Disclaimer: I don't own anything here, just an idea, but trust me you can't get anything from that! Leave me to live in fiction
Summary: Set after "The Berrisford Agenda". Alec said goodbye to his first love and that changed him forever. Can he open his heart to someone else? Or will it stay closed forever? What will Max think about him from now on? He is a changed man now… A/M
I want to thank all of the readers of this story…I hope you enjoyed reading this as well as I did writing it.
Special thanks to my beta Lakergirl08, who was very patient with me. Thank you a lot! I'm currently considering on writing another story, but not DA. My friend is a big West wing fan (Josh/Donna) and she asked me to write something about her favorite non-couple. Of course I will write more about DA, but probably closer to summer.
So, not to sound pathetic, I'm leaving you with the final chapter….
Chapter 21 – I love you…
"Alec?" - Max whispered seeing he wasn't responding. – "Are you OK?"
Alec placed his hand over hers in silence. Neither of them could neglect the chemistry they had between them. Max was looking straight at him and he was staring at the floor, like the answer to his struggle lies in the carpet.
Max touched his cheek gently as she turned his face toward hers.
"Look at me." – she whispered. – "I came here tonight to make peace with you and myself as well. If you need time, I'll go."
Disappointment was evident in the sound of her voice, but there was a sound of respect as well. She knew there was a small chance, but she gave her best and no one could neglect that. Not even Alec.
He was staring at her without words. He felt paralyzed. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, but he couldn't. The words remained on his tongue, and he wasn't able to open his mouth to let them out. To go and find the person they were dedicated to.
She took a deep breath as she stepped away from him.
"I think I'll better get back to Crash. Don't forget, I meant every word I said tonight and if one of those words touched you enough to break that final wall, I hope you will tell me that. One day, at least."
With that she left his apartment and without thinking she started to walk down the stairs. Her mind was blank and her mind was thinking about one of Alec's last words: I don't want you as a friend..."
"Why didn't he say something? "– she thought. – "Why didn't he touch me?"
She walked to her ninja and without looking back she left leaving Alec alone in his apartment.
He stood there quietly, thinking about what had happened these last few days. He found his first love, lost her, than found his second love. And now he was again alone in his apartment. There was a sound of silence, which brought a penetrating acheness. He knew he was the only one who could be considered guilty. He had his fortune on the palm of his hand and he let her go.
"Why do feelings come alongside with fear? With anticipation that love will disappear?" –Alec questioned himself. For the first time, his thoughts were about love. He was a soldier, and soldiers aren't' supposed to feel anything. Now, his only thoughts were about the way one girl made him feel. About his mistake of letting her go. About not trying to show her his heart is full of emotions only for her.
Something shifted in his eyes. It was like a dark cloud was lifted from them. He looked at the empty room once again and decided:
"I need to hear her voice here…"
He got his jacket and headed outside.
The night was warm and calming, but there was nothing calm in Alec's mind and heart. Warm wind was brushing against his neck as he sat on his motorcycle. He closed his eyes, remembering Max's words:
"I think I'll better get back to Crash…"
He started his ninja, and followed Max's tracks back to Crash.
"I'm an idiot." – he thought. – "Why do I have to screw up everything? Why didn't I just kiss her back at my flat?"
In a few minutes he was standing outside of Crash, his eyes seeing that Max had already arrived.
"Well, I guess now it's my turn to pour my heart out." – he sighed as he slowly approached the front door.
Max came inside trying to find OC. She wasn't too happy as she saw she was with Sketchy and two girls. She at least hoped that she would be able to talk with her friend alone.
"Maybe I can tear her away from them." – she considered. Max plastered on her best happy face and approached their table.
"Hey, guys" – she said smiling, but that smile disappeared as soon as she met OC's eyes.
"What are you doing here, boo? I thought you went to take care of…some business." – OC asked trying not to show her astonishment. She saw Max was sad, and she concluded that things with Alec went bad.
"I took care of that." – Max said diverting her stare to the floor. – "There's nothing more I can do."
Sketchy watched the word game between Max and OC and smiled so no one could see him. He knew exactly what was going on, but he knew no one would take him seriously, so he remained quiet.
"So, Max, are you buying us a beer?" – he asked. – "We're thirsty."
Max looked at him realizing she needed to stop thinking about what had happened. The world is continuing and she needed to keep up. With no regrets.
"Sure." – she said smiling and walked over to the counter.
OC kept watching her with a suspicious look in her eyes.
"Listen , I'll go over there to help her. Be right back."
Max was leaning against the counter waiting for the waiter to give her the pitcher. She was very relieved that Sid was nowhere near. She wasn't in the mood for his questions. Suddenly she remembered that the night was dedicated to some piano player so she turned her stare towards the piano. But, no one was playing.
"He's on a break." – OC said startling Max who didn't see her approaching on the other side.
"Is he any good?
"He's not bad…So, are you gonna tell me what happened. I presume you went ahead with your plan, whatever it was? –OC asked.
"Yes, I did." – Max replied dryly. – It didn't go like I hoped, but I said everything I needed to."
"And what about him?"
Max laughed ironically but soon she replaced the smile with the saddest look OC had ever seen. She felt sorry for her friend, but also felt angry with Alec.
"Idiot." – she thought, but she focused on what Max was saying.
"Well, he didn't say anything."
"Nothing?" – OC asked bewildered.
"Well, actually, he said he doesn't wasn't to be my friend cause he knows there is more between us than just pure friendship."
"Huh?" – OC asked not believing what she was hearing. – "Let me get this straight. You went there, told him everything, he agreed there is something between you too, and now you're here moping?"
"You don't understand, OC. He froze at the moment I asked him what would happen between us. Even if he mentioned something conclusive, I would know he'd still have some breaks. And I don't want that. I want it all. I know it's not fair considering everything I've done, but I can't hide it. I want him. I want him to want me back. Nothing else." – she felt tears in her eyes, but she didn't even try to wipe them off. She continued to pour her heart out.
"This was the first time I opened my heart this way. It hurts. It's like all the pain I felt because of Manticore was replaced with this love ache, and I still feel like someone is stepping on it, you know?" – she stopped as she remembered something and she smiled shyly.
"Don't laugh now, but when I was there, I was watching him, but not just watching him. I looked at his shirt and it looked so warm, I wanted to be in his arms because of it. I looked at his hair, and I wanted to run my fingers through it. I wanted to feel everything. And I don't mean just sexual. I wanted to feel him close to me."
OC felt sad just listening to Max speak. That was the first time she heard her speak so openly. She guessed it was the night to let her emotions out. That was the breaking point for Max. No more hiding her feelings.
"Listen, boo, you know I could kick Alec's ass if you wanted me too. But, that would not be of any use. The way you're feeling right now is going to go away, trust me. You are the strongest person I know, but love is not the war. Not that kind you can fight with your fists. And even if Alec doesn't change his mind, you won this. You learned something new about yourself. I learned something new about you. And I'm proud to be your friend."
Max's heart was suddenly filled with her friend's love and she felt she truly belonged to this world.
She took OC's hand in hers and whispered.
"Thanks."
The waiter brought them their drinks and they returned to their table. OC placed the pitcher on the table her eyes falling to a familiar person. She dropped the pitcher and it fell on the floor breaking into small pieces.
"Well, great. I guess, Max, your money went to waste." – Sketchy said observing the pool of beer on the floor. But Max was just staring at OC who wasn't sure should she even say anything.
"OC. What's wrong?"
"Boo, look." – she nodded her head in the direction of the stairs where Alec stood.
Max looked up and shock was written all over her face. She felt her heart racing and her legs weren't able to move.
Alec locked eyes with hers as he approached them. Even OC saw he got his self esteem back. It was shown in the way he walked and even if she wasn't attracted to him, she could recognize the old Alec was back.
"Hey, man" – Sketchy yelled. – "Care to join us?"
Alec smiled at his friend and nodded but he turned his attention back to the woman he came there to see in the first place.
"Max." – Alec said quietly.
She stood there not saying anything. It wasn't her turn…
"I'm in love with you." – he said bluntly.
Everyone at the table remained quiet as they anticipated Max's response. But, her emotions were too mixed to have a normal reaction to his statement. Nevertheless, the relief she felt was showing.
"Come with me." – Alec said taking her hand into his.
He led her to the furthest part of the Crash. The light was dimmer there and the air was heavy, which caused Max to start breathing more deeply.
Not removing his hand from hers, he looked at her.
"I didn't want to wait for one day like you said. I hope you don't mind. – He smiled at her and she smiled back at him, but she let him speak. – "When you left, my place it seemed so empty. You filled it with your words and feelings, and when you left they remained there. But, without you. That's when I realized. They've meant the world to me. You mean the world to me. You're the only one who knows me and I don't feel scared about that anymore. I fell in love with you, and that scared me at first. Now, I'm not scared, I just want you in my life."
Max absorbed his every word not realizing she was squeezing Alec's hand more with his every word, like she was expecting him to stop talking if she let go. When he stopped, her hand left his and she placed it on his chest. She traced her hand over his shirt, the same shirt she was dreaming about. Alec didn't know what she was doing but he let her go.
After a few seconds her hand went to his hair and she ran it through. At last she touched his lips moving her finger gently over them. First his upper lip, then the bottom. Alec instinctively opened his mouth a little. His hand gripped hers as he removed it away from his lips. He brought her closer with merely inches keeping them apart.
"Max, I'm gonna kiss you now. Like I didn't do that night." – he repeated her words from before. – "You don't have to say anything. I will know…."
He finished his thought before placing his lips over hers. She trembled at the touch and that made Alec place his hands around her. They deepened the kiss. Their kisses grew in intense, and soon they weren't thinking of anything else but each other.
Lips still touching, Alec opened his
eyes to find that she was watching him too.
It should be weird,
this open-eyed kissing, but instead it was richly intimate,
sensual,
the connection between them almost touchable, enveloping them with
it's
intensity. She was looking into his soul, baring her own. In
that moment he knew
that she was his, too.
"I love you." – his words came out, barely more than a whisper.
The moment was gone, and her gaze
dropped into hiding beneath her long, dark lashes.
"I..."
she begins, but he stops her
"Shh...don't. Unless you mean
it..."
"I do mean it. It's just…" –
she took in a deep breath as she fixated her intense gaze on him and
drew in a deep breath. When she spoke, her voice was soft and sweet
as honey.
"I love you, Alec."
This was the second time a woman had told him she loved him. And now, he was able to say those words back for the first time. And he was glad that it was her who was listening to them.
He held her tightly as she breathed in his scent. She was where she wanted to be. In the arms of the man she loved and loved her back. No more hiding, no more acting. Just two ex-soldiers finding their place in the world, and in each other's arms.
THE END
A/N – I still hope to hear your opinion about my last chapter, you know…
