Disclaimer: Anything you don't recognize from the show is mine… everything else… I wish!

I've got nothing left to lose

The bus ride was as bad as she thought it was going to be, but she had five hundred dollars and that bought her enough time to figure out what she was going to do. She knew that she needed to give a big thank you to both Geoff and her father. There were her angels right now.

She had time to get breakfast at a diner near the bus station while she waited for the next bus to get back to Tree Hill. She couldn't figure out what she should do until she did talk to Jake and see whether he was going to accept her in his and Jenny's lives again.

The bus took her three miles out of Tree Hill, so she ended up walking the distance in the most uncomfortable shoes that she had ever owned. She thought the day before was horrible, today wasn't turning any sunnier.

She was closing in on the Cafe. She had to pass; should she walk on the other side of the street? Should she go in and look for Jake?

Chickening out, she walked by fast and broke into a run to the hotel before she realized that it was a Monday and he would be in school. At least he should be in school. No telling what he would have done if he didn't have the money coming in from her family. Babies are expensive. She could only hope that he didn't give up on basketball and an education.

But where did getting a good education get her? Sure, she could recite the Bible and she could do so in three different languages, but where did that get her? She wanted to be able to stick around town, get a job to be able to pay to live in the motel so she wouldn't have to keep bumming money off of her father, but she had never had a job. Looking into the future was beginning to hurt more than looking into the past.

The rain had stopped in the afternoon and all that was left were little puddles in the road. The few clothes she had were worn out and smelled as bad as they looked. She knew school must be out by now, but hopefully Jake was having some sort of basketball thing to do. She told herself these things in hopes of telling herself that she would not bump into him on the way to the laundry mat.

With cleaner clothes, she got a town newspaper to see what jobs were available. She opted to eat at a diner that was farther out of the way than the Cafe, but a place she felt safer in. She took the pen from her pocket and circled the jobs that she could have a chance of getting. The best; working at a bookstore for minimum wages.

She knew what she had to do. She had to go see Jake today; it was now or never. Everyday that she waited, the less money she had, and the less she felt that he would be happy to see her. She needed to face the fear or rejection and hope she wasn't gone for too long.

The streets were still wet, but not too badly. The sidewalks were covered by the trees hanging over, but she knew that the sky was filled with stars, and you could pick out each one individually, it was such a clear night. The streetlights were on, so all the kids that were playing outside were now indoors, and the blue glow from the TV sets could be seen from the front windows of the houses she passed.

Then there was Jake's. There was a car in the driveway, the lights on in the house. He had to be home. There was probably a basketball game on that he couldn't miss.

She remembered all the time they spent out on the porch as she mounted the steps towards the door. She looked at the house, directly across the street from his own. That was her house when they were kids, before her father became a famous photographer and her mother made them move into a mansion a few miles away from Jake. She always preferred spending time at Jake's house anyways. They were a real family, and his house meant time away from her mother.

On the last step, regret set in. She shouldn't be here, it was obvious. If there was this much doubt in her heart, something was not right. She thought that coming back to Tree Hill was a mistake. But she made herself walk to the door anyways.

She moved her index finger to press the doorbell but held it from the button. Hesitant, she took a breath, ready to move her finger that half inch to sound off the bell when she heard a car pulling into the driveway. Panic swept in. She lowered her hand from the door. This was the sign she was looking for; she was not supposed to see Jake and Jenny.

"They didn't answer the door? I mean, if you're selling something, they aren't home, but if you're a friend, than they're here." She stiffened. She turned to see who was talking to her but did not know who she was.

"No, I think that I have the wrong house. I think I meant to go to the house next door. If you'll excuse me.." She proceeded to walk around the blonde girl standing in front of her when she heard the door open.

"Hey, Peyt, I thought I heard you pull in-" He looked from Peyton to her. She felt numb all over. He was standing in front of her, looking at her, while Peyton looked utterly confused why Jake was staring at her.

"Oh, she has the wrong house, she was just going-" Peyton was saying, though he noticed that neither of the two were listening to her.

"Jilly." Jake said not breaking the lock he had on her with his eyes. He said it with disbelief in his voice. Her eyes were filled with tears as she ran away and down the street. Jake moved away from the door to the steps to watch her run. "Jillian." He called to her, but in a low enough voice that he knew she couldn't possibly have heard him. He couldn't believe what he had just seen in front of him.

"Who is she? Somebody you know, Jake?"

"She's an old friend." Jake ushered her into his house. "And she's Jenny's mother."

Jillian heard the way he referred to her. She knew that she was right; she was too late.