This is just a one shot and THIS TIME I MEAN IT! It's based on part of a scene I'm going to be doing later on in Uptown Boys, but it's been bugging me to write it for a while now. I'm still using the general idea of it in Uptown Boys later on (granted I can motivate myself) but for right now the idea was too adorable to let sit there. So here it is.
Disclaimer: We've been over this, kids. If I have to mention my non-ownership of Kingdom Hearts one more time I will plug a bicycle pump into my ears and blow my head up. Thank you.
0…0…0…0…0
On the balcony, outside the café, leaning on the wooden railing, overlooking the streets of Traverse Town slightly dampened from recent rain, staring up into the sky at the stars. That's where she stood, wrapped in a woven blanket with her hands around a mug of tea.
Yuffie always did like the smell of the air after the rain. Sort of a calm and mysterious smell, heavy and thick and slightly sweet. But then again, she didn't enjoy being caught inside in the rain all day, either, but it was something she could look forward to after the rain that kept her inside all day. She used to look forward to rainbows, but that was before they'd left Hollow Bastian and come to the lightless, joyless town of Traverse.
The smell of rain-air reminded her of Squall. He, too, was calm and mysterious, thick and slightly sweet. She smiled, but it wavered and drooped again and she stared back down into her mug. Squall, thick and slightly sweet. She knew that he knew that she loved him. The Moogles knew that. And she knew that he cared for her because he was willing to put himself on the line to keep her safe. He tried to comfort her when she was upset, and whenever she cried or moped she could see the slight pang of guilt in his eyes, whether it was his fault or not. He cared for her. But he never said anything.
She drained her mug and stared up at the sky for a little while longer, taking long, deep breaths of the air. It made her a little dizzy, so she decided to stop lest she tumble off the balcony. A cold wind blew, making her shiver and pull the blanket tighter around herself.
"Time to go inside," she said to herself.
She gave the mug back to Aerith, who had taken over the kitchen so that she could make dinner for everyone tonight since the stove in the kitchen in the Hotel had suffered some minor Moogle-related damages.
"Are you feeling all right, Yuffie?" She asked. "You look a little pale."
"I haven't seen sunshine in almost two years," Yuffie retorted. "How else would I look?"
"I was only asking, no need to bite," the older woman said calmly. No matter how horribly impossible Yuffie became, Aerith always managed to maintain her composure. She gently put her hand on the girls' shoulder.
"Just a little irritable, I guess," she admitted after a moment, as a sort of apology. "I don't feel like being my usual bouncy self if it's raining and there's no place for me to let off all of my bounciness."
"I know, it's been rough," Aerith said. "Things are even starting to get to me around here, you know. Everyone has their breaking point."
Yuffie nodded. That was certainly true. Cid was starting to go past "chain smoking" and going right into "constant-cigarette-even-while-I'm-sleeping." The Moogles were actually starting to fight each other. The Hotel owner was starting to evict people who were too loud too late into the night. Aerith was a little less calm, understanding, and maternal lately, but she had yet to completely snap.
"Everyone except for him," the young ninja nodded in the general vicinity of Squall, who had eaten dinner and was reading a newspaper. "I don't think he has a breaking point."
"Yuffie, you know that isn't true. Squall is just a bit less…" she paused for a split second, but that was enough for Yuffie to inject her argument.
"Less feeling? Less emotional? Slightly less human?"
Aerith shot her The Look and she immediately piped down.
"You know Squall cares for you, Yuffie. Look at what he puts up with."
Now it was her turn to glare. "And you wonder why I have low self-esteem."
"No, I didn't mean it like that. I mean… oh, he just puts up with all of this—"she gestured around herself "—just so he can stay here with you."
"The café?"
Extremely deep sigh from Aerith. "No, just Traverse in general. Everything that happens. Everything that doesn't happen. Just… everything. Just so he can be with you. He cares for you. He just doesn't show it as readily as other people do." She put her hand under Yuffie's chin to make her look up. "Don't mope around so much. You're the sunshine around here, remember? When something depresses you, then everyone else gets depressed."
She smiled a little at that comment. That was what Aerith had told her since she'd fled Wutai and flown to Hollow Bastion nine years ago. Back then it was to keep her from panicking and screaming and potentially giving their position away to the Heartless. Later on it became a way for her to feel important even though, at ten years old, she had become a fairly good Heartless exterminator. These days, being the "sunshine" was a memory of times long passed, of a time when things were different. Maybe not a whole lot better, but definitely different.
Aerith hugged her, and she sighed. Aerith smelled like her greenhouse, like leaves and flowers and also a little bit of cinnamon, probably from the kitchen. It made her a little sleepy, and made her feel a little strange for standing there smelling her friend. She dropped her arms.
"Thanks, Aerith," she said. "I feel a little better now."
"I guess a little is better than nothing. See you later, Yuffie," she waved the ninja off.
Her slightly better mood was dashed as soon as she stepped outside. Glum, cool, wet darkness surrounded her. She wanted to see sunshine again. Like a nice, lazy and warm summer day. Even summer was difficult in Traverse Town. The air got thick and muggy and heavy and the breeze, if ever it did blow, would smell heavily of sweat and man odors and the decay of long-dead Heartless monsters left to rot.
Even Hollow Bastian hadn't been this bad. While it was a dangerous place, there was a small orchard where she could sit and relax when it was nice out and enjoy the air. The orchard smelled like sunshine, then.
The memory temporarily blocked out the rain-rancid town, but it caught up with her when someone tipped a flowerpot filled with rain over a balcony and splashed her feet and legs, soaking her socks and shoes.
"Watch where you're pouring that stuff, you moron!" She shook her fist upwards as she yelled. The reply was the flowerpot, falling from the same place and coming dangerously close to landing on her head. "Fuck you very much!"
"Such language for a sweet little ninja," Squall remarked from nearby.
"What do you care? Nobody dumped sewage on you!" She snapped back.
"It was just rainwater."
"It had things crawling in it!"
"How do you know they weren't already on you?"
"You—you—" Yuffie stuttered and sputtered for a moment, trying to control the profanity that was bubbling to her lips. "You rude person you!"
"That's more like it." He spoke with the same slightly condescending voice that he used to use when she was eight years old and he was praising her for not tripping up the stairs.
Yuffie let out a frustrated scream and stomped off with her fists down at her sides, although the angry effect was somewhat lost because her feet squelched audibly inside her shoes as she walked.
The Second District seemed a longer walk than usual, what with her temper simmering on a dangerously high heat. As she climbed the stairs to get to the hotel doors, she felt the familiar painful lump in the bottom of her throat. She never let that knot get any higher than that, but now it just seemed more difficult to quell it.
Rotten weather.
Rotten luck.
Rotten people.
Rotten Squall, teasing her. He wasn't even doing it in good fun, either. He actually found some kind of a sadistic pleasure in making fun of her when something happened to her. He just looked at her with that know-all condescending look that meant he knew everything and she was just a minor inconvenience to him.
Some treatment from a guy who claimed to care about her.
Of course she wouldn't truly disbelieve him when he told her, in that calm, sincere, sweet-sounding voice that he loved her and cared for her. But the way he acted… she couldn't help but have her doubts. And he didn't often try to kiss her. That annoyed her too. It made it very difficult to believe that he did care for her the way he claimed he did.
She pulled off her shoes and wet socks and sat on her knees on the bed, hands folded in her lap as she looked down.
Rotten Squall.
Rotten people.
Rotten luck.
Rotten rain.
Rotten day.
It even smelled rotten. She was onto that again—the whole smelling thing. The after-rain sweet smell had faded away when she'd left the balcony and it was replaced with a moldy-wet smell. The Second District, where there was more industry, smelled worse. In the room she shared with Squall, there was a faint smell of clean laundry and leather, and a mix of Teenage Ninja and Confusing Asshole Swordsman.
With her legs still tucked underneath her, she plopped down backwards with her hands behind her head, staring at the ceiling. She began to doze off, her mind drifting from Squall to sunny summer days. She was just beginning to get a picture of a rainbow on the inside of her eyelids and the smell of summer in her dream-nose when the door opened and Squall bumbled in.
He was snorting like a bull and he had an ice pack over his right eye. She turned her head to look at him without getting up or expending a lot of energy for concern. But she couldn't help but maybe feel a little bit sorry for him. His uncovered eye was wide with shock.
"What happened to you?"
"I stopped to talk to the moron who tried to drop the flowerpot on your head," he said. "His method of conversation turned out to be hand-to-hand combat."
"He hit you?" Yuffie asked, suddenly very worried.
Squall looked up and took the ice from his eye. There was a big reddish-purple bruise beginning to surface around it. "No, Yuffie, he asked me to marry him and I fainted. Yes, he hit me. I stopped by the café to get some ice before I came here to lie down for a while."
"Don't snap at me like that just because you got pissed off at some guy!" She got up to make room for him in spite of her general bad mood.
"I didn't get pissed of at him," he grumbled back as he settled down into the space that Yuffie and vacated.
"How come? Did you knock him out or something?"
"No. I just don't let it get to me."
She huffed and sat down hard on the other side of the bed, looking over at him. "Nothing gets to you, does it? Nothing at all. You're just like one big brick, aren't you?"
"I just try not to let anything get to me. What's the point of it? It's just childish to throw a temper tantrum every time something doesn't go my way, because of something completely out of my control, or anyone else's. Around here, it's almost all the time."
"This place doesn't get to you?" Yuffie asked, somewhat amazed. "The cold, the hot, the damp, the rats, the people, the food, the Heartless don't get to you?"
He only shook his head under the ice pack.
"How do you do it? It's like you never care about anything at all."
"That's because I usually don't," he spoke before he knew what he was saying and immediately wished he'd thought before he opened his mouth. He felt the shift of the bed as Yuffie got up and stood by the bed with a badly injured look in her eyes.
"I see…" she said very slowly, her head over her shoulder, looking at him only with one eye.
"No, not like that, Yuffie. I didn't mean it like that. I meant… things don't bother me. People don't bother me. If I have no control over it, then why should I give a flying fuck?"
"You have control over me?"
"You know what I meant!"
"I know, but I wanna hear you say it!" When he remained silent, she drooped visibly. "I guess not, then," she said quietly. She shuffled her foot on the ground, feeling a little embarrassed and a lot frustrated. He never said it. She just wanted to hear him say it.
"Yuffie," Squall said without getting up. When she ignored him, he said it louder and reached for her. She ignored him again, and he sat up and dropped the ice pack so he could hold onto her arm with both hands. "Yuffie, listen to me. You know what gets me? The only thing that gets me? It's seeing you like this. Moping, sighing… just being generally lousy company. I hate seeing you upset."
"You sure don't act like it," she spat. "Why do you do this, Squall? Why do you act like you don't care about anything? Why can't you even act like you care about me, huh?"
"I do care about you—"
"Just saying it isn't enough! Especially because you don't like saying it!" She broke into soft, quiet little sobs, standing there in front of him in her bare feet, angry at the merciless universe and frustrated literally to tears.
"Yuffie…" he'd stood up and come within arm's reach behind her but he didn't dare touch her.
"Hold me," she whispered, turning to face him. At his confused look, she shook her head. "Please, just hold me. If you love me, hold me." She looked at him with big, sad, teary eyes.
He hesitated, and then slowly wrapped his arms around her shoulders and her back, holding her tightly as she rubbed her face into his shirt. Any other time, he would have hated her doing that, but now it was oddly comforting.
She was breathing deeply against him, eyes closed. For a moment he feared that she had fallen asleep.
But it was nice.
He put his cheek against her hair and closed his eyes as well. Yuffie continued to rest against him, breathing deeply. He smelled good. Like his leather jacket and something warm and vaguely familiar. She kept breathing deeply until she could identify the smell and when she did, it made her smile.
"Squall?"
"Mhm?"
"You smell like sunshine."
"What?" He pulled away so that he could check to see if she maybe wasn't talking in her sleep. She giggled. It was nice to hear her laugh.
"You smell like sunshine."
"Like sunshine?"
"Yea. Just… warm and alive and comforting. You know, like afternoon in summer when you walk outside and everything's been baking in the sun a while and you can smell sunshine. Like that." She snuggled briefly into his chest again. "It's nice. It reminds me of Hollow Bastion in spring and summer when it was pretty and warm and not damp."
"How do you notice these things?"
"I dunno," she said, slightly distracted. She snuggled closer and Squall had to catch his balance before gently sitting down on the bed. Yuffie immediately snuggled into his lap like a cat, her head still resting on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "Like sunshine," she sighed.
"Well, as long as it makes you happy," he said.
"It does. It does…" She sighed when he started stroking her hair. "Very happy." He started stroking down her neck and her back, adding his fingernails to the mix and making her sigh very happily, eyes beginning to droop.
There was silence in the little room. A very loud silence. But neither one really noticed it, as they were too busy enjoying being around one another without fighting. Yuffie was extremely happy. This was all she had wanted, for him to act like he said he cared for her. It would be even nicer if she could get him to do it without prompting, but… baby steps. At least he had not adamantly refused to do it.
And he smelled like sunshine. It gave her a nearly narcotic-quality buzz. It had been far too long since she had been able to smell just… sunshine. Untainted by heavy humidity or sand or the stench of men, as it usually was in other worlds. Just sunshine. If she was supposed to be everybody else's sunshine, maybe being with Squall was her sunshine. It certainly made her feel better no matter what happened to her over the course of the day. He just made her happy.
Apparently, Squall was also very happy. Yuffie could have sworn she heard him purring over her head. Although he never said it, and he never would say it, Yuffie knew that her swordsman depended as much on her company as she depended on his. Neither of them belonged in this somber little town and neither of them enjoyed being there. They depended on one another to maintain what little was left of their mental stability.
Mutual benefit. The bird rides on an elephant and picks all the bugs off. The elephant is kept clean and disease-free, and the bird is well-fed and protected.
Yuffie followed close to Squall and tried to keep the "bugs" away. In return, he had begun to accept her feeling and reciprocate them. Baby steps.
She snuggled closer to him, intoxicated by his scent and his heartbeat and his breathing and his fingers stroking her back. If this was a drug, it would be sold illegally with a streetname like, "Magical Narcotics."
"Are you still awake down there?" He asked. She felt his question rumble in his chest.
"Just barely," she murmured. "You're not gonna make me get up, are you?" She was far too comfortable to want to move now.
"Of course not. I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing," he said with an uncharacteristic humour in his voice. "You've calmed down. I'm glad. I don't think I like that kind of wild in you."
Yuffie looked up at him, puzzled. "What do you mean, 'that kind of wild'?" She asked. "Like psycho-wild?"
"Yes, psycho-wild. It always scares me, like I've lost the Yuffie that I love."
"Did you just say love?" Her eyes opened a little wider and held an almost painful hope. "Did you just say that you love me? Even a little indirectly?"
Squall smiled. Caught. Just like he wanted to be. "I did. And I do." He thought that this would suffice until he noticed the look she was giving him, nearly devastatingly sad, and he finally broke. "I love you, Yuffie." He smiled slightly despite himself.
Yuffie hugged him very tightly and he grunted, trying to hint that he needed air without physically removing her arms from around him. She loosened up a bit, but her arms stayed locked around him in a nearly desperate embrace.
"That wasn't so hard, was it?" She said after a moment. "You didn't choke on it and die. The Heartless didn't come in and attack us, the walls didn't cave in, the world didn't end. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't physically painful." He remained silent and she continued. "That was all I wanted to hear. Just to hear you say you love me. I—I know you don't like to say it and I know it's hard for you to open up and stuff, but… it's only me, you know? You won't turn into a softie or a wimp and you won't spontaneously forget all of your sword-fighting skills."
This time, Squall attempted to start a sentence, but it fell flat after, "Yuffie…" She waited patiently to see if he would say something, but when nothing else followed she looked down, a little ashamed.
"I'm being selfish and childish, aren't I?" She said quietly.
"No, you're not. You're right," he said. He closed his arms around her and hugged her tightly, placing his head atop hers again. "I'm sorry. You were right. And I do love you."
Yuffie sighed happily, breathing him in again.
Like sunshine…
There was hardly anything warm and fuzzy about this man. He had a hot temper when he was vexed and he was extremely passionate about some things and could keep an argument going for hours. If she stayed around him for too much time, she could get severely burned. But he was somewhat warm and comforting what he wanted to be. He could make her feel better when she'd been having a terrible day. When he felt like it, he could come out from behind the dense black clouds that formed his shell of stoic nonchalance and make everything around him seem better and brighter.
He wasn't perfect. Nobody was. He had his dangers but Yuffie accepted them so that she could be closer to what she loved about him.
Just like sunshine.
0…0…0…0…0
That took a little longer than I thought to write but I got sidetracked. This was just to tide those of you who actually care until I post again for UB. As far as HDILT, it's pretty much on a long, LONG hold if not pretty much dead until I feel like reviving it. But UB is still active, I just don't know when I'll get around to writing any more for it.
I hope you all enjoyed this Squffie I've written for you. I thought it was such a cute idea, and I just rode with it until I was expended. And I hope it satisfied you… not in a perverted way or anything!
UPDATE: I got an email from somebody anonymous who said that there were too many bad words in this story to make it PG, so I've decided, to avoid trouble, to make it PG-13. Sorry if you thought this was a chapter update!
