(A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update! Hopefully it won't take as long next time! Thank you for all of the reviews, I'm glad you all seem to like it!)
Chapter Three: The Trials of Nazgul Three
Nazgul three shuffled up to the "Grab bag of Doooom" and stuck his hand inside. After a moment, he pulled out another little slip of paper.
"Dwarves." He read out loud.
"Very good. You shall convert the dwarves to our side. We don't think that will be too hard…" Sauron glared at Number three.
Nazgul three shook his head vigorously. "Of course not, my lord. I'm on it."
With that, Nazgul three fled from the room.
Sauron turned to the remaining Nazgul, who just stood there and stared at him.
"Well?" he said, "Go do something useful!"
"Yes, master." The Nazgul shuffled off.
xxxxx
Nazgul Three's plan was actually quite simple.
First, he got the dwarves who were guarding several rich family's treasure drunk by engaging them in a drinking contest.
Since the alcohol didn't have any effect on him (actually, it ran right through him…literally), by the time the dwarves were out cold, he was still fine.
He broke into the vault and stole as much treasure as he could, then pulled it out by cartloads.
He stashed the treasure in Mordor for safety for a while, and got to work on the other part of his plan…
…Which involved a lot of ink, quills, and parchment.
When he was finally finished writing all of the brochures, he began handing them out at different dwarven homes. He also hung them in prominent places, like the doors of Moria.
The handouts read:
Interested in lots of pretty gold and shiny things? Interested in not having anymore problems with dragons, and getting even richer than you already are? Interested in lots of ale and drinking contests?
Then come to the Black Gates of Mordor on the day of the new moon! We guarantee that you won't leave empty handed! …probably because you won't leave at all…
(Copyright LandoShadows Publishing CO.)
xxxxx
When the day of the new moon rolled around, the land around the Black Gates of Mordor was so covered in dwarves that you couldn't see the ground.
The other Nazgul, on Sauron's orders, helped him by brewing and then serving the ale.
By midnight, all of the dwarves were so drunk that they could hardly stay on their feet. In fact, many of them didn't stay on their feet.
On the stroke of twelve, Nazgul Three got up to address the crowd.
Not a single dwarf actually heard what he said about oppression, slavery, and death. They were too drunk to actually sit and listen. All they saw was the barrels and barrels of gold that he had. (For some strange reason, the gold was oddly multiplied in their eyes. Most of the dwarves saw double the gold that there actually was.)
Therefore, when he was finished his rather disturbing speech, he got hearty cheers and a standing (well, sort of) ovation.
The other Nazgul glared at him, (…kind of…) jealous of the easy task he had. The dwarves had turned out quite easy to convert to their side.
Nazgul Three exchanged high-fives with One and Two.
Then he turned and shouted for the dwarves to line up at the gates of Mordor to get their gold and free passageway into the land of tyranny.
The dwarves hurriedly got up and fought over spaces in line.
The one in the front was quickly killed by the drunken dwarf behind him.
"Now, now! Not yet! You'll have plenty of time to kill each other when you're inside the walls." Nazgul Three chided him.
"Yessur." the dwarf slurred, eager eyes on the gold.
Nazgul Three sighed and began to hand it out.
xxxxx
When all of the dwarves were shut inside of the walls (weaponless and hung over) they were surrounded by armed orcs, had no choice but to join Mordor's forces or die.
Some of the more noble dwarves chose to die rather than join the side of evil, but not many.
Overall, Sauron was greatly pleased with Nazgul Three's work.
"Well done. We congratulate you on an amazing job. Now, onto the next step of the plan of MUD."
"Uh… The plan of mud, Sir?"
"Not the plan of mud, imbecile, the plan of MUD."
"Sir?"
"Do We have to explain everything to you?"
((there is a long pause as we listen to the chirping of crickets))
The Great Eye seethed. If he had had hands, he might have even made a somewhat rude gesture at this time.
"You idiots! It's an abbreviation for—"
"More Ugly Ducklings?"
"My Unicorn Died?"
"My, Ur Dumb?"
"What?"
"Nevermind."
"Mightily Undermining Democrats?"
"Oh, oh! I know! What about—"
"SHUT UP!"
There was immediate silence.
"It stands for Magnificent Universal Domination!"
There was a slightly disappointed pause.
"Now get the heck out of our sight."
The Nazgul hurried out.
On the way out Nazgul Eight turned to Nine.
"And I was so sure it meant Many Uruk-hai Deaths."
"That would have been a good one." Nine agreed.
(A/N: Complete bit of randomness there, I know I got bored. Beware when I get bored. Oh, and I'm sorry I don't update enough. I just have so many other stories... But I'll update whenever I can, I promise.)
Hilary -
