Suddenly he was life-size and all-powerful again, standing not five feet away from a very spooked teenaged girl sitting in a ring of white powder, her head dripping wet and her hands clutching a bible and a cross.
Oh shit.
This had all the appearance of an amateur exorcism! This is what she'd been plotting for two days! She was gonna send him to Hell!
"Clauds, what are you doing?" he pleaded, rushing her. But he was held back by the circle of demon-bone dust, which had raised a spiritual shield around her. He could feel the power shudder, though, and he knew he could break through.
Claudia began to chant in an old derivative of Latin as Beetlejuice struggled to get control of his unfamiliar powers once again to shatter the spell. Suddenly his fist erupted in ghostly fire and he slammed it into the invisible wall surrounding her. The air around her glowed light green for a moment before the dust blew away and the shield dissipated.
But Claudia clenched her eyes tight and went on reciting the pre-memorized spell. Beetlejuice knew he didn't have much time before the incantation was complete and she began reciting Genesis 1:1,Matthew 6:9and Revelations 22:21. He'd seen it all too often happen to "clients" of his that backed out of his services.
He tried to reach for the heavy, yellow-paged volume that sat in front of her crossed legs, but the book repelled him with its own force field. However, this book didn't feel holy or pure at all. It swirled with a demonic aura that pushed him back against her bed with tremendous force.
"Argh!" he groaned when he pulled himself up. Stumbling blindly, he began running towards Claudia just as she began, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth…"
Suddenly he was through. He was inches from her face, listening to the holy song whose lyrics foretold his doom. Claudia, why? Do you hate me so much that you'd damn us both? Can't you see the shield is gone? Go on using that book and we'll both be sucked into Hell!
But he couldn't explain all that as she concluded Matthew 6:9. He was frozen in place, unable to move his arms or legs as she was crying out the last line of Revelations, the last verse of the Bible. All he could do was fall forward…
And stop her words with his mouth. As the demonic aura licked at their skin, eager to be appeased, Beetlejuice locked his lips on hers to halt the hellish distortion of the Word.
So she drank some of the holy water as well, had she, he thought. Her lips burned his dead flesh, making him remember the spicy aftereffect of the Cantonese they had shared so long ago.
She struggled against him but he wouldn't let her go, wouldn't let her finish the exorcism that would destroy him; would destroy her.
The singeing wind died down and the book on the floor seemed to turn to ashes instantly where it sat, as if the Lake of Fire itself was spiritually burning it whole.
Suddenly he could move again and he did. Beetlejuice stood and looked down at the poor thing Claudia had become. She'd been so possessed with getting rid of him, she'd forgotten she was supposed to go on living afterwards. She wasn't to be despised; she was to be pitied. He remembered what it was like to want something worth dying for.
He reached down for he, but she withdrew from his touch, crawling back into the corner and cowering there. Jesus, he'd never seen an exorcism gone wrong. What had she seen when the book was tearing at their souls? What had she felt? Mortals were so very fragile…
But he didn't have a chance to ask her, because in a whoosh of papers and dust, he was suddenly in Juno's office.
"Sit down, you insufferable little thorn in my ass. I just got good news and bad news," she stated, taking a drag off her eternally half-spent cigarette.
"What happened? Is she ok? What happened?" he demanded, not sitting down but slamming his palms down on her desk, upsetting two precariously piled stacks of paper, three empty coffee mugs and one novelty hula-skeleton.
"I told you to sit down," she spat, and instantly he was forcibly pinned into a chair by her minimal powers.
"Now shut up and listen. You stopped an exorcism and saved your own hide, but you saved the Lowe girl's, too. So the boys upstairs have decided that's enough for your redemption, even though I disagree. Lucky you, you get free reign again. Now get out of my sight," she said, waving her hand and shooing him away.
"What happened to her?" he demanded again.
Juno scowled. "That's the bad news. Seems your little Claudia, at the exact moment the gates of Hell were open to take you in, opened her eyes and saw through. I suspect she was surprised after your little 'stolen kiss'. You lecher; she's millennia younger than you. But I'm not even gonna get into that subject." She massaged her temples as if she had a migraine coming on.
"So what? What after she saw through?" he goaded.
"An experienced exorcist knows never to open his eyes at that crucial moment because it could cause temporary or permanent mental and psychological damage, physical super- or disability, or ultimate expiration. However, Claudia knew none of this. So, thanks to you…"
"Oh my God." He was frozen. Christ, what had they done? Playing at her being crazy was one thing. But now…now she was honest-to-god crackers. "How bad is it?" he choked out.
"Actually, it's pretty minimal. General over-acuteness of the sense, slight paranoia and disillusionment. She'll rant and rave a bit, but nothing too severe." Juno read this from a yellow slip of paper that appeared with a puff of smoke between her long fingernails.
"Now get the hell out of my office. I've got better things to do than waste my time giving you a girl's medical diagnosis."
