Disclaimer: Anything you don't recognize from the show is mine… everything else… I wish!


Because I know I'm not sure about anything

Jake never had one of those moments where he walks, to nowhere in particular, but ends up exactly where he needs to be.

That was until today.

Two days had elapsed since Jenny found Jillian's beads at their doorstep. He needed time to think about what he was going to say to her. He couldn't leave things like he had done before. He owed her more than that; he owed her an explanation and a chance for her to talk to him.

The moment he reached to knock at her door she stepped out of the room, hardly noticing he was standing there until she ran into him.

"Sorry, I was trying to find my key." She was looking inside her messenger bag but could not produce a key. He held out the rosary to dangle it in front of her face.

"Found this at my place." She brushed her hair out of her face and took them.

"I don't need them anymore." She looked them over before placing it in her bag. "But its the only thing I own that was given to me because they loved me." Her tone was somber. Jake stood where he was; Jillian took it as a hint that he wanted to talk. "I was just on my way out."

"Where to?"

"I need to get out of the room. I was going to go look around." She looked down at her feet to avoid his eyes. "Want to come along?"

"Sure."

They started walking down the main drag, walking in and out of antique shops and other kinds of places, mostly just walking down the sidewalk in silence. But she broke that fast.

"I never thought you'd show up at my room again."

"I needed more time to think. I acted kind of rash when I came by in the middle of the night."

"Oh, the middle-of-the-night, part tip you off?"

They were so serious around each other and that was something she was not used to. She smiled, but not overtly. He looked over at her and grinned.

"Okay, I do deserve that one." He glanced away. "I had a question for you since that night."

"I'll answer anything. Shoot."

"Why did she do it?" Jillian knew what he was talking about. As she looked at him, he looked hurt and grave.

"My mom? Why does she do anything: to make my life as horrible as her own. For one, she saw that we were happy together."

"We were miserable when you got pregnant."

"No, we were miserable when my mom found out and she made our lives miserable. I think she did it, too, because I made it impossible for her to go to church. I got kicked out of the school, everyone turned their backs on us, and she blamed me."

"Was it hard for you?"

"Which part? The part of being told how horrible of a person you are, the physical hurt of working all the time, or the part where my mom took me away from everything that meant something to me?" She managed a fake laugh. "I wish I could say that it was just hard. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't make it another day. But thinking about home made me want to keep going."

Jake ushered her into the Cafe, sitting at a table near the window. Haley came over and poured two cups of coffee.

"Thanks, Haley." She turned back around.

"So I do know you. You looked familiar."

"We had the same class for fourth grade, before I changed schools." Haley still had no idea; confusion was written on her face. "Jillian Summers."

"Oh yeah I remember now! Catholic School right?" Jill will forever be characterized as the bad Catholic school girl, she realized. "It's great that you're back in Tree Hill." She stood there a moment longer before realizing that they were having a private conversation and decided to walk away. "We'll have to catch up later."

"Does she know about Jenny? Do you tell a lot of people?"

"I tried to keep it a secret for awhile, but it wasn't worth it. I love Jen, I'm not ashamed of her" Jillian nodded in understanding. There was a silence for a few minutes, but she couldn't contain her questions any longer.

"How is she, Jake?" She sounded almost desperate to know.

"Well, she's eight months-"

"She's eight months, almost two weeks. I've been gone, but I didn't forget her."

He held his words in. He didn't think before speaking before and he didn't want to hurt her feelings anymore than he already did. "It's been rough. You'd think by now she could sleep all night but mostly she only sleeps for a couple hours at a time. She's a speed crawler, too."

"Last time I saw her, she just started smiling."

"She smiles all the time, now. She loves to crawl around in grass; she loves the way it feels in her hands."

"Are your parents helping a lot?"

"They love her just as much as I do. They'd do anything for her."

"I always told you that you got saints for parents, Tubby."

"And to think, I almost missed you calling me Tubby." He laughed while she smiled, looking at her coffee. Jake could tell that even though this was a big step in the direction she wanted, what she really wanted was more. A silence fell between them. Then, Jake blurted out, "do you want to go see her?"

The question caught her off guard. "Are you serious? A few nights ago I got the impression that you didn't want me to be around."

"I have to think about Jenny. She needs a mom. I realize that its not your fault that you had to leave. It still hurts that it happened that way. I can't blame you, though."

"How would this work out? How-"

"I don't know what we are going to do, but you should see her."

He waved to Haley as they stepped outside. The wind had picked up, making the air colder.

"Wow, I don't remember it getting this cold here."

"Do you have a jacket?"

"I had to make my own clothes. All the clothes I had were taken away when my mom put me in..."

"I'll get you some of my mom's old clothes. You two are about the same size."

"No, I couldn't take anything from your mom."

"She has some old clothes that she doesn't wear. If you're going to stick around, you need a winter coat."

Jillian didn't argue as they walked up the walk to his door. He wanted her to be in Tree Hill; he didn't want her to leave anymore. She felt like won, finally, her mom did not get what she wished. Jillian was going to be apart of her daughter's life. She wanted to scream and cry from pure happiness.