Bewitched and Bewildered - Chapter Two

It was amazing how fast time went by once Harry started actually talking to people again. Whereas before an afternoon alone in the drawing room seemed to stretch out to impossible lengths, now the days almost passed in their normal dimensions. It wasn't long until one morning Harry woke up and realized there were only a few days left until he would return to Hogwarts. And most amazing of all, he was looking forward to it. Mostly.

Seeing Dumbledore again would be awkward obviously. And Harry had been informed that he would now be having his Occlumency lessons with the Headmaster, so they would have to spend hours alone together. And he could barely even stand the thought of having to sit in Snape's class, but if he wanted to be an Auror it would have to be done. Not to mention what type of new menace he would have to face as a Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor.

Then there was the undeniable fact that if he returned to school, returned to life as normal, it would truly mean that the world had kept moving on, despite everything he had lost and despite all the horrible knowledge he had gained. And as a part of the world, he would have to move on with it. Locked away for the summer he had been somewhat safely cocooned with his comfortable grief. Now he would have deal with reality. It felt harsh. Cold. He wasn't sure he was ready. At the same time though, part of him wanted it. But whenever he allowed himself that longing he would be overcome with guilt a few minutes later. He didn't know how to reconcile all the feelings he was having, so he decided just to look forward to Quidditch instead.

There was one other thing Harry wasn't looking forward to. He had to tell Hermione and Ron about the prophecy. And soon. Probably before they left for school. It wasn't even a question. With everything they had gone through for him, they deserved to know. He already felt like he was betraying them somehow by keeping quiet for so long. He also felt that somehow the burden would be easier if he shared it with them, but he wasn't sure how to go about it.

The meeting would be horrible, he was sure. The stakes felt so high. Ron and Hermione were his true family, and he knew they would be just as upset as he had been. Just as shocked and angry and scared and, well, sad. He might die and there was nothing he could do to stop it. How was he supposed to tell them that? Plus he wasn't sure how to handle all of their emotions when his own were still in such turmoil.

Harry decided he needed a neutral party to practice on first. Someone he would feel safe talking to, without the weight of having to worry so much about her reaction. Ginny was his obvious choice.

Three days before they would leave for school Harry approached Ginny and asked if he could speak to her alone. He could tell her curiosity was peeked and he felt almost guilty as they walked to the library, knowing she had no inkling of the gravity of what he was about to drop on her.

He sat her down and started to pace about the room. He explained that there was something he needed to tell Ron and Hermione, but he was hoping he could practice on her first. Like a rehearsal. When she agreed he told her the story he was about to tell would be a shock, but he needed to get it all out before she asked him any questions or said anything. She nodded and made a bit of a show of getting comfortable in an attempt to lighten the mood, but he could tell that he had already scared her a little.

Once she settled Harry opened his mouth and let the whole thing spill. All of it. Every gruesome detail of what had happened in Dumbledore's office the previous spring. When he got to the prophecy he noticed her visibly pale, but he kept right on going. He didn't know how else to do it. Until finally, mercifully he finished.

Ginny just stared at him, mouth open a little bit, and it looked like she was exerting a large amount of effort on controlling her breathing. Harry stopped moving about and looked down at his shoes. "Well, that's it. That's all of it."

There was a brief pause. "Who do you want me to be first?"

Harry shrugged. She was taking the whole rehearsal thing a little more seriously than he had anticipated. Really he had just meant he wanted to practice getting the story out, while someone was listening, but he was curious as to what she thought the others would do. "Hermione."

Ginny was thoughtful for a moment. "She'll be very upset. She'll probably cry, though she will try hard not to. Then she'll probably say something bookish, like she'll research prophecies that have come true in the past or something. Try and find some loophole."

Harry grimaced. "And Ron?"

"He'll say something heroically loyal, like Voldemort will have to go through him to get to you."

Harry nearly shouted, "I don't want Voldemort to go through Ron!"

"I know Harry," she placated, "but that's just Ron, he'll back you no matter what. Can I be myself now?"

Harry put his hands in his pockets. "Okay."

Harry was in no way prepared for the explosion that took place. Ginny leapt off the sofa and started storming about the room. "That ruddy bastard! How dare he keep this from you! Especially with everything that has been going on in the last year!"

Harry remained quite still, watching her. And he suddenly found himself needing to defend the man he had still been so angry with only minutes before. "He explained though. He didn't want to put this on me after Cedric."

"Fine," Ginny waved her arms about, "so he didn't tell you after you watched Cedric die. You had been through a terrible ordeal. I get his fatherly feelings on the issue."

"Well," Harry offered, "it wasn't like there was ever a good time."

"Christmas Harry. He should have told you after my father was attacked at Christmas. That's when he knew there was a connection. That's when he knew Voldemort might be able to use you. He should have told you everything before it was too late. It wasn't just your life he was playing with." Suddenly Ginny stopped, her eyes tearing up. "I thought I was watching my brother die!"

Yes. And Harry had thought Hermione was dead. And then... Then... No, he was not about to go there right now. Harry's voice was very quiet, "That was my fault. It was my fault you all were there."

"No Harry," Ginny said firmly. "You were deceived by an evil murdering psychopath. But Dumbledore knew it could happen. And worse he knew that Ron and Hermione would follow you anywhere. And okay, Neville and Luna were a bit of a surprise, but if he had any sense at all he would have known about me too."

Harry was a bit taken aback by her temper, it wasn't at all what he had expected from any of his friends. His own anger had still been simmering a bit inside him and it was a surprise to watch someone else share it. But a comfort at the same time, like Ginny was somehow bearing some of his anger for him. And such a relief that her first instinct had not been pity.

But something in particular was nagging at him. "Why should he have known about you?"

She looked at him like he was crazy. "Don't be daft Harry, you saved my life." Harry felt a little disappointed in this answer. "And you were so decent about it. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed, but you didn't make me feel stupid, you even tried to leave me out of it when you had to explain what happened. I noticed that you know." For a moment her anger dissipated as she seemed to find something fond in the memory. "I owe you so much."

"I don't want you to owe me."

Her eyes snapped back to him. "Well we can't always get what we want can we? But we're getting off topic. Imaginary Ron and Hermione are both right you know. Maybe the prophecy says you have to be the one to kill Voldemort. Maybe you have to throw the final curse. But you have an entire army of people who want to back you. You won't be alone."

Harry felt a bit of his old irritation begin to return. "Funny, it always seems like I am alone. Whether it's giant chess sets or crumbling walls or port keys, I always end up alone."

Completely unabashed, "Maybe that's why you haven't killed him yet." Then she frowned. "Except that you weren't alone this last time."

Harry knew he wasn't making sense, but he didn't care. "A lot of good that did, he got inside my head! Took over my whole body!"

"Make up your mind Harry." Ginny sounded annoyed. "Either you don't want anyone to risk their lives to stand with you or you are bitter about having to face him alone. You can't have it both ways."

Sure he could. It made perfect sense to him. "I don't want to lose anyone else and at the same time I am pissed off that it has to be me."

Ginny's voice softened and she moved towards him. "You are right. It is terrible that it has to be you. At the same time, I think the rest of us are all very lucky." Harry started to speak but she cut him off. "Hear me out. If he had chosen Neville and everything followed the same pattern, you both still may have grown up without parents. Your aunt and uncle were horrible to you. Neville's grandmother has managed to make him believe he will never be as good as his mother and father. Yet you grew up strong and Neville is so insecure he can't even stand up to Snape."

"Snape is scary," Harry said dryly.

Ginny smiled. "And Neville manages to have surprising moments of bravery. I am just saying, everything considered, I am not convinced Neville would have made it this far. So on behalf of the world, I am sorry for everything you have suffered and I will support you as best as I can, but I can't help but be grateful that it turned out the way it did."

Harry hated that it had to be him. He hated it with every fibre of his being. Even so, Ginny's words and the look in her eye when she said them made him feel warm inside.

Now all that remained was breaking the news to Ron and Hermione. The next afternoon Harry and Ginny entered the study as a united front. As Harry informed his friends there was something he needed to tell them Ginny gave his hand an encouraging squeeze.

Ron immediately interrupted. "Is this about the two of you?"

Harry was shocked, that was the last thing he had expected, but it was Ginny who responded. "No you eejit," she said as she walked forward and gave a Ron a wack on the back of the head.

Ginny sat down giving Harry the stage and he began his speech about the story being a shock, but please not to ask any questions or say anything until he was done. And again he told his tale.

Ginny had been right; by the time he finished Hermione looked like she was on the verge of tears, but she was bravely holding them in. Ron on the other hand got out of his chair and paced about muttering curses and threats. Suddenly he stopped and asked Harry to repeat the prophecy again.

After Harry obliged Ron stated, "Well there you go," as though something was terribly obvious. "I know it isn't a happy prospect Harry, having to kill him yourself, but you know you'll be the one to live. Either or Harry, kill Voldemort and you'll be okay. That's good news isn't it?"

Harry loved his friend. Leave it to Ron to find a bright side.

"Well actually..." Both Harry and Ron instantly turned to Hermione who looked like she had decidedly been caught with her foot in her mouth. "Nothing. Sorry. Ron is absolutely right." Aside from her amazing masquerade for Umbridge, bluffing was never exactly Hermione's strong suit, but that had to be her most dismal performance.

Filling the awkward gap Hermione rose from her chair, walked over to Harry and gave him a hug. Her face still muffled against his shoulder she started to say, "You know, we really ought to go to the library..."

"Give it a rest Hermione, please," Harry begged. "Maybe when we get to school, but not right now. Alright?" Telling the two of them had been enough for one day.

Hermione looked up at him and nodded. "Alright." She took a few steps back, straightened her dress and asked, "What do you want to do?"

Harry thought it over. "Homework?"

Hermione beamed.

After a few hours work Harry couldn't stand it anymore. Whatever Hermione had left unsaid earlier was starting to drive him crazy, but somehow he didn't dare ask her. A horrible suspicion was beginning to fester in his mind. As subtly as he could, he excused himself from the group and made his way to the library.

He found the muggle dictionary exactly where he had shelved it a week ago. It didn't take long to find what he was looking for.

As an adjective "either" could mean one or the other, or one and the other. "There are books on either side of the shelf." Well that was just jolly. Harry had spent all his time worrying that he would have to be a murderer or the murdered. It hadn't occurred to him that he could end up being both. The most the prophecy seemed to be specific about was that at least one of them had to die at the hand of the other, but it didn't seem to preclude them killing each other simultaneously. But that was just as an adjective, maybe here "either" was a conjunction, or a pronoun. Harry had never before wished that grammar had been included in his studies at Hogwarts, but right now it seemed like a monumental oversight.

"I thought I might find you here." Hermione was standing in the door. She looked a little sad and like she knew exactly what he was thinking.

Harry gestured at the book in his hands. "It could be both of us."

"But it doesn't have to be." Hermione walked forward.

Ron came in right behind her. "What are we talking about?"

Hermione glanced at him nervously. "The prophecy isn't as specific as you think."

"I'd thought I had it figured out," Harry mused. "When Voldemort came back he used my blood and he said that my mother's sacrifice would no longer protect me from him. When I told Dumbledore about the ritual he looked almost happy. It didn't make any sense so I thought I must have imagined it. But then when he told me the prophecy I realized maybe I'm the one who has to kill him because of the blood. Maybe I'm the only one who can get around whatever precautions he took so that no one else could kill him."

"But now this," Harry lifted the dictionary in his hand. "Maybe what the prophecy means, with the blood connection, maybe we both have to die."

"Harry," Hermione pleaded, "you need to talk to Dumbledore."

"If he knows and felt inclined to tell me, don't you think he would have already?" Harry practically spat.

"No I don't," Hermione assured. "You told us yourself you were already wrecking his office. Considering everything you had been through that night, your state of mind and how much he was already putting on you with the prophecy, no I don't think it would have been appropriate to also throw in 'oh and by the way you have to die.' It would have been too much for anyone to take all at once."

"And now you think it's different?"

Hermione took a cautious step towards him. "Maybe, if you go to him and explain everything as you just did to us, and he sees how much you have figured out on your own already and that you are genuinely ready for the answer, yes I think he might be honest with you."

Just then Ginny stuck her head in the door. Her bright smile turned to one of apology when she realized she had obviously walked in on something important. "Sorry, Mum said to come downstairs for dinner."

Watching Ginny quickly make her exit Harry felt a painful lump suddenly build in his throat. "I don't want to know."

"Harry?"

Getting out of bed was hard enough already, he didn't know how he'd manage even that if he was destined to die before he even finished growing up. And worse, secretly, he knew he'd want to run; to hell with everyone else. "I don't. If there is some clock counting down how much time I have left I don't want to know that."

Ron, almost forgotten, suddenly spoke up. "Are we telling anyone else then?"

"No," Harry said firmly. "And Ginny doesn't find out this last bit either."

"Are you crazy?" Ron asked. "You told her before you told us. She's going to be pretty hacked off if you leave her out again."

"Doesn't much matter how hacked off she is if I'm dead," Harry grumbled perhaps a little too animatedly.

Ron looked wary, "That's what you think."

Harry's friendship with Ron and Hermione was different; they had shared everything since the beginning. Their relationship had practically been founded on life or death situations. But lately, the conversations Harry had with Ginny were the closest he had felt to normal in a long time. He wouldn't be able to stand it if the shadow of his impending death started to lurk in her eyes."It's not open for discussion. Ginny doesn't know."

Hermione looked towards the door and then back to Harry with an air of deep suspicion. "Alright Harry." Thinking the conversation was over Harry started toward the exit, but Hermione continued. "You know, I think it's the last part that is most interesting though. According to the prophecy 'neither can live while the other survives.'"

"So?"

"Well," Hermione continued, "I suppose you have both been technically alive this whole time, but maybe to fulfill the requirements of the prophecy neither of you have really lived because the other had still managed to survive. Voldemort subsisted without a body for more than a decade, but that can hardly be called living. And you survived his attack, but suffered an oppressive childhood, constant battles against people who want to kill you, now a war, not to mention the trials and tribulations of unwanted celebrity. Maybe what the prophecy actually means is you finally get to truly live your life after he's dead."

Suddenly Harry's entire body felt light. "Freedom."

Hermione practically glowed, "Sounds good doesn't it?"