Challenge fic
Backfire
Disclaimer: I am thoroughly sick of writing these… do I have to, Mummy?
Author's note: Well, I thought I was going to leave this fic as it was, but it seems the challenge continues- spurred on by SnufflestheInsane (http: I might even keep this up, if people read and review- and send me the next chapter challenge, remember, I need Characters (keep it marauder era, though…) An item, a quote and a conclusion. Be as inventive as you like!
Oh and also for those of you who politely pointed out- and those of you who rudely pointed out as well, my last fic I kept spelling Sirius with two r's. Somehow my computer's auto spell check does it, although I don't believe it's a word. I've turned the auto check off for your piece of mind- so it should be correct.
Characters: James Sirius Remus Peter Snape Lily
Item: A bucketful of crickets
Quote: Why are you chasing a squirrel up the whomping willow?
Conclusion: James gets covered in crickets courtesy of Lily
James and Sirius watched as the house elves
started piling trunks up on the Hogwarts express platform. They were well
concealed in a clump of snowy bushes, resolutely ignoring the steady trickle of
melting snow down the backs of their necks
'There it is!' James hissed in his friend's ear, pointing at a black lacquered
trunk a pug nosed little house elf had just added to the pile.
The reason the pair or mischief makers were hiding in a clump of very
uncomfortable bushes was sitting in a well covered bucket beside them. Around a
hundred live crickets chirped merrily away from inside, unaware of their fate.
The plan was simple. It was Christmas time and many of the students were
leaving for home, this included one Severus Snape. James and Sirius planned to
wait until the cost was clear, grab his trunk and fill it with a bucket full of crickets.
Not a very complex plan, but fun all the same. It was a shame they couldn't
manage to think up a way of getting a picture of his face when he opened the
trunk, but they had been pressed for time.
'Coast clear yet?' Sirius whispered, checking on the
insects by peeking under the lid.
'Nah, still a few students in sight and... Whoa, Lily Evans, damn, she looks fine... do you think she'd mind if I
stowed away in her trunk…?' James goggled, sticking his head out a bit from the
bushes.
Lily was handing her beautiful ebony trunk to an industrious house elf, while
she herself was muffled up in rich deep blue faux furs.
Sirius corked his friends arm
'Keep your mind on business, Romeo…' He said, rolling his eyes.
James rubbed his arm sullenly, and then grabbed his partner in crime in a
headlock, beginning a short, friendly scuffle…
Severus Snape rubbed his arms
impatiently. The sooner he got out of here, the better. Another half a year of
rivalry with the pathetically named "Marauders" almost over and he was eager to
get on with it.
Besides, Avery had promised to swap some chocolate frog cards with him on the
train, as well as some new hexes he had learnt. Suddenly Snape stopped. He'd
put his cards in his trunk! Hurriedly he made his way over to the pile of luggage,
brushing aside a questioning house elf contemptuously, and climbing over the
mound to hunt out his own black lacquered affair.
Finding his with ease, pretty much on top of the pile, he dragged it off to one
side, grabbed his cards from the top before locking it again and hurrying off
to find a compartment before the train filled up too far…
Unfortunately, the pair of troublemakers had been too involved in the scuffle
to notice Snape's slight alteration, so when it was over, both resuming their
positions, looking a little more pink cheeked and untidy then before, it took
them a little while to spot a black trunk again.
'I swear it was over there before…' James scratched his head, squinting at a
black trunk, now off to the right
'Whatever- can we move? The elves'll
be packing this stuff up soon…' Sirius said, flipping his hands and checking
the crickets again
'Looks like the coast is clear' James whispered, daring to stick his head out
and look around, giving Sirius the thumbs up.
Silently as snowflakes, the pair tiptoed, stifling giggles to the black trunk
on top of the pile. The Alohamora charm unlocked the shiny ebony trunk, but
instead of simply pouring the bugs in and tearing off as they planned, they
stood dumbfounded.
The trunk was full of neatly folded girl's robes, novels on scary girl things,
like horses, and a small bag of lavender potpourri.
'Do you think there's something Snape isn't telling us?' James grinned, hooking
out a pair of pink and frilly ladies underwear. Sirius gave a muffled snort of
laughter.
'Not unless he's changed houses, this is a Gryffindor's
trunk, dolt!' he scorned, pointing at a red and gold scarf, but through an
amused grin. James hastily dropped the knickers
'Hope it's not Gunta Avisbrook's!'
Jams shuddered. Sirius smirked, peering at the contents
'Couldn't be, the panties are WAY too small, here…' He
flipped open a book with his wand tip 'Lily Evans. Hey
sport, looks like your dreams have come true all at once! Go on, hop in!'
But James wasn't amused at all. In fact, he was a shade of green Sirius hadn't
seen before, and was looking off towards the school grounds
'What's up?'
Now, although squirrels tended to be fairly dormant in wintertime, the
squirrels of Hogwarts were always pretty active around the Hogwarts Express
platform, because it was here any number of tasty treats were dropped or left
before and after arrival or departure.
And it was one of these squirrels that had mistaken Lily's Cupcake icing pink
knickers for a possible treat…
'That… squirrel... It's got Lily's… Oh god…' James said in a shaking voice,
before taking off after it, waving his arms and screaming at it to put that
down.
Puzzled and behind the times, Sirius followed to find out what had suddenly
overtaken his friend.
And so it was on the way back towards the castle when Sirius met Peter and Remus, strolling casually through the snow.
'There you are!' Remus sighed happily 'We've been looking for you all morning…'
'Not too hard I see…' Sirius grinned, noting their casual pace
'Not really, I was pretty sure you could get into enough trouble without us.
Where were you anyway?' The werewolf quipped, falling into stride with Sirius.
'Down at the station…' He said a bit evasively.
'Don't tell me you went through with that stupid cricket idea…' Remus sighed.
'I didn't think it was stupid! I thought it was cool!' Peter piped in, clearly
wanting to impress the "cooler" Sirius.
'You would.' Remus said sullenly 'Where's James got to anyway?' He asked,
changing the subject.
Sirius shrugged 'Dunno, we opened Lily's case by accident and he just took off
saying something about a squirrel…'
Remus looked shocked and a little disturbed 'You're okay with this?'
'I'm following him…' he said a bit defensively. Remus sighed and squinted
ahead.
'Isn't that him up there, near the Whomping Willow?' He asked, shielding his
eyes from the glare. Sirius squinted.
'Think so, c'mon….'
James wasn't having ANY luck. The squirrel apparently made its home in the
Whomping willow, and even after prodding the knot, the effects wouldn't last
long. He just hoped it'd only take a minute to repossess Lily's undergarments…
He shimmied up the trunk and scuttled along a broad branch when below he heard
Remus call up to him.
'James… Why are you chasing a squirrel up the whomping willow?'
He looked down and swore. Underneath, looking up, Sirius, Peter and Remus all
gazed up at him.
'If you MUST know that damn squirrel took Lily's undies and I'd rather risk
breaking my neck to get them back then explain it…' He said through gritted
teeth, edging along the arrowing branch. 'Heeeere
squirrel, squirrel, squirrel...' he coaxed.
On the ground Sirius dissolved instantly into helpless gales of laughter, While
Peter put on a very fake laugh. Remus rubbed his temples.
'Remind me again why we're friends…' he sighed wearily, folding his arms to
watch.
James edged along the gradually thinning branch, arm stretching out to snag the
appealing little piece of lace and cloth that made up Lily's now precious
underwear.
The squirrel shied away from him, its little beady eyes wide and cautious.
'Come ON you stupid little creature! Give them BACK!' He made a slight lurching
dive to lay hands on the hairy menace, but at that moment the Whomping Willow
returned to its original state, catapulting poor James from the branch right
into the air, his limbs flailing, describing a splendid arc across the winter sky
before landing with a thud in a snow drift, feet up.
The squirrel, obviously used to its home's rather violent temperament hung on
tenaciously until the willow had stopped moving, before scampering off and
trying to nibble on the lacy pink lingerie. It was quite obviously not edible,
so it dropped it, and ran off into the upper branches and vanished in a hole.
Remus, smiled mildly and picked up the small and much fussed over knickers,
before sauntering over to James who was groggily getting up, soaked to the
skin.
'Looking for these?' He grinned broadly, tossing them to his friend.
'Thanks! Geeze, you saved my butt there…' James breathed, getting up, examining
the knickers. They were a little chewed from the squirrel, a little dirty from
the fall and rather wet from the snow, but what Lily didn't know, wouldn't hurt
her…
'C'mon, Let's put these back and finish what we came here for.
They jogged back to the station, and paused briefly as Sirius fetched the
crickets.
James skidded up to Lily's trunk, opening it hurriedly.
'Uuuuh, James?' Remus said nervously, tapping him on
the shoulder. James swatted him away.
'Not NOW Remus!' he snapped, fishing around in his pockets and pulling out the
underwear
'No, James, you better look…' Sirius said sounding a little unnerved. James
swore and looked up.
And stopped dead.
Lily Evans stood with her arms folded and her expression dark, she was tapping
her foot angrily.
'Lily!' James said in what he clearly thought was a
winning voice. Her expression didn't change as she snatched her underwear back.
'WHAT were you doing with my underwear?' She snapped, furious. James looked
around for help. Peter looked terrified and Remus had a "well you deserve it"
look, Sirius just shrugged.
'Well, to tell you the truth it was little joke on Snivilus,
we were planning to put those crickets in his trunk, but got mixed up and a squirrel
grabbed your knickers and yeah, I was putting them back…' he said it all too quickly,
gesturing to the bucket Sirius was holding. Lily looked at his suspiciously
then over at Sirius.
'May I?' she asked in honeyed tones, holding her small hand out for the bucket.
Sirius shrugged and bowed slightly handing it over. She peeked inside, smiled
sweetly, and upturned the lot on James' head, covering him with crickets.
'You are the MOST, unbelievable, insensitive, piggish oaf I have EVER met!' She
screamed, storming off, her knickers clenched in her hand.
'I take it that means any hope of you stowing away in her trunk is dashed, eh?'
Sirius said mildly, flicking a cricket away. 'Come on you piggish oaf, lets go
back to the common room and warm up and dry off…' he smirked, linking arms with
his cricket encrusted and totally stunned friend, before letting vent to peals
of laughter that followed them up to the castle.
