Invasion of Those Fanta Chicks
A pointless story by: WarningAtomicMilkshakeInUse
It was a hot day in Dullsville, U.S.A., and luckily enough (note sarcasm), it was Band Camp! YAY! So anyway, I was just standing around on the football field watching all of the little people march around. (Because I play the xylophone, I am immune to such foolish exercises.)
For those of you who don't know, Band Camp takes place in the hot hot months of July. So, basically, we were all standing outside cooking in our own lovely sweaty juices. Mmmmmm. Hungry? Just when we were about to lose the ability to stand because of WICKED DEHYDRATION, we heard:
"Want a Fanta? Don't ya want a? Want a Fanta? Don't ya want a?"
"Oh my gosh! What's that?" I heard a freakishly squeaky voice shout from the depths of the clarinet section.
I looked around to see where the voice had come from and saw that it was from my way cool friend Ashton. But then I saw these scary girls in (ARGH!) pastel colored dresses. RUNNNNNNN!
"Yessiree, it's hot out here! Drink some Fanta! Have one dear!" the girls sang in unison, thrusting a disgustingly sugary drink into Ash's hands.
"What the-?" our band director Mr. Man shrieked as the weird girls came running over to him.
"You've got sweat on your bald head! Have a Fanta before you're dead!"
Well, I knew I couldn't just let this massacre continue. I mean, people were being forced to ingest these artificially fruit flavored drinks. So I risked my life for the good of dehydrated band geeks everywhere: I ran.
No, you freaks, I didn't abandon my friends. I ran for the drink machines outside the band room on the other side of the school. This may not seem like much of a life-risking task to you, but it was like a thousand degrees outside! So, at any moment, I could have totally perished or whatever!
When I got to the machines, I searched my pockets for change. Darn! I only had ten cents. So I used my super powers (all mallet players have vending machine-penetrating powers) to get...Well, you'll find out.
I ran back to the field, which darned near killed me, let me tell you. I quietly snuck around the Fanta fanatics, trying to go unnoticed by their "Thirst Radars". I went from band member to band member passing out...BOTTLED WATER! As soon as everyone's thirst had been quenched, I got the Fanta chicks attention.
"Hey you, with the fruit drinks! We don't need you anymore! We've satisfied our need for liquidacious elements!" I shouted.
I thought I had stumped them and was just about to yell "Thank you, Evian!", but then one of the Fanta gals turned to another and sang, "That girl didn't drink any water! Go on girls, now we got her!"
Oh crap! I forgot to get a bottle of water for myself!
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed as the Fanta girls carried me away.
"Want a Fanta? Don't ya want a? Want a Fanta? Don't ya want a?"
THE END
Remember kids, that's why you should always drink at least eight glasses of water a day!
