A/N: Yeah, took me some time to write up this chapter-) but I think you may like it. There´s more of course, probably another two or three chapters, I´m not sure. More action coming soon.
Reviewers - Thank you so much for your support on this and the other PTL stories I´m working on-) It´s appreciated, and it keeps me going.
Disclaimer´s still apply-)
NOBLE MEMOIRS
by Nicol Leoraine
Chapter 5
"Wow!" Nick exclaimed as the door opened and they were invited inside. The huge hall was decorated by old portraits. There were several doors, but the most impressive was the staircase leading to the second floor. Nick looked around, drinking in the sight, while Derek watched him.
"This looks - great."
"Yeah, it does," commented Philip walking in, Alex by his side.
"Welcome home, Nick," Alex said with a smile and gave him a careful hug. Nick slightly blushed, not so sure about his relationship with this woman. It felt good to talk with her, good to feel her touch, but he didn´t have the slightest recollection of her. It wasn´t as if he could just ask her if they were something more than just friends. Her eyes sparkled as she sensed his anguish and gave him a flirtateous smile. When Nick blushed even more, she laughed but shook her head. Philip hid his smile in a cough.
"Do you want to go to your room or take a trip around the castle?"
"I would like to go to my room first," Nick answered, turning once again serious. "But I´m taking your word about the tour," he added with a grin and Philip felt the tension ease. Even with the amnesia, Philip was still waiting for the inevitable resentment from Nick. But he was looking at Philip with blank look, like at the others. With a regretful sigh, Philip lead the way up the stairs, supressing his urge to support Nick as his steps looked little unsteady.
"So, how´s that we´re living in this castle? The rent must be pretty high," Nick asked, one of his hand supporting his still aching ribs, while the other one trailed the surface of the handrail.
"Yeah, well... the castle is Derek´s, though he provided it for the Luna Foundation."
Nick looked up, surprise notable in his eyes.
"Why?"
Philip shrugged, then indicated to one of the doors.
"That´s your room," he said, opening the door.
Nick forgot his question, walked inside and automatically frowned. The room was tidy and light, but that was all. He didn´t feel anything. No memories running up to meet him when he looked at the hi-fi system, or at the TV. No images of his girlfriend, when he turned to the bed. There was absolutely nothing, only the growing anger. They could´ve had brought him to any room in this castle and he was sure, that he won´t tell the difference. Only the few photos around and things that he couldn´t imagine using the others convinced him that this is truly was room. He took slow, deliberate steps, looking around, searching for something - a clue, an image - anything, that would hold some distant feeling
He paused by the bedside table and picked up the framed photo. It should bear some meaning for him, Nick mused, because it was turned to the bed, so when he switched off the light at night, it had to be the last thing he saw.
And something deep in him really moved, as his finger traced the features of a young woman with dark hair and beautiful smile. Next her was the man he saw this morning in the mirror. They were close, he could say that by the identical looks in their eyes. Also by the slight twinge in his heart. He eased himself down at the bed, still not taking his eyes off the picture. When he spoke, his voice was raspy and he had to clear his throat.
"Who´s she?"
Philip didn´t had to look at the photo. He just watched Nick.
"Julia Walker."
"Were we close?"
"Yes, I think you were."
"So - where is she now?"
When there was no answer, Nick looked up. His stomach fluttered and even if he knew the answer - felt it - he asked again.
"Philip?"
"Dead. She´s dead, Nick."
"Oh," Nick blinked, eyes turning back to the photo.
"But she´s young," he muttered.
"Yeah, she was young," Philip sighed and stepped closer to Nick, suddenly praying for Derek or Alex to come in and rescue him from this situation. Why didn´t they remove the photo? Oh, but he knew the answer. Because it could bring back some memories.
"Do you remember something, Nick?"
Nick shook his head and put the photo back on its place.
"Not really. Just a feeling... that she was someone important to me. How did she die?"
Philip almost jumped at the question, not at all glad that Nick was now looking straight into his eyes. Blinking, he turned away.
"She was killed, Nick."
"Why?"
"It´s not important at the moment, Nick. It happened long time ago, and it won´t help you now."
Nick wanted to protest, but thought better of it. Maybe Philip was right. If she was dead, there was nothing he could change about it. And not knowing may be better for the while - he had enough to deal with right now. He didn´t like the feeling of pain and sorrow, nor the guilt that came up when he spotted the photo. Later, he promised himself and started walking around his room.
"The lunch will be ready in a hour," Philip said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. Nick absent mindedly nodded.
"The bathroom is there," he ointed at the door to his left, "so if you want to take a shower or something..."
"I think I´ll just take a quick nap, if you won´t mind, Philip," reacted Nick.
"Of course," Philip smiled, glad to hear that Nick planned to rest.
"Could you please wake me at the lunch?"
"Yes. Anything else?"
"Thanks," Nick said with a serious tone and Philip knew he didn´t mean the dinner or the tour.
"You´re welcome, Nick."
While Nick explored his new-old room, Derek and Alex were discussing the chances of him finding out about the Legacy.
"How will we stop him from finding the control room?" was Alex´s biggest concern, though Derek waved it away.
"We´ll temporarily block out his access to the system."
"What about his Journals? If he read them..."
"He won´t."
"Derek?" Alex frowned at him suspiciously. "What did you do with his Journals?"
"I took them."
"What!"
"Ssh, calm down, Alex. I didn´t read them, just took away for the time being."
"It´s not ethical," Alex protested.
"You asked, I gave you an answer. What would you do on my place, Alex? He can´t read them, not now. And I can´t ensure that he won´t find his hiding place."
"Did you take anything else?"
"No, and I doubt he´ll find out."
"It´s Nick we´re talking about," Alex reminded him.
"Not really, Alex. "
At that moment, Philip walked down the stairs.
"How is Nick doing?"
"If you ask if he remembered something, then no. But he found the photo with Julia, and asked me about her. I told him she´s dead. He took it... well, I think he at least felt something."
"That´s a good sign," Derek smiled.
"Yeah, well... you wasn´t the one to tell him," replied Philip a little harshly and left.
When Philip knocked on Nick´s door a hour later, he already calmed down. A twinge of worry paused his hand and he turned the knob. He took a quick glance around the room - almost all contest of Nick´s closet was thrown out, now laying on the ground or the bed. Nick himself was half sitting, half lying on the bed, leaning at the wall. His eyes were closed, his brows furrowed as if in pain.
Philip coughed and Nick opened one eye.
"Sorry if I woke you."
"No, wasn´t sleeping. I just took some pills for that headache, giving them some chance to react."
"I can bring you the food here, if you´re not feeling well,"
Nick sighed and rolled out of the bed, pushing a stack of papers falling to the ground.
"No, that´s okay. Just all the reading... the letters are blending together, you know. But I´m up." Philip nodded.
"So, did you find something interesting?"
"You mean, besides a gun and some letters in the secret place under my bed?"
Philip coughed up in surprise as Nick casually pointed at the gun, now lying on his bed. Philip also spotted an open letter, which sat on the bedside table, next to the photo of Julia and Nick.
"Interesting what you can find out if you look under the bed," Nick continued. Something in his voice betrayed the sorrow he felt after reading his father´s last letter to him. And he knew it was the last, because next to it was a piece from some journal he wrote. It didn´t make much sense, if it was even Nick himself writing those words, but it looked like he didn´t talk with his father pretty long. And after his death - well, Nick could only imagine that his old self had a pretty wild night when he wrote it. Because the date was well beyond the date Derek told him his father died.
"Uhm," Philip watched as Nick grabbed some of the clothes from the ground and headed for bathroom.
"Would you mind if I take a quick shower?"
"Not at all." Philip replied, then knelt down to at least even out the photos and papers scattered around. While the water was running, he thought if any of the faces meant something for Nick now, or if his mind was totally blank in that matter.
"You should change it," Philip said and pointed at the wet bandage on Nick´s head as he emerged from the bathroom. Nick rolled his eyes and turned back.
"If you need any help, Nick..."
"I can change it myself, Philip," came the reply.
"I meant with the photos. I know most of them, so if you want some tidbits about them..."
Nick came to the room and probingly looked at Philip.
"Sounds good. What about after lunch? And you can show me around a little. If it won´t bother you too much," Nick added sheepishly. Philip just smiled.
The food was good, though the lunch was a silent one. Nick was still thinking about the letter and the gun. He somehow couldn´t imagine pulling the trigger. But there was evidence he did on several ocassions. For example, the copy of the report he wrote for the comission after the action that cost the lives of his team. But it looked distant and foreign to him. Still just the memories of someone else, someone different.
He asked about the whereabouts of Gerry and Alex told him he was outside. She said also something about ghosts not needing food, and Nick once again felt sorry for the man.
When the lunch was gone and they retreated to the parlour, Derek opened the conversation, telling him how much they want to help, and how they´ll tell him about anything he wanted to know. Well, Nick greedily asked.
"I found my gun. As I can believe my licence and some documents, it´s my spare one. So I ask - did you took away the second one?"
"No - not really."
"And that´s how?"
"Yes, I have it - no, I didn´t take it from your room. You had it with you, Nick, when the accident happened. The cops took it and later returned. I didn´t think it important enough to mention it at the moment."
"You thought I would kill myself or what?" Nick asked crossly.
"No!" Derek protested. "Look Nick, I know you have a second gun somewhere so it would be really useless to hide this one from you. I just forgot, that´s all."
Nick nodded, accepting the explanation.
"Okay, so... what about my Journal?"
This time Derek looked up at him surprised, while Alex jerked. The reaction didn´t get lost on Nick and he was apalled to find out that his suspicion was true.
"You took my Journal!" It was more of an exclamation than a question.
"No," Derek said and internally cringed at his own words. If Nick finds out he was lying to him, he would never again trust him. Alex looked at him sharply and he shook his head, defeated.
"I found a page from my Journal right beside the letter from my father, which is another think I wanted to discuss with you, Derek. So, care to return it to me, or not?"
"I rather not, Nick," Derek replied in calm tone, though he felt anything but calm.
Nick looked at him, surprise and unbelieving written in his eyes. He wasn´t the only one, though, as both Philip and Alex eyed their Precept.
"What?"
"You´re not prepared for it, Nick. You just returned from the hospital. You had an encounter with a ghost whose existence you didn´t even believe in and I´m sure you´re pretty much overwhelmed by everything around you. I think you need some time to accept what you see, and only then get to know more. I didn´t read your Journals, and I don´t intend to, Nick. But I won´t gave them back to you today."
"Then when?"
"Later. Give it some time, Nick. At least few days. Try to remember on your own. If it won´t help, I´ll return them to you."
"Why should I believe you?"
"Because it´s the right thing to do," Derek said quietly. Nick stood there, heading the cold fireplace, looking as lost as ever.
"What about my father?"
The question surprised all of them and this time, Derek wasn´t sure what to tell.
"Nick?"
"I found a letter, and I found my own notes next to it. It´s pretty weird, knowing he was dead several years after I wrote it. Care to tell me something about it, Derek?"
"I´m not sure what you want to know, Nick."
"Perhaps how he died and what relationship we had."
Derek tiredly rubbed his forehead, then nodded. Meanwhile, Philip and Alex excused themselves and left them alone.
"Your father died while doing his work. We just recently discovered what was the cause of his death. I´m sorry Nick, but I can´t tell you more."
Nick snorted, awaiting this answer. Somehow, everything related to his past was a "secret" there. The worst thing though was, that it was a secret only for him. Everyone else knew it.
"Well, I´m sure his death had to be just as accidental as that of Julia Walker."
Hearing the name, Derek involuntarily shivered. Nick didn´t catch it though, because he had his back turned on the Precept. Derek was about to say something, when Nick preceeded him.
"But I want to know something else, Derek. Was my father really such a bastard as I thought of him?" The question came out bitter and this time, Nick turned to look directly at Derek.
"Your relationship wasn´t ideal. Once you told me he was hard at you. I think you hated him, in some way - maybe just for the fact you didn´t have the chance to tell him how much he hurt you."
"I read the letter, Derek. I´m really not sure what to take of it, because he was trying to apologize for something I don´t remember happening. Next to it was a page from my Journal, with my handwriting. I scribbled something on the paper, so I know it was me, writing it. But I don´t get the meaning, Derek." Nick shook his head in frustration and winced, reaching up a hand to rub his temples. "It´s as if-" Nick paused.
"Nick? Are you okay?" Derek asked, eyeing the younger man frown.
"Y-yeah," Nick stuttered and blinked. He just had the most crazy feeling - as if his own mind was screaming at him to shut up - to stop revealing his feelings to this "stranger", to stop rambling. He felt a wall coming up, instantly taking over his emotions. It was a strangely detached feeling, though one he wasn´t able to maintain a hold at for long.
"I-I´m sorry. I think I need some time to think." All questions forgotten, Nick swiftly walked out of the room. He was just turning the corner, when he bumped into Philip.
Nick hissed and clutched his hand around his ribs.
"Sorry," Philip stuttered and reached out to steady him. Nick shook away his hand but didn´t look angry.
"You all right?"
"Yeah," Nick mumbled and let out a sigh. "Never better."
"You look a little pale. Maybe-"
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," Nick retorted, silencing Philip´s advice to take some rest. Philip knew when to shut up, so he just nodded and pointed ahead of them.
"I promised you a tour, so what about taking it now?" The Priest knew that Nick was fighting his own emotions. As hard as it was for Nick though, the other members of the Legacy also needed time to cope with the changes in his personality. As open as he was now, he was also vulnerable. And knowing Nick - old or the new one, it didn´t matter - if he won´t get his answers soon, he´ll likely get himself into some trouble.
The "tour" took them almost two hours, as Nick walked slowly, trying not to anger his ribs too much. The salty air, combined with the smell of rotting foliage covering the earth brought up some distant feelings. The flashback of the path they were walking on, in the light of the rising sun, as he took his morning run. Nick absently grinned, almost feeling the light cares of the dew on his legs.
For once, it was a relaxing walk. Philip was silent, till they reached the rocky shore, then he started throwing little peebles and watching as they broke the surface of the water. Nick wanted to join him but was forewarned by his ribs, so he contented himself to watching.
"Who taught you this?" he asked, grinning as the little rock jumped several times on the surface.
"You," Philip replied and they started to talk. It wasn´t a serious talk, no big emotions. Just chatting about anything. Slowly, they mentioned Philip´s work in Ireland and finally, Philip somehow reluctantly told him about their argument.
"I don´t get it. You´re a grown man. Why should I be mad at you for moving out of the city?"
As much as Nick was confused, Philip felt weird. What would he give to hear those words from Nick just several days before? But hearing them now, he didn´t felt any satisfaction or relief. Worse, he felt like he just talked with a stranger. And in a way, he had. It was ridiculous, but now Philip felt like defending the old Nick.
"I left you, I left the L-" Philip paused and shook his head, terrified that he almost spilled the secret. "You felt betrayed."
"But why? I mean, it´s not like we were engaged or something," Nick smiled, but Philip frowned. Hearing Nick talking like the relationship they shared meant nothing, hurt. Nick noticed that, and sighed.
"I´m sorry, Philip. Look, I know we´re probably good friends and everything, but if we were such comrades, why would I be pissed at you? Just for making your own choices? If Ireland is what makes you happy, then I don´t have the right to give you hard time about it. I really don´t understand some of the things you or Derek told me about me, and I´m not sure I´ll ever be comfortable with them. It sounds like I was some jerk-"
"Don´t say that, Nick," Philip halted him. "You had your reasons, that even we don´t know. You had your past-"
"Right. Just the thing I don´t have right now. So, what can you tell me about Alex Moreau? Should I know something about her?" As Nick´s eyes sparkled, Philip laughed.
"You and Alex? Together?"
He was still laughing when they headed back to the castle.
After the dinner and a tour through the castle, Nick was ready to call it a night. Excusing himself he said good night and headed for "his" room, leaving the others to work. While they were reading through old cases, Nick was trying to get all the stuff down from his bed. Dissatisfied by the mess he made, but without energy to clean it up just now, Nick eased himself at the bed and picked up the photos he found in the box, stacked away in the closet.
There were people who looked familiar, but Nick realised it was just because he wanted them to be. Of course, pictures with Julia brought up that stinging feeling in his eyes which he didn´t understood. Pushing it away, Nick found a photo of himself along with a young girl with long curly hair. He didn´t need to turn the photo to know it was Katherine Corrigan. Philip described her good enough and Nick smiled as the girl was obviously trying to spray him with water.
The image blurred and Nick found himself blinking more and more. Deciding that it was his body´s way to tell him he´s beat, he put away the photographs and tried to make himself comfortable. The small light next his bed was casting shadows on the wall. Nick watched them, as his eyes slowly dropped.
She was standing in the gardens, her eyes laid on the blooming roses. She leaned toward the rose bush, smelling the flowers. She was beautiful. Her eyes were closed, but she looked up at him, as if feeling his presence.
"Julia?" he whispered and she waved at him, the warm smile touching her eyes. Nick took a step toward her, reaching out. Only inches separated them, only inches to touch her smooth skin, feel the heat beneath his fingers. But she was gone.
Looking around in alarm, Nick realized the place changed. He was no more in the gardens.
The room was dark and damp, the air stale. But he wasn´t alone. Julia was there, leaning above the sepulcher. There were four of them and Derek was just telling them about the fifth - the one they needed to find. The air was hot and it was harder to breath. Nick looked around in confusion, when the image shimmered and the room vanished, along with Julia.
Derek was still with him, but they were out in the open, on some field. They were running, drenched by the heavy rain. He could hear his own ragged breathing. It was important to be somewhere in time. He had to run - fast. His lungs were aching, heart beating in crazy speed.
Find her - he must find her! Nothing else mattered and Nick urged his body to work.
The time slowed down as his eyes caught the view before him. He could see every raindrop, falling down, making its slow way to the ground. He could feel his pulse, could count the minutes that his heart stopped.
There, in the middle of the field was a scarecrow. At least, he prayed it was a scarecrow, and not the woman he loved. But as in a slow motion picture, he saw the sky open up, the thunder streak, for a millisecond showing him her face, before the lightning claimed her body with fire.
And the unhuman cry tore through his chest as he fell on his knees.
"No!" he screamed, the last of his energy draining out. With a wretched sob Nick bolted upright and gasped for breath.
AN: Just so you know, the next chapter will come sooner if you leave some review - grin-
