November 30

Have properly avoided at all costs her. Am not sure why. Rather sure she is not still angry with me for Halloween fiasco. Suspiciously sure she is best person in entire world for getting over it. Maybe she has not given up on me. Maybe she just might have seen something that 'wasn't so bad'. I probably should not hold my breath on this point, but during Transfiguration after she mastered the spell, she smiled at me and I did not make any scathing remarks in reply. This was most likely due to the fact she was across the room, but I am not picky about successes.

Have also heard she is no longer being tutored by the Wanker. Got detention in Potions today after hearing this glorious news and promptly forgot about anything else going on, like my cauldron melting. Completely worth it, on both accounts, especially because Sirius set off several loud explosions near the Slytherin common room, allowing my escape and we had a chance to restock our low supplies in Hogsmeade as well as replacing my cauldron.

Have also mysteriously found sugar quills in my Honeyduke's bundle. Do not remember buying these. Must have though. Sirius did our tallies to make sure we left the right amount. Curious as I am not too fond of sugar quills, but had been thinking about Lily's smile at the time, and Lily likes sugar quills. Oh. Right then. Suppose that explains that mystery.

December 10

Oh my holy harpy today was long. So I had been carrying around the sugar quills in my bag this morning. I had figured I'd offer them up to Remus in History so I could get on his good side and copy his notes later instead of writing my own. My hands, the traitors, apparently had other plans.

Care was a practical session today, so all of our bags were deposited in one giant heap. I had to go see McGonagall about Quidditch practices after class, so split with the boys before grabbing my bag when I noticed it. Low and behold, her bag was not three feet from mine.

I was just closing her sack when she walked up.

L: What are you doing?

T: Eh, well, the thing about that is…

S: Oh come off it, Evans. I haven't put anything in your bag since third year. I dropped my watch and it got snagged on the corner of your sack.

L: I wasn't accusing you. You don't have to be so defensive all the time.

T: I'm defensive because I'm guilty. Stop acting so defensive!

S: Well, I'll stop acting defensive when you stop second guessing my motives all the time! You don't have to act like a professor towards me. I am Head Boy.

L, coldly: So I noticed. Speaking of which, McGonagall has requested we do our patrols together tonight, as you, apparently, have a tendency to not actually patrol at all.

T, scathingly: I patrolled the kitchens!

S: I patrolled the kitchens.

T: Um…you weren't actually supposed to say that. Idiot.

L giggled. I turned bright red. I made her giggle.

L smiled: So I'll meet you in the common room at eight, then?

T, smoothly: I'll meet you any time you want.

S, annoyed: Listen, I'm on my way to meet McGonagall right now. I'm sure I can manage to get out of it, so don't worry about it.

L: Oh.

At this point I imagined Lily was disappointed, not relieved. It didn't really matter, I suppose. We said a vague goodbye and I went to see McGonagall at which point I was informed that I could not get out of it. I had to find Lily and inform her. She was in the great hall at dinner. She smiled wide when she saw me. Her friend looked at what she was smiling at before rolling her eyes at me. Curious. I walked up next to her, hands shoved in my pockets, trying to look as bored as possible.

S: Listen, can I talk to you for a second?

L: Of course.

She stood up. I had not meant alone, but as she was already walking away, I followed. She stopped outside the Great Hall and turned to me expectantly. She had that soft look on her face that she sometimes gets during the first snows of the season, like she's looking at something infinitely marvelous. I looked around, confused.

L: Thank you. It was very kind of you.

T: She got the quills! She knows they're from me! She does not think it was the Wanker! This is very good!

S: Listen, I don't know what you're on about, I just wanted to tell you I couldn't get off the hook with McGonagall tonight, so if eight is still fine, I guess I'll see you then.

I turned to leave, sure my mouth was going to ruin everything if I stood in her presence too long.

L: But I know it was you! No one else could have…

S: No one else could have what, Evans?

L: You put sugar quills in my bag after Care class, when you were fiddling with my bag. Why are you denying it? It was a nice thing to do.

T: Stop frowning at me. Please. God, you're beautiful. Please look at me like I'm the first snow again. I'll do anything.

S: Don't flatter yourself Evans. Why would I do something like that? More than likely it was that Ravenclaw bloke you're dating.

L: I'm not dating Emerson.

T: Say that again.

S: Fine, the bloke you're fooling around in broom closets with then.

L, getting angry: I am most certainly not fooling around in broom closets with him, or anyone for that matter! Is that what you thought?

I shrugged. I said: That's what I heard.

L: Well you either weren't listening very well or the person you heard it from was vastly misinformed.

T: Again!

S, in bored tone: Well discussing your love life has been enlightening, but if you don't mind, I'd like to eat some dinner before we do rounds.

I left before she could realize I had not answered her question. I was rather proud of how this turned out. I had forgotten I would be meeting her later. I had forgotten just how long patrols were. I had forgotten that she has the most persuasive ways of making me do whatever she wants. Like breathing.

We had been walking side by side without saying a word to each other for over an hour. I'd like to believe it was as painful for her as it was for me.

L: If you didn't want to talk about it, you shouldn't have brought it up.

T: Damn it. She's good.

S: I wasn't under the impression I had said anything at all.

L: You know I meant earlier. You didn't have to be so rude.

T: You're right. I was just happy beyond reason you were not in broom cupboards with anyone who is not me…not that you have been in one with me, but the possibility is still there.

S: Don't lecture me, Evans. I get enough of that already from anyone my senior. I don't need it from you too.

L: You're only a day older than I am. It's nothing to brag about.

L looked shocked she had said this. I was shocked she had said this. She knew when my birthday was. It is in August, which means I have no idea how she knew this.

We came to the corner at the end of the fourth floor corridor. Lily dropped something and bent down to pick it up. I walked a few steps before realizing this. I stopped to wait.

"Potter!"

I looked up from her, startled to see the Wanker storming in my direction.

I did not want to announce his name in hopes that if Lily did not know who it was she could not walk around the corner and throw herself into his arms just to spite me.

"What are you doing out after hours? I'm on rounds tonight. I'll have to deduct points if you don't have a pass." Don't I sound like he's my best friend? See, I can play nice…if it serves the purpose of making me look like I'm not at all jealous, not that I would have anything to be jealous of in the first place.

"Did you ask Evans out tonight at dinner?" he demanded angrily. I had not expected this. I waited a minute. Lily did not say a word. He did not know she was standing just around the corner. I grinned at this turn of events. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at him pityingly.

"What's it to you?" I asked defensively.

"Leave her alone, Potter," he threatened, his hand gripping his wand.

"Or what, you'll hex me? Listen, Evans is a big girl and she can take care of herself."

"You're not listening," he said, his wand removed from his cloak and hanging at his side, ready to be raised. "Evans isn't your concern."

"Evans is my co-head. Of course she's my concern, and as I hear it, that makes her more of my concern than it does yours, seeing as you're her what? Not her boyfriend, certainly, and as I hear it, you aren't tutoring her anymore as well."

He looked quite angry. "She and I are friends, and as her friend, I'm telling you to bugger off and leave her alone!"

"You're not her keeper. Evans can choose the company she keeps just as well as the next person, and if she chooses to spend time with me over you, then it's her decision, not yours."

"You can't speak for her!"

Lily stepped around the corner and stood next to me. "Neither can you."

He floundered like a fish. She told him in no uncertain terms that they were no longer friends and asked him to leave. If I had not loved her before now, I would have then. She was amazing. I tried not to do a jig as I silently watched him walk away.

L, in quiet voice: I didn't tell you he wasn't tutoring me anymore.

S: Another rumor.

L: You did put those sugar quills in my bag, didn't you?

S: No.

T: Liar, liar, liar. She knows you're lying. Stop lying, liar.

L: Thank you for standing up for me back there.

S: You're my co-head, and I've always thought he's a bit of a wanker.

She smiled. I love her smiles. They are the prettiest smiles in the world. She never smiles with just her lips. She smiles with her eyes. I love her mouth, but I love her eyes more. Sometimes, when she looks at me, it's like she knows I don't mean a word of what I'm saying.

At the very least, I have taken a vindictive pleasure in the fact she has been glaring hatefully at the Wanker because she thinks he has spread those broom closet rumors about them. I would feel bad, but all is fair in love and war, and Merlin knows by now that our relationship is quite a mix of both.

December 14

Dream last night was brutal. Need to stop thinking about her mouth right before bed. I turned Gryffindor red at the sight of her eating porridge this morning. If she only knew what the sight of her lips did to me. I'm glad she has no idea. I rather cherish living.

Got into a spat with her anyway to relieve some pressure. It was either that or tackle her, and while I do fantasize exorbitantly, rarely is it anything I'd ever want to do with her in public. She and I both would have that in common, I think.

Public displays of affection are always horribly disgusting to watch, with the possible exception of holding hands, demure snuggling, and top-of-the-head kisses. In private, however, I think your sole purpose should be to make the other person feel cared for. If Lily were with me, I'd spend every minute trying to make her feel beautiful.

Instead of idiotically telling her that she was a show-off in Charms.

In my best defense, she caught me staring at her (took her long enough) and I didn't have a better excuse prepared as to why.

December 18

Lily, I have decided, needs to stop being so beautiful. The last night before holiday break, and I have detention tonight with McGonagall because I was daydreaming (and by daydreaming I mean staring at Lily too much) today in lessons. While technically this was not my fault, I did not think McGonagall would quite see my side of it.

"Come on Prongs!" Sirius Black called.

James Potter hastily shoved his quill and ink in his bag before bundling up his books and making his way through the aisle to the door. A small leather bound book fell to the floor as he bumped into a chair.

Lily Evans, following his exit, bent down to pick up the book. She stood up and began to call out his name, but he was gone. She looked back down at the book in her hand and opened the cover.

Her eyes widened as she read:

Some people have yet to grasp the fact –even after seven years of exposure mind you—that what I say and what I mean are completely different things…

An: I am evil. I know. Reviews are appreciated and hoarded.