Title: Attitudes
Author: Gargant Surprise
Rating: PG-13! Amazing! In all honesty, this is an exaggeration. Some gay, some cussing, both pretty mild in my opinion. I'm just bored of being so suitable for all.
Date Started: 30th/31st January 2k5. This chapter was finished 22nd March 2k5
Warnings: Delicious vomiting. It's really non-graphic, but it's there. Also, mild language and GAY.
Comments: I wanted to get his done by the 20th. Oops. Ah well, it's not that late, and this is the longest chapter so far. Plus, it actually features Zelos and Lloyd! Gasp! Would you Adam and Eve it?
Anyway, thanks again to everyone who has been so kind as to review this. If anyone has any questions, feel free to post them, I do so love it when I get to talk about myself! Not so closet egotist. Anyway, I'm having a whole lot of fun writing this, and I'm glad that there are people who are enjoying reading it, you know?
Question of the hour, characterisation. Because heck knows I'm great at being paranoid.
Just in case it seems like I don't like her or anything, I love Sheena a whole bunch, and wouldn't want her any other way. I love them all really, bar Colette. But whatever.
Also, I haven't been flamed yet. If any of you know any anti-TofS slash flametards, feel free to send them my way. I do so love a good flame.
The irony here is that even now, whilst I'm finishing this, my younger brother is being sick. I'm such a bad sibling XD
WARNING: THIS HAS MISTAKES. Sadly, I'm in a rush right now. I can only assure you I shall return to sort out grammatical errors as soon as I can. Hopefully today.
Basic Synopsis: Duuuuuuuuuh.
III
He shifted a little, stifling a groan as he fought a losing battle against the sunlight. He didn't want to wake up yet, his head was aching and there was a dull pain in the small of his back. He groaned again and brought his hand up to his face, missing whose grip he pulled it from as he rubbed his eyes and brushed his hair away. Struggling, Zelos Wilder pushed himself up into a slumped sitting position, and finally opened his eyes.
He didn't get a chance to gain his bearings however, as a sudden wave of nausea took him, and he slouched back down against the pillows. Ah, yes, he'd forgotten about that. Well, that at least explained the pain, although he didn't know what that weight was on his thigh, or why it seemed to be moving. Squinting, he looked down the bed.
"…Lloyd?"
"Good morning." Came a voice from his right. He jumped and turned sharply to find Presea sitting on a chair next to him. The movement made him suddenly feel a little light-headed, and extremely queasy, and he couldn't manage much of a response. Presea shushed his grumbles, inclining her head towards the still sleeping figure.
"Please don't wake him," she spoke quietly, "I suspect he did not sleep until late. I do not want him to get sick as well."
"Well," Zelos muttered, as he sat up once again, "I'm glad you're so worried about me."
Presea did have the decency to blush, even if it was only a very small amount, "Ah, yes. How are you feeling?"
"Not so great, my sweet young rosebud. I think I'm dying."
"That would be unexpected."
"Well, I suppose that's true, although I'd prefer a little more worry. I kind of hurt."
Presea looked at him, her head cocked to one side, "But you are conscious. And you don't seem to be acting any different. I think you are well again."
"Well, I don't. And I should know. My head hurts, and I feel kind of sick. Where is everyone else anyway, what time is it?"
"Early." The girl replied cryptically, once again looking at Lloyd, "Regal has left to train, as he does most mornings. Everyone else is still asleep. I am not sure why I roused at this time, I normally sleep until later than this. As I was awake, I decided to see how you were. I haven't been here very long."
Zelos listened to this, mildly interested but really more concerned with where he was. The room was round, with three beds, along with several desks and a few chairs. The one on which Presea sat also had his familiar jacket hung over it, a little battle-worn by now but still a fine garment. His gloves were draped over the back, although he was still wearing the rest of his clothing.
Lloyd was leaning against his leg, snuffling a little and burying his face into the sheets to try and get away from the sunlight, which was shining across their half of the room whilst the other side remained in shade. Zelos felt a strange urge to poke the younger boy, or at the very least fiddle with his hair, but resisted, and instead turned back to Presea.
"And Lloyd's been here all night?"
She nodded, slouching ever so slightly where she sat. "Yes, as far as I know. He felt that your sickness was his fault. Lloyd is… caring."
"His fault…?" Zelos looked back at the brunette again, confused. Lloyd blamed himself for this…? He felt guilty? Zelos found himself wondering how anyone could possibly let themselves worry about something as trivial, before remembering Presea's last words. "Heh, yeah, he's caring. Or insane. Or perhaps both."
"Please thank him."
"Like I wouldn't."
Presea gave him a penetrating look, "Don't wake him. When he does stir, thank him, and reassure him. Lloyd has been kind to you, you must be kind to him."
Zelos smiled at her, although she thought that was a tinge of sadness there, "If everyone behaved like that the world would be a whole lot better than it is, little one."
"One step at a time." She responded, with a slightly awkward smile. Zelos' grin widened.
"You've been talking to Regal too much, you're starting to sound like him."
Presea got to her feet and headed towards the door. "I am going to go return to my room. Raine, Sheena and Colette are next door, as am I. Genis and Regal are sharing the next room along from us. Please ask me if you need anything."
Zelos nodded as she left, glancing around before noticing his headband laid down on the table next to the bed. He reached across and went about getting his hair out of his face and running his fingers through it, trying to straighten it out. It would be a whole lot easier if he cut it short, he supposed.
A part of him wanted to lie back down and go to sleep, but for some reason he suspected he wouldn't be able to now. The pain in his back and head had receded a little, although he still felt unsettled. He sighed and leaned back against the pillows, watching Lloyd for a while.
What did it matter to him if Lloyd felt guilty…? If he'd listened in the first place and let them stop and rest, none of this would have happened. It was his fault, damn right he should feel bad about it!
Zelos smiled to himself. Who was he trying to kid anyway? Cautiously, he slid out of the bed, trying his best to move Lloyd as little as possible, cushioning the brunette's head on a pillow as opposed to his leg. Standing up, the Chosen took a moment before reaching over and picking up his jacket.
He shook his head, grinning a little, as he draped the garment around Lloyd's sleeping figure, before backing away on tiptoes and edging out of the door.
"One step at a time.." he mused as he looked down over the stairs. Below was a large round room, at what he assumed was the front of which was a large statue depicting some religious entity or another. He could probably figure it out if he cared enough; as it was he was far more interested in finding out exactly where he was.
The layout wasn't dissimilar to the old House's of Guidance back on Tethe'alla, although Zelos was sure they must still be on Sylvarant. He thought back to the maps he'd been shown, and decided that they must be at a House of Salvation. He made his way down the stairs, thinking this through in his head.
"Oh! Good morning sir!"
He looked up, giving a quick smile to the young man who was standing at the bottom. A priest judging by his garb, although he looked considerably younger than what Zelos would have expected. The young man bowed a little, Zelos nodding in return.
"You must be with the Chosen's party, correct?"
"Well, I suppose you could say that." Zelos replied casually as he looked around the room.
"Aha!" The young man clapped his hands together once, smiling broadly. "You were the young man they were carrying, aren't you! I'm pleased to see you are feeling better!" The redhead visibly winced at the mention of being carried. He'd forgotten about that as well… something else he was going to have to thank Lloyd for. The priest continued, grinning in a manner perhaps more befitting to Colette. "You must have Martel's blessing! How wonderful for you!"
"Believe me when I say that's not likely."
The man looked surprised, although he didn't seem in the least bit angry, "But Martel blesses all of us! She cares and watches out for you, especially in places like this. It doesn't matter whether you believe it or not, sir, but I assure you, she is watching, and it is her healing hand that has set you back on your feet."
"Oh really?"
"Why yes!" The man clapped again, apparently believing he'd gotten through to the redhead, "I'm sure if you accept this blessing with open arms, you will only excel!"
A part of him was annoyed with the priest's upbeat demeanour, but in the end he gave the man another smile, "I'll keep that in mind! Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to get some fresh air."
The man gave him another brief bow, and the two parted ways.
Considering that the sun was shining, Zelos was surprised how cold it was, especially considering how mild the previous night had been. The sky was a clear crisp blue, with no clouds in sight. It seemed a little too perfect in some cosmic sense. Zelos walked a little ways down the path, glancing around him. He thought he could smell salt in the air, which suggested that they were near the coastline, although the scent was weak on the thin breeze.
He made his way around the back of the round building, running his hand over the fence that ran around the structure. It was shaded around this side, meaning it was even colder, and he was surprised at the shiver that passed through him. Maybe he was still a little ill to be walking around. He stopped and leant against the building, crossing his arms against his chest in an attempt to warm up.
Zelos wished that priest hadn't reminded him of the previous evening. He remembered following the others, thinking they were starting to get a little too far ahead and that Lloyd was being especially harsh to him this evening… but he couldn't really recall very much after that.
Except, very briefly, he was being carried. He reddened, embarrassed, as he remembered it, trying to recall if anyone else other than Lloyd had been present. He sure hoped not, it was going to be bad enough enduring Sheena's mockery as it was.
Lloyd had carried him… even now, he still found it funny. He smiled at the thought, even as he blushed. But… Lloyd telling him to hurry up… what was it he'd said, about how he never contributed to the team…?
Oh dear.
'If you only knew…' he found himself thinking. Some part of him shuddered as his thoughts wandered to other places, other people. Other 'teams'. 'Would you have helped me if you knew…'
Suddenly, Zelos found that he felt very nauseous. He moved across to the fence, not actually expecting to physically be sick, but he did just that. He ran a hand over his face and turned away afterwards, feeling deflated, before spitting at the ground, trying to get the vile taste out of his mouth.
He couldn't remember the last time he'd be ill… he must have been so much younger then. He tried to think back and came up short, instead walking on around the building, coming around to the western side. It was a little warmer here, but he didn't feel much better.
'Lloyd…'
"Zelos!"
The redhead glanced up from where he'd stopped, smiling a little at the figure coming towards him. "Hey Llo-" he began, before the brunette practically smacked into him, looking furious.
"Don't 'hey Lloyd' me you idiot!" he cried, as he thrust Zelos' jacket into the Chosen's startled face, "What did you think you were doing, huh? Look, you're shivering, you great big dumbass, you're already sick! Why did you come outside like this, huh? Put your damn jacket on already!"
"Okay, okay, geez!" Zelos sighed, deliberately taking his time just to irritate the riled boy before him. Lloyd heaved an exasperated sigh of his own as he snatched the jacket back and went about putting it on Zelos for him. The redhead let him do it, wishing he'd brought his gloves as well. "What's gotten into you?"
"What's gotten into me?" Lloyd cried, fists clenched, "What's gotten into you? I spent last night worrying, and when I wake up you're gone anyway! I thought something terrible had happened or something! Arrgh!" Lloyd spun around and walked a few paces away, before turning back and making a few punching motions at the air, Zelos watching in surprise the whole time, "What is it with you, huh? How do you always makes me so… so wound up!" The brunette spent a few moments just glaring, before he sighed. "Man… what is wrong with me?"
Zelos laughed and put a friendly hand on his shoulder, pulling the other closer to him, "Don't worry, I have that effect on most people."
Lloyd looked up at him with distaste, "But why? What makes you so special, huh?"
Zelos laughed again, placing a hand on his own chest on mock humility. "Why Lloyd! I never knew you felt that way! I would firstly like to thank-"
Lloyd stepped away before Zelos went any further, although he didn't go far. "How are you? I mean, are you feeling better? You look all pale and stuff."
"Well…" Well what? Zelos suddenly found himself reluctant to answer. If the evidence was to be believed, young Lloyd had taken this whole event very seriously indeed. Did he really want him to worry any more? Was that fair? "Actually, I've never felt better. Thanks for caring and all, but seriously man, don't worry about it. I feel fine!"
Lloyd didn't look particularly convinced, but he seemed willing to let it go for the time being. He walked across to the fence and leaned against it, not in the least surprised when Zelos came and stood next to him, shoulder to shoulder.
"I'm really sorry."
Zelos looked over at him, confused, "Why?"
"I fell asleep." Lloyd shook his head, avoiding the redhead's gaze as he carried on, "I shouldn't have fallen asleep last night. I didn't want to, I didn't mean to. I was going to stay up all night, you know? Make sure you were okay and all that. I mean, I was really worried, and it was the least I could do after everything else. But… well, I messed that up as well, huh?"
"What do you mean, 'as well'?"
Lloyd looked at him briefly, then turned sharply away, but not before Zelos thought he saw tears in his eyes, "Well, if I'd just listened to you and Colette in the first place, none of this would have happened. Now, because of me, you got sick, Colette thinks it's all her fault, and everyone else ended up worried. I made everything worse for everyone, just because I wasn't paying attention! This could have all been avoided, but I was too damn stupid!"
"Lloyd-"
"Dammit Zelos, why do I always mess up?"
The Chosen placed a hand on Lloyd's shoulder, but the brunette pulled away once again, whirling around and facing him. He was crying, and he looked angry.
"Don't, okay? Don't try to comfort me, I don't deserve it! It's true, I mess up everything I do! I-"
"Lloyd!"
"I'm such an idio-"
The rest of his words got muffled as Zelos grabbed him and pulled him into a tight embrace. Lloyd struggled to get away, but the redhead refused to let him go, instead holding him tighter. Zelos wrapped his arms around Lloyd's shoulders, running his hand through the younger boys hair.
"Now I'm not letting you go until you agree to listen, you here me?" Zelos continued to muffle any protests against his shoulder, and eventually Lloyd got the message, holding still. The redhead loosened his grip slightly, stepping back but keeping hold of his friend's shoulders. "You listening?"
The younger boy nodded, sniffling a little and looking at the ground. Zelos couldn't recall any time when he'd seen Lloyd get upset like this for no good reason. There was no denying that the brunette was passionate, and took a lot of things very seriously. Lloyd really was caring; he was sensitive to others and able to sympathize with most anyone. He had a lot of compassion. But it was only the important things that got to him like this, only the things that really mattered to him…
'Nah.'
Zelos Wilder found himself at a loss. Now that he had Lloyd's attention, the Chosen really had no idea what he was going to say, and he knew that he had to think fast. He needed to say something profound, and he needed to say it now.
"You… well, ah… let me tell you a story, hmm?"
Lloyd shrugged, letting Zelos lead him back over to the fence. The pair leant there for a moment in silence, each with their own thoughts.
"Not so long ago, I knew this kid." Zelos rambled quickly, subconsciously kicking himself for starting this in the first place, "He was… well, a little younger than you I guess. He was doing pretty well for himself at school, he was pretty popular, and… aw you know, all the usual stuff. But that kid ran away from home.
"You see, as far as he could tell, everything he did was wrong. Plenty of people liked him a lot, but he never returned their affections, not in a way they deserved. He didn't have any kind of family, and those few people who he had known from birth didn't want him around. He felt he was a nuisance. But more than that, he didn't like his responsibilities, you know? He didn't like the fact that one day, things would be expected of him. Big things. He wanted to run away from all of that, all the mistakes he had made, all the things he was supposed to do. Everything.
"He didn't get very far though. He lacked conviction, courage, understand? He didn't have the courage to turn his back on all of that, because then he wouldn't have anything. And he didn't know where he'd be then. So in the end, they found him, and he went home again. Back to a life of mistakes. He didn't try to change, he just carried right on doing all the things he'd done before.
And that's where you're different. The kid was an idiot, but you… well, you keep trying to fix things, you know? Sometimes things go wrong, it happens to the best of us. But you, well, you just get back up and try again. And never for yourself either, you always get up and fight for everyone else. I…" Zelos looked around awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head, "Aw, I dunno. I was never any good at this sort of thing. You know, being sympathetic and all that. Just, uh, just remember that you're different from that other idiot, you hear me? You're better than that."
"That kid was you, right?"
Zelos grinned sheepishly, "I guess my cunning storytelling simpily wasn't cunning enough, huh? Yeah, well… yeah."
Lloyd seemed to be mulling this over in his head, he had that frown on his face that always appeared when he was thinking something through. Sure enough, he turned to look at his older friend, the smile on his face suggesting he was back to his usual self, "You shouldn't beat yourself up like that, I think I'd probably run away if I was in your position as well. And you're here with us, aren't you? Surely that's proof enough. You are trying to make things better. For everyone!"
"Lloyd, I…" What? What was he supposed to say to that, how could he possibly respond…? "Uh… I guess so."
"You really are harsh on yourself sometimes."
"Not half as harsh as you."
Lloyd grinned a little, shaking his head and looking back out across the fields. Zelos followed his gaze. It really was a nice morning, but he still felt cold. Worse than that, his head was starting to hurt again. The Chosen briefly considered saying something, but decided against that. After all, he'd somehow managed to make Lloyd smile again, why would he want to ruin that?
"Is there anything you want? Or need, or anything?" Lloyd sounded more confused than concerned, as if he wasn't really sure what he should be saying. "Since you're sick and all. Are you hungry?"
"Didn't I already tell you I'm fine?"
"Yeah, but you were lying."
"No, I wasn't." Zelos waved a hand nonchalantly, even as he struggled to think up some sort of diversion. 'Damn, can he read my mind or something?'
"Well…" Lloyd had that stubborn look on his face again. Zelos braced himself. "I think you should come inside and rest."
"Nope."
"What d'you mean nope?" The brunette demanded, "You shouldn't have come out here in the first place, idiot! In case you've forgotten or something, you collapsed yesterday. That's a pretty bad sign!" Zelos flushed yet again at that particular reminder. He still hadn't even thanked him properly. Now was not the time however, as Lloyd ploughed on, "I say you should come back inside and go to bed again. Or sit down, or something!"
The redhead couldn't help but smirk a little as he shook his head, even more so at the exasperated look on his friends face, "I don't want to."
"You are so annoying! Why aren't you listening to me!"
"Because it's so much fun to watch you squirm." Zelos joked in return, hoping to take the attention away from himself, to little avail. Lloyd glared at him coldly.
"Come on. I'm telling you to come inside."
"And I'm telling you that I don't appreciate being order around, Lloyd!"
"Come on!" The younger boy cried, clearly frustrated. Zelos wasn't sure how the mood had degenerated quite so quickly, but he couldn't help but notice that Lloyd had clenched his fists again. So much for that smile… Still, the Chosen suddenly found himself wanting to pick a fight.
"No, okay? I don't want to, is that so complicated?"
"Why not!"
"It doesn't matter why not!"
Lloyd made an aggravated noise, before quickly reaching out to grab the redhead. Zelos pre-empted the move and made to step back, but the movement ended up as more of a clumsy lurch. He grabbed wildly at the fence in an attempt to prevent himself falling over and loosing any dignity that might have at that stage remained, but this only served to give him splinters and he ended up landing hard on his back. He was more than a little surprised at the pain that shot through both his palms and his back, crying out. The rolled to his side quickly and was sick for the second time that morning.
Lloyd watched stupefied for a moment as the Chosen struggled to get to his feet, his face almost as red as his hair. Then, suddenly snapping out of his trance, the brunette quickly bent down and helped his friend up, supporting him perhaps a little more than was necessary. Zelos groaned, utterly ashamed.
"Zelos you dumbass!" Lloyd began to lead them back towards the front door, "You stupid idiot…" The redhead spat again, not deigning to answer. "I don't get you at all. Last night all you were doing was complaining, and now, when I ready to listen, you won't say a thing!"
Lloyd shoved the door open with his foot and brought them into the circular room. It was still empty, which surprised him. Regardless, the shorter boy took them across the room, to where a small fountain was emerging from the left side of the statue. "There, wash your mouth out or something." He sat Zelos down and handed him on of the small cups that were set beside the water, before sitting down himself, his back to his friend.
He could hear Zelos repeatedly spitting the water. Lloyd shook his head. The brunette was surprised he hadn't been sick himself, there was something very unpleasant about watching someone else vomiting. More than that though, he felt guilty. If he hadn't tried to grab him…
'Oh damn it, I've done it again!' Lloyd slouched down miserably, his face in his hands. He'd managed to make another dumb mistake, and so soon after Zelos had tried to reassure him! He thought back on the others words… trying to make things better, huh? So, even though he'd made Zelos sick, it didn't matter, because he'd been trying to help him… right? Lloyd wasn't sure, he suspected he'd probably misunderstood or something. After all, if he were in Zelos' place he'd be pretty angry right now.
"I thought you wanted me to stop complaining?"
Lloyd turned to face Zelos, subconsciously hunched down, afraid of the others wrath. "What d'you mean?"
"Well, yesterday you said I complained too much. Which is true, I'm a bitch." Zelos sighed the words flippantly, carrying on before Lloyd has any chance to protest, "Now I'm trying not to complain and you don't like that either. I think you're the confusing one around here."
The brunette contemplated that for a moment. "Well, you need some kind of middle ground, or something. Like, not complaining too much, but saying when something is wrong, you know? Or else I just get even more confused than usual." Lloyd grinned, "And that's pretty confused!"
Zelos grinned a little in return, although he still seemed very flushed. Whether he was plain embarrassed or whether he was running a fever, Lloyd couldn't tell. Probably a combination of both, he supposed. "Well, if I'm allowed to complain a little, then I do feel pretty crappy."
"I'd kind of guessed that. Maybe we'll stay here for the day, huh?" He didn't give the Chosen a chance to reply before he leant forward onto his hands and knees and placed the back of one of his hands against Zelos forehead. "You feel hot."
"I'm a hot kind of guy."
"Yeah." Lloyd replied absently, his thoughts elsewhere. he figured that Raine would know what to do. She was a healer by nature after all, this was what she did best. The brunette wondered whether she'd be awake by now or not, absently running a tongue across his lips. He missed the look Zelos gave him, and in fact seemed to momentarily forget the Chosen was there. It was only when he felt the others hand take his own that he turned back. "Zelos…?"
Zelos wasn't really sure what he was doing, or why. He slowly brought Lloyd's hand down away from his forehead, hesitated for just a moment at the perplexed look in his friends brown eyes, before bringing the tips of the gloved fingers to his lips and kissing them gently. Lloyd was still staring at him, dazed and blushing. Some part of him said he should pull away, but he somehow couldn't move. He somehow didn't want to move…
"Zelos Wilder!"
The two visibly jumped and turned hurriedly as an enraged Sheena leapt down the stairs towards them, clearing the last five in a spectacular bound that brought her in front of them almost instantly. Zelos tried to get to his feet, but she caught him before he could escape and yanked him up by his arm. Ignoring his cries, the summoner turned towards Lloyd, who was staring into space, wide-eyed.
"You! Lloyd, Lloyd!" She snapped her fingers at him, finally getting his attention. The brunette quickly got up, dusting himself off, "Go help Raine, she's making this idiot some soup. Go, on hurry up!"
Lloyd nodded vigorously, only actually moving when Sheena gave him a sharp shove with one hand, still squeezing Zelos' arm with the other. The brunette ran off hurriedly, stamping up the stairs with enough force to waken anyone who hadn't been disturbed by Sheena's screams.
As soon as Lloyd had disappeared from sight, Sheena rounded on Zelos, fury dancing in her dark eyes. She stepped back, placing her hands on her hips and glaring at the Chosen. This lasted for a few moments, before she clenched her fists and raised one hand as if to strike him. She halted as the redhead visibly flinched.
"If you weren't already sick, I would be beating you so hard right now!" She snapped, "You stay away from him you disgusting arrogant jerk! I don't know what you think you're doing, but I refuse to let you use anyone for your own perverted…" She shook her head angrily, struggling to think of the word, "….Perverted perverse when I'm around! I won't stand for it!"
"I don't know what you're talking abo-"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about, you stupid idiot!" she interrupted, "No one deserves to be used by a slime like you, and especially not Lloyd, you hear me? I mean it, Zelos! I'm not going to let this slide!"
"Now, if I didn't know any better I'd say my favourite hunny was jealous-"
"Oh, stop trying to turn the conversation to me you predictable bastard." She spoke again, irritably. Grabbing him hard by the arm once more, Sheena pulled the Chosen back towards the stairs, ignoring any protest. "You are going back to bed. When Raine and Lloyd bring you soup, you're going to enjoy it. If you say anything even a little weird to Lloyd, I'm going to know about it." She squeezed harder, emphasizing her point. "I mean it. I'm watching you, and I have almost a dozen summon spirits at hand if I think you're pushing your luck. Got it?"
