Anyway, this one's exclusively Tibby/Bridget friendship, because… well just because. I kind of want to do a femslash fic one of these days, but I don't want to be the first. Anyway, I don't want to ruin the girl's friendship by turning it into a romance. But that's completely off topic.
Thanks for the reviews for the first chapter, especially to Julia, who sort of gave me the idea. Thanks for the suggestion!
One last thing: I don't have my copy of the first book with me sobs, and I couldn't remember for the life of me if Bee's mom died when she was 9 or 11. I was 99 sure it was 11, so I tried to write like an 11-year-old. I'm pretty sure I failed miserably, but here we go.
Disclaimer: See first chapter.
Cold.
It's cold here, lying in the dark of Tibby's room. Bee slides deeper under her blankets, wishing she'd brought a stuffed animal or something so she wouldn't be alone down here.
Whenever they have sleepovers, they all sleep on the floor, so it'll be fair. But it is always the four of them, always. Except for emergencies.
Bridget guesses this is an emergency, kind of. Her dad's absorbing himself in paperwork of some kind, probably just to keep busy, and Bee doesn't know where Perry's staying.
She doesn't know where her mom is either, but she hasn't for a while.
She wonders if it's cold wherever Marley is. The ground had looked cold earlier that day, but you couldn't feel when you were dead.
On the few occasions she's slept over by herself at Carmen's or Tibby's or Lena's, they've always shared the bed. But Alice had already laid blankets out on the floor when Tibby and Bridget had come to bed, and Bridget had almost clung to them, desperate for that motherry smell that never came.
She doesn't know if Tibby's asleep. They usually talk, the four of them, long hours into the night. Bee hasn't talked much since Tuesday, when she'd come home and…
She wouldn't think about it. She couldn't.
She just needs to get warm, and then maybe she can sleep. She wonders if Tibby would mind if she got into bed with her. Tibby doesn't like hugs much, which was one of the reasons Bee was happy she was staying here at least for tonight.
Bee likes hugs all right, but she hadn't hugged anyone, not even at the funeral. She'd let Lena hold her hand, and Carmen and Tibby had stuck close. But that full body contact was just too terrifying to attempt just yet.
She wants to say something to Tibby, just to make some kind of noise. Noise is distracting; Bee likes distractions.
"Are you cold?" She whispers, because she's afraid her voice might not work if she tries for anything more.
"No," Tibby says quietly. Mimi rustles in her cage and Bee wants to pet her but restrains herself. Tibby is very possessive when it comes to her guinea pig.
Bee had been very possessive over her mother.
"I knew things weren't… weren't right," she says unexpectedly. "She stopped laughing and sometimes she – she'd just never get out of bed. But when I… and she…"
She doesn't know what she's saying. She hears Tibby moving around but Tibby doesn't say anything.
"It's not fair. She didn't even say good bye." Maybe that was better though; but nothing felt better right now.
"It isn't fair." She's glad when Bee agrees with her instead of trying to make it better by lying.
"She's probably happier, but I could've made her happy. Do you… do you think if I'd done ballet again last year instead of soccer like she'd wanted, do you think she would be here?"
"No," Tibby says quietly. She's moving again.
"Yes, yes she would!" Tibby's supposed to agree with her; she's supposed to be on Bridget's side.
"It had nothing to do with you. She was sick, Bee; she's probably been sick for a while."
"No, no! It was my fault! I should have taken ballet and I should have gotten home sooner and I should have…"
She doesn't know what to say but even if she did she wouldn't be able to. Tears spring burning to her eyes. They make a path of fire down her face but don't warm her at all.
She doesn't sob; she never really has. Marley didn't, so Bee shouldn't. Maybe Marley's watching her and she'll be happy that Bee's crying strong.
"Scoot over," Tibby's voice says suddenly close. It's not soft and gentle, like everyone has been talking lately. It's matter of fact; it's Tibby's way of saying it's okay, even though it's not. She's brought her comforter she keeps in her closet and flops down next to Bee. Bridget's not facing her and Tibby doesn't ask her to. She just lies close and tucks the blanket around them both.
And when Bee thinks she's asleep, she turns over and cries, her face almost in Tibby's hair.
And Tibby grabs her awkward and hard, and holds on tight. Bee's scared at first, trying to get away.
Then she let's herself go and squeezes Tibby back, letting the sobs out safe against Tibby's Mickey Mouse pajama top.
And slowly, without her realizing it, the cold begins to fade a little.
