PART TWO

"What do you think is wrong with Ron," Hermione asked Harry as they sat outside by the fountain. It was nearly supper now and Ron was still acting weird.

"Slugs in a manger," Ron muttered, behind them.

"Here we go again," Hermione moaned.

"We'll sort it all out soon enough," Harry said, trying to reassure Hermione.
"The binks of a harbinger," said Ron.

"He's going to drive me crazy," said Hermione.

"Well, don't jump to conclusions. There may have been something in his food," Harry said. Then he jumped up. "Something in his food! That must be it! I read about something like that somewhere, ergot in the food-"

"Ergot in the food!" exclaimed Hermione. "The hallucinogen?"

"Yes! What kinds of food has Ron eaten lately?" Harry asked.

"I don't have a clue," Hermione responded. "But ergot is in wet rye and wheat foods."

"It's a start," said Harry. "We should go see Dumbledore."

"Then we go to the Hospital Wing and see what we can do," added Hermione.

"Dinky mariner. Hops of a spoon within the racer," said Ron.

"Erm, yes. Come with us Ron," said Harry, grabbing his friend's arm.

"Ink spatter gobbet fly furball Winnebago," Ron gibbered.

"Argh," said Hermione.

Dumbledore peered at the trio over his half-moon glasses.

"What can I do for you young people today," he asked.

"We think we know why Ron is acting so strange," said Harry.
"Yes. We think it may be ergot. He must have eaten something contaminated with ergot," Hermione enunciated.

"Piss ant storm flubber," Ron insisted.

"You're all right, Ron," said Harry.

"Firewood placemat!" Ron yelled. "It's spacebar rubber chicken soup pallet!"

"Oh, Lord," said Hermione.

"Well," said Dumbledore. "Why don't you go to the Hospital Wing?"

"We wanted to let you know first, sir," said Harry.

"Thank you, Harry, thank you," said Dumbledore. "Now, let's go get this young man sorted out, shall we? Go on with you now."

"FLIBBERTIGIBBET MORON SUBMARINE TITANIC FLOURIDE RICKRACK DING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD BELL RINGER!" Ron shrieked.

"Yes, let's go, let's go!" cried Hermione, tugging Ron by the sleeve.

"It's ergot all right," said Madam Pomfrey as she laid a cooling cloth on Ron's forehead. "He had a bad case of it, too. Good thing you two thought of ergot."

"Will he be all right?" asked Hermione anxiously.

"He'll be right as rain in a bit," said Madam Pomfrey, smiling. "As soon as the hallucinations wear off, he can go back to his dormitory. Now, let him rest."

"Peak whistle bear piffle," muttered Ron under his breath. "Itchy scare bottle."

"See you soon, Ron," said Harry.

"Yeah, yeah, desperate fling moon touchy scar," said Ron, waving them away. "Hippity hoppity Easter's on its way. Carburator spiffy spoff. Tin can telephone major Elphaba."

"Bye, Ron," said Hermione.

"Germanraininkosparottamagistratepilferecstacypornofilmbarotta," Ron sighed.

THE END