Hi peeps! Okay, here comes chapter five. And thankies to all reviewers, especially Chrisoriented, who appears to be my biggest fan! And to magicgrrl and Lily106 I would like to thank you for my first reviews in which my general well being/life is threatened. Oh, and the test questions are NOT meant to sicken anyone, so please don't flame me about it, kay? Oh and hottiechick72 and glamgurl91 are just made up screen names. I DO NOT KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE!!!!
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'10:42. Stupid clock, don't move so fast, I have to know this by morning!' Chris thought as he tried to concentrate on the large text book in front of him. "Gotta start studying sooner," he muttered to himself. Why did he have to forget that there was a test tomorrow?
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Mrs. Evans, Chris's Civics teacher, sat at her desk at home. She had just finished correcting another stack of papers when she heard a sound coming from her kitchen.
"Hello?" she called, wondering if her husband had gotten home early. "Hun, is that you?"
Suddenly the school teacher felt a push from behind and tumbled onto the crimson carpet. She looked around wildly, and soon discovered her attacker: a tall, lanky, man with horrible teeth. She tried to scream, but his hand covered her mouth. "Don't worry, I'll only kill you if you don't listen to me," he said.
"What do you want?" she asked, faking bravery.
"I want to teach your class tomorrow." The nasty-teeth man replied.
"Why?" she asked, confused.
"I have my reasons," he said as he locked her in the broom closet.
"I'm going to fail this test, I know it," Chris thought miserably when his teacher began passing out the test papers. When she passed his desk, Mrs. Evans gave Chris an evil smile. 'I'm doomed.'
1) What is my great-grandmother's maid's husband's name?
"Huh?" Chris thought out loud. 'What does this have to do with Civics?'
2) Which porno mag does my husband prefer, Playboy or Dickies?
Chris stared at the teacher in disbelief. Who was this alien creature and what had they done with Mrs. Evans?
3) How many cats do I own?
'What the hell is wrong with her?' Chris thought, bewildered, 'She's allergic to cats!'
4) Am I male or female?
'Finally, one that I can answer..... I hope.'
5) Do you like my new boob job? Good. How much did it cost?
'AHHH! My mind! Why would I know that?!?!' Chris grabbed a piece of notebook paper and scribbled a note to Prue. What's the answer to number five?
Chris, number five is the definition of Civics! Did you take a stupid pill this morning?
Now Chris was pissed. Number five DID NOT ask for the definition of Civics. Oh, sorry.
6) What is my bra cup size?
Chris suddenly felt nauseous. Was this teacher trying to fry his brain? He shuddered to think what number seven would be.
7) Do I prefer tampax or kotex tampons?
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!" Chris finally burst out, standing up. "This test is sick and twisted! You should be taken to jail! Why would we know this stuff?"
"Mr. Halliwell, I have no idea what you are talking about! Please, take your seat," Mrs. Evans replied.
"No! This test is... wrong. And disgusting....and.."
"That is enough, Mr. Halliwell. Sit down." Mrs. Evans instructed.
"No," Chris began, but his teacher interrupted.
"Mr. Halliwell, you may finish your test in the principal's office."
"But..."
"Now!" She bellowed, making everyone jump.
"Yes, ma'm," Chris said, defeated. He picked up his test paper and pen, grabbed the hall pass, and walked out the classroom door.
"I stayed up all night for this?" Chris asked himself. Maybe the principal would believe him.
Ten Minutes Later, Principal's Office
No such luck. Chris ended up with a detention.
And phone call to his mother.
And a parent teacher conference.
And he had to talk to the school's counselor.
"Why me?" Chris asked the air. "C'mon, somebody's bound to answer, that way I'll at least know I'm crazy."
No one answered.
"Okay, not crazy."
8) Who was the first Nazi in my family?
Chris just made up an answer to the question. What had he done to deserve such a terrible test?
9) Cherry or orange condoms?
"Please just let the world end right now," Chris muttered, very sickened by the question.
Number ten pictured a picture of a horribly mangled body that looked as if it had been scorched to death. As Chris tried to ignore the gruesome sight, Mr. Bradshaw, the school principal, walked by.
"Um.. sir, do you see this picture on the paper?" Chris asked the man, pointing to the charred remains of what was once a human being.
"What picture? That question asks when the Constitution was ratified," replied Mr. Bradshaw.
"No it doesn't!" Chris all but screamed, "It shows a picture of someone burned to death! Why can't anyone else see that!?!"
"That is it Mr. Halliwell, go turn your test in and I will have you mother or father come pick you up."
"They're both busy," Chris said angrily.
"Well one of them will just have to make room in their schedule to pick you up. Now go turn in your test and get your things!"
As Chris was walking down the hall he looked at the finally direction: Do not answer any of these questions. Anyone who has receives an F.
"Why did I have to write in pen?"
Leo had to pick Chris up, and Chris was almost sure the lecture would be just as bad (or maybe even worst) than his mom's.
And even worst, Leo had to drop him off at his grandpa's house because he had work to do. 'WHAT WORK???? BOSSING OTHER WHITELIGHTERS AROUND IS NOT WORK!!!!'
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After School, Manor
Prue couldn't stop laughing when she told Marlee about what had happened in hers and Chris's Civics class.
"So he's been suspended?" Marlee asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, but only for the day. But, come on. Chris? Suspended? Those two words have never before been placed in the same sentence!" Prue exclaimed, still finding this very amusing.
"If I were him, I'd flee the country," Wyatt said joining the conversation.
"Why? Will your mom be that mad?" asked Marlee.
Prue and Wyatt nodded solemnly.
"Getting suspended is basically signing your own death warrant," Pure said, "Piper flips if Wyatt gets a detention. Chris is the good one. She'd go Jerry Springer on him!"
"Really?" Marlee asked, not sounding convinced.
"Well, maybe not Jerry Springer, but she'll yell," Said Wyatt.
"That's a bit more humane."
They all heard the front door open. Chris walked in. Piper stood at the end of the entrance hall. Marlee, Prue, and Wyatt all watched with wide eyes. Chris felt like a prisoner on death row. Only the government believed that cruel and unusual punishment was okay again.
Piper opened her mouth. Chris flinched, knowing that he'd be yelled at until his ears were sore. But it never came. "Your principle's a jackass. You do not need any medication," She muttered. "But," Here it comes, "You are still grounded."
Chris breathed a sigh of relief.
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Barbus's lair
"Damn," Barbus breathed, "Piper didn't go as ballistic as planned No matter, there is much else I can still do."
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Manor
Today had been a very unpleasant day. It all started when Prue tripped on Wyatt's skateboard. She fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. But, it was soon healed by Leo.
Next, the phone rang. It was the hospital calling to see if one of Phoebe Halliwell's sisters could come pick her and her daughter up. They had gotten into a car crash.
Then, Paige, who had gone to deposit money into the bank, was caught in the middle of an armed robbery as she entered the bank. Luckily she escaped about and hour later with no damage done.
Later, Wyatt's school called. He was rope climbing in P.E. and had fallen off once he'd reached the very top. He'd broken his arm and chipped a tooth.
That night while Piper was at the club, a fight had broken out. While she was trying to stop the fight, she was hit with a metal chair and was unconscious for about an hour.
Finally, after Leo had finished healing a long line of injured people, he was shot with a darklighter's arrow.
This is what Chris sat there remembering while his mother tried frantically to think of another whitelighter she could call.
Paige looked miserable, as she hadn't been able to think of anyone either. She stared down at Leo, and willed her mind to come up with something. A sudden look of remembrance dawned on her face as she jumped up and yelled "DAD!"
Piper and just about everyone else in the room (minus Leo) jumped. A moment later Sam, Paige's father, orbed in.
Prue stood up. "Grandpa!" She yelled, coming to give him a hug.
"Not now!" Paige shot at her, "First, Dad, could you heal Leo?"
Sam nodded, but didn't move towards Leo.
"What the hell are you waiting for?" Wyatt demanded.
"Well, would you like me to heal him with the arrow still inside him?" Said Sam sarcastically.
"I can fix that," Chris said, moving his hand so that the arrow flew out of Leo's chest and stuck to the wall. Everyone stared at it for a moment.
"Not to be a bother or anything, but I am sort of dying here so.." He was cut off because Sam had begun to heal him.
Next Day
"Wyatt" smiled. The real Wyatt wasn't going to be home for about an hour. But Barbus (a.k.a. "Wyatt") was talking to the real Wyatt's friend Mark.
"Hey, do wanna know something stupid?" "Wyatt" asked Mark.
"Sure," replied Mark.
"My brother has a crush on this girl Marlee," "Wyatt" laughed.
Mark laughed too. "So, who is she?"
"Um.. she's staying at our house for a few more days, then she's getting shipped off to a foster home."
"Oh. How'd ya find out?" asked Mark still laughing.
"Chris talks in his sleep. You should here all the things he'd like to do with her!"
"Poor man. I take it she doesn't like him, huh?"
"Maybe as an annoying sibling, or maybe a lab partner, but definitely not as a boyfriend."
"Sucks to be him," said Mark. "Hey, I'm getting another call. Talk to you later."
"Okay, bye."
Mark clicked to the other line. It was his girlfriend, Julie
Thomson.
"Hey, cutie," Julie said.
Mark was still laughing.
"What's so funny?" She asked.
"Oh, I just got off the phone with Wyatt. Apparently his little brother has a crush on this chick Marlee," Mark said laughing.
"Oh. How does she feel?" asked Julie.
"Lab partner."
"Poor guy. Oh, shit my mom's calling. I'm not supposed to be on the phone. Love ya." Click.
'One day, she will say good-bye.'
At Julie's house she couldn't quit laughing. Alyssa, her younger sister in the seventh grade, heard her and came in. "What's so funny?" she asked.
"Oh, this kid, he's Wyatt Halliwell's little brother, has a crush on this girl Marlee."
"Wait Chris Halliwell?" asked Alyssa.
"I think so," replied Julie.
"Likes Marlee Robin?" asked Alyssa in disbelief.
"Yep."
Later that night, Alyssa was on the internet when she got an Instant Message from her friend Rhonda.
glamgurl91: Hey, gurl, waz
hottiechick72: ntmh
glamgurl91: whats new
hottiechick72: chris halliwell likes marlee robin
glamgurl91: really?
hottiechick72: yup
glamgurl91:omigod! g2g c ya later
Just then Rhonda had a brilliant idea. And being the bitchy ex-girlfriend she was (Her and Chris had dated for about a month at the beginning of the school year. Chris dumped her. Enough said.) she sent the e-mail to the entire seventh grade. Including Chris. But that was a mistake, she had forgotten he was still on her buddy list.
The next day at school, people kept laughing at Chris. Finally, getting very fed up, Chris asked Prue what was so funny. She informed him about the e-mail.
While hiding in the bathroom stall, Chris decided that his life was over. 'That's it. I don't care what my science teacher says, I'm going to die of embarrassment.'
Barbus, watching him somehow, smiled an evil smile. His plan was working.
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That's the chapter. Sorry it took so long to update.
