(Well, time for the first part of my sub chapters, I'm taking time to randomly place chapters that tell all about Chaud's adventures while Lan is having his, here it goes.)


The Adventures of Chaud (Part 1)

Chaud boarded the plane to NAXA space station. He felt somewhat tired so he took a short nap.

Chaud looked out the plane window. They were just about to take off from the airport. A flight attendant approached him and asked, "Excuse me sir, would you like some nuts?"

"That's all right ma'am I already have some. Would you like to see my nuts?"

"Umm, no thanks sir."

"Okay then." Chaud took out his bag of nuts and started munching on them.

As he ate he looked out the window; he saw the wing of the plane. It had a large scratch, but Chaud thought nothing of it; after all, the technology in the year 20XXX could repair anything without worry.

A voice through the intercom suddenly blared out, "Attention all passengers, we are now departing to NAXA." Chaud heard the sound of the engines and felt a force that pushed him back in his seat. The plain had left the ground and was now soaring into the air.

Chaud looked out the window again; there he saw it, the scratch on the wing, still neglected. As the plane continued to go faster through the air, sparks started to come out from the wing. Chaud gasped.

The wing caught fire. An urgent voice came from the intercom, "Attention passengers, we are all going to die. Don't panic though, because I have good news," the pilot paused for a moment as tensions rose, "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"

All the passengers groaned at the pilot's lame-ass joke. "Excuse me," A man with a turban and a beard rose out of his seat, "there something I have to do." The strange man went inside the cockpit. Sounds of gunshots could be heard from the cockpit, and a new voice was sounded from the intercom.

"Hello all passengers, my name is Jomama Bin Laid Byme. I am now hijacking this plane, for the honor of myself and to gain a little self-esteem, because, quite frankly, I've felt so insignificant all my life. Y'know? I mean all my life, I've felt like a nobody, and finally, I think by doing this I'll be somebody. It's just that ever since I was a child I never really…"

Chaud rose out of his seat. "I don't have to listen to this crap in my final hours." He went inside the cockpit where Jomama was sitting there making his announcements.

Chaud tapped him on the shoulder, "Whadda you want kid?" Jomama inquired.

"Your life!" The boy took Jomama's gun out from his holster and pointed it at his head. "Any last words?"

"Yes," Jomama took a deep breath, "All I wanted to do was to be somebody. That's all I wanted. Just for people to notice me."

"Well, that's touching. But if you wanted people's attention, you should've just gone streaking, or flash people randomly on the streets. Hijacking planes that are about to crash in a fiery explosion is not the answer."

"Streaking… hmm… why didn't I think of that before?"

"Yes I know, now die!" Chaud pulled the trigger. The gun spurted out confetti in a large bang.

Jomama smiled, "Yes I know what the readers of this fic are thinking, of course I wouldn't carry a real gun. Because let us be honest. That is just not safe."

Chaud grinned, "However the readers of this fic do know one thing. That I am Chaud and I would carry a real gun, for my own personal use." Chaud pulled out a gun and shot Jomama in the head.

"Well…" Jomama started to cough out blood, "maybe in Heaven… I'll finally be somebody… maybe." Jomama breathed his final breath and then expired.

Chaud walked out of the cockpit thinking; well maybe I'll finally get to die in peace.

When Chaud walked into the passenger seating area he found all of them holding their hands up high in the air.

"What's going on here!"

Chaud felt the cold, hard, steel, of a gun at the back of his head. "Drop your weapon. Slowly."

"Sir, we are all about to die and all you can think of is holding all of us hostage? If I had a zenny for every time I encountered an idiot like you well I'd-" the man cut off Chaud, "Shut up and sit in your seat! NOW!" Chaud calmly walked to his seat and sat down.

"Are all of you scared!" The man asked.

One person said cheerfully, "Well actually, I'm already at peace with the fact that I am going to die within the next five minutes."

"I don't care! Are you people scared!"

Another passenger replied, "Of you, no. Of scary plane about to crash, yes."

"No, no, you're all completely missing the point! Are you scared!"

"Umm, I guess."

"Well you shouldn't be! Because you're on Scare Tactics! I bet you all never saw that coming? Right?"

"Uh, actually we did. The camera man standing right next to you kinda gave it away."

The man with the gun looked at the camera man. "God dammit! I knew I shouldn't have brought you along! You're always blowing our cover."

"Wait a sec," a woman said, "so you mean this is all a part of Scare Tactics? The plane crashing, Jomama, the hold up, all of it is fake?"

"Uh, no. Just the holdup. This whole plane crashing thing was not our idea."

"So we're really all going to die?"

"Yeah, I'm afraid so."

"Damn, that sucks."

"Tell me about it."

Within five seconds the plane exploded, in a fiery, horrible, red light.

Chaud woke up. "Man what a bad dream. Hey what the!" Chaud look out the window to see the same scratch as before. "No it can't be…" A flight attendant approached Chaud.

"Would you like some nuts sir?"

Chaud smiled, "I'm sorry miss, it appears I have boarded the wrong plane." Chaud calmly walked off the plane and back to the airport reception desk. A man went to service him.

"Hello sir, what is it I can do for you?"

"I would like to board a new flight to NAXA, please."

"Okay sir, but it will take ten minutes for me to find you a new flight. Can you wait please?"

"Sure."

Chaud looked out the window behind the reception desk. He saw the plane he was on take off into the air. And within five minutes it exploded.

Chaud watched the fancy light show while an old man suddenly walked up beside him.

"You were supposed to be on that flight, weren't you?"

"Yes, I was."

"It's angry at you now. It wants you."

Chaud felt suddenly chilled and looked at the old man. He was missing an eye, and his only remaining one was completely white.

"Death wants you. It wants you Eugene Chaud! And it won't stop till it gets you!"

The man started walking away. Chaud looked him for a second and blurted out, "Hey, yo mom!"


(Well, how do ya like me now? I did three different parodies in one chapter! Just in case you didn't get them I'll go ahead and point them out.

1) This chapter was a parody off the movie Final Destination. If you don't know much about it, you could always check out some final destination fics on this website.

2) The geico commercial of course. Man that thing annoys the hell outta me.

3) The Sci Fi original series show Scare Tactics. Never seen it? Well you should check it out; it's pretty awesome (well actually it's pretty cheesy, but same thing)

Now time to respond to reviews.

Dr. Weird- Again great ideas. Be patient with me though. I might not find a chapter to fit them in right away but again, I'm workin' on it.

Saddened Soul- Yes, I know, I'm such a frickin genius. But I took you off my block users list, so go ahead and leave a signed review, complete with all your little review stalkers and what not.

Blue Phoenix- Your forecasting skills were a bit off… but don't worry, next chapter maybe I'll fit in rabid fangirls… and yes Megaman is definitely going to have something to say about grammar in just about every chapter he's in. Well thanks for being in my current following of loyal reviewers; I'll have to send you a medal sometime…later…

Xahn- Yes, I am very much against YAOI, as I will express soon, watch out for my next topic in Point of View on the Issues, a weekly segment that I have in my bio in which I discuss stupid topics amongst myself, although I'm hoping to get Saddened Soul to make a guest appearance in the next one, thanx for da review!