Disclaimer: Hello! It is I Crisa Rei! I do not own InuYasha and if you want money, get a job!
About the story: Okay for some odd reason I came up with a pretty weird story plot. I promise it's hilarious and it has some sexual content, language, sexual dialogue and mature levels. Please: READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!
Summary: InuYasha desperately wants to move to a certain neighborhood because of the nice housing area and in order for him to go to a certain college he must be in that neighborhood or move to the ghetto part of town. The only problem is: He must be a girl to live there. So with a little help from Miroku's caretaker, Mushin who is a plastic surgeon, he moves there.
Rating: PG-13/R
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I Am a Girl, I Am a Girl Chapter One: Needs and Wants
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InuYasha drove past Tama Neighborhood, his golden eyes staring at the large, majestic homes hungrily. Suddenly his dreamy face turned into a grimace as he read a sign: This Housing Area is Off Limits to Any Male Personnel Unless Granted Permission.' Well that sucked.
"Damn females and their restrictions!" InuYasha muttered and turned up the radio and speeded up. How could he get into Law College? You had to either live in the crappy part of town or the girly part. He was certainly NOT going to live in a shack! Especially since he had such a high reputation of rank amongst the whole city. If word got out he lived in the ghetto hood he would be in humiliation. If he got caught cross-dressing, he would simply say that he was researching the life of a woman so he could write a book to help serve men.
He drove into his garage and then walked into the small white house. Shippo was playing video games with Kohaku.
"Hello InuYasha!" Shippo greeted with a smile, not taking his eyes off of Mario Cart. "Ha!" he cheered after Kohaku's car hit a green turtle shell. "I'm in the lead now!"
"Hey," InuYasha grunted as he went into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and grabbed a coke and opened it up and took a large gulp. He nearly choked on it. "Damn! Forgot this was the 'no caffeine' kind." He leaned in the doorframe and watched Shippo and Kohaku play.
"Where's your sister?" InuYasha asked as he crumpled the can and threw it in the trash.
"Shopping with a new friend she made," Kohaku said simply.
"Oh yeah? She cute?" InuYasha raised a brow.
"My sister?!" Kohaku turned to him and then back to the screen as Shippo drove into a pond.
"No! Her friend," InuYasha said and sat on the couch and picked up a magazine.
"I don't know," Kohaku answered, "I didn't get to meet her. She just said bye and went out the door. I walked over here because I was bored and Sango forgot to go grocery shopping. I called and left her a message to."
"Feh, women are so forgetful," InuYasha scoffed. He turned the page of the magazine and smirked, "Looks like that wolf pup got demoted. Ha! Serves him right, harassing his patient."
Miroku walked in and InuYasha's ears twitched. "What the hell are you doing here? Ever heard of knocking? I could be freakin' naked for all you know!" InuYasha shouted, throwing the magazine at him, but it missed its target and plopped near Miroku.
Miroku looked at him, "In front of Shippo and Kohaku? I doubt. I'm here to pick up Kohaku." He waited for Kohaku to stop playing and he coughed. "Kohaku, your sister wants you home."
"Yeah, yeah. I heard you the first time," Kohaku said as he crossed the finish line in third place. "Aw man!" He put up the controller. "Well see you later Shippo. Thanks."
"Any time! I have no one to play with usually," Shippo said, "InuYasha cheats."
"Just because you don't know the short cuts and I do, doesn't mean I'm cheating!" InuYasha argued. "It's time for your bath anyhow! Go! Now!"
"I'll be in the car," Kohaku said, "Can I switch the radio to my station."
"Sure," Miroku said and Kohaku walked out the door. "You want to talk to me about something, InuYasha?" The water started in the bathroom.
"Yeah," InuYasha said as he turned off the TV. "That neighborhood, Tama Neighborhood. You know how I can get in it?"
"By having passionate sex with a woman and she'll invite you over?" Miroku suggested.
"No! Pervert! I want to live there in order to attend Law University. I can't move to the ghetto part. That's like saying I lost all my money!" InuYasha stated.
"Why don't you just pay to live there? Like rent?" Miroku asked.
"I already asked," InuYasha said. "The answer the woman gave me was to get a sex change. Like hell I'll do that!"
"She said it was the only way...guess you'll be living in the hood, ne?" Miroku said. "Of course, Uncle Mushin is a plastic surgeon and he's been dying to test his new 'Temporary Plastic' thing."
"Temporary plastic?" InuYasha arched a brow, "What's that?"
"I dunno," Miroku shrugged. "Like I listen to him." The car honked twice and Miroku jumped. "Hey I better go before Kohaku fries in there and Sango slaughters me."
"All right," InuYasha said. "Where can I meet Mushin?"
"You serious?" Miroku looked at him with a shocked expression.
He sighed, "I don't know. But it's the only option so far and I want to investigate it before I do anything stupid."
"All right, your choice. If you do get surgery, don't become gay, okay?" Miroku said.
"I'll act as a lesbian," InuYasha said sarcastically.
"Lesbian action is good," Miroku grinned and then ran out before InuYasha could fling the table at him.
Kagome sighed as she sat on her porch with Sango. She brushed aside a black strand.
"I absolutely adore your house! It's so huge! And it's in a nice neighborhood with no men around. You got it made," Sango looked around the house one last time.
"It gets lonely and the some girls are lesbians," Kagome explained. "All the girls freak if a guy steps a toe on the grass! They attacked my carpet cleaner man because he was a man!"
"Hey! There's a house for sale across your street! Think I can move in?" Sango asked eagerly.
"Not with Kohaku," Kagome replied. "I can't let Grandpa or Souta visit my house. I had to send them pictures! I have to drive thirty minutes over there just to see them!"
"Man that's stinks," Sango said. She looked at her watch, "Miroku should be at my house by now. I better go before he goes through my lingerie."
Miroku opened the top drawer of Sango's dresser. "Damn! Where's her underwear drawer?" He found her make up and perfume that made her smell so good, but no lingerie. No nude pics, nothing good whatsoever. He looked under the bed and found a whip. A devilish grin came upon his face. "I wonder what she uses this for."
"She trains with that thing," Kohaku's voice broke his thoughts. "She is a horse trainer part time. You already knew that Miroku, so quite getting your hopes up."
Miroku turned around, "I was looking for my shoes, Kohaku. One of these days a girl will slap you because you interpreted something wrong in your mind."
"Your shoes are on your feet and I know better than to say what's on my mind if its something perverted, unlike you," Kohaku stated. "Want anything to eat?"
"Sure I'm hungry," Miroku said as he got up again and he looked at his feet. "There you are! My beloved shoes!"
"I don't want to be like you when I grow up," Kohaku said, leaving the room and into the kitchen.
"..." Miroku didn't respond. "Someday," he made a whispered vow, "I will find that secret drawer!" He walked out and turned off the lights just as Sango entered the house. 'There is a God,' he thought and put on an angelic smile for Sango, who was carrying several paper bags of groceries.
"Let me help you Sango-san," Miroku offered and grabbed some of them and walked into the kitchen as Kohaku came out to help her too.
"Thank you, Miroku, Kohaku. Do anything interesting today while I was away?" Sango asked as she got her shopping bags, filled with clothes and shoes.
"Miroku hunted today," Kohaku said. "I went over to Shippo's to hang out."
"Hunted what?" Sango asked.
"Er...um...my...my...pet turtle! Yeah he got loose. I think he's somewhere around here," he pretended to search for the "turtle" some more.
"Yeah but he thinks he saw it go into your room," Kohaku muttered. "Oh yeah Sango...I was trying to make dinner and I...accidentally burned the peas."
"How can you burn peas? Kohaku! I told you, you need to take Home Economics," Sango sighed and rushed into the kitchen to help rid the peas of their doom.
"How are you Miss Higurashi? Doing well I hope."
"I am fine, thank you Kikyou," Kagome spoke abruptly. "I just came back shopping with my friend, Sango-chan."
"Really?" her eyebrows went up in interest, "Did you tell her about the house for sale?"
"Uh yeah...but she has a little brother," Kagome explained. "She couldn't move here."
"Of course," Kikyou nodded, "Quite understandable. Remember, men can never ever be trusted. Men are leeches, human leeches and nothing more. They are nothing more."
"Yes of course," Kagome bowed, rolling her eyes, "I keep that sign posted above my bed reminding me never to have sex with the guys I sneak in. Oh my goodness!" She put her hand over her mouth. "Did I say that aloud?" She faked as gasp. "I'm sorry. I would never sneak a guy in."
"I trust you don't," Kikyou said, obviously not amused by Kagome's little act. "Strange. Somehow you remind me of me when I was ignorant and somewhat stupid."
"...Okay..." Kagome said, blinking. "Though I am nothing like you. Oh I heard that Kagura sneaks a guy in every now and then."
"Really? Well I guess I better go and talk to her, won't I?" Kikyou said, not waiting for an answer. She walked off in her long red skirt.
"Kami she is annoying," Kagome groaned as she entered her house. Her house was nicely and elegantly furnished with red oak. Her spiral staircase had a nice white thin carpet runner and her walls were painted a nice coral pink. It was so empty in here that she hated it completely and would give anything for someone to come over and fill the house with noise. She didn't mind having a party, but the girls around the neighborhood would complain and notify Kikyou at once.
She dropped onto the white cushioned couch and turned on the TV as Buyo curled up beside her, the only male allowed to stay in the house.The next day InuYasha was drumming his fingers on the table at the small diner. This was where he was supposed to meet that surgeon Miroku often mentioned. "Waiter!" he snapped. "Get me a coke!"
"Yes sir," the waiter said and went in the back and came back out and handed him the coke. "Enjoy sir." He walked off to help a couple and he sighed.
He took a gulp and spat it out. "What the hell is this?! It's not caffeine!" he shouted, making everyone stare at him.
"Mommy," he heard a nearby boy whimper. "He's scaring me."
"Be afraid little boy! Be very afraid! Soon the world will be ruled with no caffeine drinks!" InuYasha hissed at the boy.
"InuYasha I presume," an old man's voice tickled his ears. InuYasha turned around and grimaced.
"Yeah what can I do for you old man?" he asked.
"The question is what can I do for you? Simple face renewal? Those bags under your eyes are heavy," the man started poking at InuYasha's skin.
"What the hell are you doing? Get away from me!" InuYasha leaped up and grasped the curtains like a cat.
"I am Mushin, the plastic surgeon," he said calmly. "Now don't be silly and get down from there so we can discuss your skin problems."
InuYasha growled and jumped back down. Most of the people had left by then. "Look...all I want is that temporary stuff. I want to look like...like a girl for...two months."
"Really now?" he laughed, "Well the temporary plastic surgery hasn't been tested yet. You'd be the first. Are you willing to take the chance that you might look like a girl forever?"
"I NEED TO GET INTO THAT SCHOOL! I DON'T CARE IF I LOOK LIKE PAMELA ANDERSON JUST MAKE ME A GIRL!!!!" InuYasha shouted.
Several people gave him disgusted looks and he flipped them off. "What's the matter with these people. Ever heard of a SEX CHANGE before?"
They quickly turned around as Mushin started to calm him down. "All right, all right. I'll take that as a yes. It'll take a week to recover from the surgery and that's when the two months count down begins. I'll need to give you implants and arrange your face a little. I will dye your hair and put on permanent make-up. I'll have to move your hairline slightly forward and make your eyes more feminine. I suggest brown contacts."
"Fine, fine," InuYasha rushed him. "Wait...implants?!"
"Yes, breasts," Mushin said. "You need those. You can't stuff, it won't look natural. And I'll have to open up your throat and rearrange your vocal chords to make it sound more feminine. It's a hard process. Only two surgeons have managed to successfully do it. Myself and my good friend who is currently working in America."
"Uh-huh," InuYasha said. "Will they be big tits or what?"
"They'll fill in your form. Match your feminine alignment. Judging by your broad shoulders and sqaurish figure, they'll have to be big." Mushin said as he got out a sketchbook and started to sketch. "We'll have to pluck your eyebrows...Laser hair removal from your armpits, legs and arms. Perhaps your upper lip as well." He turned the sketchbook to InuYasha, showing a very sexy looking woman. "It's you."
"That good-looking girl is me?!?!" InuYasha exclaimed, pointing at it. "No way! I am NOT looking like that! I'll be raped for sure!"
"Don't worry, if they see your manly parts, they'll run for the hills," Mushin said calmly. "Unless you want the whole 12 yards."
"NO! I don't want a vagina!" InuYasha protested.
"Fine with me. Less work to do," Mushin said. "My favorite part is the implants." He blushed.
"You did raise Miroku, didn't you," InuYasha accused. "I can tell."
"He was raised a good man," Mushin nodded. "I don't regret the way I raised him."
"How did his father die?" InuYasha asked.
"...He got sucked up by a very large vacuum cleaner," Mushin stated. "I am ashamed to admit that Miroku will have the same destiny as his father if he doesn't find that Orkin man and kill him."
"Seriously?" InuYasha asked.
"No," Mushin said. "You're going to have to ask Miroku. I'm not one to tell family secrets. He's like a son to me."
"Okay, so...could you make the boobs smaller?" InuYasha asked.
He erased and sketched again and showed it to him.
"Perfect," InuYasha said. "I'd fall in love with her if she wasn't me." He laughed. "Tama Neighborhood here I come!"
"You're really going through with this, InuYasha?" Miroku asked as they were eating dinner.
"Yeah..." InuYasha replied. "That college is my future. I have always wanted to argue with another person and get paid for it."
"Then why don't you shoot higher and become a judge? You can kill people without having to kill them actually if you don't like them," Miroku said. "And lots of people can bribe you with tons of money."
"And risk being sent to jail for the rest of my life, no," InuYasha sipped his coffee. "Damn coffee! What the hell? Where did all the caffeine go! I WANT MY CAFFEINE!"
"...Calm down InuYasha," Miroku said.
"Someone doesn't want me drinking caffeine," he looked around like he was paranoid. "I'll find that son of a bitch who's doing it!" he said loudly.
"Aren't you afraid of going under the knife?" Miroku asked.
"No. I've been stabbed by a sword Miroku, you think a knife is any different?" InuYasha asked, drinking his bad tasting coffee.
"It's a knife InuYasha! Mushin's behind it!" Miroku exclaimed. "He has a tendency to get drunk before an operation! You could end up having one boob bigger than the other!"
"Fine with me," InuYasha said, smirking, "Guys won't bother to hit on me then."
"You want even boobs! Repeat after me. I."
"I."
"Want."
"Want."
"Even."
"Even."
"Boobs."
"Boobs."
"That doesn't help me Miroku," InuYasha said. "I don't care what kind of boobs I get."
"I do! You know what this means!? I can touch you and you won't care!" Miroku said.
"Ew! NO WAY!" InuYasha shouted. "You are not getting near my boobs! They're mine to play with and no one else's! Understand!"
"You get all the fun," Miroku murmured. "Hey think I can get plastic surgery too and become your roomie?"
"NO!"
"Please?"
"No!"
"I'll give you caffeine."
"...No!"
"Lots of it."
"........No!" He plugged his ears and grabbed Miroku and threw him out of his house and locked the door. "I will not be tempted!"Naraku smirked and looked at Kikyou. "Everything running smoothly Kikyou?"
"Yes Naraku," Kikyou said and planted a kiss on his forehead, "Kagura was found with a boy in her closet. She was warned and fined."
"No guys whatsoever?"
"None."
"Who told you?"
"Higurashi Kagome," Kikyou said. "She gets on my nerves. She's such an innocent person."
"You should reward her Kikyou. She's kept this place clean of men," Naraku said. "How about the fine money?"
"No!" Kikyou protested. "That's my money."
"How about a ticket for one free man at the house?"
"All right," Kikyou sighed.
"Soon our real plan will come up to the surface and they'll have no where to run. It's a shame Ayame had to move in with her boyfriend. She would be a great victim," Naraku chortled. "Ah yes. But we have so many applicants of wanting that yellow house across from Higurashi Kagome's residence."
"I know. I've spoken to her. Her friend wanted to move in, but she has a little brother," Kikyou said.
InuYasha gulped as Mushin showed the liquid for putting you asleep. (can't spell it and Spell Check doesn't even know what the heck it is). "It will only be a small pinch, promise," he grinned. "You'll be under the knife in half an hour. Are you ready?"
"JUST PUT IT IN THE ARM!!!" InuYasha yelled and Mushin poked him and pressed the liquid in his veins. "OUCH!"
End of Chapter One
Crisa Rei: Well what did you think of it? Was it good? Was it funny? Was it interesting?
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