__Same__
"Don't you know who you sound like?!"
Oh, Sam. If only you would seriously consider what you're saying! You yourself are comparing me with Gollum, a creature you despise.
The sad truth is, you're right. I *am* beginning to sound like Gollum, and that frightens me. My biggest fear, aside from Sauron regaining the Ring of course, is that we'll come to the end of our journey and I won't be able to cast It away willingly, won't be able to complete my task. It grows heavier, both physically and in its weight on my mind and resistance, and Its whispers become louder, more insistent, more compelling.
That night in the marshes, when I heard Gollum giving voice to my subconscious thoughts, made me realize we are much akin, he and I. Now even you recognize it in spite of yourself. I pitied Smeagol even before that, and not just because of Gandalf's words. It was obvious he has suffered much to be so changed from what he had been. He was not so different from a hobbit once, though that is not as obvious now.
When I called him by his former name, it took him by surprise. His guard dropped, and I could see the struggle in his eyes. Our gazes met, ever so briefly, and in that instant we understood one another. I saw the influence of the Ring on him, and his resistance to It; his torture at the hands of the orcs in Mordor, and the longing to be free from his soul's slavery to the Ring.
I understood just how deeply the Ring has wormed itself into his heart and mind. Yet I also saw there is yet a part of him unconquered, a portion however small that is still Smeagol. At that moment I resolved to do whatever I could to help Smeagol win over Gollum.
I know you don't -or won't- see the good in him, but I know it's there. He seems genuinely concerned for my welfare, and while I realize that's because I'm the 'master of the Precious', the concern is still there. Given time and encouragement, I believe Smeagol can come back, can become dominant over Gollum. I *have* to believe he can come back, or there's no hope for me. It isn't really a matter of *who* saves him, just that he *is* saved. But because of our circumstances, it will have to be me, since you are unwilling. You have many admirable qualities, Samwise, but compassion for Gollum -as you insist on calling him- is not one of them. Our conversation -no, argument- makes that painfully obvious. But why will you not trust me? Why will you not back down? I know what I'm doing.
Yes, I *know* I sound like him, and that is the point! We are the same. In your attacks on him, you are also attacking me.
For I see in myself the same struggle. I am no longer fully myself, but I am not yet fully enslaved to the Ring. It is a struggle I fear I am losing. No, I *know* I am losing. And while I know you are here to help me with my burden, you are not helping in my struggle. I have long been frustrated by some of your actions, constantly badgering me to eat and sleep when I want to just be left alone.
But it is your insistence on seeing him as entirely bad that puts me over the edge. He is *not* completely bad! Your persistence in calling him names, putting him down, makes him think that's all he *can* be. With one word, you can- and do- destroy what trust I managed to build in him over several hours. If only you would open your blind eyes and see what I'm trying to do! You're certainly living up to your name, Samwise. Simpleton. Half-wit. You make me understand what could've driven Smeagol to kill Deagol, his cousin and 'friend.' You could easily overpower me if I tried anything, but perhaps . . .
Wait.
What am I *thinking*?! You truly do mean well, you just *can't* understand. You've never had the Ring turning you against yourself. It's not something I would wish on anyone, even the Sackville-Bagginses. But it's also something I can't undo. I took this upon myself and I will never be the same. Now it's just a question of how long I can hold the Ring in check. Your treatment of Smeagol does make me wonder how you will see me, how you will treat me, as I visibly fall further under the Ring's influence and my likeness with Gollum becomes undeniable even to you.
The Ring already tries to make me view you with suspicion and mistrust; will those reactions be warranted by the end?
No . . . I'm not giving you the credit you deserve. You proclaimed at the Council "he's not goin' anywhere without me!" and if I've learned anything about you thus far, it's that you keep your word no matter what. In seeing me become Gollum in my own way, perhaps you will begin to understand why I pity him.
Yes, precious; perhaps . . .
