Disclaimer: Anything you don't recognize from the show is mine… everything else… I wish!

When the world keeps spinning around

"How did you know I was here?"

"Only two motels around here and I called and asked." He didn't look happy.

"What the hell are you doing here in the middle of the night?" He walked into the room without being asked. She saw him looking around the room, deciding on what he was going to tell her.

"I'm here to tell you that I don't know what your plan is, but you need to stay away from me and Jenny. I don't want to lose her, too." Jillian couldn't believe what he was saying. What did he mean by all of this?

Words would not form to her mouth. Her brain was stunned and all she could do was look at him. Jake, the only person in the whole world that she loved, was telling her to stay away. What could she say?

"I don't know what you think I'm here for, but I want to assure you-"

"No, you don't need to assure me of anything because I'll tell you what I'm thinking. I'm thinking you left and now you want to take Jenny with you, and I can't take that."

"I would never do that to you-" She reached to touch his face, a natural reflex, and he turned away from her. She sat down on the edge of the bed, still unable to bring words to her mouth, but not without the ability to bring tears to her eyes.

"Why did you come back after all this time?"

"This is the first time that I've been able to come back." He snickered, acting as if she had a choice. He didn't know the facts. She breathed deep in through her nose and rubbed her eyes. "You really think that I left Jenny, that I left you by my own choice? Do you believe that I lied to your face that day, that I put our daughter in your arms, kissed you goodbye, told you I loved you, and left on my own accord? Tell me, please, that you don't believe that."

"What else could I believe? I don't know where Jillian is, Mom, maybe she just went on a vacation for six months without so much as a freaking letter!"

"I couldn't talk to you. They wouldn't let me."

"Who the hell is they? What, did you get shipped away somewhere far, far away that had no phones, and no postal service?"

"My mom had the whole house packed when I got home and bought a house in some other town. She put me into the car, against my will and her and a priest I had never heard of took me away. I wasn't aware of how far we went because they blindfolded me, but when they let me out of the car, I was in an abbey; its more like a religious center where girls go if they are sinful. I had everything taken away from me and my mom left me there for six months."

She looked at him to see if he believed her. She couldn't read his face so she brushed the tears off her face and continued.

"I was put under strict punishment. Anything I had in my possession had to have been made by me. I had to make my clothes, my food, Christ, I had to make my own bed out of straw from a barn. I worked all the time, I attended their mass services twice a day, confessional everyday, I got fed once a day, they took all the pictures I had of you and Jenny. They told me that I was going to Hell for all my sins; they told me I was lower than dirt; made me feel like it. I couldn't write to anyone, use a phone, or ever leave the premises. They did a lot of things to me while I was there. Things I will never tell anyone."

He leaned against a dresser that was across from the bed. He rubbed the back of his neck; he was stressing. She could tell he came here to set her straight and he got more than he bargained for.

"How did you get out then?"

"They let me go home for a weekend to see my parents. My father took one look at me and he could tell that something was wrong. He told me that he would get me out of there. He could see that I couldn't take much more, and he got me out of there." Jake was speechless and they both sat there in the silence. She just looked at him, noticing that with as much as she had changed, that's how much Jake stayed the same. He looked exactly the way he looked the last time she saw him. That same gleam in his eye, the same caring still there.

"Why did you come here? If you didn't come for Jenny, why did you come?" He looked like he earnestly wanted an answer.

"Its been a very long time, Jake. I had to come back as soon as I could because I wanted to tell you that I didn't leave on my own choice. I wouldn't leave you and Jenny for anything in the world. I want to be apart of your lives; I don't want to take her from you."

He said nothing, just stared at the floor in thought. "I don't know what to do in this situation. I waited for you for all this time, Jilly, I waited for you to come back and we could be like we were before. I thought you didn't want to stay around-"

"That's the farthest thing from the truth, Jake."

"I moved on, Jillian. I thought that you were the only person in the world that I could love like that." He had been looking into her eyes, but at the addition to the last part, he looked away. "I think I've found it in someone else."

Her heart felt like it stopped. "But I still want to be apart of Jenny's life." It was all she could let out. It wasn't at all how she felt. She wanted to scream at him, she wanted to cry till her eyes bled, but she tried to get out as much as she could; maybe talking about Jenny, he could see reason.

"I don't know, Jillian. I don't want you to break her heart like you broke mine." He looked down at her on the bed once more before walking to the door, and walking out into the cold night.

She stood from the edge of the bed to walk to the bathroom, collapsing instead on the floor. Jillian, like awaking from a trance, pulled herself off the floor, and looked up toward the ceiling. "What did I do to deserve this?" She pleaded with someone that was not there.

Grabbing her key to the room, she stepped out onto the patio area behind her room. The air was freezing and she made no attempt to cover up, despite the fact that her clothes were thin. She had bought another notebook and a pack of gum while she was out and now seemed as good as a time as any to write to him again.

Jacob J-

I've been so numb that I didn't realize that you were able to feel; and you felt a lot of pain that I was gone. I either blocked it out, or I fell completely numb, but it wasn't fair of me to ask you to take me back in your life like nothing had changed. For that I'm sorry. I should have written, should have called before I showed up on your doorstep. For that, I'm sorry, too.

You never have to worry about me taking your daughter away from you. I see now that she is yours, and the only connection I have with her in a few DNA sequences and my blue eyes. I wanted to be apart of your lives but I can plainly see that you don't want the same. I can take a hint, but I refuse to do back to the abbey. I would rather die than have to go back...

Looks like I did turn into my parents after all.

Jillian