel" would not go down without a fight. "How do you know that the moss isn't indeed growing on the north side of this tree?" he asked.
"That, Michael, is my hidden talent. I always know which way is north."
Ashamed of his mistake, Mike dug up the tree and brought it back to M. Brunette's place. He even replanted it himself, making sure the moss was on the north side. Alex was impressed with my hidden talent. He insisted I show it off. I agreed. I was blindfolded and tied to a spinning chair. Miss Scarlet spun me around as hard as she could. When I finally stopped being dizzy, I then pointed northward. I hit the mark nine time out of ten, but only because I vomited on the tenth spin. Oh, well, that's life.
