Disclaimer: Anything you don't recognize from the show is mine… everything else… I wish!
Note: I'd like to say in my own defense, that I had this chapter written before the last episode.. a particular song was playing while Jake and Peyton were "getting it on" and its called Sidewalks by Story of the Year. Normally, I hate that band, but my best friend loves them so I heard the song so much that I figured I might as well like it. I wanted to add it in here somewhere because it's perfect to the Jillian/Jake situation of being young and wanting to get away. So that's the song they are singing in this chapter... it was my idea first, damn it!
thank you to spoiled-chick08 and Melvg12 forcommenting.. I hope thatthis is a fast enough update!heh.
Convinced that I Know
"I don't really remember leaving here, I just remember showing up at these massive gates and Father Morgan, hitting me with something sharp." She pulled away from him but too ashamed to look him in the eye. "It became so commonplace for all of us. They didn't care if you ever thirteen, fourteen, if you have a two year old, or if you're still pregnant, they would beat you just the same."
"Mothers put pregnant girls in there?"
"Yeah, I was lucky. Cruel mothers just like mine that want to pawn their daughters off." She let out a short laugh through her tears.
"Is that where Jen went?"
"No. Her mother loved her, she would never do that to her."
"I'm so sorry that you ever had to go through that." Jake shook his head, lowering his eyes. Did he feel guilty?
"Some of those girls were barely teenagers; they didn't know what was going on. Whenever we would sneak around and talk, they would tell me stories. One girl got raped and the church blamed her, saying that she enticed him or something. Beaten for being a victim."
"What did they do to you?"
She rubbed her forehead. She never planned on telling Jake what happened and here she was, spilling her guts out to him.
"Sometimes if you didn't do something right, or fast enough, you'd get punished. Sometimes it would be mind games. They would burn you with an iron." She moved her sleeve to show the back of her arm where burns that resembled the tip of the iron glowed red next to her pale skin. "They would say, "tell me that was an accident", and I would say that it wasn't an accident. They would burn you again if you didn't confess and say it was your fault. Then when you did lie and take blame, they would burn you for lying, for sinning."
"They did this to everyone?"
She nodded. "After awhile it became part of the day for everyone; except me."
Jake took her back into his arms. This simple act brought on more tears, tears that she didn't even know that she was repressing that whole time. He held her there, stroking her hair, letting her cry on his shoulder. He moved a little of her hair away from her ear and moved his lips close.
"I'll never let them take you away even again." Jillian was finally starting to calm down. "Go to bed." He looked her in the eye. "Never again, Jilly. I promise."
She left, going across the hall to her room, and shutting the door to her bedroom only after she saw Jake slowly closing his. She fell into bed and curled up into the fetal position. Jillian always felt so safe in Jake's arms, even now. She knew when he said never, she wouldn't have to worry about it. He meant every word.
"Hey there." Jillian peered over the side of Jake's locker door to see Lucas standing there, handing her a CD case. "Thanks for letting me borrow it."
"No problem. I had fun at the game last night. You kicked ass; at least what I saw of the game. I'm sorry I had to leave early, Jenny-"
"Say no more. Jenny is priority. Besides, you can watch me play brilliantly another night." He gave a wide grin as she punched him playfully in the stomach.
It had been nearly a week since the night they spent talking at the Cafe. They were spending most of their time at school together and Lucas would drop in to say hi when Jillian was working. She wasn't sure where this was leading to. All she knew was that it felt nice to have someone there. The other people at school weren't as receptive of her as Lucas had been. This became apparent after everyone was talking about her and Jake. Now, everyone was saying that she was hooking up with Lucas.
Oh, I forgot." She reached into her bag and produced two identical books. "I got two copies of A Clockwork Orange for us to read."
"That's great. The bookstore is going to go out of business if you keep loaning me books to read instead of making me buy them."
"I'll just have to suffer the consequences then." They both fell silent for a moment.
"So the fair is in town."
She already knew but didn't let on. "Wow, it's that time already?"
"Do you want to go with me tomorrow night?" They were walking down the hall towards Jillian's next class with Peyton.
"I think that Jake can watch Jenny tomorrow. I'm not working..." She pretended to think about it. "Sounds good. Are you going to pick me up?"
"You got good legs, you could hitch." She punched him again. "I'll pick you up at five." They had reached her classroom door. "I'll see you later." Jillian waved, unable to speak. She had to tell Peyton.
"I could sit here and listen to you play guitar all day."
"I could sit here and listen to me play all day, too. I'm the best." Peyton was sitting, legs stretched out the length of the couch while Jake sat near one end. She mischievously pushed on his arm so that he messed up a chord.
"Where's my favorite nine month old?" She stroked his hair while he played.
"Jenny is spending the day with her Grandma. Since Jill's been here, we spread around the time watching her more. I think she's having diaper duty withdrawals."
Peyton laughed. "Wait, I know I've heard this song before. What is it?"
"I'm not telling. You have to figure it out."
"Tell me what band. Is it rock? Pop? Punk? Reggae?"
"These lips are sealed."
"Not if I can help it." She planted a long kiss on his "sealed lips" while Jake continued to try to keep playing the song.
"Ha, didn't work." Peyton groaned, knowing she wouldn't get it out of him.
"I love this song!" Jillian entered the room, gathering up Jenny's toys and putting them into the playpen and taking up blankets and clothes to wash. She started to sing the song:
"the town that we lived in,
the memories shaken apart,
from the weeds that grow."
Jake started in to sing with Jillian.
"Over the sidewalks,
running away from the streets we knew,
sidewalks,
like the time we thought was made for you."
Jillian started to laugh and Jake couldn't contain himself either to finish the song. He continued to strum the strings to the tune but stopped after a few more bars.
"We haven't done that in a long time, have we?"
"We should sing for Jenny like we used to. Remember? People said that Jenny didn't know exact words and sounds that young, but we had the only baby that would only fall asleep if we sang Love Shack."
"Love shack, baby." They both sang the one line in unison. Jillian and Jake both laughed for a few minutes continuously before they realized that Peyton didn't find it as funny.
"I'll leave you guys alone. I'm going to take Jenny to the fair tomorrow afternoon. Are you still working tomorrow?" Jake nodded. "Do you want to come along, Peyton? It'll be kind of boring since Jenny is still too young to do much, but who knows, maybe it'll be fun."
"I'm totally there. It'll be a girls day at the fair."
"Are you watching Jenny tonight?"
"I can. What's up?"
Jillian smiled. "I'm going out."
Peyton laughed. "With Lucas Scott. You go, chica." She looked over at Jake. "At least she's making friends."
He didn't look as happy as Peyton. He continued to strum his guitar as Jillian left to put the laundry in. This was the first moment that Peyton could remember feeling uneasy about them.
Uneasy about Jake.
Once Peyton had left, Jake started working on cleaning up his room; something he neglected to do, waiting for the dirtiness to build up until it was a must to clean. He had nothing better to do than to sit Jenny down in front of the TV and do laundry. He needed a mellow night.
He got the clothes out of the dryer and found that Jillian had not only put Jenny's clothes in, she added some of her own laundry. Jake folded it for her and placed Jenny's clothes in a drawer of his dresser and carried over Jillian's clothes to her room and placed them on her bed.
Jake really felt uncomfortable inside the room now that it was hers, but his curious side could not be stopped. He noticed that very little was different because Jillian really had no possessions of her own yet. All he really saw was some clothes, and some of Jenny's toys or other items for Jenny.
Then he noticed a notebook that he had given her, along with a new spiral notebook on top of it, peeking out from inside the nightstand drawer. Not able to suppress his nature, he walked over onto the other side of the bed and opened the drawer. He knew it was wrong to read Jillian's personal stuff but he couldn't stop himself. He took out the notebook he had given her and opened to the first page, making a seat on her bed.
He saw his name on the top of the page and read the entire notebook.
What he read inside changed everything.
