Codswallop Ch 10
Sam walked to his room with confidence. "Adriana!" he said loudly as he swung the door open. His eyes widened when he saw Adriana hoisting Patrick's sail. So far, the flag was waving at half post, and Patrick covered himself.
Adriana lifted her head and looked at Sam. "Yignacio told me we could just be friends."
Sam began to laugh. "I always expected this to happen." He said. "What about Lacey?" he faced Patrick.
"Well...she cannot satisfy my thirst...if you catch my drift." Patrick said. "And plus she's asleep."
"Well, don't let me interrupt you! By all means continue." Sam closed the door behind him, and for some reason the thought of Adriana with someone else didn't bother him as much as he thought it would.
Jack, and Farquar were arguing again, while Will, and Lorilie slept.
"Listen, I'm not saying that you're a manpleaser...all I'm saying is you have a tendency to change your mind frequently. I just don't want Will to get hurt."
"What makes you think I'm going to hurt him? I like him a lot! I know he's you're best friend, so I wouldn't do anything to break his heart!"
"I remember you saying the same bloody thing when you were with Tom."
"Tom bloody cheated on me with Izzy!" she yelled.
"How do I know you won't pull a Tom on Will?" Jack asked loudly.
"Listen, I would never dream of cheating on Will. He's a nice boy, he can handle himself."
"Just...don't do anything...stupid, Farquar." He said.
"Me? Do something stupid? You're the one breaking this bloody lasses heart telling her you love her. Lorilie really loves you! Stop toying with her, Jack."
Jack's eye's widened. "You don't know what you're saying! I do love Lorilie, more than you or anyone will ever know! So don't talk to me about love! You've never even been in love!"
"That's...not true..." She stuttered.
"Who did you love? Not just like a lot, but love? Speak, Farquar! Tell me!"
Crickets chirp
"I rest my case! You, Farquar, know nothing of love!"
"I may not know much of love, Jack, but I know I won't hurt Will. I swear...just...trust me."
"So you say." Jack sighed and waved his arms in the air, and left the room.
He waltzed down to Yignacio's closet, and knocked on the door. She opened the door frowned at Jack. "You summoned me master?" she said sleepily.
"Aye! It seems I need your assistance...again." He said.
"What do I get out of it?" she yawned.
Jack lifted his shirt and flashed his bellybutton to Yignacio.
"Well then!" She said suddenly awakened. "What is it you'd like to know?"
"About Will, and Jenni..." He stared,
"I don't do love, luv." She interrupted.
"You did it for Sam and Adriana...please..." Jack pleaded, showing his bellybutton again.
"Alright. I believe I shall help you then. Listen carefully, for I shall not be repeating myself."
"Aye." Jack waited patiently.
"Your sister...Farquar, I believe. Her relationship with William may be rocky at the moment. Hearts will be broken, but in the end she will realize true love." Yignacio closed her closet door, and heard Jack walk away saying "I knew she was going to break his heart...I knew it all a bloody long!"
"Fool." Yignacio said to herself. "I didn't say it was his heart that would be broken." She sighed, and went back to sleep.
"Yignacio!" Sam yelled while knocking on her door. He opened the door, and the closet was empty. He searched the ship up and down, but the only things left behind were her clothes and a note. He picked up and unfolded the note and read it.
To whom it may concern,
I have taken my Yignacio back. Sorry for her inconvenience, but she won't be bothering you anymore. You see, she was supposed to marry me, but somehow we never got together. Now that I have found her we shall be wed immediately. You can come to the wedding if you wish...but have a nice day.
Henry, The evil all-powerful psychic
"Yignacio's been kidnapped!" Sam yelled drawing the attention of the entire ship.
Jack snatched the note from him and read it. "It says she's gone to be married...not kidnapped."
"Aye, but read between the lines, Jack! Clearly she didn't go out of her own free will. Her clothes are still in the closet, and there's drops of blood on the floor, so she must put up a fight." Sam said intelligently.
"Oui! I believe you're right, Sam. I clearly remember her saying something about how they wanted her to get married against her will. We must go and save her!" Patrick exclaimed.
"Aye! They cannot take our Yiggy from us without a fight!" Adriana yelled. "What say you?"
Random "Aye!" exclamations came from every corner of the ship.
"Good job!" Jenni said, grabbing her sword. "Let's get going!"
Everyone got ready, and Sam went to Yignacio's closet to see if there were any more clues that could lead him to Yiggy's whereabouts. He picked up her clothes. Her pants, her shirt, her belt, and her boots lay in a neat pile in his hands. He put them aside when he saw footprints of mud.
Jack saw them too, and notified the crew. "This way, men! Ehh...and women." The crew followed the footprints to a small towed-up wedding chapel. "After you, Will." Jack hesitated.
Will rolled his eyes, and kicked open the ugly wooden doors.
Everyone gasped in horror at what they saw.
"Oh no!" Someone said.
"They have Yiggy tied up and gagged!" Adriana exclaimed.
"She's...wearing...A DRESS!" Sam, Jack, and Patrick said in unison while smiling. They all began to stare. Her hair was groomed and wasn't in her face. She actually looked...feminine.
Yignacio blushed, and struggled to get out of the rope they had tied her up in. "Help would be nice," she said.
The men recomposed themselves, and approached her, when a man jumped between them and Yignacio. "Who are ye? I don't recall inviting any pirates to me wedding."
Jack sighed, tired of being referred to as a pirate. "I'm Jack, and this be my crew. We're here to save our friend from the likes of you."
"Aye...and don't marry her either." Sam added with a nod.
"You don't know who you're messing with do you?" The man said cockily.
"Your name is Henry." Sam said.
"I'm the only all powerful evil psychic around here! I'll be doing all the telling of information, got it?" he said.
"And you're an evil all powerful psychic who wants to marry Yignacio!" Sam said strongly.
Henry trembled. "How did you know that I wanted to marry Yignacio to make her have my children so that they will be the most powerful psychics in the world?"
"I just did." Sam lied.
Henry gasped. "No! Then it means...YOU are the most powerful psychic in the world! I surrender to you, oh powerful one! You must be the one to impregnate Yignacio."
Yignacio began to laugh hysterically.
"Quiet insolent woman!" Henry yelled at her. "This shall be your new husband." He turned and bowed to Sam. "I wish you the best of luck, mate. She can be awfully difficult." And with that Henry left the church with his evil cape-flapping close behind him.
Sam untied Yignacio as everyone pointed and laughed at the idiotic man with the cape.
"Are you alright? Where are you bleeding?" Sam asked.
"Me? Hah! I thought you thought more of me than that, Sam, my boy. The blood you saw wasn't mine." She grinned wickedly. After she was untied, she searched for her clothes. "Where's my bloody clothes...and my effects!" she yelled.
"On the ship." Jack said leaving the church.
"To the ship then!" Yignacio said leading the way.
"Wait!" Patrick said, grabbing her arm.
"Aye?" she said looking back.
"You look good in a dress."
"I'm sure you would too." She winked at Patrick and slapped him on the back.
While making their way back to the dock where the ship was, Yignacio stopped and everyone stopped behind her. She began to run. "Elizabeth!" She exclaimed as she hurried onboard. Just as she had predicted, Elizabeth was there waiting for them to return. She was holding Yignacio's effects with a smug grin on her face.
"My effects woman..." Yignacio extended her arms to grab her things. "I can't wait to take off this bloody corset."
Elizabeth slapped her hands, and shook her head. "I don't know you, but I don't like your tone."
"How dare you challenge the great Yignacio!" she screamed and rushed Elizabeth.
"What are you going to do? You're unarmed and in a dress, imbecile." Elizabeth spat.
"I know who you are!" Yignacio said loudly with a smile. She removed a bottle of some queer glowing liquid and sprinkled it upon Elizabeth, and she fainted.
Everyone rushed around to see how Yignacio had beaten Elizabeth so easily. "Stand back." Yiggy said, pulling out a knife and cutting open Elizabeth's dress. "You see this?" She asked the crew.
"Ehh...that would be Elizabeth's bellybutton." Will announced proudly.
"Aye!" said Yignacio. "Now watch this." She waved her hand over the bellybutton and chanted some African chant, and out popped a gold medallion with a spider on it. As the gold popped out Elizabeth began to shrivel up like a prune.
"Behold!" Yignacio said holding up the coin.
Everyone looked confused.
"Do you know what this is?!?!?!?!?!?" She exclaimed excitedly.
"Nay!" They all answered at the same time.
"...O...well that's great...neither do I." Yignacio said as she tossed the coin aside, picked up her clothes, and swiftly made her way to the closet. She returned momentarily dressed as she was before, but her hair was still neat. She placed the dress into Patrick's hands and whispered something in his ear.
"NO!" he yelled.
"So I thought." Yignacio said. She turned to the crew. "Thank you all for rescuing me...although I'm certain I could have done it on my own. But, thank you none the less." She bowed, and departed.
"Wait a minute!" Sam said stopping her.
She turned. "Yes?"
"So...I don't get to marry you?" Sam frowned.
Yignacio shook her head. "I don't do marriage, luv." She kissed Sam. "Thank you though...for rescuing me and stuff." She entered her closet and shut the door.
Sam walked away half heartbroken and half satisfied.
Back in Patrick's room, a confused and jealous Lacey was nagging Patrick. "Tell me!" she yelled.
"It's none of your business." He plainly stated.
"Tell me what she said to you!"
"Listen, it's nothing important. Besides, it's a bit embarrassing." He began to blush.
Lacey's eyes widened. "Patrick tell me right now or I'm leaving you!"
"Fine." Patrick sighed. "She wanted to know if I would try on the dress for her."
Lacey began laughing uncontrollably at Patrick, who was still blushing. "Are you serious?" she asked between laughs.
Patrick sighed. "I hope you're happy now." He said angrily leaving the room. Even after he left he could still hear her laughing behind him.
Sam walked to his room with confidence. "Adriana!" he said loudly as he swung the door open. His eyes widened when he saw Adriana hoisting Patrick's sail. So far, the flag was waving at half post, and Patrick covered himself.
Adriana lifted her head and looked at Sam. "Yignacio told me we could just be friends."
Sam began to laugh. "I always expected this to happen." He said. "What about Lacey?" he faced Patrick.
"Well...she cannot satisfy my thirst...if you catch my drift." Patrick said. "And plus she's asleep."
"Well, don't let me interrupt you! By all means continue." Sam closed the door behind him, and for some reason the thought of Adriana with someone else didn't bother him as much as he thought it would.
Jack, and Farquar were arguing again, while Will, and Lorilie slept.
"Listen, I'm not saying that you're a manpleaser...all I'm saying is you have a tendency to change your mind frequently. I just don't want Will to get hurt."
"What makes you think I'm going to hurt him? I like him a lot! I know he's you're best friend, so I wouldn't do anything to break his heart!"
"I remember you saying the same bloody thing when you were with Tom."
"Tom bloody cheated on me with Izzy!" she yelled.
"How do I know you won't pull a Tom on Will?" Jack asked loudly.
"Listen, I would never dream of cheating on Will. He's a nice boy, he can handle himself."
"Just...don't do anything...stupid, Farquar." He said.
"Me? Do something stupid? You're the one breaking this bloody lasses heart telling her you love her. Lorilie really loves you! Stop toying with her, Jack."
Jack's eye's widened. "You don't know what you're saying! I do love Lorilie, more than you or anyone will ever know! So don't talk to me about love! You've never even been in love!"
"That's...not true..." She stuttered.
"Who did you love? Not just like a lot, but love? Speak, Farquar! Tell me!"
Crickets chirp
"I rest my case! You, Farquar, know nothing of love!"
"I may not know much of love, Jack, but I know I won't hurt Will. I swear...just...trust me."
"So you say." Jack sighed and waved his arms in the air, and left the room.
He waltzed down to Yignacio's closet, and knocked on the door. She opened the door frowned at Jack. "You summoned me master?" she said sleepily.
"Aye! It seems I need your assistance...again." He said.
"What do I get out of it?" she yawned.
Jack lifted his shirt and flashed his bellybutton to Yignacio.
"Well then!" She said suddenly awakened. "What is it you'd like to know?"
"About Will, and Jenni..." He stared,
"I don't do love, luv." She interrupted.
"You did it for Sam and Adriana...please..." Jack pleaded, showing his bellybutton again.
"Alright. I believe I shall help you then. Listen carefully, for I shall not be repeating myself."
"Aye." Jack waited patiently.
"Your sister...Farquar, I believe. Her relationship with William may be rocky at the moment. Hearts will be broken, but in the end she will realize true love." Yignacio closed her closet door, and heard Jack walk away saying "I knew she was going to break his heart...I knew it all a bloody long!"
"Fool." Yignacio said to herself. "I didn't say it was his heart that would be broken." She sighed, and went back to sleep.
"Yignacio!" Sam yelled while knocking on her door. He opened the door, and the closet was empty. He searched the ship up and down, but the only things left behind were her clothes and a note. He picked up and unfolded the note and read it.
To whom it may concern,
I have taken my Yignacio back. Sorry for her inconvenience, but she won't be bothering you anymore. You see, she was supposed to marry me, but somehow we never got together. Now that I have found her we shall be wed immediately. You can come to the wedding if you wish...but have a nice day.
Henry, The evil all-powerful psychic
"Yignacio's been kidnapped!" Sam yelled drawing the attention of the entire ship.
Jack snatched the note from him and read it. "It says she's gone to be married...not kidnapped."
"Aye, but read between the lines, Jack! Clearly she didn't go out of her own free will. Her clothes are still in the closet, and there's drops of blood on the floor, so she must put up a fight." Sam said intelligently.
"Oui! I believe you're right, Sam. I clearly remember her saying something about how they wanted her to get married against her will. We must go and save her!" Patrick exclaimed.
"Aye! They cannot take our Yiggy from us without a fight!" Adriana yelled. "What say you?"
Random "Aye!" exclamations came from every corner of the ship.
"Good job!" Jenni said, grabbing her sword. "Let's get going!"
Everyone got ready, and Sam went to Yignacio's closet to see if there were any more clues that could lead him to Yiggy's whereabouts. He picked up her clothes. Her pants, her shirt, her belt, and her boots lay in a neat pile in his hands. He put them aside when he saw footprints of mud.
Jack saw them too, and notified the crew. "This way, men! Ehh...and women." The crew followed the footprints to a small towed-up wedding chapel. "After you, Will." Jack hesitated.
Will rolled his eyes, and kicked open the ugly wooden doors.
Everyone gasped in horror at what they saw.
"Oh no!" Someone said.
"They have Yiggy tied up and gagged!" Adriana exclaimed.
"She's...wearing...A DRESS!" Sam, Jack, and Patrick said in unison while smiling. They all began to stare. Her hair was groomed and wasn't in her face. She actually looked...feminine.
Yignacio blushed, and struggled to get out of the rope they had tied her up in. "Help would be nice," she said.
The men recomposed themselves, and approached her, when a man jumped between them and Yignacio. "Who are ye? I don't recall inviting any pirates to me wedding."
Jack sighed, tired of being referred to as a pirate. "I'm Jack, and this be my crew. We're here to save our friend from the likes of you."
"Aye...and don't marry her either." Sam added with a nod.
"You don't know who you're messing with do you?" The man said cockily.
"Your name is Henry." Sam said.
"I'm the only all powerful evil psychic around here! I'll be doing all the telling of information, got it?" he said.
"And you're an evil all powerful psychic who wants to marry Yignacio!" Sam said strongly.
Henry trembled. "How did you know that I wanted to marry Yignacio to make her have my children so that they will be the most powerful psychics in the world?"
"I just did." Sam lied.
Henry gasped. "No! Then it means...YOU are the most powerful psychic in the world! I surrender to you, oh powerful one! You must be the one to impregnate Yignacio."
Yignacio began to laugh hysterically.
"Quiet insolent woman!" Henry yelled at her. "This shall be your new husband." He turned and bowed to Sam. "I wish you the best of luck, mate. She can be awfully difficult." And with that Henry left the church with his evil cape-flapping close behind him.
Sam untied Yignacio as everyone pointed and laughed at the idiotic man with the cape.
"Are you alright? Where are you bleeding?" Sam asked.
"Me? Hah! I thought you thought more of me than that, Sam, my boy. The blood you saw wasn't mine." She grinned wickedly. After she was untied, she searched for her clothes. "Where's my bloody clothes...and my effects!" she yelled.
"On the ship." Jack said leaving the church.
"To the ship then!" Yignacio said leading the way.
"Wait!" Patrick said, grabbing her arm.
"Aye?" she said looking back.
"You look good in a dress."
"I'm sure you would too." She winked at Patrick and slapped him on the back.
While making their way back to the dock where the ship was, Yignacio stopped and everyone stopped behind her. She began to run. "Elizabeth!" She exclaimed as she hurried onboard. Just as she had predicted, Elizabeth was there waiting for them to return. She was holding Yignacio's effects with a smug grin on her face.
"My effects woman..." Yignacio extended her arms to grab her things. "I can't wait to take off this bloody corset."
Elizabeth slapped her hands, and shook her head. "I don't know you, but I don't like your tone."
"How dare you challenge the great Yignacio!" she screamed and rushed Elizabeth.
"What are you going to do? You're unarmed and in a dress, imbecile." Elizabeth spat.
"I know who you are!" Yignacio said loudly with a smile. She removed a bottle of some queer glowing liquid and sprinkled it upon Elizabeth, and she fainted.
Everyone rushed around to see how Yignacio had beaten Elizabeth so easily. "Stand back." Yiggy said, pulling out a knife and cutting open Elizabeth's dress. "You see this?" She asked the crew.
"Ehh...that would be Elizabeth's bellybutton." Will announced proudly.
"Aye!" said Yignacio. "Now watch this." She waved her hand over the bellybutton and chanted some African chant, and out popped a gold medallion with a spider on it. As the gold popped out Elizabeth began to shrivel up like a prune.
"Behold!" Yignacio said holding up the coin.
Everyone looked confused.
"Do you know what this is?!?!?!?!?!?" She exclaimed excitedly.
"Nay!" They all answered at the same time.
"...O...well that's great...neither do I." Yignacio said as she tossed the coin aside, picked up her clothes, and swiftly made her way to the closet. She returned momentarily dressed as she was before, but her hair was still neat. She placed the dress into Patrick's hands and whispered something in his ear.
"NO!" he yelled.
"So I thought." Yignacio said. She turned to the crew. "Thank you all for rescuing me...although I'm certain I could have done it on my own. But, thank you none the less." She bowed, and departed.
"Wait a minute!" Sam said stopping her.
She turned. "Yes?"
"So...I don't get to marry you?" Sam frowned.
Yignacio shook her head. "I don't do marriage, luv." She kissed Sam. "Thank you though...for rescuing me and stuff." She entered her closet and shut the door.
Sam walked away half heartbroken and half satisfied.
Back in Patrick's room, a confused and jealous Lacey was nagging Patrick. "Tell me!" she yelled.
"It's none of your business." He plainly stated.
"Tell me what she said to you!"
"Listen, it's nothing important. Besides, it's a bit embarrassing." He began to blush.
Lacey's eyes widened. "Patrick tell me right now or I'm leaving you!"
"Fine." Patrick sighed. "She wanted to know if I would try on the dress for her."
Lacey began laughing uncontrollably at Patrick, who was still blushing. "Are you serious?" she asked between laughs.
Patrick sighed. "I hope you're happy now." He said angrily leaving the room. Even after he left he could still hear her laughing behind him.
