Title – Realisations
Author – GTA Otaku
Rating – PG
Summary – Late at night, Rimmer cries holographic tears (could be Pre-Slash, could be smarm, Readers choice
Warning - It is Pre-Slashy I guess (look at that, I wrote Pre-Slash) but it is also written by me and therefore let it fall into the category of smarmy if you want it to.
Is also my first Red Dwarf fanfiction (RUN) and therefore could suffer from anything from poor writing to OOC
Disclaimer – I don't own Red Dwarf, not one smegging bit.
Flames will be used to fuel the rocket ship.

Realisation - Tears outside the Light Bee

He can't sleep, he isn't real.

It's not really his hair, his body, room, tears.

The pillow isn't wet, they aren't real. They simply fall out of range of the light bee and vanish into oblivion, gone and soon forgotten like one tiny decision, years back.

Fate was an utter gimboid.

So to the point was he.

Ace had been, well he had been Ace. Smart, cool, strong, the guy even smelled of success (and Kippers). He bet people lined up to spend the night with Ace.

As for Arnold there had been three. Of those three one had been drunk, the other virtual, and of course there had been Lisa "bloody not even him it was Lister" Yates.

He sobbed, and choked on it when Lister stirred above.

The thing he had realised the most was that Ace was not Arnold but could be. He could be Ace if he wasn't such a complete smeghead, and yet in the fortnight since the kippers had been smoked their bleeding last he couldn't for all he had tried. He had just slipped back into being Rimmer, dinosaur breath, molecule mind and, to the respectful, Arsehole.

He wished he was dead, o wait he was dead, dead and living in hell.

Fate was a complete and utter gimboid.

Why couldn't he, was he completely beneath such attainment. Even the scuzzers hated him, not that he blamed them. Rimmer couldn't even get on with himself, he had seen that with the 'other' Rimmer back when all this had started.

Was it because he had forsaken everything for failed exams and unachieved rank and warm gaspachio soup, trying so desperately to see pride in the eyes of the Father to whom he would always be second best, an underachiever beneath the likes of his great Brothers.

"I am a fish".

He punched the pillow, only to have his hand go straight through. That made him laugh, and then it made him cry. Lister stirred on the bunk above his.

Oh so what if Lister saw him, did he really care. The guy hated him anyway, hated him and loved Ace.

Bastard.

Seeing those two getting on, calling each other nicknames, doing their victory dance. Lister had even moped for a day when Ace had left, a whole smegging day.

Rimmer hated it, every second had burned his holographic heart with holographic flames and unshed holographic tears falling into oblivion.

Lister loved Ace, he hated Rimmer.

Fate didn't care. It was, after all, a gimboid.