The Cluedoville Files Case #13: Stealing Second

Ms. Jennifer Burgundy is a very plain woman. Her wardrobe is simple, and she hardly wears any makeup. She used to write for The Cluedoville Chronicle, and now she is the editor-in-chief. She used to be married to Sergeant Robert Gray. I was surprised today by a visit from Jen, surprised mostly because she met me at my house instead of my office. She caught me in the shower.

"Jen, what in the world?" I screamed.

"Mr. Brown, I desperately need your services!"

"Then go to my office and wait for me there, like a normal person!"

I finished my shower and ate breakfast as quickly as I could so I could get to my office faster. As I anticipated, Ms. Burgundy was there waiting for me.

"Okay, Jen," I said, "now I'm all ears."

"It's like this; someone broke into my house last night and made off with my Louisville Slugger, which I had autographed by McGuire."

"Shut up, Mark McGuire?"

"No, Dale McGuire."

Oh, yeah. Dale McGuire played shortstop for the Cluedoville Blue Sox. He was Jen's hero, I guess.

"I'll get right on the case. You know my fee."

"Actually," Jen said, "I don't. This is my first time here."

"It's 20 a day, plus expenses."

After thinking about it for a while, I realized I had no idea where to begin. Then I remembered my first case. My secretary, Miss Josephine Scarlet, knew everyone in town. I could ask her who in town was a die-hard Blue Sox fan. The problem was that she wasn't here yet. This worried me a little bit; Joey is usually early. Then I remembered that I rushed to work today. I smiled; for the first time since I hired her, I had beaten Miss Scarlet to work. Well, speak of the devil, here she comes now.

"Oh my…am I late?" she asked.

"No, I'm early. Hey, do you know anyone in town who is a fan of our Blue Sox?"

"I know Jennifer is. She has that bat autographed by Dale McGuire."

"Not anymore. Someone broke into her house and stole it."

"Oh, dear! Maybe it was Alex or Ed. Those are the only other Blue Sox fans I know."

Great, I had suspects to question now! Without missing a beat, I hit the pavement. Mister Edward Gold, the town librarian was a good friend of mine. I went down to the library to talk to him.

"Hey Ed, what's up?"

"Oh, hi there Dick. Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you."

Oh, gees. "What about?" I asked.

"I was wondering if you would my best man at the wedding."

"Happy to oblige. Oh, by the way, when is the wedding?"

"Well, Abby wants to get married on her birthday. So we're going to have the ceremony on June 15th."

"Let me guess, that way you won't forget your anniversary?"

"Or her birthday. As a matter of fact, she's making me have the number '615' tattooed on my arm!"

"No joke?"

"No joke."

We laughed about that. "Okay, now as to why I came here. I'm on a case, and you're a suspect."

"What? Why am I a suspect?"

"Ms. Burgundy's autographed Louisville Slugger is missing. You're a suspect because my sources tell me you are a big fan of the Blue Sox."

"But I didn't steal anything!"

"You wouldn't be able to prove this, would you? Where were you last night?"

"I was out buying a new tuxedo for the wedding. I have the receipt, with the date on it."

"Wow, air tight alibi. Never seen one of those before."

"I told you I didn't do it."

"And I believe you, Ed. Just don't leave town for now, I may have to talk to you later."

Ed agreed as I said my good-byes. The next stop on my investigation was the home of Monsieur Alexander Brunette. Alex was a con man par excellence, at least, when I wasn't around. Somehow I was always able to make his spiel completely transparent. He hated me for that. Whenever I go to visit him, he is always exercising in one way or another. Today I caught him on his exercise bike while he was, to my horror and his, naked.

"Oh my…" we said simultaneously. As Alex got dressed, I was rubbing my eyes trying to recover my sight. Eventually, everything and everyone was decent.

"Richard, what are you doing here? Investigating another case I presume?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact. Do you know where Jennifer's autographed baseball bat is?"

Alex looked at me sternly. "I already own a Louisville Slugger, so why would I want to steal another one?"

"You make a good point there, Alex."

"Besides, Dale McGuire is a lousy shortstop. Anything with his name on it isn't worth stealing."

"Okay, thank you M. Brunette."

I was down on my luck. By now I should have had enough evidence to prove who the perpetrator was. I was sure that I did, but I just couldn't draw a conclusion. I went back to my office and sulked. Joey was still there typing.

"I know that look," she said in a melancholy tone. "Case got you stumped?"

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Well, why don't you let me try? What harm could it do?"

She had a point. I told Miss Scarlet everything I knew.

"Wow, you got stumped by a case that easy? I'm surprised!"

"Wait," I said, "you know whodunit?"

"Sure, I do. It was M. Brunette. He simply knew too much. He said he had a Louisville Slugger and that anything with Dale McGuire's name on it was worthless. But there's no way he could have known that the bat was a Louisville Slugger or signed by Dale McGuire unless he stole it!"

"Hey, Joey, you're right! How on earth did I miss that?"

"You weren't thinking clearly, because you just saw Alex's naked body."

"Oh, don't remind me!"

Well, Ms. Burgundy got her baseball bat back. She said she wished there was a sufficient way for her to thank me. I told her no thanks were needed, I was just doing my job. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find a eulogy about me in the Chronicle the very next day. Oh, and one other thing: I gave Miss Scarlet a promotion; she is now my partner in crime…stopping.