A/N: The hardest part about writing this story is the fact that I really don't know where I'm going. I know the end (for the most part), but the path to getting there is quite rocky.

Thanks to Holly I made a few index cards on various scenes that I want to include. This chapter was not one of them.

I thank everyone who has been reading and reviewing this. Hehehehe…it's so much fun and honestly I think that is one of the main reasons that I haven't stopped. (I love the story, but I never have had much dedication to finish my own work.) Thank you for that and thank you for tolerating my really slow updating schedule. I will try to be faster on my next one. crosses fingers

Thank you and I hope that you enjoy.

Chapter Twelve

She had tried for hours to shut her mind off and get some sleep, but her attempts were in vain. There was no possible way she could sleep with the knowledge she possessed.

Donna honestly didn't know if she could ever sleep again.

Now she realized the exhaustion was making her a bit dramatic, but it was the thought that counted.

With a sign, she let her lids drift close once more knowing that it would do little use.

"I'm pregnant." Her quiet whisper was enough to describe her feelings.

She knew she had to say it. The only other time she had spoken the words was once her sobs had subsided and she was able to speak to Sam and Dawn. After that she dashed off to her room and made it clear that she wanted to hear nothing of their offered comfort.

Donna would face this alone.

Because she knew that she couldn't tell Josh.

That was her first decision. It was not one stemmed out of embarrassment or shame. No, though she felt it, that was not enough for her come to that conclusion and certainly not enough cause for her to come to it so soon.

The real cause was that she loved Josh too much. With another sigh she realized that practically no one would understand. Understand that her refusal to tell him wasn't out of selfishness, but out of selflessness. She simply couldn't expose him to the vulnerability. Wouldn't.

Josh's career was the most important thing in life-aside from his mother. She-and she was almost certain Josh himself-had thought and decided that a relationship between the two of them would hurt his current job and his credibility for future ones. Also, he needed to keep his head in the game and was most likely why he had always chosen women like Amy to serve as 'stepping stones'.

She would never be an Amy or Mandy. She learned that long, long ago.

Besides that she knew that Josh couldn't handle a baby. There was a possibility that she was not giving the man enough credit-she knew that he could handle more than what anyone else knew-but she also knew that Josh needed to focus on what he was doing now and that a baby would more than likely drive him out of his mind.

She giggled softly as she thought about how Joshua Lyman would handle a baby. She could see the little child-regardless of the gender- decked out in a little Mets uniform that he would spend a fortune on just so he could get the child enrolled in baseball camp. He would send the child to an all-Democrat school and never once let them look at an elephant when they went to the zoo.

But she knew that he would try his damndest to be there for them. To the point that he would give up the career that he had worked a lifetime to secure.

And she refused to do that.

Then there were the issues that she had to deal with concerning herself- what she was going to do with the baby, whether she would continue to work at the White House, whether she even wanted to have the baby.

Abortion. She had talked about it many times and had worked with Josh many a late night on provisions for various bills. Donna knew that they were both pro-choice, but she had never seriously thought about using it in her own personal case. Now it was an option that she needed to consider.

She wanted to cry again. She wanted to let her defenses down and sob until there weren't any tears left for her to shed, but she knew that it would do little good. Then she decided that she wanted to eat.

She got out of bed and changed out of her work clothes. She went to one of her drawers and pulled out a plain white t-shirt. The same one that Josh had worn the night he came over-the night they made a child. She lips curled in a thin smile as she thought of how damn difficult he was then. "I didn't get off," she muttered as she pulled the cotton tee over her head. She then slipped on a pair of shorts and went straight toward the kitchen.

Dawn must had been waiting for her to show any sign of life, Donna predicted, because not moments after the blonde had ventured from her room, the other woman had emerged from her own to join her by the refrigerator.

"Want me to make you something?"

Donna shook her head as she opened the door. "I think I'm just a little thirsty."

"I can make you a glass of warm milk."

She seemed to ponder the suggestion, then turned to face Dawn skeptically. "Have you ever had a glass of warm milk?" When the woman shook her head, she continued. "I don't know, but the idea of warm milk just sounds gross. My mom would always offer to make me a glass of warm milk, but I never thought that it sounded good. I would take it cold and she would think that I was just impatient, but I wasn't. I just thought that 'warm milk' sounded like 'almost spoiled milk'."

Dawn simply gave her a puzzled look.

"Sorry." She reached for a bottle of water. "I guess my mind just likes the idea of trivial matters."

"I don't want to pry so I'll just say that we can make it work. It'll be quite a squeeze, but I know that we can make it work."

She didn't know how to say this. "I don't know if we'll have to."

"Are you going to move out?" Then it hit her. "Oh."

"I haven't decided yet." Donna unscrewed the cap and took a sip of her drink. "I'm going to wait a couple days before I do anything."

Dawn didn't know what to say about that. It sounded smart, it sounded responsible and she knew that it was the best thing to do. None of her other friends would have gotten past stage one. With that, she offered a weak smile. "You know that no matter what I'll be here for you."

She returned the gesture. "I know, and that really means a lot. I know I have you and I have Sam."

"Yup."

She placed the top back on the water and carried with her as she ventured back to her room. "I better get some sleep. I still have work in the morning."

"Sweet dreams."

"Night." But once she curled up in her bed, her mind allowed her little opportunity to dream at all.

Donna felt as rough as she did the day after cramming an all-nighter when she had a big paper or final due. She knew that there were several aspects that played a part, but that didn't make her feel any better as she walked into her part of the bull pen at 7:30.

She made her usual greetings as she made her way around in her routine and then decided that she had to speak with the man in charge once he walked through the door.

And as if right on key. "Mornin', Donna."

"Josh," she greeted with a smile as she sipped her coffee. She then realized that a pregnant women couldn't have caffeine.

"Donna?" Her expression startled him.

"Here," she said handing him her coffee.

"What's wrong with it?" He sniffed it for good measure.

"Nothing…I just thought that you might like some coffee this morning with all the trouble that's going down. You have a meeting with Leo first thing and so…yeah. Coffee."

He stood there in shock. "A-Are you okay? Did the doctor say something really bad?"

"I'm not dying, if that's what you're asking. Neither are you. I just…need to cut back on my caffeine consumption."

Josh nodded. That made sense to him. It probably wasn't good to go around drinking caffeine all the time. But Josh really couldn't remember her actually drinking all that much in the first place. "Oh well. Thanks."

"No problem. Now let's get to work." She would save sorting through her problems until after the day was over.

Donna was wrong.

"Donna," Josh said coming up behind her around six-thirty. "Sorry, but this one is going to go late again."

She nodded. "When is he supposed to be here?"

"His office called and said that he just left the Hill. Toby and I are going to take it and I'd like for you to run to get some Chinese food."

"You, Toby and Henderson?"

"Yeah." He looked at her and gave a small smile. "Don't forget that you have to eat, too."

Her response was a snicker. "Trust me, I won't."

"Get us some food and then I'll see if I still need you after that. Okay?"

"See you in a bit, boss."

From there she drove to the restaurant and realized that she should probably have called the order in beforehand. After taking a guess at to what the congressman might like, she ordered the food and sat down to wait.

Her mind tried to focus on fortune cookies and egg rolls, but within minutes she was drifting to more serious matters. Ones that dealt quite a bit with a certain curly haired man.

She couldn't do it to him. She loved him too much to make him half to sacrifice his career due to a silly one night stand. That he doesn't even remember. Donna would also secretly confess that she had personal motives as well. She was scared. Scared about having a baby, scared about raising a baby, scared about what would happen to her career and scared about what would happen to her relationships. She just didn't think it would be worth it.

She sighed as she twisted her purse strap between her fingers. This was just more than she could handle. The medical expenses alone was a good enough excuse. Then there was the other supplies that would be needed and the fact that she would have to take off from work to the point that Josh would have to probably hire someone to take over her position. And all of that was on the condition that he would never find out.

Donna groaned. With Sam and Dawn in the know, Josh would find out. She loved her two friends to death, but she knew that they both were not known for secrecy. She could imagine Sam getting sloshed with Josh on a Friday night and the information easily slipping off his tongue before anything else could be done. From there, Josh would no doubt fire her and deny the whole thing. And she couldn't risk that.

A noise startled her from her thoughts and Donna thought it best to return to the reality around her. As she glanced up she saw a woman waiting in line to give her order. In front of her was a baby stroller and in her arms rested the little child. The noise was the mother trying her best to invoke a giggle out of the baby. Donna was captivated-the pants suit, the blonde hair and the same alabaster skin made her think about how that could be her.

"I'm gonna getcha," the mother teased as she reached over and tickled the baby's tummy with a hand. She was rewarded with a loud cackle.

Before she realized what her body was doing, she was out of her seat and walking toward the woman. A part of her was feeling inwardly drawn to the sight of a mother and child. But she quickly gathered her bearings and decided she was acting crazy. One does not go up to strangers and certainly not in the middle of Washington D.C. When she turned to head back to her chair she noted that a rather large and hairy man had taken her place and she was not about to argue.

The mother caught Donna's gaze. "There's something about babies, I know."

Donna smiled shyly and took another step forward. "Yeah. Boy or girl?"

"Girl." The mother pointed to the pink diaper bag. "I like the color blue, but I thought that pink might help in identification."

Now Donna grinned outright. "Understandable. Most people say they all look the same when they're little. How old is she?"

"Just under six months." The woman cast another glance at her squirming bundle. "She's my little pride and joy."

Donna didn't want to bother the woman and was very hesitant to take another step, but she felt drawn in by an invisible field. She needed to know more about what this would really be like. "Is it hard?"

"Taking care of her?" Donna nodded. "Yeah, it can be. I work at the municipal court downtown. My husband and I are separated currently, so that means that I do most of the grunt work." She chuckled. "I found a good daycare and the nights like these that I work late I either bring her with me or take her to my mother's."

"Take her with you?"

"Sometimes…well rarely she's quiet enough that I can take her up there and cause no trouble. Most of the people simply want to hold her and play with her. I know that it won't last long so I try to milk it while I can."

Both women smiled at each other. Donna didn't know why, but she felt that she must confess for her curiosity. "I…Well, I just found out that I'm pregnant."

The woman beamed. "I understand. It's scary."

Donna could do nothing but nod her head.

"Father in the picture?" Donna shook her head. "And looks from the dress that you have a decent job." Donna nodded once again. "You have to decide what's best for you. I won't stand here and pretend to give you advice."

"Ma'am, may I take your order." Both had failed to realize that it was her turn at the counter.

"Yes, excuse me," she sad to the man behind the counter. She then turned to Donna. "I hate to be a bother and I hope you don't snatch her, but could you hold her just a minute?"

"Of course," Donna retorted as she lifted the bundle into her own arms. As she stared down at the glowing little girl she couldn't help but let her spirits soar. She was adorable with her little puff of brown hair and her little cow eyes.

The moment passed faster than Donna was prepared for and she didn't notice the mother staring at her. She kept her gaze focused on the little life that she held and let her mind remind her that in just a few months from now this could be what her baby looked like. Her baby.

"Her name's Aubrey. Mine's Rachel," the mother confessed.

"Donna," she said slowly as she looked to the mother once more. "I'm sorry. Do you want her back?"

Rachel chuckled. "Just return her before you leave. The girl loves to be held so I don't really mind a little break."

"Order two-twelve!" The man behind the counter called.

"Oh, that's me," Donna said, quickly handing the child back to her parent. She then went over and grabbed the bags of food. As she walked toward the door she went to Rachel and Aubrey once more. "Thank you."

Rachel felt she understood. "You're welcome."

Donna walked out and went straight to the car. As soon as she deposited the food in the passenger seat and her in the driver's side, she took a moment to collect herself. "How could I even think of giving that up?" she berated herself as she put a hand on her stomach. She made up her mind then and there.

She was going to be a mommy.