Title: Alive
Author: ScullyAsTrinity
Rating: Soooooo R
Thanks: Radish ;-)
Deaf.
I wouldn't be hearing her signs in my ears now. I wouldn't be hearing her gasp. How could I watch her face and not be able to hear her, I wonder.
She was so, so very mad. On fire with rage, eyes blazing. And I can't remember how she ended in mybed, but still, she is aflame. I tell he I loved her, I do, but she bites me, she takes my bottom lip between her teeth and draws blood. It is amazing and painful and so sad, but I can't help but pour forth into her mouth, wanton.
I want her, I've always wanted her I feel.
Drowning, yes, I'd have to drown myself to sate this eons-old thirst I have for her being, for her self, for all of her. Drown in her, such exquisite torture. A delicate way to perish, in her waters of fire. She's waited for me forever, and now I'm waiting for her, blind.
She's crying, sobbing as I'm moving within her and I can't stop. Can't make her stop.
This is what love feels like. This must be what it feels like, like I can't take another breath until she has everything she needs. Like I'd die to see her come, I'd die, wither right now if she'd cry out around me, clutch my back. But she digs her nails into my back and I curse myself for missing this for so long.
Sins, sins. I am sinning. Somehow, this is too good to be anything but pure, concentrated evil. Never felt more alive, more intense, I feel, I feel I'm a million pieces of a puzzle that are just buzzing to come together. To come.
She's exquisitely flawed, and it's the fact that she burns, she loves, she needs and won't stop, never, that makes me bite down hard on her neck, groaning out her name like a prayer. My savior, my curse. Damn me then if I can feel this forever.
Sweat, an angel in my bed, under me. I can't help but categorize this as ecstacy. Her skin, wonderfully freckled, marred, moving over mine, punishing it just as much as it soothes. I deserve it. I deserve every second of torture she dishes out.
She fears me, still, still she fears me because I can hurt her, I am hurting her. And she's hurting me. Beautiful, beautiful pain. So complicated and simple and nothing because I'm thrusting into her... because I need to. Because I want to. Because I can. Because I love her and I tell her again and she meets my eyes.
Feral. Lucid. Words wrapped in tiny pupils surrounded by deep, inviting brown and I stil, still, still ask myself how I did without. Why I did without.
This woman loves me, everything. Flaws, emotions, instabilities, body, mind. Everything, everything and I'm not so scared anymore.
I wish, for just one moment, that I am blind. So that one look, her eyes burning into mine is the last I will ever remember. So her gasps in my ear are all the more sweet. So that her, calling out to me, breathing sweetly, hotly into my ear that she does love me, that she wants me, that I'm her everything regardless, is that much more treasured.
Cliche is true to form and I wonder for a moment if I will wake up from this etheral plain, this precipice between pleasure and something else. If I will snap from this everything, this truth.
But it can't last, it can't last.
So she clutches me with her body, he nails raking my skin and her lips, well, they steal mine for only the second time that evening, tongue drawing against mine as she moans... so colorfully. I feel it in my head.
And I'm hers, right then. All of me. I am hers.
Inside her, nothing feels more perfect. Can't help but thinking, just for a moment, home. More and more and more.
Lonliness, love, and sex.
God it's good to be alive.
