POV: Tauski
Disclaimer: I don't own Fusigi Yuugi or its characters
The song is Losing My Religion by REM
Life is bigger
its bigger than you
and you are not me
the lengths that I would go
to the distance in your eyes
oh, no iv'e said too much
I set it up
I sat there as if I was an ice sculpture. I didn't know what to say. I wanted so badly to beat something; I wanted to feel the anger slowly slipping from my body through my fists. I wasn't raised to show my feelings through anything but violence. Maybe that is why I am angry so much.
"What do ya think Nuri? Is that why I'm such an asshole?" My eyes traced the figures of his name, as elaborate as he was in life. "It has never been the same with out ya. Everybody thinks so." Why couldn't I even say it to him then, now that he was dead? I was afraid of saying too much, and going too far. But there wasn't any further to go now, there was nothing to make out of it. It was too late to go too far.
"Nuri, I love ya. I didn't know it before, but I do." I felt my shoulders shaking and touched my cheeks. Tears. "I am sorry! Okay?"
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh, no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I ran my hands through my hair, trying to calm my anger. I ripped at it and screamed, not very loud though. The dry, cold air had hurt my throat.
"It is my fault! I should have come with ya; I shouldn't have let ya go. I am sorry I couldn't keep up and I am sorry I could tell ya before!" I pounded at the snow, clawing at the ice underneath. I wanted to see him, but my fingers became numb and I sobbed. "Why didn't ya see that I loved ya? Why did I let ya die, how could I lose ya so soon"
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
"I can't get ya out of my head Nuri. I see your smile and hear your voice everywhere. I have been everywhere, as far as I could get from ya and where ya had been, but I can never get far enough to forget ya."
Every whisper
Of every waking hour
I'm choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt, lost, and blinded fool
Oh, no I've said too much
I set it up
"It is hard to think about anything else. Ya have taken over my life, even as a dead man and I still can't get it back from ya. Jesus Nuri! I feel so heavy." I leaned over the grave marker that stuck out of the ground, my face inches from the wood. "I want to be with ya, but I am afraid that if I die, I won't find ya."
Consider this
The hind of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
Too my knees, failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
"I said I'm sorry Nuri! Please, I am here now for ya! I'm on my knees begging ya to love me! I will do anything, I will give all I am to see ya again and tell ya like a man that I love ya. I dream of you every night! You never talk to me Nuri! You just smile that goddamned smile that you never fucking gave to me!" I wiped at my cheeks, the frozen tears not falling. I didn't mean to be so angry, I didn't mean to be so spiteful, but he never smiled like that at me.
"You know which one I mean don't you? The one you gave to the emperor and Miaka, the one I wanted for myself, the one that I wanted to give back! Why not me?"
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
that was just a dream
I took deep breaths, running my fingers over the spot where he was buried.
"Nuri it's real cold here. Are ya cold down there? Under all the ice and snow? I want to hold you and make you warm again; I want you to be here where I can see you. It is too late now though. Isn't it. I too a small bundle of flowers from the inside of my jacket, it was no bigger than my hand.
"They are forget-me-nots Nuri, because I don't want to forget ya. I will always love ya Nuri, I can promise ya that.' I leaned over and put them beside the grave marker, on top of the coil of dark hair the emperor had placed at some point before he died. I ran my finger one last time along the name inscribed on the memorial, then stood and walked away. After a few feet, I turned and saw the blue dot in the snow, "Good-bye Nuri. I guess I will see ya only in dreams."
