Disclaimer: Hello! It is I Crisa Rei! I do not own InuYasha and if you want money, get a job!

To my reviewers: Wow 13 reviews already. I am so happy. You guys are great so I decided to update the story sooner than two days from now. Don't you feel special and my sincere thanks to the person laughing at the Orkin man. I'm surprised no one mentioned the Pamela Anderson thing and here is a warning: You won't be able to picture InuYasha as a girl....

So I took the liberty of drawing him as a girl. As soon as Lacy can scan it then all you guys can laugh at it. Love you all and don't forget to review!

About the story: Okay for some odd reason I came up with a pretty weird story plot. I promise it's hilarious and it has some sexual content, language, sexual dialogue and mature levels. Please: READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

Rating: PG-13/R

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I Am a Girl, I Am a Girl

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InuYasha was asleep. The two weeks had passed and they were very painful weeks. He itched everywhere and scabs covered his face and body. He bled once and a while and it burned at his very flesh. The stench was unbearable as well.

"All right Miss InuYasha, it seems that you have recovered just as we wanted you to," Mushin said, looking at his charts. "Quite perfectly. There should be no blemishes or imperfections."

InuYasha flipped him off. His throat was soar, his body was soar. He couldn't speak, so he threw his pen at Mushin.

"All right. Relax InuYasha," Mushin said, "Naoko, please assist me."

"Yes Dr. Mushin," the feminine voice replied. "What did this girl get?" He felt hands peel off his bandages.

"Miss InuYasha had a slight face and body lift," Mushin explained.

"Liar!" InuYasha shouted.

"Please stay silent, Miss InuYasha," Mushin said, he wanted to see if Naoko would be able to recognize 'Miss InuYasha' as 'Mr. InuYasha'.

"Miss InuYasha, are you Mr. InuYasha's wife?" Naoko asked as his face greeted the air.

"No Miss InuYasha is InuYasha's sister, isn't that right Miss InuYasha?" Mushin asked. "Is your skin feeling fresh?"

"Yes," InuYasha said and he was surprised by his voice. It sounded smooth, innocent and feminine. "My voice...what happened to it?"

"Ah yes, Naoko you may leave now," Mushin said and she nodded and left. "I altered your vocal chords InuYasha. Your voice sounds like a nightingale. You should join the chorus." He took InuYasha's face in his hands and inspected the face. "Exquisite. Your face, you're beautiful InuYasha. My goodness, it's a girl!"

Mushin peeled off the bandages from InuYasha's entire body and while Mushin was taking off the bandages InuYasha frantically searched for a mirror. "Damn it, don't you have any mirrors around here?"

"No of course not. If something goes horribly wrong we can knock that person out and perform surgery again before they look at themselves, but I assure I will lend you a mirror," Mushin explained.

"Feh, just like Miroku," InuYasha grimaced. "I'm naked. Give me clothes!"

"I estimated on your clothing size. Naoko went and bought the cutest red mini skirt and tight t-shirt for you. It's a good thing your muscles aren't big," Mushin said as he handed InuYasha some clothes. "You'll need to wear bikini briefs. Since you're wearing a skirt."

"Damn!" InuYasha snatched the clothes from him and went into the dressing room. "NO MIRROR???"

"Of course not. Not in here InuYasha," Mushin's voice calmly said as InuYasha tangled himself in the girls' clothing.

"Ow!" InuYasha fell against the wall as he shoved his smooth, slender legs through the skirt's opening. He pulled the shirt over his head. "I can't breathe in this shirt!" He flipped his black hair over his shoulders. "And I have black hair!" InuYasha came out and stood in the doorway. "No way am I going out like this."

Mushin was drooling. "You look very cute, Miss InuYasha." He came up to InuYasha and poked his boobs, "Ah very good texture. I wasn't certain if they were going to be like bricks or pillows. But it feels like normal breasts. Soft and warm. Now the implants and all the other feminine qualities I inserted in you will deteriorate in exactly two months from now. There might be some pain in the chest and you will have headaches a few days before it ends. Please tell me any other symptoms you might have so I may write them down for further investigation."

"Yeah, yeah and quite calling me 'miss'!" he answered. "Let me see myself."

Mushin nodded and left the room. A few minutes later Mushin was carrying a full-length mirror and he placed it before InuYasha.

"Gah!" InuYasha jumped back at the sight of his own reflection. Naoko came in and smiled at InuYasha. "Where the hell are my ears?!"

"Miss InuYasha, you look very lovely. However, Rena and myself here are going to do your hair. You can't go around with a wild mane," Naoko smiled at InuYasha. Rena came in and smiled too.

InuYasha sat in the chair as they played with his silk black hair. (Example: Picture Sesshoumaru's hair black. That's InuYasha's hair) InuYasha's eyes were brown and soft. His lips were permanently glossy and his nails were manicured and pink. His breasts were round and perfect and he hand an hourglass figure. His legs were long and slender. His eyelids had been carefully colored a light red.

InuYasha was still wondering where his ears were. He could hear perfectly, but he had fake human ears...where were his dog-ears?

The girls put up his hair into a high ponytail and brushed it some more. "Kawaii Miss InuYasha!"

"Uhm..." InuYasha thought, what would a woman say? InuYasha came up with the answer, "I know."

"Here are your leg warmers and shoes and your school jacket. You'll have to pass as a High school graduate. Since that shirt is so tight and short, you must wear this light jacket over it."

InuYasha grabbed the jacket and put it on. "Feh stupid fashions. This skirt makes me feel uneasy. I feel like I have an air vent down there."

Mushin smiled, "Now Miss InuYasha, you do need a fake I.D and a fake name."

"I want my name to be InuTaka! Or Taka! Anamori Taka," InuYasha said, "Miroku helped."

"Ah yes of course," Mushin nodded and then dialed his phone. "I need an I.D for a Miss Anamori Taka. I will send the picture immediately." He hung up and whipped out a camera. "Smile."

Before InuYasha had a chance to do anything the flash went off and InuYasha blinked. "Am I supposed to see blue and orange dots?"

"Happens all the time," he scanned the picture and sent it. No sooner had he sent it, a small I.D card popped out of a hole in the ceiling.

"How-?"

"New technology," Mushin explained as he handed InuYasha the card.

"Hey! I looked freaked out in this thing!" InuYasha said, "No way am I showing this to everyone."

"Here are your new credit cards, drivers' license, College I.D, and club I.D," Mushin said. "Need anything else with your new name on it please tell me. The college has accepted Anamori Taka and after two months I had them switch to Hanyou InuYasha. What will you do in two months? Move somewhere else?"

"No, I'm making that neighborhood accept guys as well," InuYasha smirked and left, not before stumbling. "Damn skirt."

"Damn it, Miroku! Stop hitting on me!" InuYasha shouted as Miroku pulled his hand away from InuYasha's thigh. "I'm still InuYasha!" InuYasha put his turn signal on.

"You look like a girl to me, Taka. What are you going to tell Shippo?" Miroku asked.

"Crap! I forgot about him," InuYasha said as he swerved into the driveway. "Can he live with you for two months? Or maybe Sango could keep him."

"I'll ask Sango. I'll tell her you went on a business trip before you went to college. Should I tell Shippo the same thing?" Miroku asked.

"Yes," InuYasha said through gritted teeth. "These tits are killing me!"

"How so?"

"I can't drive without the wheel touching them!" InuYasha said as he got out the key. "Okay I'm your girlfriend all right? Make something up and keep your hands to yourself!"

"Yes Taka," Miroku grinned and got out of the red sports car. He and "Taka" went up to the door and Miroku rang the bell.

A few seconds later Shippo looked through the peep hole and smiled and then opened the door. "Hi lady, Hi Miroku!"

"Hello Shippo," Miroku greeted. "InuYasha can't come home for a long time because of an urgent business call. He had to leave to America for a few months. InuYasha says he's very sorry and he loves you a lot. Would you like to stay with me or Sango-san during that period of time?"

"InuYasha...left?" Shippo looked saddened. "He didn't pack or anything."

"You know he can buy a new wardrobe," Miroku assured, seeing Shippo being saddened by each word. "He'll come back. He will."

"Oh I know that," Shippo assured. "It's just that I worry about him. He can't speak a word of English. He hates the language."

"No he doesn't!" InuYasha protested. "He knows lots of English! Like: Coffee, bathroom, hello."

"I don't know who you are, but he doesn't exactly know how to make a conversation in English," Shippo said. "Miroku, I'd like to stay with Sango- chan."

"All right then," Miroku smiled. "Get packed and I'll call Sango- san." Miroku got out his cell phone and speed-dialed her number.

"You have her on speed-dial, pervert?" InuYasha asked, looking at Miroku in a disgusted way. "Oh Kami I hope you don't have mine."

"Of course not," Miroku said as Shippo came, dragging a large blue duffle bag, "I only save my speed-dial numbers for beautiful girls."

"But Miroku, this lady is pretty," Shippo smiled at InuYasha.

"...See! Shippo thinks I'm pretty!" InuYasha yelled, pointing at Shippo. "At least he agrees with Mushin! Besides you ARE my boyfriend..."

"Ah yes, Taka-chan," Miroku smiled. "I am sorry." Miroku wrapped his arm lovingly around InuYasha's shoulder. ((Kyaaa! Can you imagine that pic?))

"Get your lecherous hands off of me!" InuYasha growled, shoving Miroku away.

"Wow Miroku! You're girlfriend is odd!" Shippo said, shoving the bag into Miroku's arms, then jumping onto InuYasha's head. Shippo sniffed him. "Taka-chan, you smell like InuYasha!"

'Damn, my scent,' InuYasha said to himself. "I do?"

"Uh-huh," Shippo crossed his legs and folded his arms. "And not only do you smell like InuYasha, you act like InuYasha as well."

"...Eh...?" InuYasha looked up even though he could not see Shippo. "I don't even know who InuYasha is. All I have heard it that he is sexy, manly, and brave."

"He is anything, but those things," Shippo said. "He is sloppy, stubborn, bad-tempered and really, really boring sometimes. He cheats when he plays Mario Kart with me!"

"He does not!" InuYasha protested. "He probably only knows the short cuts. I know them all."

"Do you? Can you teach me?" Shippo asked eagerly as Miroku started talking to Sango and throwing the bag in the backseat.

"Why didn't you ever ask InuYasha?" InuYasha asked.

"Even though InuYasha's my adopted father, he sure doesn't act like it. Sometimes I wish he would act more like my father. I can't ask him for advice. I usually turn to Miroku for advice. He does give great advice."

That comment had hurt InuYasha, though it seemed impossible. Shippo had been his kid for a very long time and he suddenly realized that he was never there for Shippo when Shippo needed him the most. "Shippo, he's been busy a lot, but I'm sure if you tell him that you need him he'll jump to it."

Shippo didn't respond. He just jumped off InuYasha's head and into the sports car. He heard the door slam.

"Taka-chan, let's go. Sango said she would take Shippo in. You'll get to meet her and perhaps she could introduce you to her cute friends!"

"Mhmm," InuYasha said absent-mindedly and started walking towards the car, keys in hand. He slipped into the car and then drove towards Sango's house.

"I can't believe that scum would just leave Shippo-chan all alone!" Sango said through gritted teeth as soon as Miroku, Shippo and InuYasha entered the room. "I mean, he does know that he is Shippo's adoptive father! Instead of adoptive brother!"

"Isn't that a little harsh?" InuYasha forced himself to say.

"Who are you?" Sango looked at InuYasha up and down and the to Miroku, a shocked expression on her face.

"Sango-san, this is Taka-chan, she is my girlfriend," Miroku introduced. "I recently started dating her yesterday."

"Oh..." was that a hurt look in her eyes? InuYasha wondered, nah, of course not. She hates Miroku. "Ah well, Shippo-chan, you know where the guest room is. Kohaku is out riding his bike, he should be back in five minutes." Even Sango acted motherly towards Kohaku and any other child.

"Taka, would you like anything to drink?" Sango offered, "Lemonade, sprite...death?"

"Huh?" he looked at Sango.

"I mean Dr. Pepper," Sango corrected herself.

"Dr. Pepper sounds grand, thank you," InuYasha said as he sat next to Miroku, who was turning on the TV like he owned the place.

Sango returned and handed Miroku a coke and handed InuYasha a Dr. Pepper. She sat in the armchair and stared at InuYasha. "I'm sorry, but you look familiar."

"Uh...I do?" InuYasha squeaked as he opened his can and took a sip. He made a disgusted face and read the can: 'No Caffeine'. "Ah damn!" he said quietly.

"'Scuse me?" Sango looked up, "What did you say?"

"At the dam perhaps?" InuYasha recovered. "I always go there."

"You do?" Sango looked surprised, "No I don't go to the dam. Must be somewhere else."

"Well I'm not sure then," InuYasha said, standing up, "Miroku- kun...we're leaving."

"Yes dear," Miroku said absent-mindedly, caught up in the wrestling on the TV.

"NOW!" InuYasha barked and Miroku jumped up and turned off the TV.

"Right Inu...Taka!" Miroku said. "We best be going Sango. Thank you for taking Shippo in for two months. I knew you would be able too. I'll be back to check up on you three."

"Right," she answered coldly. "Bye."

Miroku and InuYasha left.

Kagome sat on her front porch, watching two sisters, both ten, play in the water sprinkler at her house. Buyo came out and yawned and then some water splashed on him and he scowled.

"Kagome! Kagome! Play with us!" one girl shouted. She screamed when the other girl got the hose and squirted her. "Please?"

Kagome smiled gently at the two. "No, no," Kagome replied. "You two play. I'll just watch."

"Okay," the first girl, Mizuko, took back the hose and squirted it on Ami. "Gotcha!"

Kagome sighed and out her head on her hand and just watched, smiling every now and then as they looked over. She noticed a red sports car pull up into the driveway across the street. A man and a woman got out. The woman was the driver. Shortly afterward Kikyou drove up in her Mercedes. Kikyou got out and started to talk to the lady.

The woman looked young, around Kagome's age, which was about twenty. She wore a red mini skirt and a light jacket. Her black hair was pulled up into a decent ponytail and she was frowning slightly as the guy groped her. Then her hand slapped his hand away as Kikyou spoke.

A few minutes later of Kikyou's babbling the woman made eye contact with Kagome. She rolled her eyes at Kagome, showing that she was fed up with Kikyou and Kagome smiled. Then some water sprayed at her and Kagome screamed.

Kagome had been drenched, thanks to Ami. "Ami!" she stood up and shook slightly. "I told you not to get the water on the porch! Or on me for that matter."

"I'm sorry Kagome-chan," Ami bowed continuously. "I am very, very sorry. Mizuko was behind you so I just sprayed without thinking."

Kagome looked at the small child, bowing. She sighed, "Just don't do it anymore. You two better go home. I'll see you both tomorrow."

"Yes ma'am," they both said and started to walk home.

Kagome sighed once more and went to turn off the water. After she turned off the water she wiped the sweat from her face and looked across the street once more. Kikyou had pulled out the For Sale sign and replaced it with SOLD. 'That was quick. She must have been eyeing that house for sometime.' Kagome thought.

She went inside her house to watch some TV. The phone rang and she picked it up, "Higurashi Kagome, speaking."

"Oh hello Sango-chan."

"Miroku got a girlfriend!" was the first thing Kagome heard. "Her name is something like Turkey, Haka, Chaka, something like that and she is gorgeous! She acts so much like a guy I know."

"Okay..." Kagome blinked, not knowing who Miroku was. "So...is this bad?"

"It's horrible! Kagome...I think I like Miroku," Sango admitted. "Miroku's the pervert I told you about."

"Oh him!"

"She has long black hair, red mini-skirt and a light jacket," Sango described.

"Whoa!" Kagome raced to the window and pulled down some blinds and watched the woman shake hands with Kikyou and the guy laugh. "That girl you described it my new neighbor!"

"What?!"

"Is Miroku tall, dark haired and usually gropes a girl?" Kagome asked.

"Yeah."

"Well then its Miroku's girlfriend who just bought the house across the street."

InuYasha was startled when he saw Kikyou. Kikyou was his ex- girlfriend and he was now buying a house she had people build? She owned Tama Neighborhood?

"Hello Kikyou," InuYasha greeted smoothly.

"How do you know my name?" Kikyou asked.

"A girl told me," InuYasha replied. "Who lived here. Anyways, tell me about the house."

"The house was built in 1993. It has three bedrooms, two bathrooms and a nice backyard. The living room is spacious and the kitchen comes with- "her voice faded out as he looked around the neighborhood. His eyes came upon a girl across the street who was smiling as she watched two girls play in her yard with a hose. The girl made eye contact with him and he rolled his eyes, signaling how he loathed Kikyou and her blab. The girl smiled in understanding, only to get a hose sprayed on her. InuYasha burst out laughing as the girl screamed.

His attention flickered back to Kikyou, who hadn't stopped talking. "Last, but most important rule, no men!" Her eyes looked at Miroku.

"Don't worry about him," InuYasha assured, "He's just my boyfriend."

"All right. The house costs: 230,000 in American dollars."

"Damn that's a lot," InuYasha cursed, "200,000."

"215,000," Kikyou said.

"Sold," InuYasha said, digging out the money. He handed it to her and Kikyou smirked. She removed the sign and put up a SOLD sign.

"When will you move in?"

"Today." He answered and Miroku burst out laughing.

"How will you get the furniture, Taka?"

"I already bought it," InuYasha smiled. "I bought the furniture a while back. And its definitely great. It's called 'Mimic Ivory'."

"The most expensive furniture there is," Kikyou said softly. "You have good taste Miss Anamori."

"Well my father was rich, my brother is rich so I am rich," InuYasha explained. "All of the Anamori family is rich."

"Except!" Miroku interrupted. "Taka-chan's parents and brother died in a drive by shooting."

"I see, what a shame Miss Anamori. We assure you that you will be safe within these walls. It is our duty to protect the women in here," Kikyou explained, "They are our children and once they move in, few move out." She laughed as she got in her car. "Good luck with the house, Miss Anamori." She drove off without warning.

"Drive by shooting?!" InuYasha turned to Miroku, "What the hell was that all about?"

"In case Miss Kikyou decides to do research on your family I said they all died. A drive by shooting sounded much more extravagant then a car crash. Besides every dies in a car crash! Everyone uses 'car crash' in their tales, so I decided a 'drive by shooting'."

"Whatever," InuYasha said and took out his cell phone. "Yes I need my furniture pronto. Yes I am the girl InuYasha-sama told you about. My name is Anamori Taka. Yes, that's right. Thank you."

"Damn! I hate acting like a girl. You have to act all polite to people," InuYasha muttered.

"You need to take etiquette lessons. Mushin booked you in Ballroom Etiquette AND your neighbor across the street is the host so you will be going over to her house," Miroku said. "I suggest you buy ballroom clothes because here you will be attending a lot of them. Each Friday they go to this Grande Hall with "gentlemen" and "ladies". I, of course, will be there with Sango-chan, since Kagome invited her."

"...Didn't Sango seem disgusted when she knew I was your girlfriend?" InuYasha asked.

"Yes well, I'll tell her I broke up with you," Miroku said. "I have it all planned. We get into an argument because we can't have sex at your house anymore."

"WHAT?! How about I break up with you for being a perverted sleaze!" InuYasha shouted.

"That'll work just as well," Miroku nodded. "Well I am sorry I can't go shopping with you. Kikyou told me to get my butt off these grounds before woman catch me and kill me. All right now kiss me adieu."

"Ah what?"

"Adieu, it means goodbye in French...I think," Miroku said, uncertain.

"There is know way in hell I am kissing you "adieu" or whatever," InuYasha frowned, crossing his arms.

"Do it!" Miroku said, "You have to so they won't think I'm here, hitting on you and being dangerous."

InuYasha punched him and he heard some whoops and cheers and InuYasha smirked. Yup, he still had his ass-kicking strength.

Kagome gasped.

"What?" Sango's voice erupted from the telephone. "What happened?"

"Miroku...he-he-he g-got punched!" Kagome managed to say. "Taka punched him!"

"Did he slap her butt or something?"

"No, nothing. They were talking and Miroku was shouting something and then she punched him. Punched! Not slapped, but punched!" Kagome exclaimed, "Girls around here slap, not punch." Kagome hung up without saying goodbye and rushed out, towards Miroku.

"Are you all right, Miroku-san?" Kagome knelt beside him and she heard some hisses and boos from a few girls. "Knock it off!" Kagome shouted at them.

"Eh....?" Miroku looked out of it. "Am I in heaven, because I see an angel."

Kagome blushed. "N-no, you're alive. Taka punched you."

"I'll kill her," Miroku grunted as Kagome helped him up. Miroku faced InuYasha and the two of them had a staring contest. "Taka!"

"Miroku, get out of here," InuYasha said. "I don't want to kiss you!"

Miroku wiped off the side of his mouth. "Fine Taka, I'll call you later. We're still friends, right?"

"Whatever," InuYasha grunted and Miroku stumbled to InuYasha's sports car. "Hey! Call a cab!" Miroku got in the driver's seat and took off in InuYasha's car. "HEY! THAT IS MY DAMN CAR!"

"Miss Taka, please calm down," Kagome said, "You can drive my car as long as you pay for gas and stuff."

"Why the hell are you acting so friendly and trusting towards me?" InuYasha asked.

"Well, us girls need to stick together, ne?" Kagome asked. "You'd do the same for me, I'm sure."

'No I wouldn't,' InuYasha thought, 'I'd use your sadness for my own entertainment.' "...Whatever I don't need to drive your..." he looked at her car which happened to be a beetle, "small, puny bug."

"All right," Kagome answered him, without the slightest sadness flicker in her eyes. "Well," she bowed, "My name is Higurashi Kagome, it was a pleasure meeting you."

"Anamori Taka," he didn't bother to bow and the words that escaped his lips sounded odd, even for him. "Hey...will you go...er...shopping with me. You see, Miroku signed me up for this ballroom crap and I need dresses."

"You don't have any?" Kagome questioned.

"Iie, I own pants and shirts," he answered. "Dresses aren't my thing. I don't like ruffles, flouncey ribbons and silk, unless of course the silk are my blankets and pillows."

She smiled softly at him, "Sure I'll go shopping with me. It's better than staying at home by myself. Would you like to come over and sit down for a while? I need to change."

"What? But you're dressed! You look okay to me," InuYasha answered.

"You never know if there will be a cute guy or two at the mall," was Kagome's answer as she walked in her house. "Promise I won't take too long."

"Fine, all right," InuYasha followed her into the house and sat on the couch as Buyo jumped in his lap and he shoved him off. "Off stupid cat."

"I take it you don't like cats?" Kagome said as she began taking off her shirt.

"Wha??!?!?! Don't undress in front of me!" InuYasha said and he was blushing like hell.

"Oh...I guess you're the type that cares," Kagome shrugged and put her shirt back on, "Normally girls don't care." Kagome went up the stairs and into her room and she shouted, "Make yourself at home."

"Damn female," InuYasha muttered. He couldn't erase the black bra from his mind. Why were girls like that? They walked around naked in front of each other; at least guys had the decency to wrap a towel around themselves.

Kagome came down a few minutes later. "All right let's go. You want to drive or do you want me to do it?" She was standing on the landing off the stairs and InuYasha's mouth dropped open.

Crisa Rei: Well that's it for now. 10 pages of interesting stuff for you. Last was nine so I'm guessing that the next chapter should be 11. What do you think? Well please let me know what you think of the story so far. I don't care if you reviewed for the last chapter, please review again!

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