Please see A/N in chapter one for movie plot disparity probs. thnx.
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Possession
Two
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"Wha'ts your deepest fear?"
"That's an interesting question, Doctor. Why do you ask?"
"When I was a child, Nana always used to ask me what I was most afraid of. What my deepest fear was." Beverly finally met Jean-Luc's eyes and took a sip of wine. Her voice was deeper than usual, and inflected no mischief. Picard was in no mood for teasing tonite. That much had been evident the moment he walked in her quarters.
Seeing that he was still lost in his own thoughts, she continued. She knew he occasionally sought her company not to speak, but to hear. Not even to listen - but just to hear someone speaking. In a roundabout way, it helped him focus on his own thoughts. Sometimes she hoped her voice was one he sought in particular. She dismissed the thought as girlish fancy and continued. "It always helped me put a situation in perspective." She raised her eyebrow and dropped a sour note just to see how far gone he was. "Unless of course it was my deepest fear coming true."
Sure enough, his head swiveled from its study of the stars and he met her gaze. "Your deepest fear coming true?"
"Just seeing if you were still paying attention Jean-Luc." He looked stricken, and she stood and placed a hand over his and squeezed it briefly, offering comfort. She cleared his wine glass and went to the replicator. "Two glasses of Saurian Brandy, please. Alcohol. Not synthahol."
The computer chirpped back, unimpressed by her request. "You do not have the proper clearance level for that order. Please restate."
Beverly called over her shoulder. "Jean-Luc."
He chuckled. "Computer, authorization Jean-Luc Picard. Alpha alpha beta 2404."
"Authorization acknowledged."
Before her two glasses of brandy swirled into existence. She plucked them from the shelf and handed one to Jean-Luc.
"Thank you."
"You're quite welcome." She smiled genuinely and reclaimed her place on the sofa adjacent to his armchair. She waited patiently for him to speak.
"I keep trying to see something of myself in him. Something of myself, Robert, Rene, Maman - any of us." He shook his head in frustration.
"And?" She prompted him on as he once again threatened to steal away into the mist of his own thoughts.
"And I find nothing. I see that he has studied me, carefully. Every now and again there is a movement, an affectation, that draws my attention. But I cannot conclude whether it is something unique to me, or a simple, meaningless gesture."
"Have Deanna or Will said anything?" Beverly sipped her brandy and studied his graven countenance.
He shook his head in the negative. He looked up. "Have you noticed anything?" His eyes were serious, and for a moment he was more captain than confidante.
It was her turn to shake her head no, the amber waves of her hair momentarily animated. "I only spoke with him briefly while he was in sickbay. I can honestly say I didn't notice any similarities between you. Except perhaps one." She smiled impishly as he shot her a reproachful look.
"Did he say anything.... peculiar to you while he was onboard?" Picard offered the question with a studied nonchalance that raised Beverly's interest.
"Peculiar?" Crusher was curious, and not entirely sure where he was going with this line of discussion.
Picard coughed and shifted his position in the chair. "Did he ask you anything you found too personal or otherwise inappropriate?"
Beverly frowned and remained momentarily silent. "Not that I recall. He was very respectful." She refocused on Picard. "Why do you ask?"
"Just something he mentioned when we last spoke." Picard drained his brandy and placed the empty glass on the table, hoping to disrupt the conversation and Beverly's train of thought. He was not yet ready to discuss the turn his visit with Shinzon had taken. It was likely nothing more than a tactic the angry Reman was using to distract Picard from the problem at hand. Shinzon claimed to want peace - but something in Picard distrusted the man immensely. His notice of Beverly only strengthened Jean-Luc's instinct that the Praetor was as devious as any Romulan Picard had crossed to date.
Beverly sensed there was more to the issue, but also that Picard was not yet ready to discuss it. Their friendship was intricate, balanced on many disparate understandings; one was knowing when to push, and when to let go. Crusher was never afraid to push Jean-Luc - but she also knew well enough when to let something drop.
She finished her own brandy and placed the glass next to his. They locked eyes and gazed at each other intently, each full of unspoken secrets.
Picard conceded the contest, and smiling gently, looked down. "This is a difficult business, with Shinzon." He shook his head again. "I'm not sure if I'm handling it well."
"Don't doubt yourself, Jean-Luc. As soon as you do, he's won. You're doing what you believe in your heart is right." Beverly leaned over and took his hand again. "Everyone on this ship trusts your judgment - implicitly - myself included." She smiled reassuringly, her eyes swimming with emotion. "Just remember Jean-Luc - he's not you. He has your DNA, and nothing more. You're an amazing man - as a result of the choices you made - not just the circumstances you found yourself in."
He squeezed her delicate hand firmly, glad for the comfort she offered, but unsure if he was worthy of it. "Thank you." Since Shinzon's appearance in his life, Picard had felt anything but settled. Doubt clouded hid mind and crowded his thoughts. But just as she trusted his, Jean-Luc trusted Beverly's judgment without reservation. She would not lie about something so important to him, to the ship. And she would not hesitate to offer her own opinion about how to handle the situation.
Grateful again for her presence in his cabin and in his life, he met her gaze and held her hand tightly. He offered his other hand and she took it, curiosity shining in her eyes. "You're a good friend, Beverly. I don't know if I tell you that often enough." He smiled bashfully.
They sat facing each other, hands clasped and knees almost touching. The silence between them became heavy, weighted with so many things unspoken for so many years. Jean-Luc flirted with thoughts of what might be - and read those same thoughts in Beverly's own cobalt blue eyes. At some point one of them would realize what was happening and quickly shift the moment to safer ground. But as the seconds wore on, he wondered what Beverly would do this evening. With all that was occurring with Shinzon, the Enterprise, and the Federation, this was hardly the time to contemplate finally baring his soul to Beverly Crusher. But for the moment, he hardly cared. He tried to regain his composure, but there was just something in the way she looked at him.
He thought again of Shinzon and the coldness in his eyes. He heaved a mental sigh and stood, releasing Beverly's hands. What he needed right now was focus.
"Would you like another brandy?" He picked up her empty glass and waited for her to respond.
Recognizing her gentle cue to exit, Beverly shook her head and stood opposite Picard. "No thank you. It's late. There are tests currently running on the blood sample we collected from Shinzon I'd like to check before the morning." She walked toward Picard and touched her hands to his waist, leaned in and kissed his cheek gently. "You're your own man, Jean-Luc." She moved backward and met his eyes as his artificial heart pounded in his chest. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight." His voice was thick and deep as she turned away and left him standing alone, holding her empty wine glass.
As he watched the doors close behind her, he wondered when she had finally made the decision to leave the Enterprise for Starfleet Medical: when she had grown tired of sitting second chair to his devotion to duty and the Federation.
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"Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide, voices trapped in yearning, memories trapped in time. The night is my companion and solitude my guide, would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?"
Sarah McLachlan - Possession - Fumbling Toward Ecstacy -
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