Disclaimer: Anything you don't recognize from the show is mine… everything else… I wish!

My world's upside down

Jenny was asleep with her grandparents in the next room. He hoped that she wouldn't stir, though he thought he wouldn't be more than a few minutes tops. Peyton had left hours ago, but still he couldn't sleep. The entire time Peyton was there and then after, his thoughts centered around Jill.

He looked at Jenny before taking the keys off his dresser and walking out of his room. Jake wasn't one to take too many chances; she wasn't going to her away from him. He couldn't lose both girls in his life.

He reminded himself about Peyton. She wasn't going anywhere. And if he didn't know any better, he would say that he was falling for her, maybe already fell in love with her. Peyton loved his daughter, maybe more than her own mother.

But if Jillian didn't love Jenny, why was she back?

Starting up the car, he first noticed the time; one fifteen. He couldn't sleep with this fear in the back of his head; he needed to go see her tonight.

When Peyton was watching the movie, he had gone into the kitchen and called around to find out where she was staying. He hadn't planned on going over there tonight, but wanted to know where she was staying in case he wanted to go another day.

Peyton had left one of her CDs in his car, and the moment he started it up, the CD started playing. He knew she had told him the name of the band, but it escaped him. He popped it out and turned off the radio. He started humming to himself a song he'd written to sing to Jenny.


He pulled into the space for room 35, the last room, on the end of the one story building. No car, Jake thought to himself. Her mother never let her learn, but that didn't stop me from trying. He sat in contemplation for a moment, wondering whether he was doing the right thing. He felt like he was coming over here to threaten her. Stay away, he thought to himself; why would I ever want her to stay away? I always tried to hold her close.

There was silence from inside the room, not that he thought she would be up at this time of the night. She always went to sleep pretty early and woke up early, too. For a moment, he hesitated to knock on the door. Maybe he could pretend like he didn't come out here to see her. Maybe he could wait for her to come back to his house.

He knocked anyways. Not a small rapping on the door, but a loud thudding to let her know that someone was there, to wake her from sleeping. After waiting for a moment, another knock. And again. For some reason she was either ignoring him, or she was a heavier than usual sleeper.

Did he hear her say something? He couldn't be sure; the walls were paper thin and a lot of people were awake, watching TV. He knocked again and he knew she was there this time because he heard her unlatching the locks.

As soon as the door was open and he could see her, he got a flashback of her opening the door to her old home, inviting him in with a warm smile, her hair and clothes perfect as usual but with a mischievous grin, like she had a plan to get out of there so they could be alone. But, of course, none of that was present now; no smile, no perfection, no grin. She looked like she had been through hell. Even so, she took his breath away just being here. He cleared his throat; he couldn't feel this way; he came here to set the record straight and he was not going to get caught up in seeing her.

"How did you know I was here?" She spoke first. Good. He wasn't sure if he could talk until he was already answering without the benefit of his brain.

"Only two motels around here and I called and asked." He could tell that the thought would have never occurred to her. She was the smartest person he knew and he liked being able to pull a fast one of her.

Don't smile like you've been pining for six months. Be cool.

"What the hell are you doing here in the middle of the night?" She had a valid point; he already knew that it wasn't the best way of sneaking up on her, but he couldn't wait. In fact, he couldn't get his mind off her. But he wasn't going to tell her that.

Jake wasn't quite sure what he was doing, but unthinking, he walked into the room and said his piece, laying all the cards out on the table. She looked like she had no idea what he was talking about. The expression on her face was one of complete surprise. What he wrong, after all?

"I don't know what you think I'm here for, but I want to assure you-"

He thought she knew exactly what he was talking about, but he was doing to let her know anyways. She reached out to him and he couldn't bear to return the gesture. He had wanted to for so long but now things were different. He wasn't sure if his love for her had changed, but he couldn't think about her in the same way he used to.

He saw her start to cry and he had to look away, only for a brief second. It almost felt good to see her sad, to see her be the one to get it in the end, after all the time that he had been the one crying over her.

He also saw her crying a lot before. Her whole life was summed up to tears because of her parents; childhood alone, preteen and her mother's insistence that she should not be near Jake, and her whole pregnancy she could do nothing but cry. That's why he had to look away.

She was trying to explain herself and Jake could feel himself getting angry at her; it must have been visible as well because she was talking faster, trying to get out as much as she could, deciding that he must not want to listen. Then she started pouring her heart out. He could see that it was painful for her to talk about it all, but he let her keep going. He wanted to hear the great reason why she had left him and their daughter.

When she finished, he wished that he'd just left after saying his piece.

"Why did you come here then?" The words rang in his ears, but he already knew the answer. She came back, hoping that he was still waiting for her and they could be the little family they had always wanted.

"I want to be apart of your lives; I don't want to take her from you." He had waited for this moment for so long, and he could feel his heart flutter a little. All he ever wanted was his two girls and now that he could have Jillian back, it was too late.

He took a moment to think of what to say; he didn't want her to know that he believed everyday that she was coming back to be with him and Jenny. He wanted to put up that wall so that she couldn't hurt him again.

"I don't know, Jillian. I don't want you to break her heart like you broke mine." He had this feeling of meaning what he said at the exact same time of not meaning it. His life, he realized, centered on Jenny and not Jillian. He had to protect his daughter first, even if everything in him told him that she would never mean to hurt Jenny either.

He walked away before anything else could be said. Jumping into the car, he saw her silhouette disappear and he sat and watched the room before taking off into the night. He didn't want to hurt her; never. But with so much history between them, how could she ask all this from him? He coasted down the street back to his house, singing another song that he wrote. It was a song he wrote for Jillian.