Okay, this chapter is a really, really long chapter… It's like seven-eight pages. The dream sequence from the past chapter was actually originally part of this chapter. And, dog biscuit( ), you guessed right… It was supposed to be a description of what happened in the episode where T.J. and Spinelli kissed, The Experiment. Boys kissin' girls… Girls kissin' boys… And you'll like it!
Lol, sorry, I couldn't resist…
I don't own Recess or anything associated with it. In the words of Ashley A.: Like, duh!
Note: Pay attention to what Spinelli says she'll do if a boy tries to kiss her.
"AHHHHHH!" I screamed.
Not that dream again. I thought I'd stopped having it when I had that-that… thing for Johnny V.
So why in the heck did it come back?
I don't need to remember it. It was disgusting. T.J.'s really lucky I didn't kill him afterwards, really. It's a good thing that he's my best friend in the world, because if he wasn't… Well, yeah, he'd be dead. Seriously.
On second thought, the next guy who tries to pull something like that on me is dead.
First, I'll punch him in the nose. And then I'll spin around, elbow him in the chest, and stomp down hard on both his feet. After that, I'll turn around again, knee him in the groin, and push him to the ground. Then, when I have him in a headlock, I'll force him to apologize and never try and do something like that ever again. Depending on whether he agrees or not, I'll decide if I ought to kill him.
Yeah, that's good. That's how it'll work. Yeah.
Hey, who's coming towards my room? This stupid house is so old and creaky that you can hear everything, and I can hear someone, no, there's got to be more than one of them… Anyways, they're coming towards my room.
I have to be ready for them. Now, darn it, where did I put my bat?
Hmm.
Maybe it's under my bed.
Let's check…
AHA! Found it! Score!
Okay, they're getting closer. I've got to be there when they try and break in.
They're not taking ME alive!
Uh, wait… Does that mean that they can take me when I'm dead?
Well, you know what; I'm just not going to die that way.
I don't want some weirdoes doing creepy stuff to my body, like taking it places, after I'm dead.
Okay, so no dying.
And that's good because I'm standing in front of the door with the bat, ready.
So come and get me, scumbags! I'm ready, you hear! Yeah, me!
So prepare to be beaten down!
Okay, the door's opening. I can see someone. I have to swing now, while I've got the element of surprise.
Suh-wing!
Ooh, I think I hit him! I hit both of them! And pretty hard too because my hands hurt. Right in the stomach.
"OW!"
"JEEZ! Ash, what the h… I mean, uh, what the HECK are you doing?"
Hey, wait, that's not a robber. That's my brother!
"Hehe. Oops. Sorry, Vitto. I thought you were a robber!" I mumble, embarrassed.
Ugh, I better not be blushing again. I hate blushing. But my face does feel hot…
But Vitto's standing up all the way now. That's good. He groans weakly, smiling a little. How in the heck is he smiling? I just nailed him. Darn.
Guess my beatings aren't all that effective. Man, this whomps.
"Oh, no, Ash, that's Joey here. He's the robber," Vitto retorts, breathless.
Wait, did he just say that Joey's here? How did he get out of prison? Doesn't he have like a million years left on his sentence? I mean, he didn't get busted for petty theft. He got busted for robbing the National Mint. He shouldn't even be up for parole until I'm like 30.
"Joey's here? Where?" I ask frantically.
A groan sounds from the floor. Holy cow, it's Joey!
"Man, kiddo, that's some case of dangerous lumber you got there," Joey moans.
I shoot Vitto a puzzled look. He had a pained expression on his face, probably because I'd just thumped him one in the stomach.
"See, Joey got out early for good behavior, and because, you know, whenever he steals something, he mostly gives it back after a day anyways. We wanted to show you in the morning because we got home a little while ago and you were asleep. But then we heard you screaming, and, well, came running," Vitto explains, rubbing his stomach.
Since when do people care if I have nightmares? I can trash my room and no one will even notice.
I beam at Vitto, turning to Joey, who's just stood up, and tackling him with a bear hug. He winces a little, but smiles, which is weird, because he's in pain.
"Carpet. Man, I missed this stuff. And Becky! Missed her too. She still live next door, Ash?" Joey mutters dreamily.
He is so weird. Wait, why's Vitto looking at me so weirdly? It's like he's expecting. What's he expecting, anyways?
"WHAT?" I snap.
Vitto rolls his eyes.
"Becky. Do you know if she still lives next door? I mean, you're friends with her little brother, uh, what's-his-face, um… D.J., Right?" Vitto questions.
Did he just call T.J. D.J.? Where did he get the D from? Seriously? I mean, if Joe's like all in love with her and all, and him and T.J.'s big brother used to be buds, then why doesn't he know his name? Besides, the Detweilers are our neighbors. Our next-door-neighbors.
Sheesh.
"It's T.J.!"
Why are they looking at me so weird? Joey's smirking. What'd I say? Do I have something on my face?
Nah, it can't be the last one because they would've mocked me before.
Okay, why is Vitto popping his knuckles? Who's he going to beat up? I want a piece of that action too! I never get to spend any time with my brother, anyways.
"Hey! I want a piece of that too!" I shout.
Vitto blinks at me, confused.
"A piece of what?" He mutters, puzzled.
Isn't it obvious? Sheesh, my brother's a moron.
"A piece of whoever you're going to beat up, you maroon!" I retort, rolling my eyes.
Vitto smirks at Joey, who is shaking silently with laughter. What on Earth is so funny?
Sheesh! I have a weird family. Mega weird.
"Somehow, Ash, I really don't think you'd be interested," Vitto mumbles.
Why? Is he up to something? What's he trying to do?
Oh, great, now Joey's laughing hysterically.
I don't like it when people laugh at me.
And yet, they're so ready to laugh at me.
Idiots.
Well, at least Joey will get what's coming to him.
"OW! What was that for!" Joey screeches.
Ah, nothing like the sound of a boy screaming to wake you up in the morning.
Okay, whatever, so I was already up.
I shoot him a dark glare as he remains keeled over, clutching his crotch.
That was a good kick. I ought to be in karate or something.
Kick-boxing maybe.
"Joe, I want to know what the heck is so funny!" I hiss, furious.
He looks away from Vitto, who frowns at him. I wonder why. What's Joey going to say?
"What Vitto here means, Ashley dearest, is that he doesn't think you'd want to join in because you'd be beating up your little boyfriend," Joey grins.
Wait a second… Boyfriend?
When did I get a boyfriend? I mean, I have boys that are friends, but not a boyfriend.
Who is this boyfriend they think I have?
"Excuse me, boyfriend?" I ask, shocked.
Okay, if I'm going to beat up a guy who tries to kiss me, then I sure as heck will beat up a guy who tries to get with me. Sheesh, when did I become an Ashley?
Oh, right.
Hey, where's Vitto? He's gone!
Was Joey stalling for him? Oh, great. You know, I ought to feel bad about this.
But I'm not going to because I've already hit Joey twice today.
Ah, a sucker punch to his already-bruised gut. That's classic.
"Who does he think my "boyfriend" is, Joey?" I growl out.
Joey moans, but my icy grip on his arm makes him tell me the truth. Violence always works.
"Okay, okay, fine! He thinks your boyfriend is that T.J. kid," Joey wheezes.
I smile at him, letting go of him.
"Joey, you get some rest," I whisper, "I have to stop a murder!"
Hmm, I could go out the front door, but that could wake up my parents and it would take way too long. My room! That's it!
I dash back inside, hastily undoing the sash and shoving it up. Okay, my head's out, and the rest of me will fit, but how am I going to make sure I don't kill myself getting over there?
And is T.J.'s window even open?
Okay, it is! That's good.
But how do I get there?
Okay, I look down. Nothing but dirt and grass and a fence. Let's look up. Hmm, nothing much… Except a gutter!
That's perfect! And there's one on T.J.'s house too!
Now how do I do this? Hmm, maybe if I reach my hands up and grab the pipe. Okay, now I need to move my torso out.
Good, now get my feet on the ledge.
Phew. I haven't killed myself yet.
Now, how to get across? Let's see, not many options. I'm going to have to swing across, I guess.
I push off the wall, swinging my feet back and forth. Finally, I'm at a high point.
Ugh, now I've got to let go.
Okay, done.
Wait; remind me why I'm doing this again…
Oh, yeah, I've got to save T.J. from the wrath of my older brother.
I mean, how could I even forget?
Why else would I do something insane?
Whoa, why did I just flip in mid-air? That's not good, I'm no gymnast. But, hey, at least I'm fully upright.
I can see the window. I'm not going to make it.
Come on, come on! I've got to jump now. I just hope it'll be enough.
And it is! I've got hold of the pipe, but I just ran into the house, which is painful. And, somehow, I don't think this thing will hold my weight for very long, so I'd better get my feet on that ledge and fast.
Phew. Okay, done with that, but now I have to get inside. Maybe if I move my hands to the window ledge. Ouch, this hurts!
Now, I'm going to swing into it. Whoa, I made it, even though I'm tripping. Well, at least I landed on something soft. Wait, okay, something's wrong!
I just felt a hand on my face! AHHH! Okay, come on, Spinelli, don't panic. Just get off of it.
But unfortunately, I don't know what IT is, and I can't see anything in this darkness.
"Spinelli, you know, if you wanted to see me, you could've just started screaming out your window like a normal person."
A joke. A snicker.
Uh oh. T.J. I landed on top of T.J. in his bed. I have weird luck. Uh… Okay?
I'm about to apologize, but suddenly, the door opens and light floods into the room. So, naturally, I try and scramble off T.J., but somehow, I only wind up falling onto him more. This day is annoying. I am going to be SO whomping tired at school.
"Oh, so he's not your boyfriend, eh, Sis?"
"This whomps."
T.J. groans.
Uh oh. That's Vitto. And he's angry. I have to make sure that he doesn't kill T.J., who is looking at me really weird.
I've got to do something and I've got to do something fast. But what am I supposed to do? I'm stuck in between a lot of crap and a barrel of elephant dung right now.
Well, let's think, okay, Spinelli?
Okay, except I can't think. This sucks.
I have three options. One, I pretend that T.J. is my boyfriend. Two, I pretend he's into someone else or has another girlfriend, or that he digs guys. Three, I pretend to be absolutely repulsed by T.J. and hate him.
They're all pretty risky. If I pretend that T.J.'s my boyfriend, that's undue embarrassment and awkwardness ahead. If I pretend that he likes guys, well, that one's obvious. So I've got to do the last one… But how am I supposed to explain being practically on top of him?
Honesty maybe?
And, you know, getting off of him might help.
Or maybe I should just stay here in case Vitto tries to take a swing at him. Yeah, I should.
"Look, Vitto, he's not my boyfriend. So don't kill him. For cripes' sake, I'm in fifth grade!" I hiss.
Vitto rolls his eyes.
"If he isn't, then why are you on top of him, huh?" He interrogates.
Sheesh. Vitto is psychotic, I swear.
T.J. stupidly tries to sit up.
"You know what, V; can I call you that, by the way, V? Anyways, that's a really good question and I'm not just saying that, man."
He is so sucking up. Seriously. It's pathetic, so I elbowed him.
"Stop sucking up," I whisper, turning then to face Vitto again.
Isn't it obvious what I'm doing?
"Well, you moron, I'm protecting him from you, you 'HOLE!" I bite back.
Vitto gapes, then smirks.
"Is that what you kids call it nowadays?"
That is not funny. Ugh, I have to get him and myself out of here.
"Look, Vitto, I saw Joey. He said he was going out to find, oh, what's the name of that girl you've got a thing for again? Anyways, you want him to steal your girlfriend?" I lie.
I mean, what do I care? I just have to get him out of here before someone gets hurt. Vitto's eyes widen a little, but he still won't LEAVE, darn it!
I can tell that my eyes are glittering dangerously.
"Vit, just leave before I do something desperate, okay?" I nearly snarl.
He actually has the nerve to roll his eyes. I just want to kill him sometimes.
"Like what?"
Ugh. He is so annoying! I just know he's going to make me do something desperate! And, you know what; I'm getting tired of sitting on T.J.
"Like make-out with him, you idiot! Now go and I'll go home too!"
I have to give him an ultimatum. If I don't, he'll never leave. And if he doesn't leave, then I'm going to sleep here.
Vitto looks a little shocked that I know words like that. And T.J. looks confused. That's good, right?
"Where'd you learn words like that, huh, Ash?" He growls.
Jeez, what crawled up his a… and died? I mean, really.
"Let's see, you and Joey are older than me by HOW many years exactly?" I retorted.
Okay, that's it, I have to do something desperate, or he won't leave.
Let's see what happens when I slide my top up a little bit. Hmm. Vitto's about twelve shades of purple and T.J.'s face is as red as a tomato.
And this is when they can see my stomach.
Ugh, Vitto's still not leaving. I REALLY don't want to kiss T.J. again. But, if I want to save his life, I might have to. Fortunately, Vitto seems to get the hint, and he leaves. Good thing I didn't pull my shirt up all the way
As soon as he's gone, I jump off T.J. Boy, am I embarrassed. That was really weird.
"Sorry, Teej," I mutter apologetically.
He's looking at me weirdly though.
"It's uh, okay, I guess," He replies, dazed.
I smile at him, throwing open the door. I have got to leave so I can go home and get some sleep tonight.
"I've gotta get going. See ya tomorrow, Teej," I whisper, just before I walk stealthily down his stairs and out of his house.
Ah, now here's my house. Now, which window's unlocked again?
Found it. Now all I have to do is walk up two sets of stairs to my room. And then I can sleep.
But of course, by the time I finally get into bed, the alarm clock rings.
Figures.
Loren ;
Joey is the older brother in this one. And when Spinelli means that he was best friends with T.J.'s big brother… Well, actually, T.J.'s big brother is only mentioned in the one episode where they decide to tear down Old Rusty, I'm pretty sure… It's either that or the Speedy the Hamster one… When they're talking about how old it was. And T.J. says something like, "It was here when my big brother went here." Anyways, so his big brother's really old.
Kudos to anyone who gets the dangerous lumber thing…lol…
Oh, and, por favor, please review. I heart me some reviews, and if I get me enough reviews, then I just might post the next chapter earlier (HINT, HINT).
Oh, and when Spinelli says that she lifted up her top, she means to like a little bit above her belly-button and not really further.
Anyways, rock on!
