Disclaimer: I don't own Third Watch and I'm not making any money from this...just hire me on to write on the show and we'll be all set. This is my first Cruz story...so be patient. This is dedicated to my New Yorker friend, Tia (You know who you are.. and Dallas says hi.), who has started to change my mind about our feisty friend and has made a Cruz/Bosco believer out of me! I am not following any story line...just read and see if you like.

Behind Closed Doors: The Heart Can't Lie

Why?

How did it happen? Why couldn't I see that she would be the one? The one to take my heart and rip it out and make me feel something that I'd never felt before; pain. Not any kind of pain; the kind that comes from knowing that you are totally, stupidly, insanely in love with someone who doesn't love you back..

I thought that maybe she loved me. All those times she whispered in my ear, making me think about one thing and one thing only; having her until I died and went to heaven, all of that just made it all the more real and painful to me. And the worst part about it was that I loved her. Really loved her.

Now I know that I don't have the best reputation within the female population and I havn't exactly been known to stick around after a one night stand or to ever call again, but when I'm loyal, I'm loyal to a bloody fault. All she had to do was have me once and I was a goner. I got lost in those dark, mesmerizing eyes, eyes that I saw every night behind my eyelids, eyes that called to me from across a room. Eyes that never looked at me the same way again. Those long dark lashes and almond shaped eyes only looked at me with blankness. Alarmingly blank.

I wanted to call her or go over and talk face to face, to ask her why she blew me off and accused me of being clingy. Clingy and me didn't exactly mix and I was hardly what you'd call a clingy guy. But she thought I was. She didn't want to talk about it, when I was so full of hot air and passion that it made me just about crazy from wanting her so much. I wanted to erase her from my mind permanently and not remember making love to her. I wanted to walk up to her and grab her slender shoulders and shake her like a rag doll and demand that she tell me why. I wanted to run to her and bury my head in her lap and cuddle my head against the softness of her breast and cry and plead for her to love me even a little.

But like the fool I always was, I did none of that. I kept my mouth shut and pretended that she didn't matter to me.

I said her name in my sleep as I wrapped my arms around two of my pillows, pretending that I was holding her. I could feel the richness of her long dark hair in my fingers, could smell the coconut shampoo that she used that made me nuts and it was driving me insane. I lay on my bed in my small apartment with the smell of her still on my white sheets, which I refused to wash because then the smell of her would be permanently gone, and dreamed about her.

It had only been two weeks since we had slept together last, but it seemed to me like an eternity. Maybe it was because I knew she didn't feel the same way. Maybe she had already moved on and met someone else...no...she couldn't have...could she? She couldn't be that callous...that unfeeling.

'Dammit.' I growled to myself as I tried to tear myself away from the thoughts that were destined to make this day hellish and changed for, yet, another shift at the five-five. I slammed my locker door shut and sat down on the bench to tie up my laces. I hated putting on the uniform after being able to wear jeans and a t-shirt to work when I got to work Anti-Crime and I was pretty sure Swersky wouldn't go for the jeans thing.

Lately I was almost glad that I was back on my regular tour with Faith because it gave me the chance to not have to see Maritza and see the way that she didn't look at me. There was no longing there. Not one trace of interest in what I did. I had run into her the day before at the hospital on a case with Faith and had tried my best to make her jealous by flirting with the new paramedic, Jill Dolman, and she didn't even bat an eye...not an eye! But I really did like working Anti-Crime and I kind of missed the excitement. Since Maritza decided not to have anything to do with me, I had been cut from the list, it seemed. Either way I looked at it I was miserable.

'What's your problem? Get up on the wrong side of someone's bed this morning?' Faith teased me as she walked to her locker and threw her duffle down beside it. She was wearing a pair of tight blue jeans and a black turtleneck sweater and her brown suede jacket. She laughed loudly, her characteristic, high-pitched wail as she put her long blond hair up in a bun. 'Cat got your tongue?'

I turned sideways and cast her a scathing glance, not impressed. 'Do you think you're funny or something?' I snapped as I finished tying my laces and stood up facing her.

She made a small face, the one that she makes when she is trying to aggravate the hell out of me. 'Ooooohhhhhh...I take that as a yes.' She said in a mocking tone, rolling her eyes at me.

'Just mind your own damn business today, got it? I just want to get this shift over with, without your little comments and your mothering me around...ok?' I ordered her hotly, snapping my black belt around my waste and adjusted it.

She looked at me, her eyes widened in confusion. Usually it was me trying to joke with her and cheer her up and for once she had started the witty banter first and it hit me wrong. I knew I was being mean and taking it out on her but I couldn't help it. I pivoted quickly and marched toward the door of the locker room before I ran into someone like Sully or heaven forbid, Monroe, who would just say something stupid and annoy me even more.

'Oh, I see. You're on your period.' She grumbled almost under her breath as she turned around and pulled her sweater over her head.

Without stopping to reply, I yanked open the door and let it slam shut behind me. It was gonna be one hell of a day.