A/N: The end of this chapter still makes me cry to this day – actually the whole freaking thing does - even though I wrote it like a month ago.
Does anyone remember that I named Kate's doctor Michelle? Well. In case you didn't – there's your reminder. ;)
It's just awful but trust me girls – just trust me…Until 59 – grab the Kleenex. :'( xox-G
Chapter Fifty-eight
Everything seemed to happen at once. Ian and Danny were waiting at the door of the ER, as were Chris and Michelle. All wore worried expressions.
Rafe arrived with Becky first and it was a good thing he did. Without uttering a word, Ian took her gently from his arms and rushed her to the OR where a team was waiting for her.
Rafe understood she had to go, but it didn't make it easier to take. He stood there in a daze, staring at the blood staining his clothes. He needed to wash his hands before Alison got here. He knew already how upset she'd be when she saw him. He didn't want to make it worse.
"Rafe?" Abby said softly as she came up to him, touching his arm gently.
He barely moved.
"Rafe?" She said again as she reached for his hand and patted it. "Cam brought you a shirt to wear. C'mon. You should change before she gets here with Katie."
"Katie?" He said softly as he stared into her eyes, his own clouded with tears.
"Yeah." She nodded. She hated having to be the bearer of such awful news, but he needed to know. "Katie's on her way here too. Please Rafe…" Abby begged. "You need to get changed." She could barely look at him – it broke her heart.
"C'mon man." Cam said softly as he grabbed Rafe's arm gently. "It'll take two seconds."
Not knowing what else to do, Rafe followed and did what he asked.
Moments later he was back, standing by the door to the ER, watching as they wheeled Katie in. Colin stood at her side, clutching her hand in his. Within minutes they shuttled her upstairs. Seconds later, Alison slowly walked in alone.
"Alison…" Rafe whispered.
"Is she upstairs?" She asked him, her voice dead. She shook her head and spoke again. "Are they both upstairs?"
"Yes." He replied. "Alison – I'm sorry…" Rafe's voice broke as he said the words.
Alison cut him off softly. "Don't…" She whispered. She took his hand in hers and made him face her. "Please. Don't do that. I know that this isn't your fault. I knew. I knew it could happen and I fell in love with you anyway, and I married you anyway, I had kids with you knowing the whole time that someday – whether we wanted them to or not they might be in danger."
She stared up at him. "It's OK." She told him then. "I know you. You'd die yourself before you'd knowingly put them in danger. It's OK." She repeated. "Please, don't do this to yourself."
"Alison…" He whispered as he pulled her into his arms.
"I know…" She said softly as she hugged him tight. "I know."
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Minutes dragged like hours, hours felt like years. Dawn broke and most of the morning had passed. Rafe and Alison, Lucy and Kevin, Cameron and Abby and Elizabeth all sat in the waiting room on pins and needles waiting for word about either Becky or Kate. Whenever there was a sound their heads shot up.
The door to Kate's room opened first. Chris walked out, followed by Michelle. They looked at the group assembled on the couches, their faces grim.
"Hi." He said softly. "Michelle has something to tell you and then I'll update you on Katie."
Michelle blinked back tears as she surveyed the crowd. This should be such a happy time she thought bitterly. Taking a deep breath she began to speak. "You have a grandson." She said to Rafe and Alison. "A bit earlier than we hoped but he's doing quite well all things considered."
"Why do I feel like that's our only good news?" Alison asked, her face full of sorrow.
Chris cleared his throat and took a moment before he answered. "Kate's been through quite an ordeal. Even for someone perfectly healthy it was rough. We gave her an emergency c-section but it took alot out of her."
He decided he shouldn't sugar coat it. If things turned out for the worst it was better that they were prepared. Even thoughthat's what he taught his residents every day it didn't make it at all easier.
"She's still unconscious, her vitals are weak. We're doing all we can and we're monitoring her closely." He looked away when he caught the look on his wife's face. "I need to tell you. She's critical at the moment. We'll just have to wait and see."
As that news began to sink in, Ian came through the other set of doors. As he approached them Alison reached for Rafe's hand and held on tight. It was so unbearable, she was afraid she wouldn't be able to stand up much longer.
"How is she?" Rafe asked when he could finally find his voice.
"She lost a lot of blood. If you had been a few minutes later getting her here we would have lost her for sure." Ian said softly. "She's out of surgery. We've moved her to in the ICU. She's in critical condition at the moment. We'll need to monitor her closely from this point forward."
His words were more than Alison could take. "I can't do this…" She whispered as she pulled her hand from Rafe's. She stared up at him with tears falling down her face. "I just can't…"
She said as she ran from the room.
Silently, Rafe walked back to a chair and sank down. The others looked on just as helplessly. No one had an answer.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
So much had happened in so short a time. It was a parent's worst nightmare to have a child so ill. When she ran off earlier, Alison had retreated to the chapel. She'd been there for hours. When Rafe had gone after her earlier she barely acknowledged he was there.
The only thing he was grateful for was the fact that Ella wasn't here to see this. Grant and Chloe had both her and Aidan, and sat by the phone patiently, waiting for someone – anyone to give them good news. Ethan and Lynnie were going to take over for them after lunch, Quinn and Billie were taking over for dinner. Lia was stopping by the hospital as soon as her shift was over.
He now sat alone with his thoughts.
Rafe wracked his brain for a solution and all he could come up with was what had saved Lucy once upon a time. Karen had died and saved her life. That couldn't be the answer here. Becky could not be the one to do that for Kate. It was incomprehensible.
Unfortunately, for all her prayers, Alison came to the exact same conclusion. Knowing that was the answer, she knew there was only one thing that could fix this.
She came back into the room in sort of a trance. She looked so tired. He knew for a fact she hadn't slept - not really, not since weeks ago when she'd learned the truth about Katrina. Her eyes were red rimmed and full of such incredible sadness, for the first time in his life, Rafe found it hard to look at her.
"Alison…" He whispered as he moved towards her. He had no idea what to do or say and it killed him.
"I need you to do something for me." She said softly, her voice void of emotion. Her eyes met his and he was shocked. They looked so cold and lifeless.
"OK.…" He replied as he fought back tears. Not knowing how else to respond her he gently took her in his arms.
"I need you to tell them. I don't care how you do it but I need you to make them listen." She fisted his shirt in her hands and stared into his eyes. "You tell your father to have them leave my daughters alone. You tell him to let them take me."
His heart shattered as he heard her words. Rafe realized again this was all too much. This was worse than anything they'd come across before. Living apart, all the challenges they've faced throughout their lives together, nothing was as bad as this. No matter what he tried to do he felt completely helpless. Watching his daughters suffer and fight for their lives was one thing. Watching Alison in such pain was in some ways ten times worse.
Even as he tried to console her he himself was hurting just as much. It broke his heart even though he knew exactly what Alison was trying to do. Hers wasn't a thought he hadn't entertained himself, but he knew, as much as he was willing to sacrifice his own life to save them, it would not be the answer they were looking for.
Devastated beyond belief he pulled her close and pressed his lips against her hair. "I'm sorry. Angel. I'd do anything you ask of me but you know I can't do that." He said, his voice broken.
"NO." Alison's voice began to rise as she grabbed his shoulders and shook him. "You can. You can tell them – do you hear me?!" Her body was wracked with sobs, she began to shiver so violently, it was almost like she was convulsing. Rafe held her tighter and tried to make her to stop.
Her voice was now choked with tears. He could barely hear her words, but even with that, he still knew their meaning. "I'm not going to let them have either one of them, Rafe. I want to go. Kate and Becky need to stay here."
"Alison…" Rafe sighed as he tried to hold her closer. Tears streamed down his own cheeks even as he tried to dry hers.
It was no use. The events of the past few days had more than taken their toll. She was completely inconsolable. Alison began screaming. "NO!! You're not listening to me!!! I'm going to do this! I'm going to go. It's the only thing that makes any sense. It has to be me. You've already lost so many years, Rafe and I've lived my life. I can go right now. I'm ready."
Suddenly, her knees gave out and Rafe caught her. He scooped her up in his arms. Hearing her words, seeing her like this he didn't trust his own legs to hold him much longer. He brought her to sit with him on the couch nearby, holding her close and trying to soothe her.
Despite all he tried she continued to cry. Her hands moved up to caress his face as she spoke. "I've had more time with you than I'd ever dreamed of. It's OK. I can go now. That baby needs to know his mother and Becky has her whole life ahead of her." She stared into his eyes and begged, "Tell them Rafe. Tell them to take me. I want to go."
The sound of her screaming had brought Abby inside the room. It seemed impossible, but each one of her sobs was more heart wrenching than the next. Abby watched from the doorway, feeling so completely helpless that she simply cried with her. She was distracted, overcome with care and concern for her sister. She jumped a bit as she felt Ian's hand on her shoulder.
Rafe sensed someone standing there and looked over at them his eyes desperate. "Ian. Please." He whispered as he tried to hold Alison tighter. "Help me make her stop."
"I know you can do it. You can explain it to Grant and to Ella." Alison said as she clung to him. Rafe could feel her tears, hot on his skin as they continued to fall, soaking the collar of his shirt as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "Make her understand. You tell her I love her and I always will. You tell Grant I did this for him too. So that maybe he and Chloe will be able to live their lives without knowing pain like this. Please. You can tell them – Rafe. You tell them that."
Ian silently approached, holding a needle in his hand. Alison barely stirred as he plunged the syringe in her arm, the sedative he administered relaxing her muscles almost instantly. She continued to cry as Rafe held her close, his hand moving to run down the length of her hair and moving to rub circles gently on her back. He didn't know what else to do to comfort her.
He tried to compose himself as she continued to beg him, her sobs quieting with each word she spoke. "I know you don't want to – but please, let me go Rafe. Tell them to take me. Please? Help me to save them. I won't – I can't stay here without either of them – so please. PLEASE..." Even as the drug took hold she never ceased to beg. "Please. Just let me go…" She trailed off as she finally fell under. "Rafe. Let me go…"
Abby took a step closer her hands aching to try and do something useful. She stood by and waited to see what Rafe wanted them to do next. Wanting nothing more than to help, Ian leaned down and tried to take Alison from Rafe's arms. He stopped short when he heard Rafe whisper, "No."
He stared at them and fought to find his voice as he held Alison closer, cradling her and bringing her to rest on his lap. "Thank you, but no. It's OK. Just leave her with me."
Ian nodded as he put an arm around Abby's shoulders. They knew that the best thing to do right now was to let them be alone. Abby sighed as she sank into Ian a bit, leaning on him as he led her towards the door.
Grateful, Rafe watched them leave and then turned his attention to Alison again. She lay there silent, tears staining her cheeks as she finally got some rest. Fighting his own tears once more, desperate to comfort himself now, he held her closer and rocked her back and forth in his arms.
