The next two days passed slowly, but they passed nonetheless. As the clock ticked nearer to Bart-chan's discharge from Shelbyville Hospital, the little boy-turned-girl became more and more excited and agitated. She was pacing back and forth in her room, wearing white pajamas and nothing on her feet, when the other Simpsons arrived with smiles of gratitude on their faces.
"Bart, you look great!" exclaimed Lisa.
"Thanks, Lis," said Bart-chan. "But you don't really mean that. My face looks like someone took a cheese grater to the surface of the moon."
"I was referring to the ponytails," said Lisa, gesturing at the ribbons in Bart-chan's long black hair.
"Yeah, the nurse talked me into putting those on," said Bart-chan. "She thought they would make me look prettier."
"Here's something else that will make you look prettier," said Marge proudly.
Homer stepped forward, clutching a white cardboard box with the Dullard's clothing store logo. Yanking off the top, he reached inside and pulled out a plastic hanger. Suspended from the hanger was a small, bright red dress with sequins on the skirt.
Confused emotions raced through Bart-chan's mind as she gazed at the shiny new dress.
"It's...it's beautiful," she remarked. "Who's it for?"
"You, silly," said Marge, giggling. "You're not taking those pajamas home, you know."
"You didn't have to spend money," said Bart-chan disdainfully. "You could have let me wear one of Lisa's old dresses."
"It's not just for the trip home," said Marge as she removed the dress from its hanger and pressed it up against Bart-chan's chest. "You're going to wear it when you go to work with Dad. You want to make a good impression on Mr. Burns, don't you?"
Bart-chan let out a discouraged sigh. "I guess I don't have a choice."
"That's right, you don't." Marge giggled again.
Lisa presented Bart-chan with a small bag. "Here's some of my old shoes, socks, and underpants."
"Fine," grumbled the little Chinese girl as she carefully folded the new dress over her arm. "I'll go change."
Into the bathroom she trudged, closing the door. She kept her back towards the full-length wall mirror while putting on her fresh clothes. By the time she had zipped her dress and buckled her shoes, however, she could resist no longer. She turned around and looked directly at her reflection.
Her short dress sleeves exposed flaky, blotched skin. Her face was pock-marked from blisters. In spite of these visible flaws, she couldn't help but smile.
I'm a pretty girl, she thought. I shouldn't feel good about this, but I do.
She smiled all the way to the receptionist's desk, where she dutifully grabbed a balloon and a handful of candy. The sparkling skirt bounced this way and that as she walked toward the car with her hand in her mother's.
"I've never seen you happier," said Marge. "You must really like that dress."
"No, Mom," said Bart-chan, her smile unbroken. "I'm happy because I'm gonna be a boy again." She paused for effect. "But the dress is cool."
She belted herself into the back seat next to Lisa, whom she was starting to regard as her big sister. "Who wants to go out for dinner?" Marge called out from the front of the car.
"I do! I do!" cried Lisa and Bart-chan in unison.
Lisa turned to face the little girl in surprise. "I thought you were in a hurry to turn back into a boy."
"Well, I'm hungry," said Bart-chan, folding her tiny arms. "Hospital food is crap. I wanna go to Krusty Burger."
And to Krusty Burger they went. Eighteen cheeseburgers and four frosty chocolate milkshakes later, they arrived at home with stuffed bellies.
"I've never seen you eat that much, even when you were a boy," Marge remarked to Bart-chan.
"I've never been stuck in the hospital for three weeks before," said the ponytailed Chinese girl.
They sat down on the couch together, and for once the TV remained off. An intense emotional weight was bearing down upon them, but they did their best to mask it.
"I'm glad it's over," said Lisa. "When I go to school as Bart, I have a hard time paying attention in class, and sometimes I get urges to pick on nerds. I've gained a whole new appreciation for being a girl."
"So have I," Bart-chan admitted. "I've gotten in touch with emotions I didn't know I had."
"You didn't have them," said Lisa.
"I'm still afraid those skin grafts might get stretched out," said Marge to her son/daughter. "Can't you wait another day before changing?"
"You're the one who's trying to stretch things out, Mom," said Lisa peevishly.
"I promise not to strangle you anymore if you stay a girl," said Homer, patting Bart-chan's round head.
"I might just take you up on that, Mr. Potato Belly," the little girl joked.
"WHY, YOU LITTLE..." Homer stopped himself in mid-rant. "...angel!"
"Stop pressuring him," Lisa chided her parents. "The decision is his to make."
"And I've made it," said Bart-chan with finality. "Mom, get me my boy clothes."
They watched, intrigued, as she marched into the bathroom and shut the door. "Don't scald yourself again," Marge cautioned her.
Several minutes passed. Marge and Homer went about their affairs, but Lisa remained outside the bathroom, transfixed by curiosity. To her surprise, she had heard no sound of water running, either from the shower or from the faucet.
She knocked on the door. "Bart? Are you decent?"
"Come in," she heard a weak girl's voice speak.
Struck with concern, Lisa let herself in. Bart-chan stood there, still in her new red dress and ponytails, gazing into the child mirror. Her cheeks were stained with tears.
"Omigosh, what's wrong?" Lisa asked her.
Bart-chan gave her a look of wonder mixed with pain. "I had no idea it felt this way. I always thought girls were weird and stupid for wanting to look pretty all the time."
Lisa smiled understandingly.
"There's so much I don't know about girls," Bart-chan lamented. "There's so much I don't know about life."
"That's what school is for," said Lisa.
Bart-chan lowered her head, and fresh tears fell from her brown eyes. "I'm afraid, Lis. I'm afraid that when I go back to being Bart, I'll be the same Bart I was before. I'm afraid I won't learn anything from this...this miracle."
Lisa gaped slightly.
"That's what it is," said Bart-chan, staring fervently at her. "It's not a curse. It's taught me that girls have feelings, and they're not the same as mine. That there's a whole universe of other people's feelings to explore. That I don't have to spend the rest of my life locked up inside Bart Simpson's stupid little head, thinking Bart Simpson's stupid little thoughts."
Unable to come up with words, Lisa simply took her by the hand.
"As soon as I change, these feelings will turn off like a light," said Bart-chan sadly.
"You can always change again later," said Lisa.
Bart-chan pressed her head against Lisa's dress and sniffled. Soon the two girls were embracing.
"I love you, Lisa," said Bart-chan tearfully.
"You always have," was Lisa's reply.
Seeing that the light was on in Bart's room, Marge stuck her head through the doorway. "Time for bed, Bart."
To her amazement, it was not a boy, but a girl sitting on the mattress, poring over a rather thick book. Bart-chan looked up at her mother and smiled proudly.
"Lisa loaned me her copy of Sense and Sensibility," she stated. "I've read the first five chapters."
Marge took a moment to regain her breath. "Uh, that's very good, er, Bart."
"I decided to take your advice and wait another day," said Bart-chan.
"I'm happy to hear it," said Marge. "Now go to sleep. You're a growing girl."
She giggled. Bart-chan giggled along with her.
As Marge walked away, shaking her head in disbelief, Bart-chan closed the book and reached back to unzip her dress. Once she had changed into Lisa's old pajamas, she switched off the lamp and pulled the soft blanket over her body.
I should have asked her to tuck me in, she thought.
God and Satan looked down from heaven at the little girl as she slumbered peacefully.
"It was you who put the curse on those springs," Satan snapped at God.
The Almighty nodded.
"Very clever," said the devil. "But wait and see. Tomorrow he'll go back to being his old screw-up self."
"I'll bet you fifty souls he won't," said God.
"Make it a hundred and you're on."
THE END
