The Cluedoville Files Case #10: Stealing the Show

It was a five hour bus trip to Greenberry. Normally, I don't go this far out of my way, but I had to visit Miss Josephine Scarlet in her nunnery. But I'll bet you're wondering why I took the bus there instead of driving. Well, between you and me, I can't drive. It's a good thing every place in Cluedoville is within walking distance of every other place. The exercise you get is fantastic. I heard that Mrs. Blanche White lost 10 pounds just by running her errands…uh, where was I? Oh, yeah, visiting Joey.

Miss Scarlet was happy to see me, and I was surprised to see what she was wearing.

"What's the matter, Dick? Never seen a nun's habit before?"

"No, but I can honestly say that I have never seen a red one before!"

"You like it? I made it myself."

"Well, I must say, you are an excellent seamstress."

"Thank you. Now, I would like to discuss the big white elephant in the room."

"What elephant?" I asked.

"You came here to find out why I stabbed Reverend Jonathan Green, didn't you?"

"Yeah," I said sheepishly. "I mean, what has he ever done to you?"

"Nothing, that's why it was the prefect alibi," she said.

I cast Joey an obviously confused look. "I don't quite follow."

"I was trying to make it look like Mme. Rose did it."

"Oh, I see, it was a frame-up job. But what did you have against Samantha?"

Her face grew somber. "She said she had information from the spirit world about my father."

"Let me guess, she didn't deliver."

"Bingo."

I said my good-byes and promised her she could have her job back at the end of her sentence, though not without a pay cut. In the meantime, I hired Miss Rachel Peach in her place. She did her job well, but I couldn't keep her from bad-mouthing my friend in red clothing. All in all, things continued normally in Cluedoville, at least, as normally as can be expected here.

Around noon today, I got a visit from the phony "Colonel" Michael Mustard. He was not dressed in his usual military uniform, which struck me as odd.

"What do you want here?" I asked him, "And why aren't you in your uniform?"

"I need your help, and I'm out of uniform because I am going to be playing with my band at the Mayor's Ball tonight. That is, if you can help me."

I just couldn't help it. "I'm sorry; I have a funny problem with my ears. I can't hear your problem unless you put my fee on the desk."

Mike rolled his eyes and laid his credit card on the table.

"Cash only," I told him.

"You are a very difficult person, you know that, Brown?"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

He pulled out his wallet and slammed his 20 bucks on my desk very sarcastically.

"Okay, now what is it?"

"Well, I was rehearsing with my band, and I was wailing on Big Mama Blue," (that's what he called his guitar) "and then, out of nowhere, comes Patricia."

Oh, yeah. Mrs. Patricia Peacock was not what you would call a big fan of rock and roll. She actually petitioned City Hall not to allow Mike's band to play at the Mayor's Ball for the past seven years. But this year, her petitioning had failed for the first time.

"Pat came up to me and said, 'You're not going to play at the Mayor's Ball; I will make sure of it even if it kills me!' Then she punched me in the arm, and while the band was attending to me, she took off with Big Mama Blue!"

"Alright," I said, "I'm going over to talk with Pat, and you're coming with me."

When we got there, I saw Pat playing on a guitar that had been painted blue.

"Richard Donald Brown, what in the world to you think you're doing by barging into my house like this?"

"Pat, there are only two things in this world that I hate: liars, and people who use my middle name. You just became the latter, now let's see if you're the former."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"Big Mama Blue, Colonel Mustard's guitar. Why do you have it?"

She looked at Mike, then at me with a patronizing glance. "Don't be ridiculous," she said. "This is my guitar."

"Then why does it have her name on it? My guitar is the only one that has the words 'Big Mama Blue' on it," said Mike.

"Oh, it may have been your guitar once, but it's mine now."

Her attitude was snotty, even for her. "How do you figure that?" I asked.

"You remember my daughter's going-away party, the one with all the red lights?" Yeah, I remembered. Those red lights were the only source of light in that area. "Well, I simply had to step outside for some fresh air, and when I did, I saw this guitar in a pile of trash just outside. It shone blue in the light and I was so attracted to it. I figured if no one else wanted it, I would take it. And so I did."

"Wait a minute," Mustard said. "I do remember going to Miss Scarlet's party, and I do remember bringing Big Mama Blue with me, but I don't remember throwing her away!"

"Perhaps you should be a little less careless with your valuables!" said Mrs. Peacock as she started to play the opening bars of "The Best Things in Life are Free."

"Perhaps you should be a little less careless when you lie to people, Patricia!" I yelled so loud that she stopped playing. "Now, be a nice little girl and give Mike his guitar back," I said in the most condescending tone I could muster.

"But I told you already, this is my guitar!"

"Your story is total bull corn. You said the guitar shone blue in the light from the party. But the light from the party was all red. Big Mama Blue wouldn't appear blue in red light, it would appear black."

Suddenly, Mrs. Peacock started to sweat. "Th…that's what I meant to say…"

"But you didn't. Because you were lying."

Beat.

"Oh, all right, I did steal this guitar. Please don't call the police!"

"I won't," Mike said, "if you give me Big Mama Blue back."

Patricia did as she was asked. She ended up spending the night at home watching TV, while Mike and the band put on one hell of a show. At least, that's what people tell me.