Title: Attitudes
Author: Gargant Surprise
Rating: Still PG. Ooo.
Date Started: 30th/31st January 2k5. This chapter was finished 20th February 2k5.
Warnings: Homosexuality over yonder hill.
Comments: The first thing is a huge thank you to everyone who has been so kind as to review what I've written so far. I can only hope and pray that this next part meets your expectations! Seriously, you people have really truly inspired me into writing, nothing I've written before this has really received much attention. Wow, that sounds retarded.
I seem to recall one reviewer whose name I sadly can't recall. I'M A BAD PERSON ARGH. saying how a lot of fan fics don't portray Zelos in a very favourable light. To whoever it was who said this, I'm sorry about the following chapter. All I can say is that Sheena is a biased little creature, and I love the guy.
Yes, I know that there isn't very much of either Zelos or Lloyd in this chapter, considering what this things supposed to be about. I can only assure everyone that the next part will be a huge influx in comparison.
Wow, this comment is much longer than the last one. Anyway, thanks a whole lot everyone! If you want to make yourselves ultra-popular, come and visit my livejournal as well. YES. Thanks again everyone. I don't have to feel guilty about fan-fiction-escapism if other people are enjoying it!
Basic Synopsis: If you don't know by now, what in the world have you been doing…?
II
Sheena finally stopped pacing and turned towards the door, fists clenched.
"Right, that's it, I've had enough. He has to sleep!"
They had arrived at the House of Salvation in good time, and the clerics had let them in without hassle, quickly setting up several rooms for the companions to stay in. They were confronted with a problem before they'd had a chance to settle however, beginning when the lead pastor had approached Colette.
"Chosen of Mana," he'd greeted solemnly, his every action dripping tradition, "It is a pleasure that you have decided to stop here on your Journey."
Colette had given the formal replies quick enough, and the group had been allowed to go upstairs. They had been given three rooms between them, plenty enough for all their belongings and of course themselves. Lloyd had immediately taken up vigil at Zelos' bedside and had refused to budge since.
Raine had set about assigning the other rooms, herself, Sheena and Presea sharing, with Regal and Genis taking the room left over. Colette had been content to share a room with males, and even Sheena had to concede that Zelos couldn't try anything in the state he was in.
When the pastor had returned, most of the companions had been in Raine's room. Zelos and Lloyd remained apart, and Regal was still taking care of his own possessions. The clergyman's unassuming manner was a poor mask for his intentions.
"Chosen," he bowed, before turning to the others present, "Companions thereof, I must once again thank you for gracing us with your presence. However, it pains me to be the one to ask this… but I must, how much longer do you believe the Journey of Regeneration will last?"
Colette mumbled something, struggling to think of what exactly she should be saying. Raine distinctly remembered the blonde girl looking to her for advice, and how irritated she'd been when the man spoke again, cutting her off.
"I do not wish to seem an intrusion, but things can only be getting worse whilst you are still… uh, still here. Sylvarant has been without hope for ever such a long time, the Church can only uphold peoples hopes for so long before-"
"Now hold on!" Sheena jumped to her feet and reached the pastor in one quick stride, ignoring Raine's warning, "Can't you see that she's upset! One of her friends is sick you moron, she's got other things on her mind right now besides what you and your order wan-"
"The Chosen should be focused on her Journey, nothing else! These are the wishes of the world, not just of Martel and her loyal followers!"
"Please, don't fight on my account!" Colette tried to intervene. Sheena gave her a look that seemed half angry, half concerned.
"Colette, you can't let guys like this dictate your life anymore, that's just stupid!"
"How dare you!"
"No, she's right!" It was Genis who spoke now, running to Sheena's side and glaring up angrily at the pastor, "What gives you the right to say things like that, huh? We are going to regenerate the world, but not for guys like you!"
"Sheena, Genis!" Raine had snapped furiously, making her own attempt to intervene. "Let us keep this for another time. Right now, we are relying on the kindness and hospitality of these people to see us through the night, all you're doing is making things worse." Genis had backed down sheepishly, Sheena staying where she was, although she didn't say anything more. Raine turned her gaze to the affronted priest, "Please forgive them, sir. We have had a long day, and are worried for our friend. As I'm sure the Chosen will assure you, the Journey of Regeneration is going ahead as planned."
The man had nodded and left them to their own devices for the night, although the meal they had been promised had never arrived.
Genis had returned to his room to sleep shortly after the pastor left, and Presea had gone to bed a little after that. Colette had insisted that she was fine, but eventually she too fell asleep, leaning against Raine's bed. As neither Raine nor Sheena felt they could move her without waking her up, they'd let her be for the time, figuring it wouldn't do any harm.
The two had carried on talking long into the night, Raine occasionally checking on Lloyd and Zelos.
"I keep expecting to go back in there and find him asleep." Raine had said as she returned one time, shaking her head. "It's unlike Lloyd to stay up like this."
"Perhaps you should go and give him one of your famous lectures, Professor." Sheena has teased gently, received a withering look for her trouble. "No change?"
"None that Lloyd can see. The fever is going down though. It's as you suspected, nothing very serious. I suspect that Zelos hasn't done much travelling before now."
"'Fraid that's not quite right, Raine." Sheena has responded, smiling a little. It was rare that she was the one teaching the half-elf something, "He used to travel all the time. I don't think he likes city life all that much. Plus, he likes trying to have a 'hunnie' in every town."
Raine tilted her head, "He actually said that."
"For 'emergencies'." Sheena had muttered irritably, and nothing more had been said on the matter.
"Right, that's it, I've had enough. He has to sleep."
Raine shook her head. "You can't make him. He feels guilty, absurd as that is. From what I know of Lloyd, he won't be doing much of anything until he thinks he's set things right. If he feels that watching over Zelos is a step towards that, then that's what he'll do."
"Yeah, but…" Sheena clenched her fists, wishing she had something to hit. The irony that her usual punch bag was otherwise engaged wasn't lost on Raine. "He'll just make himself ill is he doesn't sleep! Then we'll be stuck here with that miserable old bastard priest! I'm not sure I can take that!"
"Ah. Not worried about Lloyd at all then, just concerned about leaving. I see."
"That's not right, what I mean is… No wait, I'm not that worried about him, I mean… Agh, damn it, you've confused my words!"
"I aim to please."
Sheena paused for a moment, quite unsure of what to say. "Right, whatever. I'm going to go in there and drag that idiot in here and make him sleep!"
"Don't you think that maybe you should be sleeping?"
"That's totally different, I'm not at all tired! Besides, I'm just as guilty as he is, so I can't sleep until he does!"
Raine sighed, debating whether she should stop Sheena or not. When it came down to it, Lloyd really was going to make himself sick if he didn't get some rest, maybe it would be better to let Sheena try and make him. Even if she was certain it wasn't going to work.
That was Lloyd though, always so concerned over others. He was like Colette in that respect. Except he didn't normally let things get on top of him like she did, if there was one thing Lloyd could maintain it was an optimistic attitude. Raine found herself suddenly thinking back to the look on his face when he and Sheena arrived back at the camp, the way he'd held the redheads hand as if that would somehow make a difference.
No, why was she thinking about that? Raine laughed to herself quietly. It was likely Lloyd would be back to his usual self this time tomorrow, if Zelos was already getting better. In fact, they would probably be able to set out tomorrow, if Colette and the others wanted too. Except that, if she knew Zelos at all, he was going to milk this for all it was worth.
Wait… Raine frowned, unhappy with this train of thought. If Zelos caught on to how worried Lloyd was, he would almost certainly exaggerate the problem to keep Lloyd's interest. That was the kind of guy he was. She glanced up as Sheena stalked out of the room, hoping that maybe exhaustion had finally gotten the better of Lloyd and he'd fallen asleep.
By the time Sheena came back, Raine was the one who'd succumbed.
He sat in the hush. The room was silent, aside from the sounds of their breathing and the occasional shuffling of feet as Lloyd changed the position in which he knelt. It was dark, he wasn't sure exactly how late it was but Raine had been trying to make him sleep, so it was probably early morning by now. That didn't matter though.
She insisted that the fever was going down. Lloyd supposed that she was probably right, but that didn't make much difference to him. He'd decided early on that Zelos wouldn't be better until he was up and moving, and Lloyd was determined to be awake when the Chosen came to.
"I said, stop complaining, you lazy idiot!"
Lloyd thought of how Colette always looked at him. As if he somehow had all the answers. She didn't seem to care how many mistakes he made, as far as she was concerned he couldn't be more perfect. It should have been touching, but it wasn't. It was wrong.
Every last move he and his friends had made over the past months had been triggered by his stupid mistakes. Getting seen at the Desian Ranch… it seemed so long ago now, but it wasn't, not really. Because of his mistake then, Iselia had been attacked, nigh on razed to the ground even. And Genis had been dragged into everything.
Because of him, Genis had been exiled, and villagers had lost their homes. Mistake.
And then he followed Colette. What had he thought he was doing, did he think he could somehow protect her? All he'd managed to do was get himself captured, Colette was the one who had to go out of her way to rescue him. Because of him, all of his friends had been put into danger. Mistake.
It was all fueled by mistakes, and of all those he knew, only one person had ever been honest enough to tell him he was getting things wrong. Kratos. But he was a mistake as well, someone Lloyd had trusted, something else that had cost Colette dearly.
That was what it all boiled down too. It didn't seem to matter what he did or why, it always ended up harming someone else. He never seemed to pay for his errors, it was always the people around him who ended up suffering…
And now this.
Lloyd shuffled forward slightly and laid his head down against the sheets, leaning against Zelos waist. He was tired, but sleep wasn't an option. The redheads' breathing was quiet and steady, something Lloyd found oddly comforting. He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling about on the sheets blindly until he found Zelos' hand and taking it in his own once again.
It was warm.
"If it's something you can do over, then feel free."
Kratos' words, from not so long ago… maybe there were some things that couldn't be done over. Maybe this was one of those things…
Sheena hesitated outside the door for a moment, considering her options. Sure, she wanted to get Lloyd to see sense, but if what Raine said was anything to go on, he wasn't going to listen to her.
Still, she couldn't simpily let him carry on like this, it was only going to make things worse. Perhaps, if it came to it, she could try to knock him out…? No, that was a terrible idea. Maybe she would be able to persuade him somehow…
Still, she could only try. She placed a hand upon the door, braced herself, and stepped inside.
For a moment, she couldn't see anything apart from the stars through the window opposite. When her eyes adjusted, she could make out the shapes of three beds, although only the furthest away from her was occupied. She crept closer, acutely aware of how quiet and still everything was. She felt like she was intruding on something, and wondered how Raine had the nerve to enter several times.
The first thing she noticed was that Lloyd was asleep. She sighed with relief as she crept closer. He was slumped across the bed, his upper half spread over the bed, his head rested against Zelos' side, his lower half still on the floor. He was kneeling. Sheena guessed that if she tried to move him he'd only awaken and try to stay up all over again. Surely he was better as he was than not at all.
Edging around the bed, she leant over the pair, trying to check if he really was asleep or not. She froze for a moment, stepping backwards and gasping. Without much thought, she turned and left, very almost slamming the door behind her before she twigged and closed it carefully.
Sheena stood in the passageway, clenching and unclenching her fists. Her initial reaction was to go back to her room, but instead she walked to the staircase. Rather then walking down, she simpily sat on the first step.
She stared down at one of her hands intently, before bringing it up to her lips. She stayed that way for a moment, before letting her hand fall to her side and leaning back, staring at the ceiling and thinking about what she had just seen.
Was he kissing Zelos' hand…?
Of course not. What in the world would he be doing something stupid like that for? For a moment, she moved as if to go back and look again, as if she had imagined it, before sighing and sitting down again.
Hmph. She was overreacting. Even if he had been, it wouldn't matter, he was asleep. He couldn't have any sort of idea what he was doing if he was asleep. And he wasn't exactly kissing his hand so much as… holding it against his lips.
She shook her head, smiling despite herself. What did it even matter to her what Lloyd was doing? Sure, she liked the guy well enough, but his personal affairs were nothing to do with her. And quite frankly, she couldn't care less what Zelos did in his personal life.
Zelos and Lloyd… the more she thought about it, the more surreal it seemed. There really couldn't be anything going on between them, it would just be too… well, stupid. Zelos was dishonest. He was two-faced, he only ever thought about himself. Sure, when it really truly came down to it, he wasn't really a bad guy, so to speak, but he most certainly wasn't a good one either. He was nothing like Lloyd.
It couldn't possibly work. What could either of them possibly see in the other? Surely Lloyd liked Colette …? Sheena had always assumed that was the case, but the more she thought about it, the less sure she felt… had he ever really shown a solid romantic interest in the girl…?
But then, had he ever shown a solid romantic interest in anyone?
Still, Zelos? Did he have any good qualities, apart from his stupid girly features? Sure, a lot of the ladies in Meltokio seemed to find him attractive, but she couldn't find anything good about him as a person. He was just there, just a stupid moronic obnoxious presence. She knew she was biased, but it didn't matter how much she thought about it… they were just too different.
Where Lloyd was passionate, Zelos would laugh most anything off. Lloyd would fight most any cause as long as he was protecting those who couldn't help themselves, Zelos was far more interested in staying at home and protecting his own interests. Lloyd was slow on the uptake, naïve and trusting to a fault…
Was Zelos taking advantage of him?
Sheena laughed aloud, before covering her mouth. Now she really was overreacting, there was nothing to it, there couldn't possibly be. Shaking her head at her own melodrama, Sheena got to her feet and made her way back to her room. It was time for her to get some sleep, instead of worrying about what others were doing in theirs.
