Prologue

Her heart pounded. She saw a faceless man whirl around with a gun in hand. As the trigger was pulled, shots rang out mingled with a baby's cry. To her left, the blurred image of a little boy held tight to a baby girl, tears streaming down his face. Straight in front of her was a TV, of which the screen had been busted out minutes earlier. A little to her right was a woman whose white nightshirt had been stained with blood. As she looked in horror at the blurred figures standing about she saw the man with the gun pull the trigger on himself. A light flashed and she cried out…

My eyes fluttered open as I found myself lying in bed. I looked over at the clock to find the red numbers to say 3:15am. As my eyes adjusted to the gentle darkness of my bedroom, I sat up and glanced around to the familiar shadows when I heard a soft knock at the door.

"Jess? You alright?" My brother's welcome voice floated through the closed door.

"Yeah, come in." I waited till he sat on the edge of my bed and then sighed. "I had the dream again, Sean."

"The one about the man with the gun?" I nodded and he sighed. I could tell something was weighing heavily on his mind. "Jess, I shouldn't tell you, but…" his voice trailed off.

"But what?

"Now's not the time. You've been watching too much TV lately. Go back to sleep."

"But I can't just go to sleep! You were about to tell me something and I'll bet it had to do with my dream!" My eyes drooped as my face fell into a pout. "Please tell me?"

"Nice try, Jess. Now get over it and go to sleep!" He chucked a pillow at me and I yelped. "Shut up! You'll wake up Mom!" He whispered, and then proceeded to walk away as I dove under the blankets and covered my head with the pillow to protect myself from further attacks.

I peeked out to see him walk out the door. "Cold, Sean, cold. I can't believe you'd walk away without even saying goodnight." I mock glared at him through the darkness as he walked over and bent down to hug me. "G'night, Jess. Sweet dreams—I mean it."

"Night, Sean." Within minutes, I was asleep.

The next morning I was awakened by my mom and Sean talking in the kitchen. "Mom, we've gotta tell her sometime. She can't live her whole life believing he lef—"

"Sean, lower your voice. She could be awake." Mom sounded like she was in tears.

Sean continued in a slightly lowered voice. "Well, she's smart. She's gonna figure it out sometime anyway. Mom, let me tell her. If she keeps having the dream she's gonna know. It's inevitable! Just let me tell her."

Mom blew her nose as I slid out of bed and walked into the kitchen. "Tell me what?"

"Jess, you know how Dad left us a long time ago—"

"Sean, no! It's not that important!" Mom cut in.

"Well, if you say so!" I said, then promptly forgot about it as I fixed breakfast. I didn't think about it anymore that day until I was walking home from school. I mentally went through the entire conversation I overheard that morning over and over and then stopped to consider.

"The dream…Dad…there's gotta be a connection. Oh no…"

I ran home with a feeling of dread hanging over me. Did I want to know the truth? Probably not. The way Mom was crying that morning, and the fact that it involved Dad, who had left us when I was two and hadn't contacted us since, lead me to believe it couldn't be good. But I had to find out. I got home and fixed a snack, reading the note on the refrigerator which said that Mom was gone to the mall and would be back later tonight. I planted myself in front of the TV and waited.

Sometime that afternoon Sean pulled up, home from work. About fifteen minutes later Mom got home from the mall. Now or never, I thought. So after they sat down in the family room I took a breath. "What is it you were going to tell me this morning?"

A blank look crossed over Mom's face and a look of dark recognition came to Sean's. "Well, it's about Dad." Sean began as Mom gasped and then looked defeated.

"Yes…" I prompted, somewhat hesitantly.

"Jessica, you're not gonna like this but I have to tell you. You have to know."

"Have to know what?"

Sean took a breath and continued. "Dad didn't leave us thirteen years ago."

Mom started crying.

"Jessica, he…he killed himself after he shot Mom."

My eyes went wide as I was rendered speechless. "The dream." The words came out in a hoarse whisper. "No…no…" I shook my head as I was unable to deny the harsh truth. "No…no…" I continued to utter as my voice grew. All of a sudden my manner changed from shock to anger and hurt as I realized another truth. These people, my family, had lied to me all my life and I couldn't accept that. Suddenly I started shouting whatever came to mind. "You lied to me!" My voice shook as tears sprang up and tumbled over. "You lied to me! For thirteen years I've believed that I had a good-for-nothing father who walked out on his family and didn't even bother enough to get a divorce! As if that's not bad enough, now you tell me he's a murderer!" I spat the word out and it almost hurt to say it. My voice hushed to a weak whisper. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"We thought—"

"Oh yeah?" I interrupted, suddenly angry again. "What did you think? That I'd appreciate this minor detail kept from me? Didn't you ever stop to imagine I might want to know? Didn't you ever stop to think—" I stopped and looked around, suddenly feeling like I had to get out of there. I rushed out of the house and slammed the door.

Once outside, I ran blindly to the woods in our backyard. I didn't know where I was headed; I just had to be alone. Tears blurred my vision as I ran farther and farther into the woods. Trees smacked me in the face but I didn't care. I just ran. After a while I tripped on a tree root and fell face down on to the ground. I didn't even try to get up. I just let the tears flow.