A Day At The Market
Saturday morning came bright and early with the sun peeking through the white curtains in my bedroom and making me bury my head as deep as it would go underneath my pillow. I could hear a bird chirping outside, welcoming me to a new day. What the hell did he have to be so cheery about anyway? Although, I was willing to bet that he hadn't made the monumental mistake that I had the night before and told some other 'chick' that he was planning on having baby birds with her someday when he wasn't even sure how she felt.
The incessant chatter of the bird brought my head out from under my pillow and I rolled over and caught a peek of him, a blue jay, strutting proudly on my window ledge, his chest puffed out as he tweaked and sang to all willing to listen. How easy he must have it, I thought to myself as I watched the tiny creature observe the world around him. No bills to pay, no family to support and no serious women troubles. I sat up on my elbow and rested my head in my hand, watching the New York sky line and groaned out loud thinking about the night before; namely my big mouth and how eternally stupid I could be.
How could I have let something like that slip out? How could I have inadvertently told her what I had secretly fantasized about all this time and in such a way that I couldn't have recovered or even told a lie to cover it up? I must have been slipping something awful, because I was never so out-of-control with my tongue before and I certainly had no problems keeping my real feelings to myself and never, ever, letting anyone hear what I had to say.
'Stupid...stupid...stupid!' I muttered, shaking my head. 'He's out there right now...I just know it...and next time maybe it will be someone's niece or nephew...or God forbid...someday it could be one of our kids...' . I continued on, mimicking myself as I rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom to hit the head.
'Why didn't you just ask her to meet you for a soda after math class?' I snapped at my reflection angrily. Of course, I didn't have answer to that question because if I had have had one I wouldn't be talking to myself and I wouldn't feel like such a dork. How was I supposed to face her now?
I stripped off my boxers and hopped into the shower and tried to concentrate on anything but Maritza Cruz and how she was driving me insane.
When I finished drying off I went back into my bedroom and grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt out of my walnut dresser and proceeded to get dressed. Then I went about making my queen sized bed, which amounted to me throwing my pillows at the top and lazily flinging the blankets into a somewhat strait order. What did I care? I was a bachelor and that was probably the way it would stay. I flung my navy blue duvet into the air and watched it fall haphazardously, making its mark, then threw my NYPD blanket near the bottom. It was good enough for me.
On a whim, hungry, and too lazy to fix myself something to eat, I decided to go to the market and get some treats. My stomach growled, urging me to hurry, hurry and fill it up. Buoyed by the idea of eating some fresh bread and homemade strawberry jam, I grabbed my keys and threw on my Nike's and slammed the door. I had a good few hours before I had to get back to the station for my shift and I intended to make the most of it.
When I was a kid, sometimes my ma would take Mikey and I to the Queen Street Market on Saturday afternoons, when dad wasn't around, and we would buy a fresh loaf of home made bread and a container of strawberry jam and sometimes if she had enough money she would give us both a dollar and we would buy cotton candy. I hadn't been to the market for at least a year or more and found myself walking faster just so I could get there early and see what goodies were left.
I thought about my brother and how different we were, yet the same, coming from the kind of home that wasn't fit for a pig to live in. We used to look forward to Saturday's as if it were Christmas because we knew that our father would be at the race track and not at home and that meant that there was a really good chance that he wouldn't be laying a hand on either of us or our mother for at least a day or two. How we used to wish the week would go by, just so Saturday would be there, waiting, our one true friend, our salvation. How sad for Mikey. For me.
It was a brilliant New York fall morning, the temperature hot ,but not too hot, and the sun was shining high in the blue sky and still, I was depressed. As I walked along the city streets and felt the leaves crackling beneath my feet, I listened to the sound of the cars honking and the children playing and realized that it didn't matter if Maritza didn't love me because even if she did I knew that in someway, big or small, I would end up hurting her in the end. Maybe it was for the best that she detested me as much as she did. I couldn't help my mother or my brother and I had let both of them down. It seemed as though I would always be letting someone I loved down.
Quickly enough I found myself at the entrance, foolishly wondering why I hadn't come here for so long and then laughed sarcastically to myself, knowing the answer. It reminded me too much of my childhood and all that went along with it; no money, hardly any food, the beatings, the fights. It all came back to me as I stood outside the limits, my hand curled around the black wrought-iron gate, watching myself as a young boy, tugging my brother by the hand as we ran around from one vendor to the other, beguiled by the treats and the wonderful toys and candies that could be ours to look at but to never touch. The aromas of freshly baked breads and sweets drifted over to my nostrils, reminding me of the food that could be mine, if I chose to walk through the gate.
I started toward the kiosk that held my heart's desire; hot sweetbread dipped in honey and dug some money out of my pocket when I saw her. I could have sworn it was Cruz, but this woman seemed more classy, more elegant, looking more like she could have been a sister or a cousin. But upon closer inspection I saw that it was Maritza, but not the woman I was used to seeing.
She was walking over to the kiosk next to mine and she looked so damn beautiful in a way that I hadn't seen her before, I was speechless. She was wearing a pair of white capri pants with a turquoise turtleneck sweater and short cut jean jacket. On her feet were a pair of white sneakers and short socks that showed off the color of her dark skin perfectly. But that wasn't what threw me. She wore her hair in two thick braids that went halfway down her back. It was so out of character, to see her dressed so casually, so classy and elegant that I felt my heart swell for her in a way that it never had before. She almost seemed like another person, not pushy and arrogant, not in a hurry, as she walked slowly and lazily toward her destination, eating a handful of pink cotton candy and seemingly enjoying herself, every once in a while stopping to push her sunglasses back to the center of her head, where they were perched.
Terrified that she would see me and that I would say something even more stupid, if that was possible, I quickly turned to walk the other way , turning too fast on my ankle and tripped over an overlay in the concrete and crashed to the ground. I put my hands out in front of me to brace my fall but I didn't go gracefully.
At that moment, she turned her lovely head and looked my way, as did quite a few other bystanders, and opened her mouth into a surprised 'o'. She threw down her cotton candy and ran over to my side and stood above me.
'Boscorelli, what in the hell are you doin here?'
I struggled to get up quickly and rolled over onto my elbow and pushed myself back up onto my feet and brushed off my jeans. The heat in my face was evident as Maritza looked me over with a tiny bit of amusement, mixed with pleasure at seeing me fall flat on my ass.
'I...uh...I was walking...' I stuttered, so embarrassed I felt ill at ease and clumsy around her.
She curled her lips up, the way she always did, to show that she was still in control. No matter what she was wearing, or how she had her hair, she was still cool and collected. That little sneer had become her calling card and I instinctivly knew that she was still playing ice princess.
'So...are you all set for tonight?' She asked, narrowing her eyes lazily as she looked at me. Oh damn, that stare was what had gotten me into her in the first place.
'Yep...all set.' I said, looking around, staring at everything. I felt like such a moron.
'We're gonna get him, you know.'
I nodded. 'Ya. I know.'
I didn't know what to say to this woman who drove me nuts, who beguiled me in more ways than one, who made me feel primal in my need to possess her. I scuffed the toe of my sneaker on the cement and decided that the only way to redeem myself and my behavior for last night was to apologize.
'Listen, Sarge...' I began.
'Maritza.' She said softly, taking me by surprise. 'We're not at work. You can call me Maritza.'
I swallowed and began again. 'Maritza...I'm sorry for being such a jerk yesterday...and I'm sorry about that 'kid' bit...it came out wrong and I jus wanted ya ta know that...'
She had a softer, kinder look in her eye then, the kind of look that she had given me when we were together and it warmed my heart and started to make me think that maybe she still had feelings for me. I felt my pulse quicken and my stomach flutter.
'I know...it's ok..' She said, smiling a tight smile, almost like she was disappointed. 'So...what were you here for again?'
'I'm getting some bread.' I said, so nervous now that she was so close to me that I could reach out and touch her if I wanted.
'I see...' She said softly, grinning a bit and definitely a lot nicer than she had been to me in two weeks. She turned and gestured toward a Hagen Daaz vendor. 'So...I was just gonna get some ice cream...'
'Oh...ya...I guess I should let you go...then.' I said, gaping stupidly at the woman, who I was sure, could have been the love of my life.
This time she gave me a full fledged smile, as if she knew how twisted up inside I had become at the very sight of her. 'Aw, come on and have some ice cream with me, Bosco. Let's make up and be friends...we gotta work together don't we?' She asked sweetly.
' Friends?' This was not a woman I wanted to be friends with. I didn't feel one bit friendly toward her. I loved her. I wanted her. To be every part of her. Friends just wouldn't do. However, I pasted a small grin on my face, wistful and longing, making my eyes burn with emotion, which I'm sure she caught.
She looked away for a quick second, then slid her black sunglass down over her nose and grabbed me and threaded her arm through mine. 'Ya. Let's start ova and be friends. We won't get anywhere if we can't even be decent to each other. You're a good cop, Bos, and I sorry that I don't say that enough.'
I stopped in mid-track and looked over at her, not believing a word she said. She grinned at me, this time with no holds barred and laughed. ' What? You don't believe me? I can be sensitive you know.' She said in all seriousness.
Now it was my turn to laugh.
' Ya...sensitive as an alligator.' I scoffed playfully, earning a smack on my stomach and her tongue stuck out at me.
' Don't you wish.' She countered, and tugged on my arm. ' Come on...I want some chocolate..what kind do you want?' She said, breaking her physical contact with me and walking over to the vender.
What did I want? Well, there was about a million things I wanted from life and none of them were destined to come true, I thought to myself. I was still having trouble getting used to the idea that she was being nice to be, genuinely nice, like she missed me in those two weeks. Like she was really wanting to spend time with me. Trouble was, that I liked that too much. I had missed the hell out of her and I wanted to believe that she would like me again. But if something happened and things went sour, I knew that my heart would be breaking again.
Could I trust her? Could I again put my heart on the line for someone I knew could be impossible and bull-headed and hurtful? Someone so much like myself at times? I pushed the thoughts away and smiled at her, really smiled and walked over to the kiosk.
' What ever you're having.'
TBC
