Bandit One and Bandit Two...Together Again
Scene changes to Bandit pulling the rig into an old dusty driveway that is littered with kids running around and playing.
As the rig came to a stop, a small girl, maybe around the age of 10 came up to the rig and opened the door.
"Hello, darlin'." Bandit greeted, climbing down.
"Hi, Uncle Bandit."
"Which one of the house apes are you?"
"Kate."
"Oh, he's droppin' 'em like flies, isn't he?" Bandit wondered out loud as he walked to the house.
"Well, well, well. Hello beautiful." he greeted the peach-haired woman in rollers as she stopped him in his tracks at the steps. "How about gorgeous?"
"You can't have him." she stated.
"Well, obviously you can. What are you trying to do, start another race?" he asked, making her back up as he attempted to get into the house.
"Hey, look, Bandit. Look, look, look. You got Kaiba in jail once. Leave us alone."
"Hi Uncle Bandit!" A small kid with dark hair said, jumping onto Bandit's back and clinging to him by the neck.
"He ain't your damned uncle!" she said, getting more frstrated.
"Hello, Mokuba. I thought I recognized you..." was all he said as she backed up into the dog by accident.
"One of you damed kids get this mutt outta here!" she hollered.
"...You always kick me in the balls." Bandit continued.
"Damn it Bandit! Look at me!"
"I find it hard to look at you, Serenity.Very hard. Especially when you've got those things in your hair. Makes me think you're listening to a radio station in Savannah."
"You can't go in there and bother Kaiba. Hey! This is my home!" Serenity shouted, but it was heard on deaf ears.
Bandit walked into Kaiba's room after dropping off Mokuba. "Kaiba."
"No!"
Lifting the window shade, Bandit continued. "I know in the past I may have done you wrong." He pulled back the covers at the head of the bed to find two feet in black socks. Picking one up he said, "Right?"
"Right."
"However, in the future, Kaiba," Bandit said, knealing onto the bed and putting one hand on each side of the rumpled lump, jerking back the covers, "I will never, ever, do you wrong again. Right?"
Kaiba grunted and rolled over onto his stomach. "Right."
"Yeah, now we have a big chancea big chance to make a run for some big bucks." Kaiba tried to bury his head in the pillow to block out the words, inhaling and yawning. "80,000 of 'em."
"Oh, really?"
"Mm-hmm."
"What are we gonna do, kidnap the Pope or somethin'?"
Laughing, Bandit said. "How'd you guess? No. We're just gonna run over to Texarkana and pick up 400 cases if Coors, and bring it back in 28 hours." he finished, getting off the bed and throwing Kaiba a pair of pants.
"Whoa. I got a flash for you." he said, getting up. "That's called bootleggin', and that's against the law."
"Well who gives a turkey when the Snowman and the Bandit are runnin' the booze?" He held up a shirt. "No one can stop us."
"No. Hold it right there." Kaiba said, pulling the shirt and pants on. "There ain't gonna be no more Snowman and Bandit."
"Why?"
"Well, because I've got to go in the morning to Conyers, and pick up a load of manure."
"Shitty job."
"Can I ask you a question?" Kaiba asked as Bandit sprayed him with some of that spray-on deodorant, or something.
"Sure. Ask me."
"What the hell we wann go to Texas for and haul beer back here? What is that?"
"For the good of the American life.For the money, for the glory, and for the fun. Mostly for the money. Know what we're gonna do when we get the money?"
"Hm, what?" Kaiba asked, buttoning up his shirt.
Bandit lifted his chin. "We're gonna buy a new rig."
"You're crazy, you know that."
"Yeah."
"You know that."
Bandit began laughing maniacally. "Yes."
"How much money did you say it was?"
"Eighty thousand dollars."
"Eighty thousand dollars."
"Mm-hmm."
"Serenity!"
Scene changes to Bandit and Kaiba outside.
"Now, Yami, I'm tellin' ya, Fred here ain't gonna be no problem." Kaiba said, hoisting the basset hound in his arms.
"Well, I can see he's gonna be a major asset."
"And besides that, he's one hellaciopus watchdog."
Chuckling, Yami said, "Well, let's get goin'."
"Um, whoa. Uh, hold it a minute."
"What?"
"I got to ask you a question."
"Sure."
"Sit right here Fred," Kaiba said, placing the dog in the trailer. "You mean we're gonna drive from here to Texarkana, Texas, and back to here in only 28 hours?"
"It's only 900 miles there and 900 miles back."
"Well, for your information, it ain't never been done, not in no rig."
"That's cause you and I ain't never done it in no rig. You gotta stop thinking so negative, son. 'Course we can make it. We ain't never not made it yet, have we?"
"Well, no."
"You see? There you are." Yami said, climbing into the trailer.
"Yeah. Yeah, I see. I see, all right. I see our asses in a sling if we get caught, that's what I see." Kaiba said, picking up a whimpering Fred and moving him.
The sound of a moter starting tore Kaiba from his train of doubts as he turned to see a black trans-am, driven by Yami, pulled out of the trailer.
Chuckling, he said, "Hey! Ho-ho-ho! Well God Almighty, would you look at that?"
Yami shifted so that he was halfway out of the window/roof and sitting on the door. "It's beautiful, huh?" he asked, chuckling.
"Honey, hush." Kaiba said, still chuckling. "Well, I don't guess we're gonna be ridin' in the truck together this time, are we?"
"Oh no, son. I'll be driving this one." he indicated to the car. "Blocker. You'll be driving the truck."
"I see."
"This is Bandit One, and that is"
"Uh, Bandit Two."
"Mm-hmm."
"Together again."
"Oh yeah. Like Fred and Ginger and Lester and Earl."
"That's right, but we got a problem."
"What's that?"
"You know them Smokeys, they got them C.B.s in the car now. You know that."
"I know that. I haven't worked that out yet, but I'm thinkin' about it."
"Hey."
"You got an idea?"
"I got an idea. Why don't we do this? If I say go to channel 21, forget it. We ain't goin' to 21, we'e going to 19."
"Twenty-one is 19."
"If I say got to channel six, forget it."
"Six?"
"We go to three."
"I don't go to six I go to three."
"Go to three."
"I go to three. Perfect."
"And if I say go to channel two, we're gonna go to channel one."
"Two is one."
"See that'll confuse everybody."
"That'll confuse 'em."
Kaiba laughed.
"On the other hand," Yami began, "if we started on the odd channels, switched everytime and started in the basement, that'd work too. That'd do it too, wouldn't it?"
"Well, yeah, that'd work too, I guess."
"Well let's haul ass." Yami said, sliding down into his seat.
"Okay."
As Kaiba and Fred went to get into the cab of the truck, Yami started the engine and sped off down the street.
Scene changes to show the trans-am leaving a cloud of smoke as Yami slams the gas as soon as the stoplight goes from red to green with Kaiba and Fred in the truck not far behind, Fred constantly barking.
"Breaker one. Breaker one. This is the Bandit. Is the snowman out there? Am I hittin' ya, son?"
"Mercy sakes. Mercy sakes. You put about eight and a half on me. Blowin' my windows out. Bring it on."
Yami laughed. "I'll be within earshot. You keep it wound up to around 90. Ten-four."
"Hey, Bandit. Me and Fred's got a question."
"What do you and Fred want?"
"How come we doin' this?"
"Well, why not?"
"Well, they said it couldn't be done."
"Well, that's the reason, son."
"That's good with Fred. We're clear." Kaiba said, laughing.
"Ten-four." Yami replied with a grin.
Westbound and down 18 wheels a-rollin'
We gonna do what they say can't be done
We're got a long way to go and a short time to get there
I'm westbound
Just watch ol' Bandit run
Keep your foot hard on the pedal
Son, never mind them brakes
Let it all hang out 'cause we got a run to make
The boys are thirsty in Atlanta
And there's beer in Texarcana
And we'll bring it back no matter what it takes
Westbound and down 18 wheels a-rollin'
We gonna do what they say can't be done
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there
I'm westbound
Just watch ol' Bandit run
Night had fallen and Kaiba took little to any notice of the Smokey that passed him on the deserted road.
Old Smokey's got them ears on
He's hot on your trail
And he ain't gonna rest till you're in jail
The sound of brakes sqealing caught the attention of an officer relieveing himself, and he quiclky got back into his car and trailed the trans-am.
So you've got to dodge him
You've got to duck him
You've got to keep that diesel truckin'
Just put that hammer down and give it hell
"Well, hello there, Smokey," Yami muttered, hearing the sirens blaring.
Yami continued to fly down the street, almost literally, in attempts of ditching the officer.
Westbound and down 18 wheels a-rollin'
We gonna do what they say can't be done
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there
I'm westbound
Just watch 'ol Bandit run
Keep your foot on the pedal
Son, never mind them brakes
Let it all hang out cause we got a run to make
The boy's are thirsty in Atlanta
And there's beer in Texarkana
And we'll bring it bacl no matter what it takes
Westbound and down 18 wheels a-rollin'
We gonna do what they say can't be done
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there
I'm westbound just watch 'ol Bandit run
It took a lot of manuvering for Yami to swerve in between some trees and bushes to hide behind a building as the police car continued to go on down the street. Yami stuck his head out the window and watched as the sirens faded before shifting back in his seat, thinking for a minute before looking up at the reader and giving one of his trademark big grins before speeding off in the oposite direction.
Meanwhile, with Kaiba and Fred
"Fred, I hope me and you ain't lettin' Bandit talk us into somethin' we're gonna be sorry for, son, 'cause he's about as crazy as you are ugly." Fred barked in response and Kaiba just laughed.
The scene changes again, and it is daylight once more.
Yami parked the trans-am by a large sign that read 'Welcome to the city of Texarcana.' His wait didn't last long as he heard the honking of the rig's horn coming up from behind him as Kaiba passed by. Yami, letting Kaiba know that he acknowledges his prescence, raised his arm and blew an invisble horn, like when little kids on a school bus pass by a rig, they do that to get the driver to blow the horn.
Westbound and down 18 wheels a-rollin'
We gonna do what they say can't be done
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there
I'm westbound just watch 'ol Bandit run
Yami was the first to pull up to the store. Kaiba rolled in shortly after and parked the truck in front of the car. Based from the sign that read 'Happy Birthday America', those too young to remember will recall that it was the Bicentennial Year.
"Big town, ain't it?"
"I wonder what they do around here for excitement." Yami mused.
"They probably sit around and watch the cars rust." Kaiba replied, making Yami laugh.
"Damn it, it's locked." Yami said, trying to open the door.
"We're about an hour ahead of schedule." Kaiba noticed, checking his watch.
Yami was heading for another door. "Well, let's keep it that way, huh?"
"All right."
Taking note that the other door was locked, Yami attempted to kick it open while Kaiba tried to open the doors to the storage room. Yami managed to get the door open, and as Kaiba was about to go in, Yami had already opened the storage room doors.
"Hey, wanna beer?" He asked, chuckling.
"Well, son!"
"Redneck heaven." Yami said.
"How we gonna load all this stuff, though?"
"I'll load it with this." Yami replied, noticing a forklift.
"You can't drive no forklift." Kaiba informed him.
"Oh, I can drive andy forkin' thing around." He said, hopping up on it. Kaiba laughed and stepped up on the forklift.
"Will you get serious? Can you drive this thing?"
"I am serious."
"Crank it up. Now back it up."
"Oh shut up." Yami said.
"I said Whoa! I said back it up, not raise it up!" Kaiba hollered, hanging on for dear life as Yami proved that he had no idea as to what he was doing.
"I'm backin' up, ya big dumbbell!"
"All right, just ta" but Kaiba didn't finish that sentence because Yami was heading right for the beer. "Hold it! ThThe beer! Watch the beer!" And before he knew what hit him Kaiba was thrown from the forklift and over some cases of Coors.
Yami was laughing his ass of at that point as he hopped off the forklift. "You all right?"
"Very funny! Very funny!"
"I thought it was funny."
After they had loaded up 400 cases of Coors and were shutting the doors, Kaiba said, "Hey, we really oughta pay somebody for that mess we made in there. All right, have you"
"I got that all worked out."
Yami pulled out a pen and pad of paper and handed it to Kaiba. "You just leave a note. Tell the folks to send the bill to Big Ryou Enos Burdette."
"Uh. Send bill to...Big Ryou Enos Burdette." He looked up in time to see the Firebird start up and peel out. "Burdette. B B-E-R B-U-R B Hell, I got to go." he said, giving up and tosisng the notebook aside, making a run for his truck.
Elfbrat18: Hahahahahaha...
Whistler: Yes, we are so evil...Yami and Kaiba are truckdrivers...
