Disclaimer: I don't own anything here, just an idea, but trust me you can't get anything from that! Leave me to live in fiction
Summary: Set after "The Berrisford Agenda". Alec said goodbye to his first love and that changed him forever. Can he open his heart to someone else? Or will it stay closed forever? What will Max think about him from now on? He is a changed man now... A/M
To:
Lakergirl08 – thanks for betaing this chapter, so there aren't any mistakes! I'm sure that it will be much easier for everyone to read.
Onthedl – I hope you liked this chapter, since you didn't like my last ending :)
Katherine – thanks for you review. I tried to get everything into this chapter, so it would have sense. And, of course, the letter. It was kind of hard to write it, but I hope you liked it. (and everyone else)I will write you an e-mail soon.
Willow98002 – Hope this wasn't too long a wait.
NoAngell – I wasn't sure how to rate my story, so I just left G. I have no idea how that works. I mean, I know, but I don't know where to put this one. At least not yet. Thanks for the review! By the way, the feeling of guilt that Max had is familiar to me too. It's an awful feeling.
SGOU – Don't worry, everything will come to it's place as soon as the time Is right. I don't like to rush things. :)
Tara – thanks for your review as well
Icebox – Hope you won't be hanging a lot after this chapter :)
Molly – Thanks for a great review! Hope you'll like this chapter. Let me know!
X5-666 – Thanks for your compliment. By the way, I really like your story "Cure for all the question"!
Katydid – I really enjoyed your statement about capturing Max and Alec's characters. It really means a lot to me.
OK, now let's get back to the chapter!
Chapter 11 – She's gone.
Max's words came as a shock to OC, but that wasn't the first time Max said them. She decided once before that she will leave and that was because of Logan. Since she saw Logan come out of their apartment, she concluded that he was once again the reason why her girl is depressed.
"What did your boy do now?" – OC asked quietly.
Max squeezed her shirt, which she held in her hands. Her boy didn't do anything, since he wasn't hers in the first place. But, she knew OC didn't mean Alec, but Logan.
"Logan didn't do anything. This has nothing to do with him, actually." – she was in no mood to discuss with OC what went on the entire night. But, she also knew that if she's gonna bail on her best friend, she needed to tell the truth. And she needed a favor as well...
"So, are you gonna just stand there and then leave without a word or you're gonna tell me what happened." – OC asked feeling sad, but angry as well. She lost her friend too many times before.
Max sat on her bed, trying to figure out where to start, and how to make this quick.
"Well..." – she started. – "It has to do with Alec..." – then OC interrupted her.
"What did that jerk do now!?! I knew he was trouble, but to drive you out of the town..." – she lurched.
"He didn't do anything wrong, OC" – Max whispered. – "It was my fault. And that's why I'm leaving. I can't look in his eyes again. There's too much hurt in them, which I caused."
OC looked at her bewildered. If she didn't know any better, she could swear her girl was on the verge of tears. But, she didn't want to interrupt Max or she will shut down and she will end up with no information.
Max continued.
"I hurt him, OC. You should have seen his eyes. They were full of pain, and all because of me. I needed to know everything, like always! I meddled in his life and it was none of my business. How come I always hurt the one I love..." – she stopped herself, but not before OC heard her statement.
"The one you love? You mean like a friend, right?"
There was no place to lie, so she decided OC was the right person she could tell the truth too. Although she wasn't the right one exactly...
"No, OC, I really mean the one I love. As in the phrase I love Alec."
"When did this happen? I mean, I could tell there was something going on between you too, but love, boo?" – OC sat, since there were too many things she needed to process at the same time.
"Yeah...don't think I'm not as surprised as well." – she sighed.
"OK, I can understand how that can scare you off, but to leave town, boo? What's with that?"
"I told you I hurt him."
"What happened!?" – she was starting to raise her voice. They were talking for a while and she still didn't know anything specifically.
"Max got up from her bed and left towards the dresser. She opened one of the drawers and lifted the base. She took out Rachel's journal and showed it to OC.
"This happened. I stole a journal that belonged to Alec's ex girlfriend who died a couple of days ago, blamed by Manticore." – Max said quickly.
OC looked at the book, not being able to say anything.
"So, Logan found the letter that fell out of this journal when he was here, and he brought it to Crash."
"He gave it to Alec?!" – OC asked surprised. Sure Logan loved Max, and he would do anything to keep her, but to hurt someone on purpose, that wasn't like him.
"No...he gave it to me. He figured out what was happening and he let me go. He said I should do with the letter what ever I want. And I gave it to Alec."
"Where was he the entire time?"
"Hmm...in the bathroom."
"And he didn't hear any of your conversation with Logan?" – OC asked trying hard to believe. Max's abilities and Alec's as well freaked her out still. What was normal to Max wasn't normal for OC.
Max looked at her strangely not realizing what she's getting to.
"I told you, he was in the bathroom..."
"Come on, boo, if you wanted you could hear that couple snoring two doors away. Why do you think Alec didn't hear you and Logan?"
The realization hit Max hard.
"He knew about the letter even before I gave it to him..." – she thought. – "Why didn't he say anything?"
Max sat back on the bed, holding her knees up. She started rocking back and forth like a little baby. OC got up and sat next to her.
"Come on, boo. I'm sure; he'll forgive you eventually. He will realize that you did what you thought you had to do. You don't have to leave town. Especially, cause you have people loving you here. Don't leave us again."
Max stopped rocking and looked up at OC.
She hugged her as she whispered in her ear:
"I'm sorry, but I have to go. I will keep in touch, I swear."
With that she packed the rest of her stuff in a hurry and she headed towards the door.
She dropped her stuff on the floor and looked at her friend for the last time. She headed back to her room and took the journal from the bed. She handed it to OC.
"I want you to give him this. He needs to read Rachel's feelings that are written here. He deserves to know...He doesn't know about this yet, so be gentle."
"Why don't you give him this?" – OC asked still a little bit angry, but now she at least understood.
"I can't...please, OC, don't make me beg." – she whispered;
OC grabbed the journal from Max's hands and threw it on the table. With one move she caught her friend in a tight embrace and said:
"I love you, boo. Keep in touch."
"I love you too. And, don't worry, I'll keep in touch."
Max took her backpack and headed through her apartment door. She glanced once again around her place, her eyes finally resting on OC. She smiled at her friend reassuring her that everything will be OK.
And with that she was gone. She walked down the stairs feeling tears in her eyes once again. But her mind was blank. She forced herself not to think cause than she could change her mind. And she wanted to leave.
She secured the bag on her motorcycle and sat down. With her mind blank she started her baby and left. Only dust left behind her. Dust and her best friend who was sitting on the floor of her apartment crying...
After he saw Max take off Alec drove around the city. His mind was full of information he needed to process. First there were his feelings towards Max that appeared, than there was another type of feelings he had. And that was plain hate towards her. He didn't understand how she could have done that. On one side, he wanted to yell at her and on the other he wanted to hug her.
"I can't do this" – he thought – "I can't forgive her. She doesn't deserve it. All her life she played by her own rules, now she needs to learn that she can't get away with everything! I can't believe she broke into Berrisford's place! I mean, where on earth did she get that idea?! And what's with the letter... " Suddenly, he stopped. He parked his motorcycle by the road as he grasped his jacket.
"The letter. I totally forgot about the letter. My mind was focused on Max, I forgot..." – he thought to himself as he pulled the letter out. He looked at the soft handwriting and his look softened as well. He swallowed and opened up the letter. He closed his eyes like the words will blind him. The letter was for him, despite the fact it was addressed To Simon. He was Simon in a way.
"I guess I should read it. I'm Simon, right?" – he wondered. – "Simon. Alec. Simon. Alec. I was Simon for Rachel, and Max named me Alec. Who am I now? The person Rachel wrote this letter to is gone. The only person left was the person that was born after everything. And that was Alec." – Alec smiled unconsciously on the memory how he got that name.
But, his smile faded fast. He forced himself to read it. It said:
"Dear Simon...nice start, ha?
Anyway, you're probably wondering why I'm writing you a letter. I wanted to make an admission. I already told you I loved you. Which was by the way surprising to myself as well. It kind of hurt me you didn't say it back, but I guess I rushed into things. Anyway, I wanted to apologize for that in this letter. I don't want you to feel awkward around me. You're my teacher, and I understand that you don't want to cross that line completely. So, if you want to end this, I'll understand. But, still I have to tell you how I feel. Normally, I don't feel very comfortable around boys. Sure, I have friends and all, but there was no boy I liked that I didn't feel awkward around. You were standing next to me, and I didn't feel that. It was like you belonged there... next to me. No weirdness, no strange emotions, just peace. I can look in your eyes, and I don't have the need to look away. Like your eyes were meant to watch me. I could touch you by accident and I don't have to apologize, cause that is natural, me touching you. When you come for a visit, my heart jumps a little because it knows you are there FOR ME. You come to see me. And no matter that you come because you have to, it still appears to me that you come because in a way you want to...
Hmm, I guess I got a little carried away. I'm sorry. Anyway, that is what I want to say. I'm not embarrassed by my feelings so I'm writing them to you. Remember them...
Love, Rachel."
Alec closed the letter, tears appearing in his eyes. He wiped them away quickly like anyone could see. But, there wasn't a soul in the streets that night. Everything was peaceful except Alec's soul. He needed to visit one last place before heading home. He got on his bike and took off. He drove as fast as he could like the place will run away from him. But, there it was, the cemetery. He knew exactly how to find Rachel's grave. He read the words written on the gravestone. He dropped on his knees feeling very week, and his tears escaped from his eyes again. He placed the letter on the grave gently securing it with a piece of wood he found. Only wind could hear his words.
"Hey. I read your letter today. I wonder, were you planning on giving it to me or not. Anyway, I'm glad I read it..." – Alec was trying to remain his posture, but the words on the stone broke him.
"I'm so sorry, Rachel. You're lying here because of me. If I could turn back time, I would die for you. I would have saved you. I loved you so much. Each day was a gift for me, cause I was able to see your face, your dark hair and your dark eyes. I really loved you."
He took a deep breath, finding his ease.
"But, there is one thing I need to say as well. You were the first person I loved, and you will always be in my heart. It's time to say goodbye. Not to what we had, 'cause that will always exist, but to each other, cause we're not in the same place anymore. You're in a much better place than I am. And you have to enjoy it. Cause you deserve it."
Alec looked up in the sky, like he could see her face smiling down at him. But, the sky remained dark. He got up, took one last look at Rachel's name on the stone. He leaned down and kissed the ground where his love slept.
His heart was peaceful now. No anger, no anxiety, just peace. He was ready to move on.
His thoughts went back to Max. He could see her face, and all he wanted to do was to touch it. He got back on his motorcycle and left towards Max's apartment.
"I can forgive her now." – he thought to himself. He just wondered would she feel the same as him.
Quickly he arrived in front of Max's building and got up the stairs. It appeared like nothing can stop him, but than he stopped in front of her door.
"Should I knock? It's late. I can't just barge in here in the middle of the night." – he thought. He was making a slightly loud sound by walking in the hallway, but he didn't pay attention. Suddenly the door opened in front of him, and he saw OC standing in front of him, obviously crying.
"She's gone forever." – she whispered.
Well, there it is! My new chapter! I hope you liked it! I was working on it a little longer than on the last one. I hope it shows! Let me know, OK?
